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 411mania » Music » Columns

Music’s 3Rs 05.06.13: Lil Wayne, P!nk, Slayer, More
Posted by Sean Comer on 05.06.2013


Vandelay Industries and 411mania.com present this week's Music's 3 Rs with limited suckitude and ZERO fucks-given-by-volume, brought to you by the Southern & Longmore Starbucks in scenic Mesa, AZ, Manic-Expression.com, The A.J. Grey Institute of Discount Journalism and the following...

Welcome back, one and all. I'm Sean. You're not. Remember, fellow Babies: I didn't break the news. It was that way when I got here. Believe me, I could say that about a LOT of things this week.

"Y'all gonna keep fuckin' around with me, and turn me back to the old me…"

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Mt. Dew, Lil Wayne, A Goat, Tyler the Creator and the Blow Struck to Stupidity
Oh, I could say scads about Mt. Dew, nonsensical advertising that doesn't so much make me want soda as offer burnt sacrifices of gratitude to my remote's "Mute" button, and how endorsement agreements with two rappers who have left leg-humping stains on the lowest-common denominator of the genre.

I could write a damn book, in no small part because I grew up with a father who every five minutes cursed the brand that inspired Futurama's glorious "Fry and the Slurm Factory" episode and its "EXTREEEEEEEMEINEEDSCISSORS61DESTRUCITYFTFW!!!~" advertisements with appeal akin to The Great Khali beating audiences upside the face with Yoko Ono.

Not a single blessed word that I could write would possibly say more with more efficacy than the following clip…

Rapper Tyler the Creator drew this ad up as a sequel to a previous spot in which the goat beat the sweet-and-sour piss out of the blonde waitress in the name of scoring some more Mountain Dew at a restaurant. Here's the thing: you will only find this ad online as uploaded by others or on YouTube news channels discussing the fact that PepsiCo yanked it from even being considered after it leaked and outrage sprang up deeming it racist and misogynistic.

All well and good that it's gone, but I can't help but notice an unfortunate drought of commentary by the junk-food giant that simply acknowledges "…And besides, we're not sure what Tyler the Creator was huffing when he story-boarded this, but whatever it is, we're pretty sure Man is not ready for its power." According to Billboard, Tyler declared that having the spot tossed out is "not gonna change [his] art in any way."

Oh, but PepsiCo wasn't quite through dispensing with the nunfuckery this week.

The brand also burned its bridge with Lil Wayne. The addled rapper recently made an attempt that could generously be called a "failure" by even "half-assed" standards at an "apology" to slain civil-rights martyr Emmett Till's family for a deplorable lyric spat on Atlanta rapper Future's "Karate Chop" remix earlier this year. Wayne announced to the world that he was going to "beat that pussy up like Emmett Till."

Put it this way: he wasn't using "pussy" as a synonym for cowardice.

More on that very, very shortly.

"His offensive references to a revered civil rights icon does not reflect the values of our brand," PepsiCo explained via statement Friday.

Good for PepsiCo, but here's where I wonder if a lesson has finally been learned here.

Tyler the Creator was already somewhat notorious among his peers for lyrics that some regard as particularly misogynistic or homophobic.

Lil Wayne is … I mean, he's … well, it's fucking Lil Wayne.

Even before this, there was the many-moons-ago flap when Ludacris was dropped after a tizzy over his "Move, Bitch (Get Out The Way)" lyrics.

Does NOBODY screen the potential endorsers?

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Pink Gives It to Fans Straight
No. I'm not doing that stupid exclamation-point thing.

That being said, Pink let some of her fans have it with both barrels this week when an ugly minority voiced their displeasure that the mother of a 2-year-old had taken ill amid a tour moving at a blistering pace.

I can sum this up succinctly before reprinting the statement in its entirety.

Alecia Moore and I would probably not get along famously as people, just based upon expressed ideological differences. That being said, I respect her immensely as an artist who's remained more true than many to her own imagining of her sound. Additionally, by all accounts, she delivers a high-energy, enthusiastic live performance. This isn't Bob Dylan or Billy Joel sitting at a piano for a few hours at a clip.

A fully satisfying Pink experience demands the very apex of her health, and she notoriously keeps herself in fighting trim.

