The Love/Hate News Report 12.29.11: The Cream of the Crap

Posted by John Downey on 12.29.2011

From Metallica and Lou Reed's "Lulu" to Lupe Fiasco's "Lasers" and more, 411's John Downey takes a look at the 5 worst album of 2011! Plus news and thoughts on Katy Perry breaking records, a concert-goer going lawsuit happy against Diddy and MTV, the Disney channel getting heat for anorexia jokes and more!

Welcome to the only music news report that is still hyped up over Daniel Bryan's title win, the Love/Hate News Report! Yeah, I used that opening sentence last week. That's how hyped I am!

The holidays were good. Got some shit, gave some shit, hung out with relatives, and got to relax. I'd expand on that, but you don't care, so let's move on.

Nick Krenn's Major Bands, Minor Labels points you towards Earbuddy's list of the top 50 albums of the year. I won't say that it is the definitive list of the year, but it's certainly better than the material that most publications cooked up. His other column, The Music 3R's, praises Lana del Rey and slams Miley Cyrus. The first person to make a lewd joke about "slamming Miley Cyrus" will...oh wait, I think I just did, in a matter of speaking. C.A. Bell's Ten Deep looks at the best Christmas music. Here's hoping that next year, he looks at the best Kwanzaa songs.

Last week, someone asked how I could get away with calling Mac Miller "entitled". Well, he exists, and he's done stuff—and, judging by his songs, he thinks that is reason enough to love him. If that's not entitlement, I don't know what is. Anyway...

Okay, here's how this works: I find eight news bites per week, and complain about them. Except when I like them, in which case I'll rave about them. That is relatively speaking, of course. I'm a bit of a scoundrel who remains negative about most matters, so to let you know when I'm not trying to drown you in sarcasm/hate, I have helpful little visual reminders letting you know when I think something is a good thing. For reasons concerning symmetry, I've put indicators around the parts where I'm ranting.

If you don't agree with me, that's what the comment section is for. Go ahead and air your grievances in a matter that you find to be most appropriate. If you troll hard enough, I might cry. I will never admit to tearing up, of course, but you'll know when it happens when you get that warm feeling in your heart.

Anyway, let's get down to business...



Most news items are from 411 Music's newswire.

Katy Perry Sets Record
It seems as though I've been writing about Katy Perry trying to break Michael Jackson's record of having the most songs reach the top spot on Billboard's charts (Jackson had 6 with Bad). Well, this week, she's finally done it—seven songs from Teenage Dream have reached the top spot after "The One Who Got Away" jumped from #3 to #1. I'd suggest that Perry and her husband, Russell Brand, find a way to celebrate in style, but news broke this morning that their marriage is in trouble, so…yeah.

Now, I'm not a fan of Katy Perry, and it seems as though many of 411mania's readers don't care for her, either. Accordingly, here are seven pictures of Katy Perry.















And now we move on.

Stupid Legal Shit, Part One
I'm not a lawyer, and though I've reported on plenty of frivolous lawsuits, I understand that there is still a lot I don't know about the legal system, and that there are aspects of it that can't be easily summarized. For instance, to the layman, filing a lawsuit several years after the alleged date of an offense looks silly and should be thrown out, but there are plenty of mitigating factors to take into consideration. In some cases, though, there is no logical way to explain aspects of a lawsuit. Enter Kevin Faraday.

Faraday attended a taping of Making the Band at the Hammerstein Ballroom in 2008. According to Faraday, he was hit by a microphone in the stomach at some point during the show by someone on stage. So far, so good—I wasn't there, so I can't judge the merits of his claim, but it certainly seems like a valid reason to take someone to court. And then comes the list of people he is suing. Ahem: he is suing Diddy, MTV, Danity Kane, Day26, Donnie Klang, Cheri Dennis, "Making the Band," Bad Boy Touring, Bad Boy Entertainment, Bad Boy FIlms, Live Nation Touring, Live Nation Family Entertainment, Manhattan Center Studio, Manhattan Center New Yorker Group, The Holy Spirit Association for the Unification of World Christianity, Strike Force Protective Services, and, presumably, whoever actually hit him with the microphone in the first place.

