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The Savage Animal 10.02.13 Top 20 Non-Music Rockstars! (20-11)
Posted by Mikey MiGo on 10.02.2013

"WWE Battleground 2013 Preview": I don't have a whole lot to say about this one. Night of Champions was so lack luster that it just about wiped out my interest in the WWE. Right now I'm only even talking about it out of habit. I watched a few minutes of RAW here and there over the past month. There is always a good match or two worth checking out, but all in all it's just not fun to watch anymore.

Does this not feel a little strange? Of course the WWE can say "we gave you smarks what you wanted, we pushed Daniel Bryan!" but it almost feels like sabotage. He is constantly buried and no matter how amazing of a performer he is, it doesn't seem like he's getting his heat back. There is just no vulnerability in the McMahon/Triple H side of things. Watching the product now is almost a masochistic tease. I want to see Daniel Bryan in good feuds with wrestlers, not with the establishment. I want to see Dolph Ziggler in a featured role in the company. I want to see The Shield get past the upper mid-card sooner than later. I don't think these "wants" are too outrageous. This big angle they're running just feels soulless and lacks substance no matter how "original" Triple H's "spin on it" isn't. I have no reason to think Randy Orton will win fairly. I think the only logical idea is one my friend brought up recently in a ramble. He thinks that Daniel Bryan could keep winning the belt in strange circumstances and keep getting stripped of it. I'm going with that idea. Daniel Bryan wins.

Alberto and RVD's storyline is kind of lame and has no legs, but their matches and in-ring chemistry is solid as anything in the company right now. I thought their last PPV match was solid, but could have been a lot better. They get to do it again, this time with Hardcore Rules, and I could see the big title switch here. Rob Van Dam walks out the NEW World Heavyweight Champion… but not really. It's a hardcore match so weapons and chaos SHOULD occur. This would make the most sense for Sandow to cash in on unless they're going to wait a few more months.

The CM Punk/Ryback stuff is a lot more interesting than the Punk/Axel stuff. Unless they plan on repackaging Ryback or he pissed someone off, I can't see him losing. This storyline is obviously going last until at least Survivor Series so there is more to be unfolded. If CM Punk dominates then the story is over or Paul has to find ANOTHER person to manage. So Ryback wins.

The Shield is taking on The Rhodes. That's the rumor at least at this point. I'd much rather watch the two sons team up against the Tag Champions and then Ambrose and Dolph getting their blow off match. I won't make any predictions on matches that aren't announced. I just really hope the undercard has some strength behind it. Maybe a Miz vs. Big Show, Kofi vs. someone, and a few other solid match-ups to fill it out. They need to do something. The next show is Hell in a Cell so obviously they will have to leave some open ends here so they can make their big match make sense. It'll be interesting to see how predictable and run of the mill this show is. It's getting easier and easier to watch Monday Night Football these days…

Top 20 Non-Music Rockstars! (20-11)
Rockstar Status: Achieved!
What IS a "Rockstar"? The definition and criteria isn't as black and white as you'd think. The general idea of using the label "Rockstar" was reserved for someone who's in a rock and roll band. That has certainly changed.

The modern Rockstar lives their lives out to the beat of their own drum. They aren't just one lump group of people. You can't really make out criteria for a made-up label like this. It's being larger than life. It's having style. It's rebellion. It's trashed dressing rooms. It's a little too much make up. It's a black eye in court. A Rockstar can be pretentious and get away with it, in fact it's embraced. It's the chanting stadiums, crying girls, and questionable habits. There is danger, passion, and a lust for life. It's not just a fight for your right to party, but a constant war.

It's all of these things, a few of these things, and none of these things all at the same time. In acting, it's called "stage presence". In professional wrestling, it's "ring presence". It's owning your realm and appearing to be so comfortable in your own skin that people have no choice but to be drawn to you.

There are many factors that go into it. Some people just have an "it factor" to them that make them tick a certain way. Today I'm going to take a look at the first half of my top twenty "non-music Rockstars". These are people who fit the bill as a "Rockstar", but do not make music.
Without any further ado, here's my list…

20. Criss Angel

[Day Job: Magician]
This one was hard to accept. I was never one to hate on this guy. I know a lot of people are quick to mock the dude for his over the top dramatics and potential douche-baggery. The truth of the matter is that Criss Angel is a rockstar magician. I appreciate the art and skills of other comedians much more (Penn and Teller!), but Angel has style. He gets the Nickelback, NASCAR, and Hot Topic crowd and does well with it. He has a musical past as well. He recorded some music and was always hanging out with other rockstars on his show. And let's be honest, this dude accessorizes more than most hookers.

19. Drew Barrymore

[Day Job: Actress]
Drew Barrymore is a rockstar for a few reasons. She has a cool free spirit attitude and has always had style. The personality we've been exposed to of hers is just fun. Then on the darker side of it, Drew has a shaky past. As a child actress Drew sadly got into drugs, alcohol, and partying at a young age but luckily she'd get past it and grow into an awesome upstanding lady…. that can still rock.

