Under the Scalpel 02.18.10: Robin Thicke, Evanescence, Disturbed

Posted by Mark Ingoldsby on 02.18.2010

Riddle me this: What's Whiter than Barry, Gayer than Marvin, and Thicke like "super-sperm"? Plus, find out if Evanescence can win me back, and if Disturbed has finally put some creativity into remaking a song. These heavily biased reviews are brought to you by the sometimes humorous, always heartless guitarist from the rock band A Simple Complex.

"Under the Scalpel: Dissecting Pop Culture One Song at a Time" is a weekly column written by Mark Ingoldsby, songwriter and guitarist for the hard rock band A Simple Complex. Follow the band on Twitter during our hibernation for new recordings, wild photos, and entertaining quotes from our many wild interviews.

Robin Thicke – Sex Therapy
Whiter than Barry, Gayer than Marvin



On the eve of Valentine's Day, I was driving home listening to Sirius Love Channel 3 – just to get into the proper mood for the upcoming holiday – when Barry White's classic song "Can't Get Enough Of Your Love, Babe" began to play.

Immediately, I spun the volume knob clockwise and ripped it off the radio. The Sultan of Soul was in the house. And I was his backup. I then proceeded to belt lyrics out alongside Mr. White at eardrum-shattering volume, complete with random, poorly choreographed arm flailing. I'm quite certain the people in cars around me thought I was certifiably nuts.

After our fourth rehearsal, I was primed and ready to go. Oh, the off-key caterwauling my wife was soon to be subjected to was sure to be reasonable grounds for divorce.

Fortunately (for me), she's developed total immunity to my awful serenading, having mastered the art of completely tuning me out. And that's a good thing. Not only does my voice still crack sometimes like a teenager going through puberty, but when I've finally failed to hit enough correct notes, I succumb to a fiery falsetto so obnoxious any innocent bystander would assume my raisins had flown south for the winter.

But I digress.

Last week I heard songwriter-turned-artist Robin Thicke's "steamy-meets-raisinless" song "Sex Therapy" for the first time. Sadly, I did not get the urge to crank up the volume on this particular pop soul song for a number of reasons.

First, being a white R&B artist is a bit like being a white rapper. In the world of rap, for every Eminem there are a hundred cheesy Vanilla Ices. The same goes for blue-eyed soul. For every Teena Marie, there are a hundred Rick Astleys (on a totally unrelated note, click this link, I dare ya!) Choosing the career of being a Caucasian soul crooner is no easy feat. You have to be better than good; you have to be amazing. Thicke clearly is not.

Second, attempting to get into this song's groove is like trying to run in three feet of water. The beat sounds chopped and screwed like a 45 being played at 33 RPM. Plus it never changes. Not even slightly.

Third, Thicke's voice sounds like a 45 being played at 78 RPM. I can't help but feel I'm listening to Alvin Seville set the mood for a little "bow chicka wow wow".

Lastly, the lyrics are generic and trite. Even his pilfering of the Lesley Gore song "It's My Party" can't save this song.

It's your body, you can yell if you want to,
Loud if you want to, scream if you want to,
Just let me love you, lay right here,
Girl, don't be scared of me,
Give you sex therapy, give you sex therapy.

If I wanted to hear Marvin Gaye's "Sexual Healing", I'd just cue it up on my music player. I don't need a helium-sucking George Michael look-alike to rewrite it.

Thicke's attempts at being romantic in this song fall completely flat. However, if he truly wants show his partner some romance, I have an idea. How about doing a little less bragging about his "super sperm" and a little more asking his dad to take down the naked poster of his wife hanging in the living room. Just a suggestion.

I prefer my soul the way my cousin Dan likes his coffee: black and strong. Spin me some Barry White, Marvin Gaye, Anita Baker, Otis Redding, et al, and I'm a happy soul. Still, that doesn't mean I can't enjoy an occasional shrill R&B number like Michael Jackson's "Liberian Girl" or Prince's "The Most Beautiful Girl In The World". Hell, I can even stomach Color Me Badd's "I Wanna Sex You Up" once per decade.

But "Sex Therapy"? Sorry, I won't be busting this Thicke.

My wife got a chance to watch the song's video. She commented that Thicke may have nice teeth and eyes, but he sings higher than even she can – and "that is not a good thing". Hmm… I'm starting to think she'd almost prefer my singing over Thicke's.

Almost.

Rating: * (1 out of 5)
If You Like: Backstreet Boys (ballads), Color Me Badd, Justin Timberlake (ballads), Michael Jackson (ballads), Prince (ballads), Shai, Usher

photo credit: 10thlife.com

Evanescence – Together Again
What A Relief



Tonight on Crossfire: Is Evanescence really goth? Is Nine Inch Nails truly industrial? Does Lil Wayne have any talent? These arguments could be debated eternally. With no finite resolution.

Personally, I would describe Evanescence as watered-down goth-metal made palatable for mainstream audiences. Evanescence's music is much easier to digest than typical gothic-rock and goth-metal, which tends to be heavier in both its lyrical content and music, and often has more complex song structures.