Look, I get going after money, but this is just too far. Even if Faraday's claim is true, I don't think that he can prove that so many people and organizations deserve to cough up some dough. A good negotiator asks for more than he can get and settles for less, but a good negotiator also knows when he has a chance in hell of winning a lawsuit against just one of the above people/organizations. Stupid lawsuit is stupid.




Time To Change Some Relationship Statuses
John Legend is engaged model Chrissy Teigen. You would think that a guy who sings love songs and hangs out with Kanye West would have been married by now, but good for Legend.

Rumors that Steven Tyler is engaged to Erin Brady are flying all over the place, and considering that the two have been together for five years and Tyler's family has already reacted to the news, I think this is a safe call. Brady is 25 years his junior—you'd think he would go for someone younger. I guess even Tyler has to settle down eventually.

Former American Idol contestant Danny Gokey is engaged to his girlfriend, Leyicet Peralta. Gokey's first wife passed away due to complications during heart surgery three years ago, and the couple have requested that all gifts go to a charity made in her name, Sophia's Heart. God bless these folks.

Congratulations to all three couples, and here's hoping that you stay married longer than Sinead O'Connor, whose latest marriage lasted only sixteen days. Hey, I had to put that news somewhere.




Stupid Legal Shit, Part Two
After the stage collapsed at the Indiana State Fair earlier this year, most of us felt pity for those who were injured or killed. Stephanie Murry and Sandra Hurn, however, saw dollar signs. Hurn went to a local hospital the night of the collapse and the day after, claiming that she had significant injuries. Murry went to another hospital, claimed she was injured, stole a few documents, and helped Hurn with her alibi. It should be noted that neither woman attended the concert.

The women claimed that they deserved to be compensated $22,500 in total. Hurn collected a $7,500 check from a remembrance fund, though both women were arrested shortly after trying to claim money from another fund. Hurn has been charged with forgery, perjury, attempted theft, and theft, and stands to lose tens of thousands of dollars and a maximum sentence of 36 years in jail if convicted. Murry has been charged with forgery, perjury, and attempted theft, and could be sentenced to 14 years in prison.

The good news is that these two will likely be put away for a long time, especially since Hurn has already confessed. The bad news is that people like this exist in the first place.


DJ Earworm Releases "United States Of Pop 2011 (World Go Boom)"
"United States of Pop" is a song that DJ Earworm has put together every year since 2008, mashing together 25 of the most popular songs of the year into one composition. The end result is usually better than it has any right to be, and this year's edition is no exception. Check it out:



Dude almost makes Bruno Mars sound acceptable. He's a miracle worker!


This Is Why We Have Sensitivity Training Classes
I know that being PC isn't the most embraced idea, but there's a time and a place to keep things civilized. You'd think that a show on the Disney Channel would have been picked clean with a fine-toothed comb before getting put on the air. Yes, indeed, thinking is a wonderful thing.

Shake It Up, a Disney Channel program that, surprisingly, isn't about folks with Parkinson's (cue the hate mail!), had one of its characters utter the line "I could just eat you up…well, if I ate". Demi Lovato, who left Disney's Sonny with a Chance due to weight issues, spoke out against the line, and Disney responded by basically admitting fault and pulling both the offending episode and an episode of So Random! that featured a similar joke.

Some folks have argued that making light of weight disorders could be a positive thing, as it could encourage healthy eating habits. Even if you buy into that line of thinking, though, I don't see how you can argue that a joke about weight disorders is appropriate for children. There's no reason to go there, and it's not hard to write a better joke.

Barely relevant.



Um, Congratulations, I Guess
Dido is a private person—at least, that's what I've heard. She doesn't talk much about her personal life, and doesn't give her opinions on other artists for the most part. This isn't a bad thing by any means, but it does make for pleasantly strange news stories like this.

Dido recently announced that she gave birth this past July. She announced that she was pregnant in February, but most people (myself included) figured that this indicated that she would give birth in the fall. Oh, and she named her son Stanley. You know where this is going…



Congratulations to Dido…six months ago.


Deaths In Music This Week
Jazz saxophonist Sam Rivers passed away on Monday. During his career, he worked with the likes of Dizzy Gillespie, Billie Holliday, and Miles Davis. Pneumonia has been announced as the cause of death. He was 88.

