The Music 5 & 1 11.21.11: The Dry Spell Edition
Posted by Jeremy Thomas on 11.21.2011
Kelly Rowland takes on Roselyn Sanchez in Vs, Chris Brown wipes his Twitter past away, Katy Perry's taking a musical hiatus for the next year, Rihanna needs to get laid, Jessica Simpson loves being pregnant, Lady Gaga loves Madonna, Draya Michele is your "& 1" Model of the Week and more!
STUFF I WANT TO TALK ABOUT
Not much for me to talk about tonight; with Thanksgiving coming up I have a lot of writing to get ready for in the coming week so I'll just get straight to the girls and gossip you love to read. Does that work for you? Cool. Let's get this party started then!
Roselyn Sanchez took her first steps toward the Hall of Bang last week as she started off in a close race against Lena Katina before pulling way ahead and never looking back, winning by a 123 - 55 margin! This week Roselyn has a formidable challenger in Beyonce's former bandmate Kelly Rowland! Can Kelly begin her path to the Hall, or will Roselyn roll through her to get halfway along on her path? Vote below!
Roselyn Sanchez Vs Kelly Rowland
VOTE BELOW!
If there are any future participants that you would like to see in Vs, let me know either in the comments section or by email!
TWITTER BREAK!
Twitter is a powerful thing! Make sure you're following all the comings and goings around 411mania in 140 characters or less.
Being a Music Zone, you would think that we have a lot of people who love to talk about music. You would not be wrong. As such, when an album comes out that we have something to say about, we just can't help ourselves. We call that the Review Section…not the most original name, but it gets the point across! Anyway, the review section is a great place to find new music as we cover all sorts of genres and styles, from mainstream artists to lesser known acts. Here's an overview of our latest reviews.
Everlast - Songs For The Ungrateful Living(7.0) "Everlast returns with his latest solo album and managed to completely change his sound again, opting for a more country/blues type record. The end result is a mixture of sounds, all of which are decent, but none of which is really exceptional. Everlast managed to do a bunch of things well, instead of focusing on doing one or two things great." - Bill Wannop
Lou Reed & Metallica - Lulu(9.5) "Challenging, demanding, unconventional, and audacious, Lulu is the album no one asked for and everyone should hear. One of the year's best.." - Chad Nevett
Mac Miller - Blue Slide Park(6.0) "Mac Miller released his debut album, which was mostly a disappointment. Surprisingly the album is not all about teenage partying, and tries to be more serious. The album would have been much better had Miller stuck to what he does best, and that is create party tracks and having fun with his music. The end result is somewhat of a mess of an album that has decent production but is limited by Millers lyrical ability." - Bill Wannop
Drake - Take Care(7.0) "Drake was given full control of his latest album and the result was a big disappointment. The greater focus on the singing and R&B and less focus on the rapping make the album a much slower, and overly emotional release. Although some ladies might like the super slow songs, most fans based off his radio hits and first single will find this album to be disappointing." - Bill Wannop
MUSIC VIDEO A-GO-GO
Have you seen Rihanna's video for "We Found Love"? Do you think she's trying way too hard to be a wild child? You're not the only one. (More on that tomorrow.) Not only did you, I and the rest of the music video-viewing universe notice it, so did the Key of Awesome. This parody group has been making fun of everyone from Eminem and Katy Perry to Foster the People, Adele, Kanye West and more, and they've taken aim at RiRi's newest single and video as well. Check it out below!
For more on the Key of Awesome, you can go to their Facebook page here and see their other parodies! THE KEY OF AWESOME!
As a bonus video, check out none other than Britney Spears getting a bit of freaky in her (which, let's face it, is when she's at her hottest) in a video short that aired during one of her tours, set to Marilyn Manson's "Sweet Dreams" cover. Very nice...
CRAZY GALLAGHER QUOTE OF THE WEEK
"Being Number One is not all it's cracked up to be. 'The Birdy Song' was Number One. I'd much rather be Number Three. You've got somewhere to go then."
- Liam says that he'd rather debut at #3 than at #1 on the album charts in a courageous call for being less successful than others.
BUBBLING UNDER You know what time it is, folks...these are the stories that I found worth touching on but didn't quite make the Top Five and thus become little bites of snark as opposed to a full course of it.
