The Savage Animal 10.09.13: Top 20 Non-Music Rockstars! (10-1)
Posted by Mikey MiGo on 10.09.2013
What embodies the spirit of rock and roll? Is it style, attitude, or rebellion?
In the 365th edition of The Savage Animal, Mike shares the first half of his top twenty non-music rockstars. This, a look at WWE Battleground, a review of We’re The Millers, and more! Click it or ticket! It’s the law!
"WWE Battleground 2013 Review": I wanted to write some kind of paragraph to introduce this review that would paint it one way and then change it up with my actual opinion. It's an old writing trick that is easy to throw out there to get a ramble or story going. I'm not doing that today. I'm just going to flat out say that this Pay Per View was bullshit.
Alberto Del Rio and RVD put on a really solid match. I have no complaints about it at all. Del Rio is consistently awesome these days and RVD never misses a beat. These two beat the shit out of each other and put on a good hardcore war for WWE 2013 standards.
From there it was easy to skip ahead three matches. I did not want to see Santino and Khali team up against Swagger and Cesaro. I'd had much rather seen a Santino/Cesaro match… hell, as a team even. And I don't care about Curtis Axel. I'm not a fan of R-Truth either so this wasn't either of their chances to win this one specific fan over. Then I had no desire to see AJ and Bella Cheese.
This all gets me to the Goldust/Cody vs. The Shield. This was another really good match. I've not seen a tag team match with this much fire and crowd hype in a LONG time. It just felt old school and it worked well. These guys kicked ass. I'm glad Goldust and Cody won and can't wait to see if they get a Tag Title run for a little while. It could be a lot of fun. I enjoyed Bray Wyatt and Kofi Kingston, but I felt bad for them. The crowd sucked for it and they had to do a lot to win them over. It was a really solid match for sure and a better match for both men.
But that's where it ended. Punk and Ryback didn't gel together AT ALL. It felt really forced and un-natural. It was fifteen minutes of looking at the clock wondering how much time Orton and Daniel Bryan would get. Turns out, they got about twenty five minutes to go out there and tell a story. The end of the story? No contest! Someone interfered and there was no winner declared.
The main event of a $65 PPV ended in a no contest that saw the blow off of a Big Show storyline. How much more bullshit are you people willing to take? The finish to this already mediocre show is one of the most insulting excuses for a pay show I've ever seen. I'm ashamed of the WWE for charging people for this show. A few quality matches does not make up for leaving the fans with a disgustingly poor production.
I need a new hobby.
Top 20 Non-Music Rockstars! (10-1)
Rockstar Status: Achieved! Last week, I looked at the first half of my Top 20 Non-Music Rockstars. It's a pretty arbitrary topic, but the mere concept of what is or isn't a "Rockstar" is completely subjective. I got to thinking that the line is blurred for a reason. The concept of being a "Rockstar" has become a gimmick. It used to be a way of life.
I fear saying the following sentence will itself kill it, but to be called a "Rockstar" is like the older equivalent of being called "cool". There's that episode of The Simpsons where Marge is trying to be and asking the kids if she's cool. They try to explain to her why she's not "cool". They break it down so simply that it really exposes the obscurity of how irrelevant something like this is. It's pretty much just lost its meaning. Back in the day the term "Rockstar" meant your drummer has more than one "this one time I hooked up this chick…AND HER MOM!" stories. The word "Rockstar" wasn't just tossed around. It was reserved for the "golden gods". Not so much anymore.
I wonder if there's any connection to the expansion of the use of "Rockstar" and the fact that rock and roll in general has becoming pussified. The less balls out rock music is, the less rock music owns the label. It's pretty fucking hard to call some popular indie band member with a shitty beard and a plaid shirt a "Rockstar". I'm sure there are some exceptionally bad ass hipster-looking Rockstars, but I can't in good faith lump the bunch together. It's more than a twenty songs and encore workday.
You've heard songs like "Party like a Rockstar" and plenty like it. The idea of being a "Rockstar" isn't specific to just music anymore. To be considered a "Rockstar", it's more than just musical fame and acclaim. It's a lifestyle and a state of mind.
