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 411mania » Music » Columns

The Savage Animal 08.14.13 R/P/S #1: Asshole Front Men
Posted by Mikey MiGo on 08.14.2013

" WWE Summerslam 2013 Preview": Summerslam just doesn't feel all that amazing to me this year. This are some interesting match-ups and it's looking like a lot of big storylines are juuuuust starting to hit the ground running. It just doesn't have a "big event" feel to it like Summerslams used to. Hopefully I'm wrong, but this show will probably end up being lackluster except for a match or moment or two.

CM Punk is going to throw a lot of ugly looking forearms at Brock Lesnar because THAT is totally believable. You want to get CLOSER to the monster to hit him. The dude needs to learn how to punch before he wants to call himself "Best In The World". Seriously. Look at his strikes. His forearms and kicks? Good stuff. Punches? Almost non-existent and when they do show up its weak looking. THAT is one of my many reasons this match doesn't work for me. Brock Lesnar wins.

Alberto Del Rio is a solid Heavyweight Champion. I see no reason why the always-awkward Christian should beat him. Kane and Bray Wyatt should be a lot of fun, but there is no way Kane is going to win this. Bray Wyatt via anything. Cody Rhodes and Damien Sandow are having a great feud! It's one of the highlights of the company at the moment. I'd love for it to keep going so I think Sandow steals the win and makes Cody chase him down. AJ is going to throw another tantrum and Big E. is going to quickly man-up and drop here because there is no way that Dolph Ziggler and Kaitlyn should lose. Ziggler is on too big of a run right now. He's RIIIIGHT there. I think they're grooming him for a potential Royal Rumble win, but that's months away.

Of course I'd LOVE to see Daniel Bryan defeat John Cena, but it's REALLY hard to bet against Cena. I've wanted him to lose a million times and it never happens. I'm going to get ballsy and say that after a long match John Cena will defeat Daniel Bryan and then Randy Orton will cash in on him. From there Orton is the heel front as Vince's ideal champion. We'll see. I just hope the show doesn't suck. Slumberslam 2013 coming from the Zzz Zzz Zzz Arena….

R/P/S #1: Asshole Front Men
Does It Rock? Look Good On Paper? Or Does It Make You Want to Stab Your Eardrums with Scissors?
With power comes responsibility. The front man of a band has the power of leading the band and the responsibility of not only vocals but conducting the crowd to their best ability. A great front man will be able to sing their ass off, rock out, and make you feel a part of the experience.
There is a dark side to the responsibilities of a front man as well. Sometimes the lifestyle, pressure, or whatever turns the rocker into an asshole. It doesn't automatically make them a "bad person" or anything, but who would we be kidding if we didn't all admit that the bigger the front man the bigger the asshole. It doesn't mean we have to turn them off.

That's part of it the "downfall" of the gig of a Rockstar or celebrity. You're always under scrutiny. Your life is out there for everyone to see. The questionable thing's a normal person does in private and never tells their closest friends about is a casual headline for these people on TMZ. Then if you're the lyricist your words and experiences are under the microscope for interpretation. I imagine at a certain level, you'd either have people trying to understand you or relate to you. Either way, you'd always be a forming opinion.

The thing we don't talk about is that if you make great music then all is forgiven. It's just the way it is. Tons of folks love John Lennon, but it's also said he was kind of an asshole. Hating on Bono and U2 has become a popular thing to do, but they still fill football stadiums and make impactful music. Fred Durst was an asshole and for a while people dug his music. Then the balance of asshole and music appreciation shifted and it was a downward spiral from there. Keeping that balance is key to a healthy career.

Today I'm going to put that to the test by using my own patented "Rock, Paper, Scissors" grading system! Translation: "this rocks!", "it looks good on paper!", and "it makes me want to stab my ear holes with scissors!" I'm going to take a look at a few of the more notorious asshole front men and give my personal take on if they're "Rock", "Paper", or "Scissors"…

Jim Morrison

Life: 1956-1973
Band(s): The Doors
Vs.: Florida Cops, TV Censors, etc.

