The Savage Animal 10.23.13 R/P/S #2: Modern Music Myths
Posted by Mikey MiGo on 10.23.2013
Was Marilyn Manson the kid from The Wonder Years? Is Jay-Z part of the Illuminati? Did Bono really have his hat fly first-class? 411's Mikey MiGo puts modern music folkmore, rumors, and conspiracy theories to the test!
"Hell in a Cell 2013 Preview": I'm not excited about Hell In a Cell at all. If I miss it, I won't be heart broken. I've actually had a few weeks here where I've only watched maybe twenty minutes of RAW a week. I read the results, I watch clips, and I read the columns. I don't need to spend three hours on a tiresome Monday, two hours on a fun Friday, or really ANY time sitting there and being disappointed. The only reason to watch RAW these days is for that ONE or TWO matches. There is typically one or two matches that are pretty decent and get time to run a good story. It's just not worth the effort. WWE is becoming more and more like TNA. It's got a great young roster that's not being used right. And if they are being "used right", they're not making us really care. There is genuine interest in the Rhodes/Shield stuff but other than that it's crap. The main event feels forced and spiteful and this Punk/Heyman story is forgettable in the making.
So that leaves this show. I can't help but think that The Shield are going to take the belts right back from the Rhodes. It would get tons of heat and add a lot of fuel to the fire. I don't care about the Divas title match at all, but I guess Brie Bella wins because she's featured on the "reality show".
I have no desire to see the theatrics of Punk vs. Ryback and Heyman. It's sorta sad that Heyman and Punk will probably have to carry Ryback here. I really like how Ryback is progressing, but this match is really unappealing. They're trying REALLY hard to give Heyman and Punk all of these pseudo-Bobby Hennan-like moments but it's not working. All three people involved with this would be better off in other programs working with different people. I'm tired of the same Punk and Paul promos each week. As profound as both think they are, it's the same soup just reheated. Ryback and Heyman win via shenanigans.
John Cena will beat Alberto Del Rio NARROWLY. Then Alberto will lock on his arm lock gimmick, further destroying Cena's "back too soon" injury… enter Sandow! Sandow then takes out Cena and gets a huge rub in the process. If THIS happens I'm all for it, but I have a bad feeling this will not be as cool as I'd like.
The main event is Orton and Bryan again. I like their matches a lot, but the finishes are screwy so it takes away from anything that happens in them. I'd like to see one definitive match between these guys where there is one decisive winner with no outside interference. It just takes away from the build up between these two. I'm going to say there's no decisive winner. When is the blow off? It won't be here so why get excited? Oh, because Daniel Bryan is in a cell! That's why! Yeah. I DO want to see this match, but I'm not getting my hopes up. You just can't make that mistake anymore. If you get your hopes up for anything WWE related these days you're going to get your heart broken.
R/P/S #2: Modern Music Myths
Funky Folklore!There have been tons of great stories in the history of music. There are facts that we've all seen and experienced, but there's also the folklore. Those are the fun stories. The stories about Zeppelin, a mother and a daughter… and a fish are out there. People have heard the party stories of Motely Crue on Sunset. The old Van Halen "no green M&M" rider demands is out there. There are literally an infinite amount of these little stories, some are crazy, some are depressing, and some are just silly.
Are they true? Does it matter? Who really knows besides the people who lived through it. That's not the point. The point today is to take a look at some of the more recent-ish myths of music. While the days of crazy groupies, drunken rages, and screaming "I'm a golden God" from a roof-top might be dwindling down thanks to social media, TMZ, and loose lips…. The legends are still out there.
Today I'm going to put the modern myths of music to the test by using my own patented "Rock, Paper, Scissors" grading system! It's easy. It's "this rocks", "it looks good on paper!", and of course everyone's favorite, "it makes me want to stab my ear holes with scissors!" It's all subjective and my personal opinion. Please feel free to share your own thoughts using my awesome "Rock", "Paper", "Scissors" grading scale where we don't grade on a curve, we grade on an urge!
