The Low End Theory 01.06.12: The New Year Edition
Posted by Tony Acero on 01.06.2012
News and thoughts on Chris Brown trying to stay out of the media, Nick Cannon's failing kidney, Charli Baltimore making a return, The Root's ?uestlove's own Top Five of 2011, Ma$e's ridiculous jewelry bill and more!
It's January 5, 2012. 2012!? Man, where In the hell did the year 2011 go!? I remember bringing in last year like it was just yesterday! Oh well, HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! Whether you're still recouping from New Years Eve, or trying to grasp the reality of another year passing you by like Pharcyde, what matters is you made it here to get your weekly dose of THE LOW END THEORY! So thank you for staying loyal and supporting us then and now! We here foreva! mothafuckas! (Ol Dirty voice)
It's 2012, bitches! Stock up on water, build yoself a bomb shelter, and kiss ya momma cuz shit is going down! No, not the end of the world, it's The Low End Theory! Last year was truly inspiring for me, y'all, and I have this column to thank. A weekly spot to hone my craft and talk about something I love is truly incomparable to any writer's workshop or college course in terms of puttin pen to pad (or fingers to keys). What the hell is I talkin bout? Lemme tell ya. Peep this, my name is Tony Acero and I am a writer. My aspiration is to write, my hobby is to write and my love is to write. All of 2011, I told myself 2012 would be the year I'd release something. I'd put my words out there to be read and judged. We are now in 2012 and I'm in the process of doing just that! Oh yes, stay tuned for more news of my first official release to the public. Once this work of mine comes out, there will be contests galore for a copy and I can't wait to throw it out to the crowd like a producer hyping the crowd before Conan comes to the stage! And before you start thinking I've been in a booth putting rhymes to wax, that is NOT what I'm talking about. If any of you heard my rap battle of 2011, you know damned well that I'm no rapper. haha. Aside from this glorious jump start to my writing career, I also wanted to share with you a little somethin somethin that I've concocted for myself and Hope:
Now you may be asking yourself, what the hell do this got to do with you? Go head, ask yourself...I'll wait. Ok, the answer is as follows: With this, I will be able to approach the numerous rappers and models that I see on a weekly basis with a status that means something other than my dried out, "Yo, I got this hip hop column..." line that often gets rejected! Yes, I know, a business card is nothing but a small piece of paper, but the reality of this is that this column isn't going anywhere and it's only going to grow. This will only enhance that growth. This, coupled with a few other connections I've made at the tail end of 2011, should bring some prestige to the column, but we still gonna keep it humble. It is my hope that we welcome any and all new readers into the fray as we grow as a column. I consider some of y'all readers fam as of now since you've been with me since the beginning, so bring a friend and have them enjoy the column where Hip Hop NEVER sleeps, The Low End Theory.
Video of the Week Get it on The Floor - DMC
In honor of our Hip Hop Hottie of the Week, this one is for her!
- Behind the DJ Booth, Kanye West went on the mic during a New Years Eve party wanting to be addressed as Yeezy World Pea----I'm sorry Kanye, but Ron Artest has one of the best nicknames of ALL TIME!
-Snoop Dogg was last scene co-hosting an episode of The Price is Right. He was so high he thought Plinko was a drink and totally misinterpreted "Roll the big one" when that segment came up.
- Cee Lo Green is getting a lot of heat for changing the lyrics to Lennon's song Imagine. I'm still mad at him for that Wrestlemania appearance...
50 Cent has said that he will not be supporting his new music. For once, him and I share the same sentiment.
?uestlove of The Roots has a Top Five
?uest recently went to the press to express his love for the five albums of 2011 that he felt were bomb diggity. I chose this story to talk about not just to shill my own Top 10 (which you can read here) but also to talk about lists as well as last week's award show. First, let's get to ?uest's list. He named Adele, Kanye and Jay-Z, Wyatt Cenac, The Weeknd and...The Lonely Island? Wait, what? Whoa! Ok, admittedly, I have yet to hear the album, Turtleneck & Chain, and that's due in large part to my finding the few songs that I've heard as far from funny as possible. So, I probably have little room to talk, but adding them to the Top 5 of any list is kind of scary. 'Love tries to explain, "I really, really love Turtleneck & Chain. I like it sonically, I think it has a sense of humor, lyrically it's funny, and it's a comedy record, but it's almost like if License to Ill were made in 2010, 2011, it would have been Turtleneck & Chain." While I understand the white boy comparison, I have to admit that License to Ill had something a bit more going for it, and even that album wouldn't have made the Top 5 of its year. This all comes to the final point, that these lists belong to those who made them and last week I believe I was a bit vague on exactly how the choices were made in terms of the winner.