For some reason it's cool to hate on Jim Morrison these days. The Doors was often considered one the greatest bands of all time, but out of nowhere a bunch of hipsters got together to decide to go after them. Apparently a lot of plaid wearing kids had alky dads and are taking it out on the ol' Lizard King instead of taking a look in the mirror. There's no other reason to hate on this guy. It's said he was a cool guy when sober, but when drunk he'd get outlandish, vulgar, and out of control. He got in legal trouble for exposure and pushed the envelope on many occasions. Regardless, he was marching to a beat of his own drummer. His lyrics are metaphorical masterpieces. You can nit-pick on some of the simplistic lines all day, but it's the emotive energy behind those words that gave them meaning. It's hard to call a dude "pretentious", when he's putting spins out there like "I eat more chicken than any man ever seen". Those are not the words of a douche bag. Those are words of a man who had stories.
1…2…3: ROCK


Life: 1959-
Band(s): The Smiths, Morrissey
Vs.: Whatever he feels like ranting about.

"The Pope of Mope" is a cool nickname, but Morrissey is doesn't only mope. He'll also gripe! He's always been someone that people say is "hard to get along with" to make it nice. He's such a sarcastic lyricist and opinionated guy that it's probably enthralling and annoying to hang out with him. In interviews he says A LOT of crazy things. He backs up his opinions in a well-spoken manner, but he goes off the deep end with ease. He's constantly dropping "controversial" nuggets in interviews and every few months or so he pops back up with a fun little "Look what that silly goose said this time!" kind of way. I like his music, but I don't think it merits the aggression.
1…2…3: PAPER

Courtney Love

Life: Darkness Has No Age!
Band(s): Hole
Vs.: Herself, The World

Courtney Love has had a pretty public career. We all know her personal history. Her love life, her drug problems, big train wreck moments, her impressive acting performances, and her decent times. There is tons of hate for her out there. People hate on her because her husband is gone, they hate her because she's ill with addiction, they hate her because she's outspoken and has train wreck moments. Her music IS aggressive and she's made an ass of herself many times. There have been times she's been flat out crazy. It's not even that I don't like Hole. They've had some decent songs and I've enjoyed their music from time to time. I just don't think it was THAT GOOD for her to have any justification to be that outlandish. The balance of art quality versus person quality is way off on this one.

Axl Rose

Life: 1962-
Band(s): Guns N' Roses, "Guns N' Roses"
Vs.: Guns N' Roses, The World

I value those albums too much to say "scissors". At that point in time, GNR was so big that he probably had no choice but to go crazy in a way to deal with it. Axl Rose was on top of the world for a while. When hair metal was on its way out, Guns N' Roses was that bridge between hair and grunge. Guns N' Roses was a GREAT band that halted entirely too soon. The reason? They could not get along! Millions, maybe even BILLIONS of dollars was basically burnt as millions of fans weep at the foot of the remains. Guns N' Roses had potential to be one of those "all-time great" bands. I think they should be in the discussion, but they could have set some records and set some pretty high plateaus. I'm thinking AT LEAST on a U2 level. But No. That says A LOT. By all accounts Slash and the rest of the original band are all cool guys and Axl is the crazy misunderstood artist with attitude and control problems. Axl has jumped into mosh pits to attack paparazzi members, he has gotten into fights, he spent a decade working on one album, and he is often in the headlines for randomness. I'd love for there to be a reassurance of Axl in the form a reunion tour and maybe even a new album. I don't anyone would complain about him coming on stage two hours late too much if he was joined by Slash, Izzy, Matt, etc.
1…2…3: PAPER

David Lee Roth

Life: 1953-
Band(s): Van Halen
Vs.: Van Halen

I dare anyone to say anything bad about "Diamond Dave". When I think of the band Van Halen, I refuse to not think about DLR at the front. He's not even a Van Halen, but for me he's always going to be THAT band. Those old songs, videos, and antics were so much fun to grow up on. I'm always going to remember his award show line that I think was "it's not if you win or lose, but how look while playing the game". That kind of fun attitude sets a great example. I never got the hate for him. He's always been a little loud and out there, but I think that's the charm that pays the bills. I have a hard time blaming this guy for Van Halen becoming the boring band it became. He would go on to become a paramedic because he wanted to. I recently heard that he went to Japan because he wanted to learn how to sword fight. So for the past year he has been living there and training. Who does that!? David Lee Roth, that's who!
1…2…3: ROCK

