411 Music Ten Deep 12.26.13: The 10 Worst Songs of 2013
Posted by Sean Walker on 12.26.2013
From Rihanna’s "Pour it Up" and Lil Wayne & Drake's "Love Me" to Macklemore & Ryan Lewis’ "Can’t Hold Us," Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines" and more, 411's Sean Walker counts down the top 10 worst songs of 2013!
Hello everyone, and welcome to another edition of the music ten deep, where you see what happens when Sean stops living in 1999, and upgrades to Windows XP. Last week, I counted down 10 magnificent songs. This week, I'm doing the opposite. For those wondering, Miley Cyrus is not on this list, because she in fact had one of the best pop albums of 2013. Although that isn't saying much seeing as pop was really bad this year. To qualify for this list, the song had to have been released in 2013, or made a greater impact in 2013 compared to the year it was actually released. With the pleasantries out the way, let's get on with the worst songs of 2013!
Just Missing the 10:
14. Mike-Will-Made-It –"23"
13. Ylvis – "The Fox"
12. Austin Mahone – "What About Love"
11. Drake –"Started From the Bottom"
The Top Ten Worst Songs of the Summer
10. Britney Spears –"Work Bitch"
Originally, number ten was supposed to be Alison's Gold's Chinese Food, but due to the outstanding racism and obvious shitty production, putting it on my list, or even the dishonorable mention would just be too easy. While pop had some strong moments this year, it also had some of the shittiest sounding shit, on this side of shit town. I was severely disappointed in the trends of pop culture.
Britney Spears, or her team, is one of the worst offenders this year. When Britney proclaimed that Britney Jean would be her most personal album yet, I was intrigued. What would pop's most overproduced singer would have to bring to the table?
Well she answered that question with "Work Bitch." She offered a superficial emotionless kiss off to all the fat bitches everywhere. Apparently you have to be a skinny figureless skimp to get somewhere in life. Lyrics like this are the reason why my ass suffers from constant itching:
"You wanna hot body
You want a Bugatti
You wanna Maserati
You better work bitch
You want a Lamborghini
Look hot in a bikini
You better work bitch"
I blame this terrible song on William. I'm too lazy to put periods between his name and also, it's stupid. William needs to realize that no one likes his pop-rap productions, and no one ever will.
9. Katy Perry - "Roar"
I was terribly disappointed in this song. I was expecting Katy to thrive on her divorce that ended after one year by a text message. Katy herself said that the album would have darker themes, along with it being her most personal. While the latter message may be true, the album was boring and dull. This song was just ‘meh'. After being played more over Lady Gaga's brilliantly produced "Applause," I realized that pop radio wasn't ready for music with substance. This song is cookie cutter pop that Katy should have no business making. Instead of progressing from her Teenage Dream days, Katy decided to throw that ‘evolving your sound' myth into the trash and made this crap.
8. Rihanna - "Pour it Up"
Can you spell S-O-U-L-L-E-S-S children? While the thought of the sultry Komodo dragon actually singing about throwing dollar bills at equally lifeless strippers is appealing (sarcasm), I would rather prefer Rihanna sing about something that wasn't generic and done to death by her male counterparts. The production is eerily similar to Juicy J's "Bandz A Make Her Dance." They were both produced by Mike-Will-Made-It which doesn't really help the matters seeing as he is an up and coming producer who is still making a name for himself. Rihanna has proven to be able to make much better music. Rushing out an album year after year has watered down her sound in my opinion. I'm glad that she finally decided to take a year off. The last time she did so, her best album Rated R was produced.
7. Florida Georgia Line - "Cruise"
I'm not one to listen to country all the time. Hell, besides Johnny Cash, Carrie Underwood, Sugarland and Reba McEntire, I don't even bother trying to. Florida Georgia Line (great name by the way) was able to cross over into pop radio by adding notable country singer Nelly to the song. This along with the rap themes that flowed through the song made it a hit. In this song, you can hear them sing (rap?) about the usual stuff. Cars? Yep. Girls? Check. Money? You're damn right!