There are many factors that go into it. Some people just have an "it factor" to them that make them tick a certain way. Today I'm going to take a look at the second half of my top twenty "non-music Rockstars". These are people who fit the bill as a "Rockstar", but do not make music.
Catch up on Top 20 Non-Music Rockstars! (20-11): HERE!
Here's the Top 10!
10. Helena Bonham Carter
[Day Job: Actress] Helena Bonham Carter is one of the coolest actresses out there today. She's been in some great movies while providing some great performances. The movie roles she chooses all seem to have an edge to them and a certain "attitude". That alone would make her a solid pick for this list. But then you have to take her style and demeanor into account. She seems sweet in interviews, but she has a look to her that screams "don't fuck with me or I'll shank you". It's all rather hot. Despite making some great movies I had to snub her beau. Her husband, director Tim Burton was a close call for this list but having a Robert Smith hair style isn't quiiiiite enough for me. Carter is awesome though! 9. Anthony Bourdain
[Day Job: Chef, Host] Bourdain is a rockstar chef. His books are crazy stories of his journeys through the most interesting and coolest places related to food ever. He's like the Kerouac of cuisine. He smokes, he drinks, and he's had a rocky past with drugs. Imagine what he could do with some shrooms and weed. I bet he could cook up some crazy and "intoxicating" dishes. That's the show I want to see. "How to cook with drugs!" hosted by Tony Bourdain! His real television shows make food look like an adventure as opposed to something your mom did a lot in the kitchen while your dad watches sports. He takes the suburbanite out of the bite so to speak. The fact he's an avid fan for 70's New York rock music and sounds like Elliot Gould is just icing on the cake. 8. Russell Brand
[Day Job: Comedian, Performer] This guy is pretty polarizing. Some people see his over the top personality and can't see past it. The thing is that his over the top personality is HUGE. He has crazy big hair, dresses like a stylish rockstar, hooks up with famous women, is loud, boisterous, and one of the more eccentric comedians out there. In a purely physical nature, the dude is a rockstar. But he's deeper than that. The man is full of substance. I recently had the pleasure of seeing him perform in Chicago and he blew me away. His mind works a mile a minute and his stances and theories on random things is inspired and full of positive energy. He's had a horrible run with drugs, is not shy of controversy, and is still evolving. I think it's only a matter of time before people's ears get in tune with the great stuff that's coming out of this guy's brain. 7. Conan O'Brien
[Day Job: Host] Conan O'Brien does not look like a rockstar. Not even close. He's a tall skinny scarecrow of a man with big red hair. He as an "image" for sure, but it's not in the tradition of a rockstar. He doesn't need to be flashy to be a rockstar though. He lives it. Not only is he a good guitar player, but he's the rockstar talk show host. His "Late Nite" show was a staple for years. He brought his own form of wacky and alternative comedy to the forefront of many people. He got the "Tonight Show" gig and we all know how that worked out. Instead of keeping quiet, he took a buy out and moved on from a major network to do what he needed to do. In between NBC and TBS he look his act on the road! He put together a full on tour where he and friends would perform and entertain. I think he just wants to entertain people at all costs but his own dignity. When that is put in question, the man steps up to the plate and kicks ass. No wonder Jack White likes him. 6. Whoopi Goldberg
[Day Job: Actress, Host] This choice is probably the one that would be the most arguable to people. But I just ask you to have an open mind and think about this one. Whoopi Goldberg is a comedic trailblazer. She blew up on the scene and was THE female comedian in the 80's. Then in the 90's she moved on to acting in big projects. From there she'd still do it all. She'd act, perform stand up, write, and host radio and television shows. She's a pop culture icon and well respected on many levels. But the woman is a rockstar. She's been known to be one of the most laid back and coolest people in the entertainment business. She's been ahead of the times since she's been part of the times. She's been controversial, outspoken, and completely herself. Her experiences with marijuana are pretty open. She even smoked up before accepting the Best Supporting Actress Oscar for Ghost in 1991. She's just cool. 5. Crispin Glover