I asked the readers to vote, I also asked Walter and Hope to let their voices be heard, but the end result was, by and large my doing. Don't get me wrong, I didn't detract from my co-writer's choices or the readers, I simply took them into harsh consideration. In some cases, I altered my decision, but in most cases we writers came up with the same end result. This isn't a defense of my list, as I feel it needs no defending, but more of a plea to the reader to keep in mind that as these "Top #" of blabbity bla come out, they are all opinionated (unless backed by sales numbers) and should be read as such. In fact, I would implore you all to go back, check out the categories, and let me in on your choices! In closing, ?uestlove, you cray!
Chris Brown trying to Stay Away From Media
According to Chris Brown's manager, the goal for 2012 is to keep him out of the press. If this is the case, it may very well be for the best. Everyone remembers the infamous blue bow tie interview with Larry King, and it was only a few short weeks ago we talked about his idiocy on Twitter, so it may very well be the best move for Brown to simply go away and "focus on performing." Assuming, of course, that this performing doesn't include dying ones hair, beating a female or crying on national television. In all reality, what this is saying is that his publicists and management don't trust the guy to go out there and talk normally or just be a positive influence on anyone. It's a babysitting gig, these people have, and they're trying to keep lil "breezy" Brown in check. Sad state of affairs for this crooner that so many loved at one point in time.
Nick Cannon's Kidneys Fail Him
Man, I was all ready to make fun of this thing and Mariah Carey's post when I sat back and realized how much this must suck for any human being, even for one as cheesy as Nick "Eminem Victim #432" Cannon. Mariah's twitter post didn't help with her complaints of being "stranded in Aspen" and her "pon de bed with Mr. C" talk, but in all reality, I can't wish harm on the guy who charmed us with drum sticks then did it again with that show where they use the X's....ok, "charmed" us perhaps isn't the word, but I digress. Case in point, Nick Cannon, like ya or hate ya, feel better, cause according to Jenny Craig, your wife is hot again and ready for some more craziness...
Sheen Ain't the Only Charli(e) That's #Winning
Ok, ok, I admit it, I thought this girl was HAWT when I was younger. She still look good, but back then she coulda read "Cat in the Hat" and I probably woulda thought the song was killer. Now, she's alright but nowhere near my type. (haha, look at me actin all high and mighty). In an interview with HipHopDX, she explained that there's been a lot of skepticism about her life, from being accused of as being nothing but a successor to Biggie's castle to claims that she doesn't write her own work. One quote in particular makes me give her the ol skeptics look when she says, "I never had any [songs] ghostwritten by Jay-Z. I do all my own writing. But actually, 'Money' was written by The L.O.X." Charli, girl, you can't be sayin you write your own stuff only to follow it with an example of the exact opposite! Nonetheless, Charli is getting ready for a release in which she claims will focus more on the skills she has than the personal life that has been exposed to the public. I'm all for another chick in the game, as it will give us a Minaj Break that may very well be needed, considering she's dropping another album next month.
Bree Garner Bree's Facebook Favorite Hip Hop Song? I'm an R&B girl, mostly. I love "OMG" by Usher and anything by Rihanna, but a hip hop song that I've loved for years has got to be DMX's "Get It On the Floor." Favorite Current Rapper? If I had to choose, I'd say Nicki Minaj. Because she seems like she would be fun to hang with, and I totally love "Super Bass" What Does Hip Hop Music Mean to You? Freedom, music is freedom, which in my opinion is similar to dancing. I LOVE dancing and could go out every night hittin the clubs and dance my troubles away. What's One Song That Really Pumps You Up? Right now? International Love by Pit Bull, but so many come to mind that I could go on-and-on if you wanted me to! Describe Hip Hop in Three Words: Fun, Dance, Party!!!