6. Lil Wayne feat Future & Drake - "Love Me"
Folks if you aren't brain dead yet, good job. However there's a lot more, so continue drinking. I have never been a fan of Lil Wayne. This day and age, he relies too heavily on metaphors and he lives to play on words. This song is no exception. He makes Rob Ford blush with the amount, erm, cunnilingus he loves to perform on women. There isn't much to say about this song that hasn't been said, about thousand of other Lil Wayne songs. Future delivers a chorus that is so cliché, it makes you cringe listening to it. Hell this whole song is cringe worthy.
5. Selena Gomez - "Come and Get It"
Before Lady Gaga, Miley Cyrus and Katy Perry ruled the fall with their releases, Selena Gomez attempted to thrive in the summer. Of course she was unsuccessful seeing as her album sold miserably. She decided to release a throwaway EDM pop song to the already over saturated EDM world. Selena recently decided to go on a break to find herself. I think she should use this time come up with something that shouldn't have 12 year old girls singing "If you're ready come and get it." Also, cut back on the damn auto tune, please.
4. Baauer - "Harlem Shake"
I'm sorry to those who were able to get this song out of their head. It was the Internet that made this song popular, and it was the Internet that watched it burned. The only part that anyone ever remembers is the first 30 seconds of the song, when the bass drops. Those 30 seconds have been played on a plethora of videos worldwide showcasing drunken idiots and irrelevant celebrities milking the cow dry. You should all be a shame of yourself. I'd like to not rant on those who love to follow the trend, because I'm on my fourth cup of egg nog. Point is, this piece of shit only became famous because people are jackasses.
3. Florida feat Pitbull - "Can't Believe It"
It feels like summer time all over again. Kill me now. Have you ever wondered what would happen if you bring two novelty pop rappers together to make a song about white ass? Well here you go. This piece of shit. I just want to jab myself with the nearest object when I hear this crap. You can't dance to this. You can't sing along because it's not even irritatingly catchy! It's just two dick heads rapping about their obsession with ass. Big deal! There's no saving grace to it. Warning folks. The song and video is definitely not suited for life! I need another shot of egg nog. Ugh.
2. Robin Thicke - "Blurred Lines"
Being the most "popular" song definitely doesn't mean being the best. I won't say that this song promoted rape culture, because I would be an idiot. I remember watching VH-1 in the morning and seeing and hearing "Blurred Lines" for the first time. This was before it blew up the charts and set a record for most radio plays in a week (200+ million). I immediately hated it, but didn't think it would become as popular as it did. Boy was I wrong. It was played to hell. Now every time I hear "Everybody get up" I throw up a little. I just couldn't get away from this damn song. It appealed to everyone! From blacks to whites, to teenagers and old people who had the desire to pop a hip, you couldn't go 20 minutes without hearing the irritating jingles of this song. I hope you are all happy. I almost blew a gasket by the time its popularity waned.
1. Macklemore & Ryan Lewis - "Can't Hold Us"
I've said this once, and I'll say it again. Macklemore has got to be the most untalented, overrated rappers of this generation. I commend him for rapping about things other than the usual stuff, but it doesn't help that he's wack. Arguably one the worst flows I've heard since the days of Ja Rule, Macklemore was able to get by on exceptional productions of Ryan Lewis. I've heard many people tell me that they have no idea what this coot was rapping. They just liked the song because it was catchy. Arrrrgghhh. Why did this fool become famous?
Last time, I missed two great songs. Those songs are:
"Rap God" by Eminem
"Closer" by Teagan and Sara
Well that's it for this week. Is there a song that you hated in 2013? Do you wish you could have those 3-5 minutes back? Comment below and tell me a despised track that you wish you‘d listened to, and join me next time! Here's my present to all of you for the holidays: