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 411mania » Music » Columns

411 Music Ten Deep 09.04.13: The Top 10 Worst Songs of the Summer
Posted by Sean Walker on 09.04.2013

Hello everyone! Welcome to my second edition of the Ten Deep. Due to technical delays (Church ruined my technology, don't ask) I had to postpone this column. However I'm back and ready to start posting once again. Because of my lack of technology, I was unable to make a new headline photo. I guess I'll stick to the crappy one above.

The summer is over and it's time for fall, which is typically a great season for music. However before I'm going to go ahead and warn you right now. This column will feature some of the crappiest songs released this year. After listening through hundreds of songs this year, I've sorted out ten of the most absolutely delightful ones, and decided to share these gems with you, my viewing audience. Please note that the ranking for this particular edition does not matter, as each song is equally horrible. Let's get started with this pile of filth.

The Top Ten Worst Songs of the Summer

10. Avril Lavigne - "Here's to Never Growing Up"

I actually feel a little sorry for Avril. She's been trying to cling to relevancy for six years and has done a poor attempt at doing so.Goodbye Lullaby flopped miserably and her next release is on course to do the same. This song is an obvious attempt at pandering to the lowest common denominator. It songs like a carbon copy of her own song Complicated, which was released 10 years ago. It doesn't help that veteran ear rapist, Chad Kroeger helped write this travesty. I do however give her brownie points for name-dropping Radiohead.

9.Austin Mahone - "What About Love"

History is doomed to repeat itself. This time history has repeated Justin Bieber, and it did it terribly. Austin Mahone's 15 minutes have officially started. In what is a shitty callback to the 90s teen pop era mixed in with this generation's shitty dance pop era, Mahone manages to sound like ‘Nsync and Bieber at the same time. Girls will swoon over him. Boys will groan at him. Mothers will irresponsibly buy his CD for their 12 year olds. Rinse and Repeat. On to the next one.

8.Icona Pop – "I Love It"

We're only three songs in ladies and gentlemen, and i feel my head numbing just from thinking about these songs. This song is incredibly repetitive and excruciatingly generic. Sweden has a history of making great pop music. Robyn is a fine example of this (Body Talk is one the greatest albums of the decade.) I just don't get how this song could be even mildly successful. There is no depth to it whatsoever. These kinds of songs are meant to be kept in the clubs. Next!

7.Ariana Grande – "The Way"

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Historically speaking, artists who even remotely sound like Mariah Carey flop. Leona Lewis, who had a great debut, flopped on her sophomore album. What makes this song so irritating, besides it good vibes, is the fact that she 100% copied Carey's formula without leaving any personality for herself. I swear i thought that this was Mariah Carey when i first heard the song play on radio. If this is indeed the future of pop music then may Gandhi help us all.

6.Florida Georgia Line – "Cruise"

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I watched a video on YouTube, saying this isn't a country song, but a rap song. It got me thinking....he was absolutely right. The song follows the checklist to a tee. Cars? Check. Girls? check. Clothes? You betcha. The remix features Nelly who beats this song over the head with even more stereotypical rap. Their album has just crossed the million mark. (why?) I don't understand how this could even be classified as country. Johnny Cash is country. Toby Keith is country. Taylor Swift, to a certain extent, is country. This is NOT country, and shouldn't be classified as such.

5.Selena Gomez – "Come & Get It"

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Whenever a pop star breaks the ‘Disney mold' I typically give them a chance to prove that they could actually be worth something. Some have proven that they can be international artist (Christina Aguilera, Justin Timberlake) and some have proven to be shit (Britney Spears, The Jonas Brothers). The song is auto-tuned dance pop generic shit. I don't get why little girls are singing this when it is basically a prelude to sex. Stars Dance in general was an awful album. Of course this will sell a lot because it's catchy, and you can nod your head to it. That is if you aren't brain dead by the time the song is finished.

4.Major Lazer Featuring Bruno Mars, Tyga & Mystic - "Bubble Butt"

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This is terrible. Tyga and Miguel, who are great artists in their own right, are horrible in this song. I remember Major Lazer having a decent song on No Doubt's "Push and Shove" back in 2012, but what the hell happened here? It's like they purposely made it their mission to write, produce and perform one of the worst songs possible. I can't believe this song actually gets airplay when other great R&B gems receive none. Were they all high when they were in the studio? If so, I can totally justify them all making a song of this caliber. Still, who in the hell thought it was a great idea to release it. This song is groan-inducingly bad. But due to personal bias, it doesn't make it to number one.

3.Flo Rida featuring Pitbull – "Can't Believe It"

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This originally wasn't supposed to be on the list. However, thanks to the wonderful music /movie/everything else reporter Jeremy Thomas, it makes a pretty high appearance. I didn't even know this song existed until I did the Buy or Sell. I've only heard this song this once and I plan on keeping it that way. This is the second ass song to make the list. That should tell you something. You should never pair up the two guys who are known for "Party Rap." It just wouldn't create world peace. Hell if they add LMFAO to the inevitable remix and create a song that would go down as the worst song of all time. P.S. Whoever bought this song should feel VERY proud of themselves.

2.Macklemore & Lewis "Can't Hold us"

I feel that Macklemore is one of the worst rapper of the last 10 years. Not only bad but overrated. This song has commercial written all over it. Ryan Lewis has made some decent productions, but this is hideous. Macklemore has one of the worst flows ever. The hook is passable at best. The video gave me a massive headache. This generation alone has seen terrible rappers emerge for whatever reason. (2 Chainz, A$AP Rocky, Chief Keef, etc.)

1.Chris Brown – "Fine China"

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First off, let me just say that I tend to separate artists lives from their music. This ‘artist' (I use that term loosely) is a no piece of shit. Now I could be beating the horse with traumatic injuries (I'm moderately Cajun, leave me alone), but what would be the point? Before he beat up Tina-lite (need I explain?), Brown stain's music was mediocre forgettable teen-pop. When he beat up the sultry lizard, Shitwipe's music somehow got progressively worse. "F.A.M.E." and "Fortune" were each brutal in their own right. Where I'm from, Ass juice is still very popular. I don't get it. He's one of the primary reasons that R&B and Hip Hop has critically (and in some cases, commercially) declined. If he is indeed retiring then good riddance; now on to the song. It is terrible and lyrically wrong. Listening to Brown compare women to fine china is cringe worthy. Again I'm beating a dead horse here, but history can't just be swept under the rug. You are indeed a dangerous man for all the wrong reasons. You're like a cancer that easily has a cure. It breaks my heart to see young girls clamor for this man for who he portrays to be. A douche bag. Do me one favor Brown. Go Ike yourself.

That's all for this week! Did I miss any tragedy to the art form? Comment below and I'll see you guys next week!


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