Myth #1: "Marilyn Manson Was The Kid On…"
Probability of Reality: 0.666%
Marilyn Manson had tons of cool rumors and myths said about him when he was at the peak of his game. I loved hearing the crazy stories about how got ribs removed to be able to "perform" oral on himself. I even had fun hearing the crazy and ridiculous stories of him actually performing it on other band members, fans, etc. The stories just piled on. I was never dumb enough to believe any of them, but I sure as hell was guilty of being of those "I heard Marilyn Manson did" people. One rumor that was rampant was that Manson, real name Brian Warner, was "Paul Pfeiffer" on the show "The Wonder Years". That dude was Joshua Saviano. But then again, who is to say he didn't get a name change in his late teens/early 20s? I mean… his name isn't REALLY Marilyn Manson is it? Another one I heard was that he was the kid on Mr. Belvedere. Again, not true. It was still one of those fun obscure rumors that made my teens that much more enjoyable. REPENT! 1…2…3: ROCK Myth #2: "Lady Gaga Has Junk In The… Front?"
Probability of Reality: 10%
All of those creative and gaudy-cool costumes and we get lackluster myths like this? There are images and video where she had a "bulge" and people throw a shit fit over it. Could it be part of the costume or even a "female product"? How about we use some logic here? While this rumor is spread wide, it came in the time when we were over saturated with Gaga nonsense. There is clearly footage and images of a pre-Gaga woman living her life and doing her thing out there. She was even on an MTV after-school game show thing, all brunette and pretty looking. This is just a lame rumor with not much creativity behind it. Why not something like "she was born with both and now keeps her detached penis in a jar that she takes with her everywhere"? See! That took me like 20 seconds to come up with and it's much more entertaining than "that chick has a dick!" C'mon! 1…2…3: PAPER Myth #3: "Bono Flew His Hat First Class?"
Probability of Reality: 80%
It was claimed that Bono was in Italy and realized he forgot his favorite hat. He then proceeded to fly his hat from London to Italy for a whopping $1700. I don't know if it's true, but I think it could be. It's so simple and lame enough to be real. I'm sure there is more to it than that, but it doesn't matter. Bono REALLY wanted his hat so he got his hat. He's also always doing what he can to raise awareness and funds to other countries. Does that mean he has to live a life of poverty himself to balance it out? Whatever! If it were anyone else, people wouldn't bat an eye. If it were a rapper, it would be a headline and a lyric to a popular song that everyone would sing in unison for a month before completely forgetting about it. But no, this is Bono. He's under a lot of scrutiny. He's constantly hated on by people who don't realize they're being dicks about one of the best vocalist of all time. Yeah, I'm a fan. I'm not blind to things though. I get why people could hate on Bono, but those same people never took in the greatness that was "Unforgettable Fire", "Boy", "War", or even "How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb". U2's singles are all people hear and they miss out on the true gems of their catalog. Rockstars are rockstars. I don't care if you're a nothing who gets laid because their band played in the same dive bar that night. I don't care if you're opening for a shitty 90's band in all your glory. And yeah, I don't care if you're selling out STADIUMS and encouraging people to donate or at least care about causes that they'd never be exposed to otherwise. Bono can be pretentious, but is Jay Z not? Is Arcade Fire not pretentious? A cartoon decided to make fun of him and now everyone just blindly hops aboard the hate train. If anyone knows me, they'd know that I spent my twenties very attached to my hat. If I had the money to fly it to me in time of need, I would! Then I'd put on my big ass shades, tell some people to help out other people, and go on my way. Deal with it. 1…2…3: ROCK Myth #4: "Jay Z & The Illuminati Allstars!"
Probability of Reality: 100%
Scientology, gurus, and even that one with the string all came and went as the "spiritualityflavor of the week". It's said that Jay Z, and a lot of others, are actually illuminati. There isn't a whole lot confirmed about the group, if it even exists, but there are plenty of myths and rumors. The idea is that it's a group of elitists who have their own secret society. I guess it's comparable to the Free Masons, a cult, and a corporate collection. He makes odd references to Mason stuff in songs and then keeps sticking with God-aimed lyrics. As far as I always knew, the Masons were a strong-faith based group. So that doesn't mean he's not a mason, if not more. The problem is that I just have trouble buying it. People will want to believe what they want and I'm not saying Jay Z isn't part of some private club, but illuminati? I dunno man. People tried to say his "diamond" hand sign was an illuminati-related. The dude was doing it for years. YEARS. He even got rightfully sued by wrester Diamond Dallas Page for ripping his shit off. So, unless DDP is the king of the illuminati then I got nothin'! BANG! 1…2…3: SCISSORS Myth #5: "Tupac, Biggie, Michael Jackson, Etc. Are All REALLY Alive?"
