The Music 5 & 1 03.10.10: Arrests, Pregnancy Rumors and Placenta Jewelry

Posted by Adam Hill on 03.10.2010

Ke$ha wants to be the weirdest kid on the block, Mariah Carey sparks pregnancy rumors, Lil Wayne finally goes to prison, Posh wants to dress the first lady, Britney and Lindsay Lohan can’t see each other anymore, a special VS with the Sugarbabies, 5 things about Kelly Clarkson and Rihanna is your &1 Model of the Week!




WELCOME!
Yo! Welcome back to the Music 5 &1. It's Wednesday so it must be time for some music gossip. That's why you're here right? Not just the pictures of chicks yeah?
Groovy.

Anyway, it's been an interesting week this week. I finally got my new laptop so I can actually surf the net quicker than an asthmatic tortoise can run a marathon and I've been enjoying new music from Two Door Cinema Club and Gorillaz, as well as old music by Local Natives, Foals and Johnny Cash. All good stuff and I recommend checking them out if you can.

Anyway, you didn't come here to hear that, let's do this.


THE VOICE OF THE PEOPLE
Time to take a look back at a couple of the comments left on last week's column. First up,

MBD

Seeing as how people close to Courtney Love always seem to end up beaten or dead, I don't see Lilly Allen being a problem for that junkie.

Good point; well made. Actually, most people focused on the actuality of a fight between Courtney Love and Lily Allen rather than the relative hotness of the two. Hey, whatever works, I'm cool with that. For the record, it was Courtney who came out on top.


Next up was Guest#7938 who graciously awarded me a million points for the Clay Davis reference which by my reckoning puts me on about 999,973 points for the season. Cheers dude.


Finally we have Arse Face who wants to talk Pussycat Dolls.

Another PCD bites the dust. Am I the only one who finds this suspicious? Also, "alleged" preferential treatment? Hello? No one knows the names of any of the others!

Well Arse Face, now she's practically alone, Nicole has said they will be recruiting new members. As long as the new group doesn't consist of the members of Girlicious, that's fine by me.

Wait a minute, Arse Face? You sound familiar, do I know you?




Guess not.






Check out these great reads elsewhere in 411Music.
The 411Music staff give us their Top 5 Guitarists. Time pressures meant I couldn't take part this week but for the record, this is my five.
1) Prince
2) Jimi Hendrix
3) Stevie Ray Vaughan
4) Jimmy Page
5) Brian May
Fairly conventional I know but hey, it's just an opinion right?

Find out why Mariah getting booed is a good thing in this week's 3 Rs
Mac and I disagree on almost everything in Fact or Fiction
Mitch's news is both Quick and Dirty



WHO SAID WHAT?
"I would love to dress Mrs Obama, absolutely, I just think she's incredible and she's a very strong woman and she's beautiful."

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Oh dear, oh dear indeed. Talk about getting ideas above your station. Victoria Beckham obviously didn't get the memo about failed pop stars not having ‘style the President's wife' as their next career move. Still, can't fault her ambition. She is, apparently, now starting to get people to take her seriously as a fashion designer, despite the fact that her most recent collection was, in her own words, inspired by Dick Tracy. Yep, I can see it now, Michelle Obama in a long yellow trench coat. Nice.



Somehow I don't think Michelle, who dresses like this



would necessarily want to dress like this





VS
Fun and games in the Girl Group world in the last week as former members of the Sugababes took steps to try and get the name back off the current incarnation of the group. Original members Mutya Buena and Keisha Buchanan independently started proceedings to try and get current members Heidi Range, Amelle Berrabah and Jade Ewan to stop using the Sugababes name. Something that Range says isn't going to happen. Quite frankly I couldn't give a shit one way or the other but it gives us a good enough excuse to post a couple of pictures and think about the dispute being settled in jell-o rather than court. Or is that just me?






VS




Sugababes Classic VS Sugababes Current

VOTE BELOW



CELEBRITY TWITTER A-GO-GO
Nothing really caught my eye this week but Don't forget to follow us on Twitter:


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And of course you can follow me for lots of random thoughts on music amongst many, many other things.



5 THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT KELLY CLARKSON
Kelly Clarkson was caught short recently at a gig in Hamburg, Germany, despite being in the middle of a song there was nothing she could do when nature called, she just had to answer so left the band to fill in while she ran to the toilet. Hey, we've all been there right? The video's not great but here's Kelly, not on stage because she's off taking a leek.







Anyway, just for the hell of it, here are five things you didn't know about Kelly Clarkson.

