Music's 3R’s 01.14.12: Love Is In The Air
Posted by Nick Krenn on 01.14.2012
From the latest on Beyonce and Jay-Z's baby drama and Ke$ha's shaved head to Steven Tyler's pro-FCC views, Paris Hilton recording a house music album and more, 411's Nick Krenn breaks down the Right, the wRong and the Ridiculous from the week in music!
Hello, I'm Nick Krenn, and I'm bringing you the newest edition of the most impolite 411mania column, Music 3R's, where I examine the Right, wRong, and Ridiculous in music, not to be confused with the excellent Love/Hate News Report written by John Downey. John talks about a certain baby being born, and I'll do the same in this column. Why? Because we see eye-to-eye on what's important in the music world. Also, be sure to read Chris Bell's column, 411 Music Ten Deep, where he counts down his most played albums on his iPod. Is there some Katy Perry on there? Um...no. Both Chris and John write for Earbuddy.net, a music site that I run outside of 411mania. Be sure to check it out.
When I'm not disparaging the careers of mainstream musicians in this column, I'm writing 411mania's least appreciated column, Major Bands, Minor Labels. While MBML is never a headliner for 411mania music news, I do relish the fact that it gets a crazy amount of Tweets. I've changed the format up from what I was doing. If you want to download some free tunes, I think you'll appreciate the changes.
This week's 3R's may as well be a Valentine's Day edition as it focuses on love – the love of parents, the love of ridiculous fashion styles, the love of censorship, and the love of horrible music genres. Enjoy!
Beyonce and Jay-Z Love Their Baby Girl (pt. 1)
So I guess the big story in the music world is that Beyonce and Jay-Z's baby girl was born. However, the announcement of their daughter's birth isn't that simple. No, this is the power couple of Jay-Z and Beyonce we're talking about, so there are plenty of sordid rumors (and perhaps truths) floating around about the couple's edition. But before getting to all that, I just want to say that I'm happy their child was born healthy.
And I'm sure their child will be thankful one day that she was born wealthy. Check out the pics of the baby nursery below.
Jackpot! My wife and I are currently expecting as well with our first son due in April. Our nursery…does not look like this! I've still got an elliptical sitting in the room. There's an old bed in there. The walls are currently painted chocolate. And while all of those things will be changed before my son is born, he's not getting something this good. If we had the money, he would probably have something like this. I think their daughter's nursery speaks to how excited they are about their first child.
So I hope that Blue Ivy (we'll get to her name later) takes all of this into consideration when she's older and is gracious for what she has. I know many of you probably think she's going to be a spoiled brat, but I think her raising an upbringing will keep that from happening. Jay-Z's never boasted about having lots of money…oh wait.
Steven Tyler Loves the FCC
Tired of censorship and the FCC's abuse of power when determining what is safe for us to view or hear? I know I am. Steven Tyler, on the other hand, is sounding as old as he looks in women's clothing. Tyler has offered legal counsel for the FCC as it faces scrutiny for its regulation policies that will culminate in a case heard by the Supreme Court.
There's a certain charm and passion and magic in not showing full-frontal nudity. It's really hot when you only show a little. I have (cursed on air) a couple times, because it is 2012. But an occasional swear word is different than a stream of them. If you start surfing channel to channel and you're on NBC and it's (expletive) and channel 4 and it's (expletive) and channel 7 and it's (expletive), it wouldn't be fun to surf.
Surf? Does anyone really surf anymore when we live in the age of Video On Demand? And yes, it would be fun for me if I was channel hopping and heard expletives everywhere, as long as it's on prime time, and I have the ability of keeping my child from watching it.
The FCC justifies its existence by playing parents for us. They argue that their regulations are due to children's likelihood in watching certain shows. Thankfully, the New York federal appeals court had the balls to step up to them and presented the FCC with the First Amendment in 2010. The more we hand over our own responsibilities to government agencies and organizations, the more we lose. Censoring language or creativity is stupid. It makes no sense.
For any word to be a "bad" word is stupid because it's a made up word that we gave meaning to. However, you shouldn't say that word because it's taboo??? What? It's still just a word! It's not doing harm to my body or corrupting my moral ethics. It's just fun to say and another way to express myself. People are just too sensitive.
Paris Hilton Loves House Music
A long time ago in this very column, I told you about Paris Hilton's plans to record a new album. Well, now Paris has revealed what type of genre the new recording will explore.
I have a huge passion for house music. It always has been my passion. I just haven't been able to focus on it, because I have been doing reality TV for so long now. I've been working on the album with lots of other top DJs for a while now and I think people will be really surprised. It's very modern and very catchy perfect party music.
You know why house music is the perfect party music? It's just a steady beat that drunken white girls can dance along to. No one pays attention to anyone singing in the song – most of the time it's a remixed version of another song, only the popular vocals are repeated a bazillion times. It plays to Hilton's strengths as a terrible singer as long as the right DJ is in there altering the vocals and making her sound more valuable than her net worth.
I don't see many clubs playing anything from the album once it's released, unless Paris Hilton is at the club dropping some coin. You'd be laughed at if you're a DJ, and you've got nothing else to throw on but Paris Hilton. The only thing that will surprise me about this album is that if it sells more than 1,000 copies.
Beyonce and Jay-Z Love Their Baby Girl (pt. 2)
While Blue Ivy had a decked out nursery built for her, Beyonce may have had some construction done for her delivery room according to recent claims from an insider at Lenox Hill Hospital.