Probability of Reality: 7%
Elvis, Morrison, Hendrix, Janis, Mama Cass, and everyone who has ever been famous who died aren't really dead. They're all on this magical LOST-like island. The whole Elvis thing was the most popular one. I've seen it in tabloids my whole life. But now, we're in a "new era". We have our own ghosts to give up. In this case, let's take a look at the crazy conspiracies that claim that the likes of Biggie and even Michael Jackson are still alive. The biggest myth centers around Tupac Shakur though. His last album was "Makaveli: Don Killiluminati, the 7 Day Theory", and it was also the same gimmick he used on the way out. The whole idea of the number 7 being a big deal. Pac was shot and then 7days later he died. There is also a whole aspect that the real Machiavelli supported the idea of faking your death in order to recreate yourself. Pac had to know about this. There is even a note in that last album that said "Exit 2 Pac, Enter Makaveli". So really, it's possible that he DID put this whole mentality to work but it's doubtful. Really doubtful. I'm all for the comeback though, that's for sure! 1…2…3: PAPER Myth #6: "T.I.: Wait I Thought Snitches Get Pinches!"
Probability of Reality: 1.87%
T.I. is a famous rapper who is actually not a bad actor at all. He has put out some of the bigger hits in the past ten plus years and has been pretty decent in the film roles he has taken on. All of this talent needs defending, right? T.I. apparently thought so when he was caught with an arsenal of illegal weapons. This would normally be some heavy duty jail time, but not him. According to a lot of people, the dude got off light. So light that people started running their mouth and pointing their finger. It's claimed that he ratted people out, but it's pretty hard to prove. Big Meech of the Black Mafia Family went on record and said that no one can claim that T.I. said anything about anyone because his entire pleaand sentencing is online in transcript form. This is not a action crime movie, it's real life. This happens, especially for rich people who are putting more tax money into the system than a run of the mill thug. Don't act like this doesn't mean anything. T.I. has moved on and so should everyone… or else! (maybe!) 1…2…3: SCISSORS Myth #7: "Kurt Cobain's Death -Defying Death."
Probability of Reality: 10%
I'm not one of those people who are quick to say Courtney Love is responsible for Kurt Cobain's death. It's an interesting thought, but I'm not going to accuse anyone of murder. No one really has that right to begin with unless it's proven clearly and she's charged in a court of law. Her actions may be questionable, but I have no reason to think she'd be a murderer or associated in the act that put a defining period to one of the best eras of modern music. There are some odds and ends that make it seem a little suspicious and I'm sure in result fuels whatever is left in the myth today. Apparently there were no finger prints on the gun, apparently some dude claimed he was offered money to kill Kurt by Love and was found dead shortly after making this public, and apparently no one can accept the truth. The man loaded up on heroin and took his own life. If it were malicious, I'd totally want justice. I'm just not going to cling on to the man's death when I can just as easily cling on to the art he left behind. 1…2…3: SCISSORS
What is YOUR favorite modern myth in music?