Songwriter and percussionist Ralph McDonald passed away on December 18 due to complications with lung cancer. He wrote "Just the Two of Us" and "Where is the Love", with the latter winning a Grammy. She was 67.

On behalf of 411mania, I extend my condolences to the friends and families of the deceased.




COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY WANKERY BROUGHT ABOUT BECAUSE IT IS LATE DECEMBER
This week, I decided to take a look at the worst albums of the year. Remember, this is my list, and as such, all of my opinions are correct and all of your opinions are wrong. Also, the world is flat, the Easter bunny is real, and hair is not flammable. Here we go.

5.) Lasers, Lupe Fiasco
You can argue all you want about who is to blame for Lasers, but the fact is that the album sucks. Every song sounds the same, Lupe phones it in most of the time, and the whole package comes across as manufactured and manipulative. Fortunately, there is an upside—the album sold less copies than The Cool, which went Gold in five months while Lasers, which has been out for almost ten months, has yet to hit that milestone. Apparently, I'm not the only person who is allergic to bullshit.

4.) Sin Sin Sin, Le Butcherettes
Taking the worst parts of punk rock and putting them on display, Sin Sin Sin makes Kittie sound well-adjusted and versatile in comparison. Lead singer Teri Gender Bender surrounds herself with talented musicians (including guitar-savant Omar Rodriguez-Lopez) and has them play simple music while she wails about her problems with men. Sin Sin Sin is an unpleasant album from any angle, and thank God the band hasn't caught on.

3.) Arghiledes, D. Charles Speer
Truth be told, I could only come up with four albums on my own that deserved mention, so I decided to check out C.A. Bell's reviews for more material. Mr. Bell, you deserve a gold medal for getting through this garbage. This is experimental rock , and there's no such thing as an okay experimental album—either it succeeds or it fails. Arghiledes fails, and it fails spectacularly. The album is, quite literally, just a series of sounds in a row, with nothing to grasp or comprehend. I dare you to listen to any of the songs from this album the whole way through.

2.) Lulu, Lou Reed and Metallica
I've lit into this album before, and honestly, I don't want to rip it apart again. It sucks, everyone knows it, and everyone would do well to just ignore it. I don't need to explain why it sucks—you have ears.

1.) Camp, Childish Gambino
I'm aware that a lot of people like Camp, and those folks will likely let me know about it. I'd try to explain my views on this album, but really, everything negative I could say about it would likely be construed as a good thing by its supporters. Buzzfeed's list of the best lines from the album is a torturous read for me. The celebrated beats bite from so many other sources that I can't tell where Gambino's own ideas begin. I'm not opposed to part of the album's concept—young dude goes over the problems with race expectations he had in high school—if he had grounded it in something universal or relevant; instead, it comes across as him whining about his childhood, and that's further undone by his bragging about sleeping with random chicks. Lulu is laughable. Camp is aggravating. That's why I think it's the worst album of 2011.


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Don't worry—you can tear apart my favorite albums of the year when I put up my list next week. For now, it's time for this week's playlist. A few albums went past my radar, including 808s and Dark Grapes II by Main Attrakionz, so here's a helping of something that won't make my list but possibly should have. Enjoy.



If the widget doesn't work, click here. If the widget doesn't show up, then it REALLY didn't work.

Albums To Love
January: Kaputt, Destroyer
February: Higher Learning 2, Fashawn
March: All Eternals Deck, Mountain Goats
April: Return Of 4eva, Big K.R.I.T.
May: Own Your Ghost, 13 & God
June: Blacked Up, Shabazz Palaces
July: Punch Perm, Dream Jefferson
August: Watch The Throne, Jay-Z and Kanye West
September: Father, Son, Holy Ghost, Girls
October: Hurry Up, We're Dreaming, M83
November: iSLAND, G-Side

Cheap plug: Earbuddy. Damn good source of music news and views. "Like" it on Facebook, too. I wrote a review for The Jezabels's Prisoner, and the latest edition of my other column, "Own It Or Disown It", in which I look at Madvillain's Madvillainy, is up as well.

And here it is, this week's Video To Love…



THAT'S ALL, FOLKS!
See you in seven...if you're lucky.

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