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Music 3R’s 02.25.12: Chris Brown’s Siri-us Temper Tantrum
Posted by Nick Krenn on 02.25.2012



Hello, I'm Nick Krenn, and I'm bringing you the newest edition of the most impolite 411mania column, Music 3R's, where I examine the Right, wRong, and Ridiculous in music, not to be confused with the excellent Love/Hate News Report written by John Downey. John has given up swearing for Lent, so don't goad him into dropping the 'F' bomb. And let me throw out one more John Downey plug. His latest Own It or Disown It is a good fit for many of 411's readers. John discusses Cursive's Happy Hollow. This is actually my favorite Cursive album. Does John think it's still good? Read HERE to find out. Also, be sure to read Chris Bell's column, 411 Music Ten Deep, where he gives you many songs dealing with the emotions involved with the grieving process. Both Chris and John write for Earbuddy.net, a music site that I run outside of 411mania. Be sure to check it out.

When I'm not disparaging the careers of mainstream musicians in this column, I'm writing 411mania's least appreciated column, Major Bands, Minor Labels. I've changed the format up from what I was doing. If you want to download some free tunes, I think you'll appreciate the changes.

Let's look at some R's!




CASH Music Platform Reaches Its Kickstarter Goal



The CASH Music Platform is a new open source software that allows musicians, the actual people making the music, to make a 100% return in profit by eliminating all of the middle-men, like web designers, label heads, etc. CASH Music explains what they're doing the best in this simple statement:

We're building a totally free platform of tools for artists and labels to sell, share, and promote music directly to their fans. It's something we've been working on for a long time because we feel it's vital that all musicians have access to basic web tools that are free, open, and theirs to own.

While Bandcamp has given many artists a similar functionality, CASH Music's software doesn't leave them feeling insecure if Sony or another organization decides to come along and buy Bandcamp and pocket some of the revenue. CASH Music is set up as a nonprofit, so they can't be bought by another company. Their software is also open source, meaning that anyone can build upon the design to improve its functionality. The software also opens up valuable social integration options that Bandcamp simply doesn't allow, connecting the musicians with the fans.

And while it sounds like I'm shilling on behalf of CASH Music, they don't need my help. They reached their modest goal of $30,000 (no doubt funded by many musicians) within 72 hours and are sitting pretty at $40,000+. They also have until March 6th to keep adding to the fund. The overages will be spent directly on building and maintaining the hosted version of their tools — including connecting to third-party sites, increasing server capacity, support and new functionality.

If you're not familiar with Kickstarter programs, you give a little and you get awesome perks from the company or musician running the thing. If you want to check out some cool things that CASH Music is giving away, simply visit their Kickstarter below via the widget. Donations begin at $5.



Check out another video why artists are behind CASH Music below.

Kickstarter Update #2 from CASH Music on Vimeo.



And of course, you may be asking why I think this is good. Well, for one, it provides the artist the ability of what they choose to sell their music at. Without overhead costs, they can make a ton of money by selling their music at $3 to $5. Plus, there's the ability of connecting with the artists, letting them know what you thought about their live events, etc. Everyone should be behind this, and I hope that it works in the way that the developers have intended.








Whitney Houston's Funeral Does Massive Numbers



It seems strange that the media now feels the need to broadcast the funerals of major celebrities. I believe this started with Princess Diana's death, which was topped by Michael Jackson's funeral broadcast, and now we have Whitney Houston's funeral being added to the list. And guess what, it did major ratings. CNN drew 5 million viewers, Fox News pulled in 1.38 million, MSNBC drew 709K and 7.3 million people watched via Internet stream. These numbers do not top the King of Pop, now known as the King of Funerals, with Michael Jackson's number remaining unmatched at 31 million.

However, the part that's getting the most attention as offensive and disgusting is The National Enquirer choosing to run a photo of Whitney Houston's body inside an open casket on the publication's front page. The publication defended the photo by saying it's a "work of art", and the funeral home where the shot was taken is trying to put out a firestorm of allegations saying that they leaked the pic or provided The National Enquirer with the chance of taking it.

"We have no comment," said funeral home director Carolyn Whigham. "But it was not the funeral home... Whitney was a personal friend to me and my family. We would not do that... I am very angry, very upset, just like the family, just like the fans."

And I have an exclusive comment from a suitcase of money, "People enjoy my company a lot. So much that they often forget past friendships or relationships to be with me. I don't blame them. I can take them places, buy them stuff. What's a corpse going to do?"

That's some tough words from a whole lotta cash. I don't really understand the entire backlash against The National Enquirer. After all, why is their "cashing in" on the death of Whitney Houston any different than several news channels using the coverage as a ploy to grab ratings and sell their sponsors' products? It's no different. The National Enquirer is considered a tabloid though, so it has a negative perception. However, the sad thing is that CNN, Fox News and MSNBC have all become video tabloids themselves. Just remember the coverage they spent on Paris Hilton going to jail and being released. Yeah, that's important news there.