1) She holds the record for the largest jump in Billboard Hot 100 history for "My Life Would Suck Without You" which leapt from #97 to #1 in the first week of release.
2) She's one of Vh1's Save the Music Foundation Ambassadors for 2009/10. Nope, I've got no idea what that means.
3) She was an uncredited extra in Sabrina the Teenage Witch in 1996.
4) She stayed up all night before her audition for American Idol so she didn't sleep through her alarm.
5) Simon Cowell thinks she has the best voice of all the Idol alumni and in April 2009 she performed Ave Maria for the Pope.

Bonus Fact!She has a really small bladder but I guess you knew that already.

You learn something new every day and because I'm all about equal opportunities, here are pictures of her from both back in the day and more recently, when she embraced the cake.





I used to look like this




Now I look like this



VIDEO A-GO-GO!
When the video for OK Go's Here It Goes Again came out it was hailed as a masterpiece, one of the greatest of all time. So good and iconic was ‘The Treadmill Video' that it has been spoofed or copied all over the place, even popping up in TV commercials. Having made such a fantastic video though, the problem for OK Go was always going to be, ‘how do we top it?' Well, with This Too Shall Pass they've had a really good crack at it. Check it out.






What do you think? Is it even better than the legendary ‘Treadmill Video'?
What do you mean you can't decide without seeing the other one again? Fair enough, here you go:





So, what do you think?


Groovy, now onto the 5.







Ke$ha talks shit again and again and again
You know, as one who deals primarily in gossip, I don't know if I should be thankful for Ke$ha and her near constant stream of verbal diahorrea or just think, like pretty much everyone else in the world does, and wish she would shut the fuck up.
This week the glitter monkey went on and on and on, time and time again, each time talking more ass than before.

Ok, first up she had a pop at Britney for lip-syncing.

" I have been up at three in the morning for a television show with jet lag but I refuse to mime. It's treating people as if they are too stupid to realize you are not actually singing."

Yeah ok actually, I'll give you that one but picking on Britney is kind of easy these days. Also, you've had one single; La Spears has sold about a gagillion records. Shouldn't that command some respect?

Anyway, that was the beginning of the week, what else did the mighty Ke$ha have in store for us? Well, she told the world that she admires transgendered people as they make her want to be a better woman. Well actually to be fair, kudos again to Ke$ha for knowing and identifying her limitations, this one being that men make better women than she does. Also, this article was one of my favourites of the week for the simple reason that 411's own AJ Grey bit off way more than he could chew by trying to claim that Ke$ha is hot. If you're not even interested in the story you should at least click the link to read all the comments as they shit all over that theory. Good times.

What next? Well then there was the story that she wants to be one of Katy Perry's bridesmaids.


Insert obligatory Katy Perry Cleavage shot here




What's the main reason for wanting to be a bridesmaid? So Russell Brand can hook her up a ‘booty call' as she just ‘loves English men'. Now, I have never been so presumptuous as to speak for an entire nation before but I think I can do it here.

Dear Ke$ha,

We don't love you back.
It's not us, it's you.
You're not as hot as you like to think you are.
All that glitter makes it look like you haven't washed for days.

Kind Regards,

All the men of England.


Phew, feels good to clear the air like that, at least we each know where we stand now.

Finally this week (unless she's spouted off something new while I've been writing this, entirely possible of course) was the revelation that she wears her own placenta around her neck. I'll say that again.

Ke$ha. Wears. Her own placenta. Around her neck.

Why? Why would you do this?

"I'm into energy. I recently went to see a past-life regressionist, who is also a psychic. I wear my placenta around my neck every day, because it's supposed to give you second sight. I feel like I've had many lifetimes before."

Well ok, if that's what you're into. I'm not sure any amount of psychic mumbo-jumbo would make me wear my own placenta but whatever floats your boat. Also, ‘past-life regressionist, who is also a psychic', what the hell is that? Someone who goes back into your past lives so they can look into the future and then tells you the present? Girl, I could tell you your present right now for a hell of a lot less than you probably got taken for by that psychic. "You're having a great time enjoying your 15 minutes; people are getting bored of you already". That'll be $500 please.






I keep scrubbing but I just can't lose that ‘old placenta' smell



Is there a bun in the Carey oven?
No, according to a spokesman for Mariah there is no truth to the rumor she herself sparked that she is expecting her first child with husband Nick Cannon.

Yep, the talk of the town last week was that Mariah Carey was pregnant after she was overheard at the Independent Spirit awards that she had ‘something very special' coming up but that she ‘couldn't say anything more'. This comment, coupled with an apparent unsteadiness on her feet and refusal to drink any alcohol lead people to the conclusion that she was pregnant.