18. Marc Maron

[Day Job: Comedian/Podcaster]
If "DIY" is rock and roll then Marc Maron is a rockstar. Marc Maron won comedy. He's been a stand-up comedian for years. He was always funny and had an interesting introspective attitude, but he also rubbed people the wrong way. For whatever reason, and there seems to be many, he didn't seem to get along with his peers. Eventually he was backed into a wall and decided to try podcasting. Fast-forward a few years and he's one of the pioneers of comedy podcasting, he has his own IFC tv show, he's always on the road, and he's pretty much forced people to respect and acknowledge him. He gets to interview people he looked up to, old friends, new friends, and even people he's "iffy at best" with. The dude has more issues than National Geographic and every Monday and Thursday I'm downloading the next installment.

17. Mike Tyson

[Day Job: Boxer, Performer]
Mike Tyson has been to prison, has bitten off a man's ear in front of millions, has sung Phil Collins in one of the most popular comedy movies of all time, has a huge ass tattoo on HIS FACE, and oh, by the way, he's one of the greatest boxers of all time. Mike Tyson is a unique cat. For better or for worse, Mike Tyson has lived one of the most interesting and eventful lives in the past thirty or so years.

16. Mickey Rourke

[Day Job: Actor]
Mickey Rourke gives no fucks. This guy's career has been a rollercoaster, but one consistent part of it has been the realness of the guy. He has a rockstar style. If you didn't know any better you'd think he was an old rockstar that got into acting when he did "The Wrestler". But a wiser man would know the classic acting work he put out in the 80s. Then he just got into boxing, drugs, and tons of bad stuff. He's mess up his face with the boxing and would have to get surgery to fix him up. That would normally stop a career, but Rourke just kept moving forward. The same as ever.

15. Andrew Dice Clay

[Day Job: Comedian, Actor]
They say "comedians want to be musicians and musicians want to be rockstars. Andrew Dice Clay pulled off getting his cake and eating it too. I guess in Dice's case, you could say he ate "something else" and got it too. The man is a legend. His over the top personality was HUGE in the 80's and 90's. His stand up work was different and brought a fresh take to things. He's almost like a professional wrestling character with his costume, catch phrases, intimidating appearance, and great crowd work. He's had movies, been on TV, and has been part of pop culture for years. He's recently showing up more and more and seems to be getting a much deserved and matured second wind. The dude SOLD OUT Madison Square Garden two nights in a row. The Knicks can barely do that.

14. Lindsay Lohan

[Day Job: Actress]
What is there to say about Lindsay Lohan that hasn't already been said. I heard the United States postal service is giving Lindsay her own postage stamp. You lick it and get herpes, you try to send it away and it crashes your car. Despite being a pretty damn good actress when she tries, she's famous for being a train wreck. She has partied with the best of them, has gotten in and out of a lot of sticky legal trouble, she has style, and she just doesn't seem to care about where this is all heading. I think we're all cheering for her to not be a non-musician rockstar with a tragic ending. We've definitely had plenty of those throughout history.

13. Brad Pitt

[Day Job: Actor]
Brad Pitt is just a bad ass. He is at the point in his career that he can pretty much get away with anything. He can make really ridiculous cologne commercials and sub-par movies and still get a pass with most people. He has also been in some great movies and had some of the coolest performances in modern cinema. He has a rockstar style and a mystique to him that makes him a natural draw for people. He's maturing and not as rebellious as he's been in the past, but again… he gets a pass. For crying out loud, the man is Tyler Durden! There are rules here I can't talk about.

12. Winona Ryder

[Day Job: Actress]
Winona Ryder is cooler than pretty much everyone. She's naturally charming and really talented. She takes on interesting and cool movie roles and doesn't seem to take herself too seriously. Her style is apparent. From her teenage years to now, she's always doing her own thing while still being past the cutting edge. And then there are her legal issues. She had a whole legal issue over shoplifting in the early 00's. If someone makes a "FREE WINONA" shirt, then that means Winona is a rockstar. It's simple math.

11. Howard Stern

[Day Job: Host]
How could anyone dare say that Howard Stern is NOT a Rockstar? The man basically reinvented the radio wheel with his show. For years he pushed the limits on free speech and was a great frontman for the cause. He's been known for controversy, has a rockstar style, a good bio-pic that needs a sequel, and he has a die-hard fan base that would probably kill for him. When you're fired from more radio stations than most rockstars even get played on then you're worthy of the nickname "King of a media"

If any of these celebrities are reading, let's party!

Next week: The Top 10!
Who do YOU think will among the Top 10 non-music Rockstars?