I must admit though – until it was overplayed, I was a big fan of the band's 2003 release Fallen and the other songs recorded during that era. But by the time the follow-up album The Open Door had arrived, I was long worn-out on the band's songs, sound, and most of all, their goth-wannabe fans.

So when I discovered on the Pulse Music Board I frequent that Evanescence had released a new song, I had mixed feelings. Am I still tired of them? Can they win me back? Do I even care? Well, come children. Step into my mind. And keep your arms and legs inside the ride until it has come to a complete stop.

"Together Again" starts with a phat electronic beat that reminds me of Tori Amos' "Hey Jupiter". A simple, delicate piano line floats under an angelic-yet-haunting female choir. Layers of violins appear through the track and add to the track's eerie soundscape. I would compare this track's feel to the "Bring Me To Life" B-side "Missing" or the unreleased "Before The Dawn".

Lee begins singing and her voice is just as powerful and moving as I remember it being in 2003. She is still very capable of conveying sadness and despair without having to whine or wail obnoxiously.

Never thought that I'd be leaving you today,
So alone and wondering why I feel this way,
So wide the world,
Can love remember how to get me home to you someday?
We'll be together again,
All just a dream in the end.

Originally inspired by and written for the 2005 film The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, Lee told evanescencewebsite.com that the lyrics of "Together Again" are about "leaving home knowing it may not be there when you return, and the attraction to something frightening and wonderful far away from there." It was written from the perspective of the children in the film as they are "leaving their parents and going into some scary, unknown place."

The song was rejected by the film's director, Lee says, because he "wanted something that felt more hopeful." So she decided to save it for "a rainy day".

That day came on January 12th when large chunks of buildings began to rain down on the population of Haiti. Lee decided to release the song to raise money for The United Nations Foundation in their effort to provide disaster relief.

"I am deeply moved by the tragic loss and devastation in Haiti," Lee said of the effort. "We hope to be able to make a positive contribution to the UN's emergency response by teaming with the UN Foundation through our music."

I enjoy this song. It also inspired me to dig out my dusty copy of Fallen and listen to it for the first time in years. And now, my interest in the band's upcoming release has officially been ignited.

I plan to keep listening to this track, and I hope you decide to download it and do the same. Hopefully our combined efforts can help to bring families in Haiti back "Together Again".

Rating: **** (4 out of 5)
If You Like: Lacuna Coil, Mono, Portishead, Tori Amos (1996-1999)

photo credit: canada.com

PS – Support the UN Foundation's Haiti relief effort and get yourself a copy of this song at the same time by visiting this website and donating at least five dollars to the cause.

Disturbed – Midlife Crisis
Low Grade Photocopy



No matter how hard I try to keep up with today's hard rock bands, songs still seem to slip through my hands like a wet bar of soap.

Apparently a year ago, mainstream metal outfit Disturbed covered Faith No More's "Midlife Crisis". Faith No More is one of my favorite alt-metal bands of all time! Why was I not notified?! I didn't get an e-mail, didn't get a fax, didn't get a fucking postcard. Fine. I had to stumble upon the track while listening to Music Choice's Rock Channel.

Disturbed's recording of "Crisis" was originally intended for their album Indestructible, but instead ended up on Covered, A Revolution in Sound – a Warner Brothers compilation released to commemorate the label's 50th anniversary. If there was a big announcement, some fanfare and wild promotion for this milestone, I must have been vacationing on the Moon at the time. Because I definitely missed it.

Not that I missed much, as I soon discovered. In typical form, Disturbed simply added a little double bass pedal work and some extra "chugs" on the guitar, then signed off on it. This is the same formula they used when remaking the Tears For Fears song "Shout" and the Genesis song "Land Of Confusion". Aside from one new part at the end created to avoid repeating the chorus several times into a fade, Disturbed's version is structurally, melodically, and uncreatively identical to the original. Hmph.

So close, in fact, that I think I am hearing the original recording's pre-bridge/breakdown being spliced into the background. Was Mike Patton's several-octave, sweeping wail actually dropped into Disturbed's recording? Is it live or is it Memorex? I say Memorex. I think that's actually Mike's voice from 1992 wedged into Disturbed's song. If so, that's pretty lame.

Patton, who penned the track's lyrics years ago, says he originally wrote it about pop superstar Madonna. But it seems more likely to me that Patton actually wrote "Crisis" about the nervous need to procreate before getting too old. That's my take on the song anyway.

Go on and wring my neck like when a rag gets wet,
A little discipline for my pet genius,
My head is like lettuce, go on dig your thumbs in,
I cannot stop giving, I'm thirty-something,
Sense of security like pockets jingling – midlife crisis,
Suck ingenuity down through the family tree.

Unfortunately the creepiness that made the original recording of "Crisis" so amazing has been almost completely drained out by the boys in Disturbed, making their version feel quite ordinary. Instead of being sucked in by Patton's eerie tone, haunting harmonies, and creative vocal stylings, Disturbed frontman Dave Draiman simply tries to imitate Patton. With only moderate success.

Personally, I don't need to hear this mediocre, soulless remake of an excellent song again. Only throw it into your playlist if you're a Disturbed or Faith No More completist.

Rating: *** (3 out of 5)
If You Like: tolerable hard rock covers

photo credit: 100xr.com