The Music 5 & 1 03.17.10: Naughty Videos, Huge Record Deals and More

Posted by Adam Hill on 03.17.2010

Lady GaGa’s dirty video, the Jackson kids have a new Dad, Nicole Scherzinger warms up for Dancing with the Stars, Cheryl Tweedy faces off with Nadine in a Girls Aloud Vs, 5 things you didn’t know about Shakira and Aubrey O’Day is your &1 Model of the week.




WELCOME!
It's Wednesday once again so it must be time for music news and gossip. If you've never read this column before, this is where we take a look at five of the juiciest music stories of the last week, dissect them and, usually, take the piss a bit. To top it all off we then celebrate the passing of another 7 days with pictures of a hot chick in the form of our &1 Model of the Week.

First up I just want to get something off my chest. What the fuck was up with Wednesday last week? Seriously, within 24 hours of posting, a whole raft of stories hit the 411 Newswire. This is just some of what happened last week on the day the 5&1 went up.

Lady GaGa tracks will be available on Rock Band
Johnny Depp will read some of John Morrison's poetry on the new Doors Album
Rachel Evan Wood dropped out of the Spiderman Musical
The Smashing Pumpkins are holding auditions for a new bassist and keyboardist
Amy Winehouse might be re-marrying her ex in Vegas
DMX got arrested and then went off on one at court
British artist Taio Cruz had the highest jump for a debut song on the Billboard Hot 100 as he hit #1 with "Break Your Heart"

Now I know that none of these are particularly huge stories but still, there's a lot of fun to be had here none the less. Particularly with GaGa on Rock Band as not only will some of her biggest tracks be made available but as a special bonus you'll also get motherfuckin' Cartman singing "Poker Face".

What do you mean you haven't seen it? Check it out.





Don't worry all you GaGa junkies out there, we'll be covering the latest goings on of the Duchess of Weird in much more detail later on in the column.


If you're interested in joining the Smashing Pumpkins you can click on the link above for details of how to audition but you should be aware that I've heard unofficially that the position of bongo player has already been filled. Apparently the main reason this person was hired was because they have their own pair of bongos.





And what a cracking pair they are


Oh please, like you wouldn't have made the exact same joke.



Anyway, it's been a real fucker of a week for a variety of reasons and I am absolutely shattered but I did manage to catch a really good gig on Monday night. UK indie dance trio Delphic played a small gig in London and were really, really good. I'm a big fan of this lot and strongly recommend, if you're a fan of guitar based electronic dance music that you check them out.

Right, that's enough of that. This might be a short one I'm afraid, let's see how we go.


THE VOICE OF THE PEOPLE
Time to take a look back at a couple of the comments left on last week's column.

First up, the inspiration for the entire column, the man who gives good movie gossip, stevethegoose

Adam, I was giving you a little bit to get comfortable with the format before commenting. Great job! The Hollywood 5 & 1 and Music 5 & 1 stand side-by-side!

I might have to swipe the "One for the Road." That's a good one!

Cheers Steve, I'm glad you like it (and thanks for the plug in this week's column too).
I think the idea is we go ‘Franchise' with the 5&1 concept. I heard that next in line is the Politics Zone. I can see it now, 5 Things about Obama, Clinton (Hillary) Vs Palin and Condoleezza is your &1 Model of the Week. It's all gravy baby.

And be my guest with One for the Road. Dude, I stole your entire column, mi feature es su feature.


He may be trying to hide his identity as Guest#0224 but I'd say I've got a celebrity reader.

Damn man I'd hit Rihanna

Well Mr. Brown, you already did and that's what got you into all that trouble in the first place.


Next up was raggy doll, not pussy cat doll who ‘rags' on Mariah Carey. See what I did there? Where's that CSI Miami theme when I need it? Ah fuck it; raggy doll had this to say.

Hmmmm....I think I'll go with New Sugababes on hotness, just because Classic babes were always called "the Good, the Bad and The Ugly" at college. I'll let you work out who was who.....but in terms of a fight in Jell-O you gotta hand it to Classic Babes....kick those newbies' asses no problem!