"Mike Goodpaster's Unpaid Programming"


Pawn Shop Chronicles is a dark comedy that centers on a rundown southern pawn shop. Two old timer pawn workers hang out in the shop as a variety of characters show up to pawn stuff. They break up the "chronicles" into a few segments. The great ensemble cast is made up of Matt Dillon, Brendan Fraser, Vincent D'Onofrio, Chi McBride, Elijah Wood, DJ Qualls, Keven Rankin, Paul Walker, Lukas Haas, Thomas Jane, and the amazing and beautiful Rachelle Lefevre. I was surprised to see Ashlee Simpson show up. She did pretty good in the small role she had, but then I saw "Joe Simpson" listed as one of the producers at the end and felt like I was movie date-raped. Joe Simpson is now allowed to be connected to my entertainment choices. We follow a group of redneck meth addicts who are too screwed up to function but still manage to keep going in pursuit of drugs and money for drugs. Another segment sees a newly-wed couple come in and the husband gets caught up in a very crazy plot of finding out where his formerly thought of as dead wife is. This plot gets crazier and crazier. We also follow the route of a failing Elvis impersonator who is down on his luck and contemplates a deal he can't refuse. I don't want to get too deep into the plots. Watching it all unfold and connect together is part of the fun. This movie far from perfect. The tone is a rollercoaster of stupid funny to bizarre funny to uncomfortable funny. Luckily the on-going trend is "funny". The best segment and most enthralling part of the movie is the second segment with the husband. I'd probably not watch this movie again unless I'm showing it to someone. There was nothing about it that made me watch to re-watch it. It was like a hillbilly version of Pulp Fiction, minus the magnitude of greatness. The performances were good and the story was fun, but there was nothing too amazing to hang my hat on. It's a fine little indie dark comedy with a solid cast. I'd recommend it, but with minimal expectations. I went into not knowing much and was pleasantly surprised and shocked. Give it a shot on a Sunday afternoon sometime. B-

"Worst Case Scenario" is a new take on the concept of "fantasy booking". For years professional wrestling fans would spend endless hours of thinking up the coolest things that could happen. Why waste the energy? This only leads to high expectations. "Worst Case Scenario" flips that. Instead of looking through rose colored glasses, let's take a bi-weekly look at the worst possible scenarios in professional wrestling. I'm not going to be malicious or anything too mean, but I will not refrain from letting my brain come up with the worst possible shit I can. Sadly, it seems the writers and producers of mainstream TV wrestling and the mainstream iPPV level indies are doing the same thing but charging us for it. And now…

"The McMahon Coliseum!"

Eventually they'll run out of ideas. They'll need a big huge event to draw in the crowds and buy rates. Eventually the storylines won't work anymore and the characters won't draw. Things go in a cycle, but for that to happen there has to be a "down time" part of it. This would have to be the worst possible "down time".

Imagine The McMahon Coliseum! Say Wrestlemania 35 or so. We'll give the current life as we know it in wrestling get some more time. For Wrestlemania 35, we'll have to go with the idea that no one cares anymore. The arena would be set up like the coliseum. The McMahon family would sit in a very well lit and fancy sky box.

Then the matches would be called out at random. It wouldn't be as hokey as a spin the wheel scenario because the weeks leading up to it would involve "Qualifying Matches". So we'd have to make sure all of the biggest stars are involved. So when the McMahons call out for a random battle it's AT LEAST involving the cream of the crop.

There are no rules to these matches. It's ALL Last Man Standing. The 10 count can only be administered after the McMahons give the very dramatic and symbolic "Thumbs Down" to wrestler. From that point on, it's "sudden death".

If the McMahons choose, they can decide what weapons are included. I would also institute what I'm going to call the "Night at the Apollo" rule. If the crowd starts chanting "boring" and not getting into the McMahons should send in enforcers to end it and put the crowd out of its misery.

At the end of the night, whoever is left standing is forced to enter the coliseum one more time. The final survivor is deemed the ‘Champion of Champions' and has to marry Stephanie McMahon.

It's basically, the McMahon Thunder Dome… but with columns and lions!

"About Time"

I'm a huge sucker for time travel movies. The concept has always been awesome and since "Back to the Future" and "Bill and Teds", it's been something I'll watch no matter what. There are some bad time travel movies, but you just have to gut it out. At the same time, I'm not a shame to admit that I'm a sucker for good romantic comedies, especially the English ones like "Love, Actually". All of that comes together in this movie. Domhnall Gleeson is told by his father, Bill Nighy, that the men in his family can time travel. Hilarity and love ensues. The concept is cool off the bat, but then we factor in that the love interest is the lovely Rachel McAdams. He uses the time traveling to woo her, give her the perfect proposal, and to save their relationship. I'm not expecting this movie to blow up huge or change the world, but I'm interested in checking it out. This could easily be the sleeper of the year.

That's all for now! This was a pretty frivolous list to make, but I had fun with it. Not everything needs to be a deep rooted conversation. When you can take a music topic into obscure and pointless directions you usually find some good conversation The second half of the list is pretty awesome. After that we'll be running the gamut of the next "First Impressions", "Album Art of…", and I check out someone's entire videography! Lots on deck and more being stacked up behind it. We're going to close this year out really strong. Until next time… Have a Great Week!


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