[Day Job: Actor, Maniac] Crispin Glover is a mystery wrapped in a riddle covered in concussion juice. This guy is one of the strangest stories in the entertainment world. In the late 80's and early 90's he proved himself as one of the best young actors out there. At the same time he proved himself to be one of the most interesting and bizzare. Of course his appearances on Letterman come to mind. He exposed himself as "crazy", but others would get it. He's a mad scientist of art. He has his own production company and makes his own unique projects that he himself takes on the road to show people. He still finds time to make movies like Willard, Charlie's Angels, and other big hits. Meanwhile, he writes, makes movies, and makes art. It doesn't seem like he cares too much what anyone thinks. If he were a musician, he'd be a genius. As actor he's "underexposed". He seems more concerned with entertaining himself, which is entertaining on a different level. There is a reason this guy has such a strong cult following. 4. Charlie Sheen
[Day Job: Actor] To not include Charlie Sheen on this list would be an insult to Rockstars. This is the point of the list where the real rockstars start to come out. Charlie Sheen has had a very storied history. He's been in some great movies and has been on successful television shows. He's also been in the spotlight for have one of the biggest RP marathons known to man. I won't even get into his pre-"Two and Half Men" stuff. We don't have the space or time for that. Just look at what happened afterwards. Tiger blood? Winning? Multiple women? A weird national tour? Wow! It's said that Charlie Sheen has done so much blow that his mirror has started to chip in. That's a lot of blow… and one really nice mirror. 3. Dennis Rodman
[Day Job: Basketball Player, Personality] "The Worm" Dennis Rodman is the most rockstar of all athletes of all time. I don't care that Wilt slept with a million women, Joe Namath had long hair, random players like metal, or anything else. The second you put on a dress, the second you start compulsively dying and re-dying your hair, and the second you fly from parting all night in Vegas to Chicago and STILL pull down record number rebounds then you're a rockstar. Dennis Rodman not only lived the rockstar life, but he shut people up about it once he hit the floor. You think you're going to be on the same team as a Michael Jordan and NOT carry your weight? This was the golden years of basketball. He's been with Madonna, Carmen Electra, and a slew of hot women. He's been in movies, TV shows, has wrestled, and has done it all. He even recently went to Korea to hang out, which made him one of the first Americans to do such a time in a pretty damn long time. Rodman could have been a tragic case, but seems to be getting his act together. Don't get too worried though because the guy is still as much of a rebel as he's always been. He's in the NBA Hall of Fame already, but he's almost reason enough for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame to institute a "Celebrity Wing". 2. Jeff Bridges
[Day Job: Actor] He's "The Dude"! I've always been a fan of Jeff Bridges. He's been a cool actor in cool movies since I can remember. I didn't think it was possible, but I like the guy the more I read about him, hear about him, and see of him. He's got his own style, that's for sure. It's a little rock, a little surfer, a little hippy, and a little country. He's just Jeff Bridges man. It's hard to pin point a label on him. That's why I think he's one of the most rockstar non-musician celebrities. The thing is that he can sing as well. He's put some music out there, but his day job is always going to be acting. I know at least I abide. 1. Johnny Depp
[Day Job: Actor] Was there ANY doubt? Automatically, I thought of Johnny Depp. He has the style, the image, the mystique, the party stories, and he's just a larger than life entity now. It's almost unfair to put him on this list because he's virtually a rockstar anyway. He's gotten around as a guest musician on a few projects so by all accounts he could be considered a rockstar because of that aspect. He smokes his weed, he drinks his drink, he loves his women, and he wears more make up than my mom.
If any of these celebrities are reading, let's party!