I'm not entirely sure I would've made that leap myself but there you go. I see a woman struggling to walk on 8-inch heels, as Mariah was supposedly wearing, then I'll be thinking, ‘Damn girl go get yourself some proper shoes' or something like that anyway. If I then saw her refusing alcohol later I'd be thinking ‘Well, at least you got some sense, you can barely walk in those shoes as it is, you'd be flat on your face in seconds if you started drinking too'.

As for the something ‘very special' coming up, well that could be anything. She'd been talking about movie roles so we're supposed to presume it's not something Hollywood related but it all depends on your definition of special really. She could be the next Idol judge when Simon leaves, in fact, you know what? That's not actually a bad shout. Right, I'm calling it here and now. Mariah Carey will be Simon's replacement on American Idol. Either that or she's taking over from Oprah.





There's a joke in this picture somewhere but I just can't see it



Lil Wayne finally goes to jail
After a series of delays Lil Wayne finally went to jail this week. He wasn't transported with the other convicts as he is a "high profile inmate" and his first meal was noodles with beef sausage & marinara sauce, steamed greens, a mixed green salad, whole wheat bread, sliced peaches. No word on if he chose tea or fruit juice for his drink. Isn't that what his Twitter account was for? Damnit Weezy, the world needs to know, did you have the juice or did you go with a cup of tea?



Not so tight dude, how am I gonna eat my noodles if I can't move my hands?


I'm not sure if celebrity chef Paula Deen would approve of that meal though. She was recently asked what Lil Wayne's last meal should be and replied "Collard greens" as they would "clean his butt out". Don't believe me? TMZ (naturally) has video.

Now being from England, I don't have a clue who Paula Deen is or anything about her. A quick look on her website soon cleared that up and she is now my new favorite chef. Not just because of her recognition that Weezy would need a clear colon before entering the big house but also because this week is bacon week on PaulaDeen.com. And Paula, yes I agree. Everything is better with bacon.

Paula Deen wasn't the only one who had a comment on Lil Wayne going to jail this week. Bun B reportedly said "I don't think anything like this has happened in music since Elvis got drafted into the Army". You know what, I don't think I'm even going to bother running through the multitude of reasons why that comment is ridiculous, suffice to say being drafted is not the same as going to prison and Elvis was the biggest name in music on the planet, Lil Wayne? Not so much.

Also giving his opinion on the matter was 50 Cent who chipped in with "It may fuel him and give him something to work towards". What, like narrating a sex tape?

Anyway, there were stories all over the place about Lil Wayne recording anything from seven to seventeen new music videos before his incarceration. The first one dropped this week, check it out.







Don't take less than $100. Call me when you're through. Take care of you.
Possibly trying to join Lil Wayne on the inside for some sort of collaboration, D'Angelo was busted for solicitation this week when he allegedly offered what was revealed to be an undercover cop $40 for a blow job.

Also reported in the story was the fact that D'Angelo had $12,000 in his possession. The fact that this was included sparked some debate amongst 411 readers as to its relevance with some citing random court cases and others citing flat out bigotry. Surely though the question is, with $12,000 in the car, why was he only offering $40? Cheapskate.

D'Angelo has denied the charge.

I apologize in advance for the caption to the forthcoming picture.




Sucky sucky, 5 dollar



Lindsay Lohan a bad influence on Britney?
Like a couple of naughty school girls, Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan are being kept apart, by Britney's Dad.

The National Enquirer has reported that Lindsay called Britney to talk about getting her career back on track but when Britney mentioned it to her Dad, Jamie, he hit the roof. Such was his concern that Lindsay would lead Britney astray that he instantly called Lohan's management and told them to keep her away from his daughter.

Apparently Brit was mortified and feels like she's being treated like a teenager. Though to be fair to Jamie Spears, you could argue that it's only recently she stopped acting like a teenager and Lindsay is not exactly the best role model in the world is she?

Still, imagine what type of stuff these two degenerates could have got up to if they started hanging out again. They'd sure show Ke$ha a thing or two about how to get in the news every day.





Let's remember them in happier times





Now it's time for the reason you're here, the ‘&1 Model of the Week'.







After the success of "Umbrella" Rihanna started to get a bit serious with her music, thanks goodness then that with "Rude Boy" she appears to have returned to the fun tunes that made her so popular in the first place. Sticking with that fun theme, here's Rihanna in all her glory as your &1 Model of the Week



















One for the Road can be anything at all, as long as it is music related (now matter how tenuous). Feel free to send in any suggestions for a topic or specific item you'd like to see here in the future.


I hadn't heard of Foals before this last week but I was blown away by their latest track Spanish Sahara which a good friend of mine is already calling the best track of the year. The video's not bad either. Enjoy.





Thanks for reading, don't forget you can leave comments below or e-mail me direct with suggestions or stories you have seen.


Enjoy your week in music and I'll see you in 7.