Gaga Has Madonna Love Lady Gaga, the Queen of the Pretenticons, has long been accused of being a glorified Madonna impersonator, a label I consider to be unfair. Don't get me wrong, she undeniably cribs from Madonna's stuff and to call the otherwise-good "Born This Way" an homage would be generous, but going down a similar career path to Madonna doesn't necessarily make her a rip-off artist. But recently, rumors have popped up about bad blood between the two after the Material Matron dropped a joke at the London premiere of her new movie W.E.. When someone asked about Gaga, she smiled a bit and said, "Lady who?" But Gaga insists there isn't any bad blood between them, noting, "Madonna is a wonderful influence on me. I feel blessed to have grown up with a powerful, blonde woman to show us the ropes. It's all down to her that I'm able to do what I do. I really like her new single too. The one that was leaked. There's no problem between us." That's good to hear, and it's good that Gaga was a blonde and not a brunette. She has enough weird looks without shaving squares into the side of her head.
Expect Gaga's song about self-love to come along in 2012.
Gene Simmons Joins The Rest of the World in Wanting to Beat Axl Rose
When you're looking for someone to speak their mind without giving a crap about the consequences...you go and find Mickey Rourke. KISS' own Gene Simmons isn't a bad choice either though, and he recently lamented how much better Guns N' Roses could have been if Axl Rose had gotten his ass kicked. "Guns N' Roses could have been the best band in the world and the reason they're not is because of Axl Rose," he said. "Drugs, heroin, alcohol and all that but ultimately it falls on Axl Rose's shoulders. A good beating would have helped. When you misbehaved as a little kid there's someone there to give you what for. Then, when you become a grown-up, who's there to set you straight?" As a devil's advocate to Gene, they do in fact have people who set spoiled children straight once they're adults; we call them parole officers or Dr. Drew.
Not gonna lie, Axl Rose on Celebrity Rehab would be entertaining as hell.
Ruben Stoddard Not His Wife's Idol Anymore
When it comes to American Idol winners, Season Two champion Ruben Stoddard kind of has it rough. There's obviously worse winners to be; he's not a train wreck like Fantasia Barrino but he ranks somewhere just below Taylor Hicks on the scale of memorable Idol winners and there's no comparison to Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, Jordin Sparks or even David Cook. Poor Ruben had a bad week this last week as he filed for divorce from his wife of three years, Surata Zuri McCants. Stoddard cited the old "irreconcilable differences" standby; no word on whether it was actually because Surata confused him with Clay Aiken one too many times, much like the rest of America has.
I will never miss out on an opportunity to post Kelly Clarkson pics. Ever.
This Just In: Pete Doherty Is Probably High
I've made jokes about Pete Doherty before but in truth, I don't really have a lot of hate toward the guy. I haven't ever heard anything by The Libertines to date, but I've heard good things. You know when I don't hear good things about Pete Doherty? When he opens his mouth. Doherty recently said that he believes Amy Winehouse has nothing better to do in the afterlife than to check on in her former drug-using pal. ""He is utterly convinced that he has seen her ghost," said a friend of Pete's recently. "A lot of people will think his visions are probably drug-induced by he claims he is clean." Apparently he's so afraid of the ghost that he's taken his pickled self across the English Channel to France and won't go home since that's where Amy is. This isn't the first time he's claimed to have seen Amy's ghost, though all the previous times she was still alive and the heroin just had him confused.
"The ghost is in the car with me!"
It's time to crank this mother up to 11 as we take a look at some random stuff from the last week and one smoking hottie.
*****
Chris Brown is a Twit...terer
You know, it almost seems unfair to mock Chris Brown anymore. Have you ever been in a basketball game when a coma patient is wheeled down and the nurse in charge challenges you to a dunking contest on the patient's behalf? Yeah, that's about how difficult it is to top Chris. But you know, I'd actually started to give him a little credit. Over the last few weeks he hadn't gone on any over-the-top rants, dropped any gay slurs, beaten any women or the like. That's progress for the dude and while he still had a ways to go, there was hope perhaps that he might not be a lost cause.
But you know what they say about hope...it's the first step to disappointment (or at least, that's what my demotivator calendar tells me). Chris did a good job of proving that true this week actually as he unleashed his legendary temper over Twitter. Some fan brought up his domestic assault incident from Rihanna--it's possible you may have heard of it--and Mr. Yeahx3 didn't take too kindly to the reference, letting it send him on a Twitter meltdown of pretty epic proportions (tweets condensed into one for space conservation):
I don't say s**t to anybody and everyone feels its cool to attack me. GROWN ADULTS!!!! that s**t happened three years ago! I know alot of you wack @ss(OLD) celebrities probably wanna f**k my ex but talking s**t on me wont get u far. And to be REALLY HONEST… yall wonder why n**ga spazzes all the time? Lol. MY MUSIC DOESNT PROMOTE VIOLENCE nor will it ever! only thing it will increase is the pregnacy rate!
And here I was hoping for elaboration on what actually will get me far with Rihanna...
but more on that later.
After he posted these, he realized that he was being a dick and that he should probably delete them. Of course, he was too late, so he went on another tantrum as he pretty much deleted his entire account, leaving just three tweets (two of which were mentions of him from other people). The tweets are still out there on the internet thanks to people reporting on Chris Brown's whacked-out antics, so basically he solved nothing.
