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 411mania » Music » Columns

Gossip Guide 1.01.14: Taylena is Forever
Posted by Jeremy Lambert on 01.01.2014

Gossip Guide here, your one and only source into the scandalous lives of entertainment's elite.

All Too Well
(News stories involving celebrity hook-ups and break-ups)

Miley Cyrus has been hooking up with Kellan Lutz.

I guess this ends any rumors of Miley and Liam Hemsworth getting back together. All I know about Kellan Lutz is that he was in the Twilight movies and played himself on 30 Rock, where he played an idiot in very convincing fashion. I'm surprised that Lutz would hook up with Miley given that he is friends with Liam, but I guess his star has fallen pretty far now that Twilight is in the books and he really hasn't done anything since then. I just hope that he's not dumb enough to get attached to Miley, who is clearly just using him as a rebound and possibly to piss off Liam for hurting her. Maybe since Lutz was cast in The Expendables 3 to essentially replace Hemsworth, who was killed in The Expendables 2, Miley is just going with the youngest and least talented actor in the series.

Best of luck to Kellan and Miley, who will last all of a month or so.

Dean McDermott cheated on Tori Spelling with Emily Goodhand.

Chalk up another failed reality show marriage. Seriously, if you're a celebrity couple, stop doing a reality show. How many failed marriages do you have to witness before you realize that it almost always leads to divorce? I didn't watch the Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott reality show, but I imagine that it was pretty bad. I can't say I even know much about Tori Spelling since I didn't watch 90210 or Melrose Place or Rodeo Dr or whatever show she was on before I was old enough to care about television. I do remember her during her Saved By The Bell stint and know that she only got jobs in television because of her dad. So I guess there's that.

Anyway, I hate cheaters, so Dean McDermott is a scumbag. Also, how are you going to cheat during Christmas. AND YOU HAVE KIDS?!?!?! Like, what is wrong with this dude? He says that they have a "sexless marriage" and that's why he cheated. Sexless marriage is basically saying the same thing twice. When you get married, sex goes out the window. Especially when you've been married since 2006 and have four kids. You want to keep having sex when you're 47? Don't get married and don't have kids.

Better Than Revenge
(News stories involving celebrity feuds and disses)

Selena Gomez is upset at Taylor Swift for spending her birthday with Lorde, who Selena does not get along with.

This report immediately turned out to be false as Selena Gomez spent this past Saturday night with Taylor Swift, drinking tea and FaceTiming with Demi Lovato. You just can't break up Taylena overnight. Maybe Selena was a little jealous that Taylor was hanging out with Lorde, but Selena knows that Taylor is no Bieber, she's not just going to leave her for the hottest new thing. That said, Selena does seem very clingy so Taylor might want to take things slow with Lorde. But Selena knows better than to mess with Taylor because she could absolutely crush her if she wanted to. Selena really has nothing going for her. Her music is terrible, she's canceling concerts, and she's not really a great actress either. If she gets on the bad side of Ms. Swift, her career would be over because if Taylor pens a song about Selena's jealous ways and her terrible relationship with Bieber, that'd be the end of her.

Luckily, Taylena is forever. Also, how do I get invited to these Saturday night FaceTime chats?

Dwyane Wade fathered a child with another woman while on a break with current fiancé Gabrielle Union.

First off, I feel bad for Gabrielle Union. Secondly, YES! YES! YES! Keep screwing up Dwyane. Think about how you've possibly screwed up your relationship with Gabrielle while you're carrying the ball up court. Think about this child while you're at the free throw line.

All this story does is confirm what hardcore NBA fans already know: Dwyane Wade is a scumbag. He's a dirty player on the court and he's a jerk off the court. You want to sleep around while you're "on a break" with someone, fine. But don't be dumb about it. Wear protection you idiot. Of course if you truly love this woman, you're not going to be sleeping around, but this is DWade we're talking about. Again, he's a scumbag. I'm just glad that the rest of the world know this now as well. Maybe Gabrielle will leave him and just add to

I Knew You Were Trouble
(News stories involving celebrities in trouble)

Justin Bieber announced his retirement from music but his representatives claim that it was just a joke.

It's a shame that this was a joke. Maybe the fact that his movie bombed will make his reps rethink their decision and they'll let him go through with his retirement. I think the world just needs a break from Bieber at this point and he needs a break from the world. If he took a year or so off, away from the spotlight as much as possible, it could do him so good. Maybe a year away from the spotlight would weed out all the bad influences in his life. Like the ones who do a bunch of drugs, get speeding tickets, and beat up people. If Bieber cuts them off or they're not getting publicity for all that stuff, maybe they'll stop doing it. And in turn, I won't have to read any more stories about Bieber or one of his friends being an idiot, make a funny comment on twitter, and then have a bunch of idiots rush to his defense. Just go away Justin Bieber, just go away.

The Lucky One
(AJ Grey's Pic of the Week)

It's once again Emily Sears, who will continue to occupy this spot if she keeps posting pictures like this.

Our Song
(Music Pick of the Week)

My new favorite song.

XOXO, Gossip Guide


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