There haven't been a whole lot of good family road trip comedies on an R-Rated level of content in a LONG time. In fact, I can't really think of many family road trip movies outside of the iconic National Lampoon Vacation movies. I've seen a few decent PG ones and kind hearted comedies, but the line rarely ever gets crossed. Like Chevy Chase feeding his family piss soaked sandwiches, the new "We're The Millers" serves up a healthy dose of icky hilarity. We're The Millers stars Jason Sudeikis as a low rent drug dealer who gets in over his head. The result is him having to get together a make-shift family in order to get a big stash of drugs across the border. He enlists Jennifer Aniston as the mom, who in reality is a stripper. Then for his kids he snatches a young foul mouth homeless girl and a dopey do-gooder with a sleazy side. It all works out. The family dynamic is there, but with an interesting "secret identity" twist. It all seems like a story that would be done over and over, but in reality it takes common elements and puts a really original slant on it. After all the cool slants though, it's still a family road trip movie at heart. The characters bond, they learn lessons about themselves, and there is a variety of isolated hijinks. If you watch the trailer, you get to see enough of the hijinks as it is. I don't want to spoil too much. I will say there are some really funny moments, some creative writing, good lines, funny references, and pretty much everything you'd want in a comedy these days. It doesn't ride too hard on up-to-date pop culture references and the sound track isn't full of super current Top 40 hits so I think it'll be easy to watch and enjoy five years from now. That's a big deal to me. A lot of good R-Rated comedies cram in so much in-the-moment pop culture that you watch them a year or two later and the references and music feel really outdated. This movie feels timeless. It has modern contraptions for sure, but it's not forced at us. It just works. It's easily one of the best comedies I've seen in 2013 and one I can't wait to watch again. A-
"Worst Case Scenario" is a new take on the concept of "fantasy booking". For years professional wrestling fans would spend endless hours of thinking up the coolest things that could happen. Why waste the energy? This only leads to high expectations. "Worst Case Scenario" flips that. Instead of looking through rose colored glasses, let's take a bi-weekly look at the worst possible scenarios in professional wrestling. I'm not going to be malicious or anything too mean, but I will not refrain from letting my brain come up with the worst possible shit I can. Sadly, it seems the writers and producers of mainstream TV wrestling and the mainstream iPPV level indies are doing the same thing but charging us for it. And now…
"Wrestling With Weight Classes!"
For years boxing has had weight classes. This was mainly to make sure the fights aren't so one-sided and the "pick on somebody your own size" law was passed. The result was things like "featherweight", "middleweight", and "cruiserweight" becoming things. Fans of boxing just accepted it. The UFC would adopt weight classes as well, but for some reason wrestling never really grabbed onto it.
Wrestling has had "cruiserweight" divisions and other countries have tried, but the weight class format in wrestling just doesn't work. The idea of big vs. small, and any man vs. any man, is really part of the magic and mystique of wrestling. I'm sure they COULD go with weight classes, but how would that go?
For wrestling, let's go with "Featherweight" for dudes under 210, "Cruiserweight" for under 225, "Middleweight" for under 240, and "Heavyweight" for 240+. You can complain and say I got it wrong, but let's just pretend and be general here to get the point across.
CM Punk would never be Heavyweight champion again. Neither would Daniel Bryan, Dolph Ziggler, or a lot of the best guys today. The "Middleweight" title would be the hot commodity of the company as the Heavyweight title would be a boring strap for guys like Cena, Sheamus, and Kane.
Would it not encourage each division to try to be the best of the card? What happens when someone doesn't make weight and the next in-line gets their shot that night? Would this be a horrible thing?
Yeah, most likely….
"The Wolf Of Wall Street"
This movie is going to be one of the biggest of the year for sure. It's said Martin Scorsese is one of the best filmmakers of all time. Who can really argue that? Sure it's subjective, but in terms of success and progress he's one of the most influential and beloved directors ever. His movies are classics. I have a hard time thinking this movie will be ANY different. The cast is top notch. The lead is Leonardo DiCaprio. Then the cast is rounded out with Jonah Hill, Matthew McConaughey, Kyle Chandler, Jon Favreau, Rob Reiner, Spike Jonze, Ethan Suplee, and about two dozen other familiar faces and fine performers. It's a dark comedy, which is always fun. DiCaprio plays a New York stockbroker who goes crazy in his lifestyle and even crazier with his participation in a big corruption case. It's all based on Jordan Belfort's memoir, but the screenplay is handled by Boardwalk Empire's mastermind Terence Winter. That's all one big math equation that equals me being excited to see this.
That's all for now! Things are crazy busy and crazy positive. I just keep trekking forward and good things are happening. That's always a plus. There is a lot on tap. I've gotten the next first impression already completed and this time I listen to the studio collection of Smith Westerns. I watched and critiqued the music videos of Pantera. I've figured out the value of some of the modern myths of music. There's a look at the top goth rockbands, the album art of Van Halen, the most over-used songs in movies/TV, and so on and so on. What gets released next week will be one of those. Which one? Tune in next week to find out! Until next time… Have a Great Week!