The Music 5 & 1. 02.24.10. Cheryl Cole Is Single, Jessica Simpson Is Sexual Napalm, More
Posted by Adam Hill on 02.24.2010
Cheryl’s a Cole no more, don’t tell her Dad but Jessica Simpson is sexual napalm, Lil Wayne had 9 root canals and might have 5 children, GaGa admits she's a lady, Adam Lambert and Ke$ha flirt on Twitter, Kylie takes on Britney in VS and Nelly Furtado is your &1 Model of the Week. Come inside for all this and much more in the Music 5 & 1!
Welcome!
Welcome back, feels like only yesterday doesn't it? Well almost, it was Monday actually but here we are again for the second ever Music 5&1 and the second in 48 hours. Don't get used to it being this frequent, it's weekly from here on in.
While the column won't be as long as usual as it's only been a couple of days, there's still been one or two juicy stories flying around in the world of music gossip for us to take a look at.
Before we start, anyone else see the news that Apple is banning ‘some' adult content apps from the app store? Which are the ones that are left? Well, mostly the ones made by Playboy, naturally. Good to know that porn is ok, as long as you've got a shit load of cash behind you.
Something else I wanted to quickly cover, apparently the legendary Abbey Road studio has been saved after the UK Government declared it an historical building and granted it Grade II Listed Status. Great news for lovers of music history, it looks like Abbey Road, really made, the grade.
WHO SAID WHAT? "It's like the fucking Sugababes now. They'll be kicking Andy Bell out next and replacing him with a leggy blonde. Oasis fans don't care what the band look like. But our kid doesn't get that. Fashion is for women and gay men."
Noel Gallagher didn't react well to being left out of brother Liam's speech at the Brits so blasted him for wanting to carry on the Oasis name and having his own clothing range. Good to see that splitting up the band hasn't stopped the fighting. I hope Liam sends Noel a Christmas card this year, I'd hate to see what happens if he doesn't.
I'm not putting pictures of a Gallagher brother up two columns in a row, here's the Sugababes instead
VS
She was nominated from the floor on Monday as a challenger to the top ten sexiest women in music so it's only right that I pit her against the reigning champion. So who will it be, the pint sized sexpot or the best thing to come out of a trailer park since, well, ever? It's Kylie VS Britney! Vote below and I'll announce the winner next week.
VS
Kylie VS Britney
VOTE BELOW
CELEBRITY TWITTER A-GO-GO Ke$ha and Adam Lambert got down and dirty in a nightclub (well, they kissed) and after Lambert told the world they decided to joke about it on Twitter. Well, wouldn't you?
"Kiss and tell…You little s**t, secret's out then!" "So good I kiss and tell…I got no lies, I got no love. Well I couldn't help myself? You're cute!"
Lambert refused to comment on whether he made out with Ke$ha because she's so hot she could turn a gay man straight or because she just plain looks like a dude. I know which one I think it is…
5 THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT LEONA LEWIS
The "Bleeding Love" singer has been in the new this week as she told the world that she would happily pose nude for PETA. If that wasn't enough she also announced that she would be putting herself up for auction with all proceeds going to the Haiti relief effort. And as if THAT wasn't enough, she also announced that she has no plans to get married. So, she's willing to pose nude, happy to sell herself to the highest bidder and feels no need to commit long-term to her boyfriend? What do reckon, worth clubbing together?
While you consider that proposition, here are 5 things you didn't know about Leona Lewis.
1) Her debut album Sprit made her the first British solo artist to top the Billboard chart with her debut release. 2) She's been a vegetarian since the age of 12 and was named PETA's sexiest veggie of the year in 2008. 3) She's a trained Opera singer. 4) According to her website bio "Now and again, when Leona Lewis sits down in the studio and listens back to a recording she has just made, she starts to cry." 5) Her favorite film of all time is Labyrinth.
You learn something new everyday.
VIDEO A-GO-GO!
Much of my time at University was spent drunkenly arguing over which was better, Star Wars or Star Trek. Now we know; I was right all along.
On to the 5.