In terms of finding models for this Hip Hop Hotties section, there are a number of different girls that I come across. As I noted in previous columns, the girls that I use in this section are someone that I either have a personal relationship with via friendship, school, etc. But there are also a few in the near future that I have either met through friends or via Facebook. The point being, the last thing I ever want to do is simply grab some pictures online and post them without giving the model and/or the photographer credit. Sure, that would be cool and what not, but I have long since realized that these girls love music just as much as I do and are every bit as human as I and you as well. Moreover, they are simply trying to do what I am trying to do and what the rappers that I interview are trying to do, be successful in their craft.
Today, I introduce you to Bree. Upon first conversation, she was immediately friendly and accepting of my offer to be in the column. The automatic assumption that she would deny me the opportunity was tossed out the window once this Colorado Cutie and I conversed. In fact, she thanked me for the opportunity. A family girl who values the time spent with them, Bree finds modeling as yet another creative expression, similar to that of music. Low End Theory readers, Bree Garner.
Bree also wanted to give a shout out to the FIRST TIME EVER, Colorado State Champions, Cheyenne Mountain High Cheerleaders! Congrats ladies!
As a former cheerleader, I absolutely love supporting and helping whenever I can my younger sisters with cheerleading. Cheyenne Mountain High School here in Colorado Springs are state champions for the first time ever. They declared victory in Denver on December 10, 2011. I was a CMHS cheerleader for four years and our squad made it to forth place, but never won state. I am a proud big sister for sure. XOXO - Bree
Ma$e
-Walter Reyes
Happy New Year Low End Theory Peeps!!! I hope everyone made it safe and sound through the debauchery that is NYE. After downing nearly 1.75 Liters of Dewer's (Blended Scotch Whisky) I know I almost didn't! Now, with no further ado let's get this year going with our first Douche of the Week of the Year…that sounds weird but anywho. To me, it just seems like it was yesterday when this M.C. was killing it all over the radio and TV with his cool voice and smooth delivery. Unfortunately he found Geezus and left the game…BUT it looks like the game didn't leave him. Mason Durell Betha better known by his stage name MA$E, is being sued for $35,000 for a tab that runs back nearly 7 years. No folks this wasn't a bar tab…it was a bling tab!!!
Mase be the one that will take your jewelry and never pay for it, because Jesus told him that's the way to role! Seems as though Ma$e must have assumed that leaving the game meant he didn't have to pay for the devils jewelry…WRONG!!! If you are going to change your life and start preaching the word you might want to start with something in the bible that says, "thou shall not steal". I am pretty sure it's in there and just because you put it on lay away doesn't mean you didn't steal the gems. Don't be a hypocrite Mase, pay your tab and stop being a Douche. How the fuck can you owe money for accessories that don't even fit your lifestyle anymore? I wonder if it was an iced out rosary…that might make sense actually. Gotta look pimp when you're pimpin the Word, right? Mase, hit up Sean John for a little something something…tell him Biggie told Jesus who told you he should hook you up!!!
So let me tell you a little about my New Years Eve. First my boyfriend and I head out to what us Southern Cali folk call "the valley" to pregame a little with our friends. Then we head to my family's shindig where we partied like it was 1999. I remember waking up the next morning with a bad cough and an EXTREMELY hoarse voice as well as flashbacks of what happened the night before: Drinks pourin, cameras flashin, and a lot of dancin. Spilled Cranberry juice (which was mixed with vodka) remained on my cream colored blazer. All i can say was Shit...I had a GOOD NIGHT ha! But back to my shitty memory. I remember a specific convo I had with my cousin Steve. About what? Hip Hop, of course! Ad we were talking about everything from mastering/sampling beats to the music then/today...man, I love my family to death! (now you see where I get the hip hop bug from!) After the conversation, we brought in 2012 with more drinking and dancing.
Speaking of 2012, it has alot in store for my section so here's just a little teaser if you will:
New albums from:
1.Black Star
2.Kendrick Lamar
3.Fashawn
4.Jean Grae
5.Lazerbeak
and many more!
Trust, I've been doing some heavy research! So make sure you stay tuned!
Now I'd like to close this out with a new Big Pooh (of Little Brother) joint! First producer I thought of when I heard this was..well, maybe you can tell ME. ENJOY!!
See you guys next week, and from my plushy couch to your frumpy computer chair, Happy New Year!!