Liam Gallagher

Life: 1972-
Band(s): Oasis, etc.
Vs.: His Brother, Jay Z, The World

John Lennon much? I never liked Oasis. They have two or three singles that were really good, but I never thought they deserved any of the hype or acclaim they got. Hell, one UK poll claims that this guy is the "greatest frontman of all time". Wow! That's a bit of an overstatement. I respect the man's art and his fan base is obviously a dedicated bunch. He's just a jerk. He was constantly being a dick towards his brother and band mates. He would throw random bullshit quips out there about things he didn't know about. A few years ago, there was some bullshit about him being a whiney child about Jay Z headlining a music festival. It's just a constant flow of bullshit from this guy's mouth and not nearly enough "Champaign Supernova".

Scott Weiland

Life: 1967-
Band(s): Stone Temple Pilots, Velvet Revolver
Vs.: Himself, Bandmates

Scott Weiland is such a great vocalist and musician. I've always been a big fan of Stone Temple Pilots and then when he went on with Velvet Revolver I was into that too. He's got a great voice and his stage presence is a natural draw. His history with drugs has been a long and bad one with rehab and some serious scares. He could have very easily gone off the deep end many times. He's an addict and I'm sure works at it every day he can. I don't know if it's a direct effect of the drugs, but I doubt it because it happens when he's reportedly clean as well. His band mates just can't get along with him. He always puts it out there as if he's not in the wrong and they're the ones being mean to him. At first you want to believe him because he's a charismatic guy, but then you have to think about it for a few minutes. Why does this KEEP happening? Are Stone Temple Pilots and Velvet Revolver all irrational about their expectations of this guy? I find that hard to believe. As cool as he seems on stage, there has to be some issues. Sucky.
1…2…3: PAPER


Life: 1960-
Band(s): U2
Vs.: Cynical Folk, Poverty, Sunlight

Here's where I lose everyone. Bono is hated. He's a bit outspoken and pretentious. He's obnoxious about his philanthropy to the point where people are annoyed by him. He's really pushy about it and he's so over the top with it that it almost comes off like he's mocking you. I don't think that's REALLY the case. The guy has great intentions and wants to make the world a better place. I think his ego is part of the artillery he has to use to accomplish those things. At the end of the day, I KNOW it sounds cliché, but I'm sure he cares more about an African child being fed than some fat nerd thinking he's over reaching his charities. On top of that, he's one of the best front men ever. He's got an electric energy to him that really compliments the music of the band he's been with for a million years now. U2 consistently makes relevant and important music. Until that stops, I don't care how many times he asks for donations.
1…2…3: ROCK

Who is YOUR favorite asshole frontman?

"Mike Goodpaster's Unpaid Programming"


I really wanted to see this movie. The poster and trailer made me assume that Steve Carell and Jim Carrey were costars and that the awesome Steve Buscemi would be there for support. The movie isn't exactly like that. It centers around Carell and Buscemi, two long-time friends and Vegas magicians. Their act is getting old and they break up in the midst of trying to compete with the "flashy" magician on the scene that's a parody of something between David Blaine and Cris Angel. This guy is played by Jim Carrey. I've always been a big fan of Jim Carrey. I like his old silly stuff, his drama work, and his general camera presence. He is probably the most underrated A-list actor out there. Of course that sounds like an oxymoron, but by that I mean he IS successful but I think his actual chops are slept on. It just felt like Jim Carrey and Steve Carell were in two separate movies. The tone of the movie was really odd. The general narrative wants the viewer to cheer on Carell, care about Buscemi, and dislike Jim Carrey. Instead I found myself being annoyed by Steve Carell, wondering when Steve Buscemi would get something cool to do, and enjoying Jim Carrey chew up scenery. Carrey's side of the movie was almost like a dark comedy and then Carell's side almost felt like a clean cut PG comedy. Then the tone of the movie overall was just a rollercoaster. By the middle of the movie I just stopped caring. You watch movies like this to distract you and to laugh. Sadly, I needed a distraction from the movie and didn't laugh much at all. It was just a really awkward movie. I love the director, Don Scardino. I love the cast and the idea of mocking magicians is great. This movie just didn't work. Maybe I'll watch it again in the future and my opinion will change, but after a first impression I was left in a sleepy daze. Judge for yourself and tell me why I'm wrong. Like I said, I did want to like this. C