Cheryl won't fight for this love anymore "I should've dumped him months ago"; at least that's what Cheryl Cole is reported to have said about her cheating idiot of a husband Ashley. The Girls Aloud star didn't take kindly to the revelations that her husband had cheated on her with 5 other women (not all at once, he ain't that smooth). "I couldn't believe it when I heard; it was a shock to me and did some serious damage to my ego. I felt worthless" said Ashley when he learnt that Tiger Woods allegedly had more than twice the number affairs that he did.
Loads of news has come out of this in the last couple of days, more revelations of infidelity, the suggestion that Cheryl has been finding comfort in the arms of one of her dancers and confirmation that their marriage was over after Cheryl reportedly dumped her cheating hubby by text.
I'm not sure who the biggest idiot is in all of this to be honest. Ashley for cheating when his wife looks like this:
Or Cheryl, for taking him back the first time after he was caught cheating on her about 18 months ago. George Bush had a saying for that.
Anyone that knows me knows I can't stand Ashley Cole for a whole multitude of reasons that I won't go into here because, frankly, you didn't come to hear me bitch about an English soccer player. Suffice to say he is one dumb motherfucker.
The good news for the US is that Cheryl reportedly wants to move to LA permanently so look for her to be a judge on the first season of Simon Cowell's new X-Factor. Check out this highlights package for all that you've got to look forward to.
Lil Wayne denies that Lil'er Wayne has been up to no good
He may be due to go to jail for a year in less than a week but Lil Wayne is doing all he can to make sure that isn't all people are associating him with. In an online video posted for his fans he took time out to reassure them that rumors of his fathering a fifth child were false.
"Shanell is not pregnant from me. Shanell isn't even pregnant" he exclaimed.
Now, I don't know much about Lil Wayne at all but damn! In the last week or so he has had nine root canals in one sitting and was still able to talk on camera about allegations he had got one of his label artists pregnant. If I had nine root canals I don't think I'd have the strength to talk for a month, regardless of the subject matter. Maybe this is why Weezy has set himself up a Twitter account, so he doesn't have to talk anymore.
I can only open my mouth this far right now
If Nas ruled the world, he wouldn't have to pay child support
Sticking with baby related news, Nas was in trouble this week as a court ruled that he had failed to pay adequate child support to Kelis after their divorce. The judge ruled that he was over $200,000 behind in his payments, which come to over $51,000 a month. Ho-lee crap, that's a lot of cash. If I ever get divorced I'm gonna get me Kelis' lawyer. No question over which one the boss is now, oh boy, now that's a link:
Jessica to star in The Simpsons?
Smashing Pumpkins Billy Corgan spoke out to clarify the platonic nature of his relationship, even going so far as to say that "It's like being in a cartoon" when he was asked about all the stories of his and Jessica's romantic involvement. So, that'd be The Simpson's then.
This wasn't the only news story involving Jessica over the past two days. Apparently her Dad didn't take too kindly to John Mayer referring to his daughter as being "Sexual Napalm" in his recent playboy interview. So angry was Joe that he called up Mayer to have a rant at him about it. Are we to assume that the whole ‘Mayer – Racism' storm of last week didn't bother Joe so much then? Fair play to her Old Man though, I mean look at Jessica. Who would ever begin to think of her as a sexual person?
I love the smell of napalm in the morning
I may not be a lady, but I'm all woman. Lady GaGa has obviously finally gotten tired of all the ‘She's really a man' stories that she herself helped perpetuate. In next month's Q magazine she admits that She's finally decided to put the whole issue to rest.
"We all know that one of the biggest talking points of the year was that I have a d***, so why not give them what they want?" she told Q. "I want to wear a d*** strapped to my vagina."
In the interview she admits to playing up to the ‘hermaphrodite' rumors on stage and also bemoans the inequality of attitudes towards male and female sexuality, though you get the impression she wouldn't mid too much about being called ‘sexual napalm'.
The full interview will be in the next issue of Q magazine, due out in March.
Another, perhaps, underrated lady when it comes to ‘sexiest women' lists you can't deny, there's something about Nelly Furtado and she's this week's &1 Model of the Week.
Apparently not only are the Obamas fans of Jay-Z but they are also partial to a little Glee. At least that would appear to be the case with the news that the cast have been invited to perform at the annual White House Easter Egg hunt.
In recognition of this fact, there's only one possible One For The Road, enjoy.
Thanks for reading, don't forget you can leave comments below or e-mail me direct with suggestions or stories you have seen.