So Chris, let me be honest here with you for a second. Yes, "that shit" was three years ago, but you have to remember what you did. You beat the shit out of one of America's rising pop princesses at the time just before the biggest day of the year in terms of music thanks to the Grammys. Those pictures hit the internet and news outlets around the world. I can't possibly believe you actually think that the public is just going to forget about it after a few years; you have a long way to go, and these little rants aren't helping. So do yourself a favor, sit down, shut up and just let it pass. In time--probably when you release an album that it's pure crap--it'll fade away for most people. And then you'll only be someone that only some people think of first as a wife beater, not most people. Good luck with that!
I know, I know. SO unfair.
2012 To Be a Katy Perry-Free Music Year
I imagine that at least some of my readers are cheering about the above headline. Katy Perry has announced that as soon as her current tour is done, she's taking a year off of music to start a family. A source close to Katy says that she's revealed to her managers that she will be taking the hiatus, reinforcing comments she made on Ellen DeGeneres' talk show as she announced a free concert in Los Angeles the day after her American Dreams tour ends. "Yeah, I would love to have children," she said. "I think that's one of the reasons you get married, especially to the person that you marry. You think, 'That person is going to be a good partner, a good parent'… If it doesn't hurt the first time. I'll keep popping them out."
The scary part of that is that she thought about this guy
and decided he'd be a good father.
So like I said, I know that there are people who will rejoice at the idea that we're not likely to get any music from Katy in the next twelve months at the very least. I am not a hater of her music, but even I have to admit that she's suffering from a case of exposure that makes a nudist colony in Antarctica seem mild by comparison. The more important part here, though, is her starting a family, and more power to her. It's always good to see stars taking the time off they need to enjoy the fruits of their labors; too often you find workaholics in the entertainment business and those are the ones you find burning out in the most self-destructive tendencies possible. The music industry will still be here when Katy gets back and we'll have ample opportunity to loathe her music when that time comes. In the mean time, it'll be good to let her go, let the overexposure die off a little bit and then let her come back with another album in a couple years' time. Although I'm sure many of our readers here at 411 wouldn't mind a few shots in the shoulders-to-ribs area after the pregnancy.
If they mesmerize you know, guys...just wait.
Speaking of Being Pregnant...
I have to admit, I've been wary about Jessica Simpson's pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that she and Eric Johnson are starting a family, but past precedence from Jessica's comments made it very possible that she'd just had some really bad gazpacho, then heard that there was a pregnancy test where you urinated on a stick so she went out in the woods to find a stick, which happened to have fallen across another branch so as to make her say "The stick says plus! I'm pregnant...thank you, Stork of the Sea!" Luckily, my fears are unfounded and it seems that Jessica is, in fact pregnant. And according to her, she loves being in such a state.
"I licked a toad in the woods while I was there, 'cause I thought
he'd turn into a prince. I don't feel so well..."
In all seriousness (for at least the next half-sentence or so), Jessica does seem to enjoy being pregnant. She told People Magazine that she already wants more kids. "Pregnancy was meant for me – it really was. I can't wait to have more kids. I love being pregnant. I have such an incredible connection with myself and with my body that I've never had before. Just knowing that you're creating a life is such a spiritual thing. Everything is growing, but you're making a life. It's pretty cool. People always say that pregnant women have a glow. And I say it's because you're sweating to death. I think they just tell pregnant women they're glowing to make them feel good about themselves, because everything makes them a little bit emotional. When I'm tired, I make Eric rub me. Eric is very, very supportive. We're both extremely excited. He's been to every doctor's appointment with me. We just love it. We can't believe we get to do this, and we get to do it together. We're going to be a rock star family!"
Now, good for her if she really enjoys it. I know some people who have very fond memories about their pregnancy, though I have to note that those same people tended to be pretty miserable as a rule while they were experiencing it. Rose-colored nostalgic glasses, obviously. But if Jessica is one of those people who really do enjoy the whole experience than you have to respect that. And more to the point, kudos to Eric Johnson. Not only is he being very supportive throughout the pregnancy so far, but he's probably had a lot of questions. If she had to watch a History Channel DaVinci Code eight times to get the gist of it, think about how much pregnancy is going to throw her adorable, pea-sized brain for a loop.
"Dumb is not knowing. Ditzy is having the courage to ask!" Actual quote
Celibacy Is Bad For Rihanna
Amidst all the stories of sex shop visits, grinding her face into stripper's crotches and the like, not to mention her music videos, you would think that Rihanna is one of the most oversexed pop stars working today. If you did think that though, you'd be wrong. Turns out all of that is because she's not really getting any, as she told Ellen DeGeneres that she has problems finding guys who aren't intimidated by her. (Mark this date on your calendar by the way, as it will probably be the only time Ellen is mentioned twice in one 5 & 1.)