"A month ago, [workers] tore down 6-8 rooms and turned them into 2 suites," said the insider, noting that the stars "paid to have it constructed just for them."
Apparently the delivery suites were fancy enough to have mahogany walls and marble floors. Okay, I'm joking about the marble floors. The special rooms were supposedly finished a month before the baby's birth but sat unused so that Beyonce could be the first person using them. Hmm…so are other women giving birth in these same rooms as well? I think you could look at this as a very generous donation made by Jay-Z and Beyonce to give the hospital some class if they're still using it.
Even with the fancy hospital accommodations, Beyonce and Jay-Z didn't linger around too long after Blue Ivy's birth. You see, normal people don't have to worry about paparazzi snapping pictures of their babies. And while you may not care if someone did take a picture of your baby and post it on a website, celebrities lose money when that happens. The first pictures of Blue Ivy are expected to garner as much as $1 million.
Concerned with protecting their investment, Beyonce and Jay-Z escaped Lenox Hill Hospital using an ingenious "military-like" exit. Are you thinking grappling hooks? Then you're fucking stupid. What really happened is that the couple slipped out from the hospital's back loading dock at 1:30 AM using more than one SUV with blacked-out windows. No one knows where the couple went once leaving the hospital, but no pictures were captured…at least not by the paparazzi.
Rapper and business entrepreneur 50 Cent got ahold of baby pics before anyone else and shared them for free via Twitter with a congratulatory message for the power couple.
He wrote: Y'all play too much congratulations to Jay-Z and Beyonce baby. Blue Ivy Carter is gorgeous.
And here are the pictures.
Yikes! As you may have guessed, Fiddy was just poking a little fun at the couple, superimposing Jigga's face on a baby's body. 50's made some comments about Jay-Z in the past including that Jay-Z was unknown before dating Beyonce, and 50 could steal him from her.
Besides the baby's unknown appearance, Blue Ivy's name is ripe for ridicule. I only say that if it's true that the name was derived from Beyonce and Jay-Z's albums. If not, then awesome coincidence. Much of the speculation of the child's name comes from fans posting on blogs and comments on Twitter.
Many believe that Ivy was chosen because of the number 4 – the Roman numeral being "IV". The number holds significance for the couple being that Beyonce's birthday is September 4th, Jay-Z's is December 4th, they got married on April 4th, have matching "IV" tattoo's on their wedding fingers, and Beyonce's last album was titled 4. Jim Carrey explores these same coincidences in the movie, The Number 4, coming to theaters on April 4th.
Fan speculation on the "Blue" part of the child's name comes from Jay-Z's three Blueprint albums. One fan tweeted, There's a meaning in Ivy Blue. IVy = a roman numeral for 4 which is Beyoncé's favorite number and BLUE for Jay-Z's Blueprint albums. Wow.
I hope that "Wow" was intended to mean, Wow, that is fucking stupid.. If not, then fans really idolize their favorite musicians a bit too much. If the baby was named after album titles, then it was done more to stroke their egos than out of love. I can get behind the name though considering that it's better than "Apple", but it's not that much better.
While some fans like the baby's name, others believe there's other meaning behind it, linking the child to both Satanists and the Illuminati. Twitter users have suggested that Blue stands for "Born Living Under Evil" and Ivy means "Illuminati's Very Youngest" or "Illuminati's Victorious Youth". The Illuminati talk stems from Jay-Z's rumored membership of the fabled secret society.
Aside from the Illuminati talk, some believe that the name is a reference to the devil. When spelled backwards, the name reads Elub Yvi, which many thought was Latin for "Lucifer's Daughter". Are you LOLing yet? The fine "journalists" over at E! news pointed out: In actuality, those letters joined together mean absolutely nothing, and certainly not Lucifer (as it happens, that is already a Latin word, so any translation would be redundant and result back in… Lucifer.).
Some people in North Carolina either believe this or think the whole thing is as ridiculous as me and chose to vandalize the Front of a North Carolina Church using the exterior sign's letters to write, "Beyonce had her baby. Satan is on Earth." Don't believe me. Here's the picture courtesy of TMZ.
Of course, the Church's pastor had to deny any involvement with the sign, removing the wording immediately after being notified. However, did anyone think the Church would really post this message? They're too busy promoting "Knee-Mail". Face the facts people. There is no evil hidden meaning behind the child's name. It's just a dumb name created while under the influence of the couple's vanity. A lot of you are reading a little too much into it. I'll grant you that it's absolutely hilarious, but let's get serious.
Blue Ivy does not have ties to the devil or the illuminati. She may not know that people are suggesting these false claims now, but one day when she's older, she may read how many imbeciles thought she was some kind of demon. Talk about self-esteem issues. She's already going to have to deal with parents more focused on their careers and celebrity. Quit giving her reasons to grow up and resort to rebellious years of drug abuse. Until you have a child…until you have a child…okay someone shoot me already.
Ke$ha Loves Shaving Her Head
Anyone think this is sexy?
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And that does it for this week. If you want to chat about the stories I covered here, follow me on Twitter @earbuddy or leave me some comments below. Let me know where this column falls under the 3R's – meaning for you to rate it as Right, wRong, or Ridiculous. I promise to change nothing. Also, be sure to read my other indie-music oriented column Major Bands, Minor Labels on 411mania. And especially don't forget to check out the great writing at my music site Earbuddy, outside of 411mania for greatindie music reviews. Thank you for reading the Music 3R's.