Funerals used to be private matters between families and close personal friends. Just because a celebrity dies, does not mean that fans should be appeased by given an all access pass to the grieving of people that actually knew the person. However, these televised funerals can't even get that right. Many "friends" of the deceased celebrity use it as a way to get PR, even tweeting while at the event. Why was Kevin Costner there? All he did was recollect memories of working with Whitney Houston during The Bodyguard. Did they actually spend any time together after 1991/1992 when the movie was popular?

Fans may disagree, but I think televised funerals are disrespectful unless it's what the deceased individual requested to occur upon their passing. There's no excuse for them to be turned into media circuses.







From Woman Beater to Phone Snatcher



Siri, who is Chris Brown?

Siri: Chris Brown is an asshole.

Chris Brown just can't keep himself out of the news since his Grammy performances and win for Best R&B Album that had many people scratching their heads over. I'm not going to go into the CM Punk angle, but I watched the video and he makes several good points about Brown not really paying for his crime. Chris Brown has stated that he's made amends for his violent actions by picking up trash and being a positive individual.

Yeah, positivity just corrects all bad behavior. That's why it stopped Chris Brown from snatching an iPhone away from a girl outside a Miami club that happened to snap a picture of him and Tyga getting inside his Bentley. OH, WAIT! His positivity didn't stop him from doing that?

Brown allegedly told the girl, "Bitch, you're not gonna put that on the Internet." Then he snatched the phone and drove away with it. The incident is currently under investigation by the Miami Beach PD after the girl filed a police report accusing Brown of "robbery by snatching." Well, not only is the Miami Beach PD looking into it, the District Attorney who prosecuted Brown for beating Rihanna also has his eyes on the matter. If it's determined to be true that Brown is guilty of stealing the phone, his probation could be revoked, and he could go to prison for four years.

However, we know the world isn't perfect enough for this to actually happen. Besides, Rihanna has pretty much forgiven Brown for treating her face like a punching bag, her fingers like sausages, and her neck like a joystick. There's even talk that the two could be getting back together despite their own friends telling them to keep apart. You might be saying, What about Brown's girlfriend that 411 posted pictures of a week ago, taking away from the creative content of the site – the actual columns written on a weekly basis by the writers? First, let me thank you for caring so much about our content. As for the other part of your question, Brown and his new girlfriend, Karrueche Tran, supposedly have an open relationship according to a "close source."

Karrueche isn't stupid, and she has told friends that they have an open relationship. She never asks him about Rihanna, ever. Chris will take several days to call her back at times, and that is OK with Karreuche. She doesn't pressure or hound Chris; it's just not what she is about. She recognizes that they are both young, and she isn't going to let the fact Chris is spending time with his ex-girlfriend come between what they have.

So she's pretty much his cover for banging Rihanna again because this would be horrible PR for Rihanna. They can't spin that in a positive light whatsoever. Look, the abused woman is back together with her tormentor, YAY! However, there are still plenty of girls interested in Brown, as baffling as that may be. I'm sure the one whose phone was snatched was also a fan of his. She probably feels differently now that she can't play Angry Birds.

Rihanna's Tina Turner look at the Grammys kind of makes sense now. She was paying homage to another singer that was relentlessly beaten by her lover. I'm personally all for Rihanna getting back together with Chris Brown. It saves other woman from knowing the same horror that Rihanna can apparently endure. However, she should not expect sympathy if this spoiled little boy decides to assault her once again.



Paris Hilton Presents "Drunk Text"



Do I even dare to call Paris Hilton a musician or artist? No. A long time ago when I was writing this column for Daniel Wilcox (while he was on a break), I featured a story talking about Hilton's return to music. Well, the day has come finally. Paris Hilton released a video for the single "Drunk Text" to her new album Living With VD that drops in a few months. Unfortunately, "Drunk Text" didn't last very long on YouTube or several other video sharing sites because it got pulled after several negative comments from bloggers and critics. Whether or not Paris Hilton's PR pulled the video has not been revealed, but I will say that they did.

You may be saying, I've got to see this thing, just because it's so horrible. And I might be able to show it to you granted that my video embed isn't removed. I'm posting it below, so if it shows up, then enjoy Hilton's spoken word atrocity. If the embed doesn't show up, use your own means of finding it.



Some words of wisdom in the song from Paris:

"If you take the word 'sex' and mix it with 'texting,' it's called 'sexting'/When you add drunk sexting, the words just don't make sense"

"It's a hot mess of misspelled obscenities, body parts and run-on questions/I'm not sure what he means to ask"

"Behind my eyes, I was begging for things my lips would never ask/And my mouth kept pouring desperate clauses of random intent."

More embarrassing is that Snoop Dogg and LMFAO will be appearing on the new album. Any of you Snoop Dogg and LMFAO fanboys excited about this? I didn't think so.



*********************

And that does it for this week. If you want to chat about the stories I covered here, follow me on Twitter @earbuddy or leave me some comments below. Let me know where this column falls under the 3R's – meaning for you to rate it as Right, wRong, or Ridiculous. I promise to change nothing. Also, be sure to read my other indie-music oriented column Major Bands, Minor Labels on 411mania. And especially don't forget to check out the great writing at my music site Earbuddy, outside of 411mania for greatindie music reviews. Thank you for reading the Music 3R's.





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