All of that being acknowledged, Moore is also a human woman with a human woman's immune system. But I couldn't say it much better than she did…

To all of the fans/friends/people/ticket buyers from the Birmingham show that I had to cancel: and I say "had" because I had absolutely no choice in the matter, no control over the circumstances, and physically could not get my sick ass on stage, because of an ear infection and chest infection all at the same time, and even a doctor told me I could not go on stage wether I wanted to or not: To all of you:

I sincerely apologize, AGAIN, for any inconvenience this may have caused you. Sincerely. I actually rode by the venue, and saw some of you in line, and there was not a fucking thing I could do about any of it. Except cry. My heart was absolutely broken.

I am getting a lot of hate mail from some of you, not all. But to those of you that expect and feel entitled to perfection; Have a look at my track record- please- in general- for tours past. I have an incredible record. I do not cancel and I do not take it for granted how much trouble people go to- from spending hard earned money they don't have, to travel expenses and time and planning, etc. I take NOnE of it for granted, EVER. That's why I never phone it in. I go on stage and pour my fucking heart and body out on that stage. I ruin my body and my vocal chords, make myself sicker, come hell or high water. I don't lip sync, I don't rely on dancers to do my work for me. I try to put the best show on that I can, that any human being can, and I don't stop until I know you're happy.

I am a human being, therefore I am able to catch illness. It is beyond my control- and I can't apologize for that. And you know what I've been performing through the last week? ROTA virus. Look it up. I challenge any one of you to do what I do while sick with that. You couldn't do it.

The fact that I don't get the benefit of the doubt from you saddens me. There is no way I can make up this date. There isn't a way. And for any of you that believe in me, please know we did everything we could to try to make it happen. Everything. It's a logistical nightmare that is again, out of my control.

And guess what? I might actually get sick again on this tour. Can you imagine it? How dare I even think that? I have a two year old who is building her immune system by getting sick all over the place. And the fact that I even went on tour while being a full time mom is a miracle in itself.

The next time I schedule dates- ill have to say to myself- "if, God forbid I have to cancel one show, those fans will turn on me like rabid dogs and question the moral fabric of my character."

For the loyal and understanding fans- I am so so sorry if I've hurt you in any way. For the rest of you- Kindly kiss my entire almost back to healthy ass.

Love always, Alecia the human also known as p!nk

(NOTE: Reprinted courtesy of my good friend Amanda Dahling, who herself reprinted the message from Pink's own Facebook account)

There's a lesson that my dear friend Scarlett taught me not all that long ago: "Lend yourself to others, but give yourself to yourself." You serve nobody if you don't first look after your own well-being and best interests.

Good on Alecia Moore for realizing this.

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Justin Bieber Displays Rare Modicum of Respect
Nope. No catch. No jokes.

The little skid-mark on Mother Nature's panties actually made an admirable gesture.

As 411's own Jeremy Thomas reported earlier this week, Bieber shit-canned the kind of tantrums and prima-donna bullshit that's become his signature lately – such as, moaning that he's never coming back to England for…reasons – and twice stopped his concert this past week in Istanbul (Not Constantinople), Turkey.

He pressed "Pause" to allow his audience to acknowledge the Azan, the daily Islamic call to prayer.

Good move, that. It's nice to see him showing respect and a certain dignity in using his powers for good that more recently could be called "uncharacteristic" for the young canuck.

You get a cookie, you little spawn of Zack Morris. Don't SWAT me, and make me regret it. Vengeance is a dish best served with taquitos.

"I don't wanna fight, Jack, but you ain't ever right, you know you wRong…"

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Chris "Mac Daddy" Kelly: 1978-2013
Death…come on. One week. One. Fucking. Week. That's all I ask.

The hip-hop world this week lost one-half of a beloved novelty duo when Chris "Mack Daddy" Kelly – one half of ‘90s "Jump" rappers Kriss Kross – was found dead in his Atlanta home on May 1 at the age of 34.

According to friend of Kelly's who brought the rapper back to his home Tuesday night, Kelly had earlier in the evening taken a mixture of cocaine and heroin. Supposition since his passing has stated that revenue from a recent Kriss Kross reunion concert had plunged Kelly back into addiction that he'd battle throughout much of his adult life.

Producer Jermaine Dupri, who mentored both Kelly and Kriss Kross partner Chris "Daddy Mack" Smith, called Kelly "a son [he] never had."

Nope. No jokes about backwards clothing either. Because good taste, that's why.

For anybody, 34 years old is far too young, especially for someone who still had creativity within him. No less a celebrated rapper than Ludacris acknowledged that Kriss Kross were an early inspiration to dive into the music industry. Kelly and Murphy released three proper studio albums together, with their 1992 Totally Krossed Out debut being certified three-times Platinum in Canada and four-times platinum in the U.S. largely on the strength of their famous hit "Jump" and amusement at the pair's style of always wearing their clothes backwards.