"I like men that are more aggressive but mysterious but I like a man to be very sure," she said. "I like them to be sure of themselves and know that you're the man. I'm the lady and the only way for us to make this work is for us to play our roles. You know, I can't really be the man for you. I don't want to have to be. I'm the man at work all the time." A lot of people would take this opportunity to make jokes about her liking aggressive men and her past with Chris Brown, but that's a little tasteless to me so I'll just note that it's not exactly a problem she shouldn't have expected. Let's be honest, she doesn't exactly portray herself as the demure, shy type in her media appearances and her music, and that is what people use to get their impressions of her for right or wrong. So when she seems aggressive in that nature herself, guys who are likely to be what she describes as her type aren't likely to take a shot. I'm not saying she's wrong for presenting that side of herself in her music, just noting that it could be a contributing factor to her guy problems.
"I just don't get why people think I'm the dominant type..."
She also told Ellen that she's not dating at all and she isn't all that happy about it. "It sucks but it is, what it is. Let me say this right, because I don't want to make it seem like, my work is my everything. I do put a lot into my job. Most of my time if not all of it. It definitely affects my personal life. My personal life is pretty much non-existent. Which is not good, not for the long run. Not for me, not for "Her" (points to in-between her legs) It's not fun!" So that explains it all...Rihanna is a sex robot and without any action for "Her," bad things happen. Apparently symptoms include subpar albums (again, more on that tomorrow), strange instances of sexual acting out and gratuitous pointing toward one's anthropomorphized crotch. Someone had better get on this quickly, before the nuclear power source implanted in the back of her head loses stability and she takes out half of Barbados. We could have an ecological disaster on our hands.
I volunteer my services, for the good of mankind.
New Music Monday
This is the home of some of the best new music that will soon be available, where you get to hear the hottest new tracks and find out about forthcoming albums and videos as well.
Ke$ha is back, so be afraid and get ready for more trashy dance-pop! In all seriousness though, her latest song has been released online and is called "U Better Know." Check it out below:
Rihanna's new album Talk That Talk releases tomorrow, her latest studio album. Here is released a new single last week from her upcoming album Talk That Talk. Here is the first single, "We Found Love":
Also dropping an album this week are Nickelback, who release their latest Here and Now. The latest single off of it is "This Means War" which you can hear below:
Now it's time for the reason you're here, the ‘&1 Model of the Week'.
This week's Model of the Week recently is a cast member on the reality show Basketball Wives L.A. and recently made waves by claiming that she and Chris Brown made a sex tape. I'm not a big sex tape fan myself, but I am one of her...ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Draya Michele as your "& 1" Model of the Week!
NOW THAT I'M DONE…
You can go and read some more greatness on 411.
Let's start by giving a shout-out to the rest of the 5&1 Illuminati! There's Steve Gustafson, who brings you the hottest in movie tidbits and girls with the original Hollywood 5 & 1; Greg DeMarco, who brings you the hottest chicks who could kick my ass in the Wrestling 5 & 1 and now Stewart Lange, who has brought the 5&1 to the Octagon with the MMA 5 & 1! The 5 & 1 Illuminati is expanding and growing ever stronger; world domination isn't far behind!
When you are done checking out how the other zones roll, go read all the goodness in the rest of the Music Zone.
Make sure to click the Facebook and Twitter "Like" links, as well as the new Google +1 option, and support 411mania, your home for the best in pop culture entertainment news.
And that's all, folks! I'm out...have a good Monday and come back for more 411 tomorrow!
"Everlast returns with his latest solo album and managed to completely change his sound again, opting for a more country/blues type record. The end result is a mixture of sounds, all of which are decent, but none of which is really exceptional. Everlast managed to do a bunch of things well, instead of focusing on doing one or two things great." - Bill Wannop
"Challenging, demanding, unconventional, and audacious, Lulu is the album no one asked for and everyone should hear. One of the year's best.." - Chad Nevett
"Mac Miller released his debut album, which was mostly a disappointment. Surprisingly the album is not all about teenage partying, and tries to be more serious. The album would have been much better had Miller stuck to what he does best, and that is create party tracks and having fun with his music. The end result is somewhat of a mess of an album that has decent production but is limited by Millers lyrical ability." - Bill Wannop
"Drake was given full control of his latest album and the result was a big disappointment. The greater focus on the singing and R&B and less focus on the rapping make the album a much slower, and overly emotional release. Although some ladies might like the super slow songs, most fans based off his radio hits and first single will find this album to be disappointing." - Bill Wannop