I didn't want to see this movie. It's a lame WWE movie that would be over the top and cheesy. There's no way it could be good. This was all in my head as I was forced to watch this. The Call stars Halle Berry as a 911 operator who has gone through some trauma at her job. Haunted by this, she is forced to overcome her past while saving the life of a young woman being held hostage by a horrible villain. There. I basically just summed up the movie. It turns out to be a pretty damn decent popcorn movie. It had a gripping pace, the acting was solid, the action was there, and Berry's chops made the emotive parts especially crisp. She is joined by a maturing-nicely Abigail Breslin. She was a good kid actor and it looks as if she's going to be a good adult actress too. Morris Chestnut and Michael Imperioli are in featured roles, but I still would have liked to see more of both of their characters. Even David Otunga did well. He blended in and did not distract. In supporting roles that's crucial. All in all, the movie just comes together. If you're looking for a good mindless thriller to fill an hour and a half this isn't a bad choice. B-
"Worst Case Scenario" is a new take on the concept of "fantasy booking". For years professional wrestling fans would spend endless hours of thinking up the coolest things that could happen. Why waste the energy? This only leads to high expectations. "Worst Case Scenario" flips that. Instead of looking through rose colored glasses, let's take a bi-weekly look at the worst possible scenarios in professional wrestling. I'm not going to be malicious or anything too mean, but I will not refrain from letting my brain come up with the worst possible shit I can. Sadly, it seems the writers and producers of mainstream TV wrestling and the mainstream iPPV level indies are doing the same thing but charging us for it. And now…
"WWE Indie Franchises!"
The WWE is pretty much a monopoly in professional wrestling. Unless a billionaire or a company with a lot of disposable funds decides to throw a handful of fortune at the wall it's just not going to change. Wrestling is weird in a way where ANYTHING is possible, but this one is just a little more far-fetched than one would think. TNA has gotten far and is a okay enough product, but it's not a real alternative. There is no Pepsi in this WWE-Coca cola world.
The WWE is a brand. It's like a Walmart, a McDonalds, or a Walgreens. People know the brand. If someone wants to watch wrestling they just say "WWE" or even still "WWF". When companies dominate their market and own the competition they offer franchises. The WWE has no fear of competition so soaking up every loose end of money is a priority. So, why not control the whole landscape, right?
Basically a franchise is when a name brand business licenses their name, likeless, and product availability. Someone puts money into a local Subway. In return the corporation allows them the name use, lets them sell the product, and includes them under their umbrella of not-quite-a-foot foot longs.
The WWE knows there are shitty indies out there. With this the WWE would OWN the indies. The second you start training to be a wrestler, the WWE is somehow getting your money one way or another. The WWE would provide franchise belts, a ring, a mini entrance way, ref shirts, and then added accessories like cages, ladder match set, backstage set, etc. etc. etc.
Under this, we'd have WWE-Nebraska South, WWE-Indiana South East, WWE-Texas North West, WWE-90210, WWE-60613, WWE-zip code here!, etc. etc. etc. Really bland and generic names, BUT it's the WWE so feel proud!
Don't you think they'd monopolize the venues, the promotion, and the normal avenues an indie would go to run shows and to promote those shows? Of course they would. This means the indies down the street are gone. These indies are often ran by people with day jobs and real lives. Competing with a corporate machine would not be in their best interest. So the majority of the indies would be gone. The wrestlers would have to pay MORE to be wrestlers, learn the WWE way right off the bat, and there would be no more talks of "the next ECW" ever again.
Then again, I'd like to see this…
This movie should be rated R. I don't see how this movie could be made as a PG 13 movie when the concept of the movie is that a normal dude played by Vince Vaughn find out that the sperm he's been donating has fathered over 530 children. It's discovered that such a man exists so these adopted people get together and demand to know who the "father" is. It's a pretty fun idea for a movie and is a remake of a 2011 French movie called "Starbuck". The rest of the cast is made up of Cobie Smulders, Chris Pratt, Jay Reynor, and Ben Bailey. Not a bad mix if you ask me. The trailer looks fun, but a little lighter than I'd hope. I think I should just accept that Vince Vaughn isn't going to bust out that many R rated comedies any more. This sucks because R-rated comedy and serious drama are his strongest qualities. I still want to check this out, but I think my jaded anticipation is weakened by the movie rating.
That's all for now! Not much to ramble about this week. My brain is mushy. Next week I'm going to rank my top 7 goth bands of all time. It's Halloween so it's seasonal and shit to talk about spooky stuff. So there's that to look forward to. From there, I have a plethora of randomness coming your way. I can honestly say that it's some of my favorite writing I've done so far in the 360 plus Savage Animals I've written. I can't wait to see the feedback.Until next time… Have a Great Week!