Oh and the joke in your Carey picture? It's the grinning heffa in the middle of the shot.
......same old songs year after year and over-rated. She is the ugliest woman I've ever seen and I'll poke my own eyes out if she replaces Simon Cowell.

I agree with your comments on the Sugababes, especially the one about who would win in an actual fight. To be fair, I reckon Mutya could take the newbies single-handed. Bitch is scary.

Not sure I agree with your points about Mariah quite so much though. The Emancipation of Mimi had a couple of reasonable tracks on it and was a step change from the warble warble nature of her early stuff. Yeah ok, she has almost become a parody of herself but she did used to look like this:





Also, I'd take Mariah, music and all, over that glitter covered turd bullet Ke$ha any day.


Finally we have Gozzo who wants to talk about the OK Go videos.

The treadmill video is far more innovative but damn if the new video isn't impressive. I gotta give the nod to the new video. Awesome stuff.

Yeah, I know what you mean. The only problem I have with the video for "This Too Shall Pass" is that it's so engrossing that you forget about the song. Music videos are supposed to be an enhancement to the song, not a distraction from it but we'll have more on that subject later.


Thanks as ever to all of you for the comments and to those of you who didn't get featured this week as well. What's next?





Oh yeah, the section everyone skips.


Check out these great reads, amongst the many, many others, elsewhere in 411Music.
The 411Music staff give us their Top 5 drinking songs.
Aaron has this week's 3 Rs
Mitch's news is both Quick and Dirty
Also, go check out Jullian's Life on Shuffle . No link as he posts on a Wednesday as well but it's in the columns section and it's a really good read.



WHO SAID WHAT?
"I am turned on by dangerous men, men who are forbidden but I hate men in shorts. The touristy look doesn't do it for me."

This quote was attributed to Claudia Schiffer this week and man; I really hope it's true. The very idea that David Copperfield could be classed as a ‘dangerous man' is laughable really; maybe that's why she left him.




You wanna get with me? Don't wear shorts



VS
With all the fuss about Cheryl Cole in recent months; her marriage troubles, her solo career blossoming and her profile being higher than ever on both sides of the Atlantic; fellow Girls Aloud member Nadine Coyle has been forced to dismiss rumors that she is envious of her band-mate's solo success.

"I don't have a problem if she sells more albums than me. I'm sure she'd feel the same way the other way round." Coyle told The Sun.

Yeah right Nadine, you've gone from being the face and voice of the group and the one most likely to succeed as a solo artist to the being the one with the lowest profile and the one people care about least. I'm sure you're not bothered in the slightest about Cheryl's success. I think the best way to settle this properly is the old fashioned way. Letting a bunch of music geek's comment online as to which of you and Cheryl is hottest. FIGHT!







VS






Nadine VS Cheryl


VOTE BELOW

I'd just like to take this opportunity as well to mention that reports are suggesting that Simon Cowell wants Cheryl to be a judge on his new X-Factor show. Hmmm, I'm sure I heard that before somewhere but where? Oh yeah, right here two weeks ago. Yeah I know even a blind man could see that coming but hey, I called it, let me have my moment.




Thanks.


CELEBRITY TWITTER A-GO-GO
"BLIND ITEM 5: a very well known socialite, who has herpes, gave stephen dorff a blowjob when she was ony 16! She still has herpes today!"

Tila Tequilla gives Perez Hilton a run for his money as gossipmonger extraordinaire. She claims to have proof of all her ‘blind items'. Yeah, we'll see.


Don't forget to follow us on Twitter:

411mania
411Music
411Movies/TV
411Games
411Wrestling
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And of course you can follow me for lots of random thoughts on music amongst many, many other things.



5 THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT SHAKIRA
Apparently Shakira recently told Recognize Magazine that she could see the souls of other women. This got me thinking, other than the fact that her breasts are small and humble and she is quite clearly madder than a box of frogs, I don't really know that much about Columbia's second most popular export. So here are five things you didn't know about Shakira.