"Worst Case Scenario" is a new take on the concept of "fantasy booking". For years professional wrestling fans would spend endless hours of thinking up the coolest things that could happen. Why waste the energy? This only leads to high expectations. "Worst Case Scenario" flips that. Instead of looking through rose colored glasses, let's take a bi-weekly look at the worst possible scenarios in professional wrestling. I'm not going to be malicious or anything too mean, but I will not refrain from letting my brain come up with the worst possible shit I can. Sadly, it seems the writers and producers of mainstream TV wrestling and the mainstream iPPV level indies are doing the same thing but charging us for it. And now…

"WWE's New Health Measures!"

The world of professional sports is an ever evolving one. The stat leaders and record holders constantly see new athletes show up and take their glory and place in history. It's one of the coolest things about sports. Being able to see someone set a new record and blazing new trails is always fun. It's all about the milestones and memories.

Another aspect that keeps evolving in sports is the health measures. Steroid testing and drug testing happens in all major league sports. Professional basketball, football, baseball, and hockey have all adapted their rules and regulations to make it safer for their athletes to perform. It ensures people don't get killed in the game and it sets a good example for the kids who play the sports at home and at school. It's only natural that professional wrestling would change with the times as well.

Over the past few decades or so the WWE has gone from TV-14 to being a PG product for children. Plenty of moves have been "banned" from being used that longtime fans have grown up on. This means pile drivers, chair shots to head, blood, and excessive violence is now frowned upon. It sucks, but it DOES help the performers last longer. I'm all for preservation, but I still miss the old style. I don't see any reason these things couldn't be used to very special occasions to make a story seem that much more important. I just wish the possibility was still there for us to ponder "What If" about while watching. It restricts the imagination and makes a choreographed production look even more staged.

There is no reason to think this is going to change. If anything it'll change for the worse. I again want to say I don't want anyone to EVER get hurt and I'd love for everyone in wrestling to live long natural lives. But where does it end? The illusion of violence and a battle is being watered down every year in the WWE. It's only going to get worse.

I could see specialized sparring gloves becoming mandatory for all wrestlers to make sure someone really gets hit by another man's knuckle. Maybe they could institute a round system like boxing or MMA. WWE matches will consist of three rounds of 2 minutes each. Of course title matches will get 3 minute rounds.

Promos will change. People will get into feuds and apologize before ANYTHING happens in the ring. Imagine wrestlers trying to sincerely apologize to each other after disagreements. It would be so heartwarming. If there isn't a positive moral ending to every episode of Monday Night Raw then the company refunds the money. It's a guaranteed, feel good, and safe experience for the entire family!

How long before the WWE institutes EXTRA padding? The turn post, the stairs, and even the ringside tapes will all be covered in thick padding. The ropes, ring, and outside mats would be covered in EXTRA padding as well. It would be one big moon bounce where people chain wrestle with painful smiles on their faces the entire time until both men are declared co-winner of the WWE Anti-Bully Championship.

Yes, the WWE will eventually unify the WWE and World Title and call it the "WWE Anti-Bullying Championship".

You can only win by doing good deeds!


The last time Metallica put out a "film" it was their documentary. In this documentary they displayed that they are metal head divas, they cry a lot, and they have a lot of issues. It was seeing a little far behind the curtain. As soon as I heard they were putting something new out, I got nervous. I'm already past caring about Metallica, but that doesn't mean I want to see them make their legacy even more of a faded glory. This is a "concept concert film". They use their live footage intertwined with a "surreal adventure" where a dude is on a crazy action packed "mission". It looks "trippy" and "cool" and it's obviously made for IMAX and 3D. I could see being stoned and big Metallica fan and going to see the IMAX 3D experience if you have nothing else to do. But who in their right mind would want to watch this on any other platform? Yikes.

That's all for now! I am beat. I am adjusting to a new schedule. I don't have a whole lot to update on. All things are moving forward. I'm dusting off some classics and looking at what I do. I have a lot of thinking to do. Next week could be anything. I could cover the album cover history of Michael Jackson, the videography of one of the most hated successful rock bands of the late 90's, or I unleash the top 20 Front Men Under 40. Regardless, I'm sure the topic will be ganked and used by others in no time. My brain is mush. Until next time… Have a Great Week!


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