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Jeff Hanneman: 1964-2013
I sincerely hope the Reaper has some clue just who he's now dealing with.

That's right, Babies – the Grim Reaper picked a fight with a god of death metal, and got in a lucky shot. Jeff Hanneman, co-founding guitarist of thrash-metal legends Slayer, died this week at 49 in Southern California. A recovering addict who'd previously kicked a cocaine-and-pills habit alongside Slayer vocalist and bassist Tom Araya, Hanneman had battle necrotizing fasciitis since 2011, a rotting of the skin from the inside out that Hanneman had reportedly contracted via spider bite. Reports have linked the skin disease to the liver failure that eventually killed him.

Born in Oakland, CA, Hanneman's war and military fascinations – as well as being the son of a World War II veteran and brother of Vietnam veterans – imbued Slayer's music with themes prevalent in much of the band's work during his active era as guitarist.

Hanneman's contributions to an iconic metal band simply can't be quantified. May Hell help the Reaper. If he had no idea who he was coming after in the first place, bet that he damn sure does now. Hanneman will truly be missed, and deserves 411mania's deepest respect.

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Deadheads against renaming Jerry Garcia-memorial ampitheater, keeping it viable
Yes, because it's better to just let a memorial venue go under entirely than to rename it and keep it viable.

Proving once more that hippies will never completely understand that, whether they like it or not, the world operates on a system of monetary exchanges, San Francisco Deadheads have started pitching bitch-fits at the prospect of renaming an ampitheater named after Grateful Dead founder Jerry Garcia.

Under the current proposal, the Jerry Garcia Ampitheater in Excelsior would be renamed "Levitt Pavilion San Francisco at Jerry Garcia Meadows". Located near where the late Garcia grew up, the venue currently seats 2,000 but hosts less than 10 events each year. On the other hand, Los Angeles nonprofit organization Levitt Pavilions seeks to renovate it and stage 50 free shows annually. The agreement would involve a public-private partnership for ownership of the outdoor stage.

Moaning dirt-hippies claim that if renamed, the venue would lose its aura of independence from commercial interests. Over 1,100 people – or just less than the venue's capacity – have signed an online petition against the name change.

Because, for want of what resembles sense, it's apparently sensible to just let a venue rot because you can't wrap your acid-addled mind around the fact that structures need maintenance and a nonprofit is willing to pony up the money without even charging for events.

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What? This doesn't bake your ziti? Oh, well. Your job's safe, A.J. Carry on, my doofy son...

Lil Wayne Doesn't Understand "Apology"
First off, you're just a tad late with this, aren't you, fuckmuffin?

Second, behold the statement that this ass-hat sent Till's family in "apology" for the above referenced lyric…

"It has come to my attention that lyrics from my contribution to a fellow artist's song has deeply offended your family. I would like to take a moment to acknowledge your hurt, as well as the letter you sent to me via your attorneys. As a father myself, I cannot imagine the pain that your family has had to endure."


For those who may not recognize Till's legacy right off the bat, Till is the 14-year-old Mississippi black teenager whose murder trial and open-casket funeral crystalized the violent cost of the civil rights movement after he was beaten, shot, disfigured and dumped in a river in 1955 when a white mob accused him of flirting with a white woman.

Yep, he equated that with sex.

"While it's commendable that he has vowed to respect the legacy of Emmett Till and his memory to ‘not use or reference Emmett Till or the Till family in his music,' this statement falls short of an apology, as none is mentioned," Airickca Gordon-Taylor, the Executive Director of the Mamie Till Mobley Memorial Foundation and Till Family Representative, responded on the family's behalf.

Don't expect one. The shithead has no clue whatsoever.

If that's an apology, then I'm A.J. Grey.

"Now, how could I possibly be inconspicuous when my flow is f***in' Ridiculous?"
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Wyclef Jean and the AK-47 Guitar
Because AK-47 guitar, that's fucking why.

The sun's comin' up…I'm ridin' with Lady Luck
Thanks for stopping in this week, Babies. Comment away if you disagree with me, as someone has apparently fractured a thumb hitting my "Mute" button. Keep your stick on the ice. I'm Sean. You're not. Never dull your colors for someone else's canvas.

Oh, one more thing…


The Sexy Women of Sin City

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