1) Not only does she speak fluent Spanish, English, Italian and Portuguese but she can also sing in Classical Arabic.
2) She's won two Grammy's, seven Latin Grammy's and 12 Billboard Latin Music Awards.
3) Her debut album Margia was recorded when she was just 13 years old and sold only 1,200 copies.
4) She told MTV that she learned how to belly dance by trying to flip a coin with her belly.
5) She used her middle names, Isabel Mebarak, to attend a class on the History of Western Civilization at UCLA in 2007.

You learn something new every day.









VIDEO A-GO-GO!
Chicago based electronic dance trio Kid Savant launched their latest music video this week for the tune "For What It's Worth". It's kind of trippy but kind of cool. Check it out.






Groovy, now onto the 5.







GaGa GoGo's on
Her Ladyship was big news again this week as the video for her latest track "Telephone" hit YouTube. Featuring scenes of (pixilated) nudity, swearing, a lesbian kiss, murder and Beyoncé, the near 10 minute long video was viewed 500,000 times in the first 12 hours after it went online and an incredible 12million views in the first three days.

Just in case you're not one of the 12m who have already seen it, here's the full video.





"I told you she didn't have a dick" is a great line, regardless of what you think of the rest of the video.

And what DO you think of the video? Opinion is split about 15 different ways on this with some hailing it as a masterpiece, others proclaiming it to be a load of shit, others still bemoaning the product placement, some complaining about the sexual nature of it, more saying, well you get the idea. Basically everyone wants to see it and everyone has a (different) opinion on it.

Well ok, since you asked so nicely, here is mine.

I'm not really fussed about the video to be honest. As I touched on earlier in the column, for me a music video should enhance the song. It should relate to and emphasize the music to help you connect with and enjoy it even more. The product placement doesn't really bother me too much, though I don't understand the need for it artistically. Of course I get the financial reasons behind it but GaGa keeps putting herself across as being more than just a pop star, she's an artist as well and surely artists are above prostituting themselves for a quick buck. Or am I just romanticizing it all now?

What does bug me about the video is that you have to wait a good two minutes plus before the song actually starts and then it stops again, like an intermission for plot development, and ultimately ends way before the video itself does. That said, the look on Beyoncé's face after she says ‘motherfucker' is priceless.

Whatever you or I think about the video it is big news and, as the stats show, has generated huge interest. It harks back to the days when each new Michael Jackson was an event and everyone wanted to see it. The controversial nature of this video hasn't lessened people's desire to see it either.

Such is the controversy around the video that rumors started flying around that MTV had banned it because of concerns about the sexual nature of some of it. CNN reported that, as they did with the video for Madonna's "Justify My Love" the station had pulled the video from its playlist. The rumors got so out of hand that MTV's manager of programming, Tuma Basa, had to deny the video had been banned. How did he make the world aware of this news? Why, Twitter of course. Who needs a press release when you've got 140 characters to play with? This is what he had to say. "The reports are false... the video's been airing since Friday morning on AMTV". The real news here is that MTV play music videos. I thought it was just really bad reality shows and Cribs.

Such is the impact of the video that it's even inspired some fan art.



As done by Yamino


Sticking with Gaga she told Now magazine this week that she isn't living a life of luxury, claiming that she owns so little she takes almost everything she owns with her when she travels. She told the magazine that "A glamorous life is different to a life of luxury. I don't need luxury."

One thing she does need though is a man and all that he comes with. We're talking appendages here people. Well, one specific appendage. No, I'm not talking about his nose.

In the same interview GaGa admitted that she would be happy to have a relationship with a woman but that it was men who had what she needs sexually. "There are no rules or limits when it comes to love. But I see love as separate from sex. And I happen to love male sexuality. Men have something I lack, but that I really value."

Again, she's not talking about his nose.





Lady GaGa today, in need of a man



Get Up, Like a Dead Machine.
While the various family members continue to argue over what to do with it, James Brown's body has gone missing. At least according to his illegitimate daughter LaRhonda Pettit

The Godfather of soul's body was apparently being kept at one of his daughters' houses until a mausoleum could be built but Pettit has said "My daddy's body has disappeared. I have no clue where it was taken".

Brown died at the end of 2006 so his body has potentially been at his daughter's for three years. Maybe they just got sick of the smell and decided to move him. Seriously, who the hell stores a body in their home for three years? They must have one hell of a freezer.

Anyway, with the body supposedly missing we all have the chance to make jokes about how Brown just need to ‘get up offa that thing' and the like. Go nuts.

Also, it's worth noting that, even though she passed a paternity test, Pettit is an illegitimate child who didn't come forward until after Brown died. Chances are the others just didn't tell her what they've done because they don't feel she really has any right to know. Hell, my wife moves the car keys without telling me all the time and I use it every day!







Jacko's kids get a new Dad and $200m to buy some toys
So apparently some total fucktard has moved into the Jackson family home and announced to MJ's three kids that Michael sent him to look after them and to call him Dad.

Omer Bhatti is rumored to be an illegitimate child of the late King of Pop, wait, so wouldn't that make him their brother? But he wants them to call him Dad? He may be a Norwegian rapper but it sounds to me like he's writing a country song right there.

Can't someone make it stop? Please? I really feel sorry for these kids now. I mean, it must have been hard enough growing up as the children of Michael Jackson when he was alive but now it seems not a week can go by without some new story coming to light about how messed up their lives are.


Ugh, it gets worse. Reports are suggesting that whoever is in possession of the syringe used to give MJ the fatal dose is looking to auction it off for as much as $5m. Lansdell posted more details here but again, it's the kids I feel sorry for.


Better news for the Jackson family this week though as they have reportedly agreed the biggest record deal in history for a staggering $200m.

The deal with Sony BMG will cover 10 releases over the next seven years. Apparently these will include previously unreleased material, a soundtrack CD for the This Is IT documentary, and Off The Wall re-release and even DVD or Video Game releases.

I'm not sure how that would work. Maybe zombie Michael could battle zombie James Brown in a Resident Evil rip-off.




Godfather of Soul my arse. I'll eat your brains



Nicole warms up for Dancing with the Stars
Ok, I'll be honest; I'm running out of steam fast and it's mostly stories about guys this week so here are a couple of pictures of Nicole Scherzinger as she gets ready to take part in the new season of Dancing with the Stars, just to keep you going.







And a more glam one for the hell of it






Wycleff's in trouble, one time, uh.
According to Smoking Gun, Wycleff paid his alleged mistress, Zayika Khatou-Chevassus $105,000 from his Yele Haiti charity funds.
The payments were supposedly made in 2008 and the allegations claim that she was little more than a lover to the Fugees singer at this time.

If this is true then Wycleff could be in real trouble, I know he's been supporting Haiti for years with his Yele Haiti Foundation and that this was alleged to have happened years before the earthquake but will people really make that distinction? You see the headline ‘Wycleff uses Haiti money to pay for mistress' and conclusions will be made before you even start to read the full story.

Apparently this isn't the first time Wycleff has faced accusations of financial mis-management of the foundation. In January, charity screening groups began raising doubts over the company's accounting practices but he has always maintained that he never personally profited from the organization.

Dude, get out of Dodge. Let someone run that shit for you and go see if Lauryn is up for a Fugees reunion. You know it makes sense.



Now it's time for the reason you're here, the ‘&1 Model of the Week'.







I'm going to go out on a limb here now and admit that I don't really know who Aubrey O'Day is but she certainly gets a lot of love on 411 so here she is in all her glory as your &1 Model of the Week

















One for the Road can be anything at all, as long as it is music related (no matter how tenuous). Feel free to send in any suggestions for a topic or specific item you'd like to see here in the future.


I had one of those conversations this week where you start talking about one thing and end up discussing something entirely different. It all began with me talking about watching the ‘fun but very dumb' "Wanted", spiraled through upcoming movies I was looking forward to (Kick Ass) and ended up with a discussion about Michelle Pfeiffer in "Stardust" and how it was great to see her still looking so good. Anyway, all this reminded me of her turn in "The Fabulous Baker Boys" alongside Jeff and Beau Bridges, specifically her rendition of "Making Whoopee" while wearing a tight red dress and sprawling her body across a piano. Enjoy.







Enjoy your week in music and I'll see you in seven.