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 411mania » Music » Columns

Gossip Guide 1.22.14: Depp and Heard Engaged
Posted by Jeremy Lambert on 01.22.2014

Gossip Guide here, your one and only source into the scandalous lives of entertainment's elite.

All Too Well
(News stories involving celebrity hook-ups and break-ups)

Johnny Depp and Amber Heard are engaged.

Well, this news is sure to disappoint Samer Kadi.

Good for Johnny Depp. There was a rumor awhile ago that Amber Heard was a lesbian, and while that now appears to be false, I wouldn't be shocked if she allowed another woman in bed with her and Depp. Whether or not this marriage will last is anyone's guess. Depp has always been a bit of a player, how else do you explain dating the same person for 14-years but not getting engaged and then getting engaged to a different person after less than a year? Of course, my theory about Heard letting another woman into bed with them could be true and that's why Depp proposed to her. If that's the case then WAY TO GO JOHNNY DEPP!

I Knew You Were Trouble
(News stories involving celebrities in trouble)

Shia LaBeouf headbutted a man during a confrontation at a bar.

Remember last week when I said that I'll be writing about Shia after he "retired from public life." As usual, I was right. If you're going to retire from public life, it would help if you don't go out in public. I'd imagine that Shia has a pretty nice mansion given all that Transformers money. I'm pretty sure he could afford to bring the party to him. Throw a big party and hire a couple of bouncers, so if anything gets out of hand, the bouncers can take care of things and Shia won't have to resort to head butting people. I realize this is a very simple idea and one that any smart person who is supposedly over "the public life" would think of, but thinking isn't really Shia's strong suit. Then again, anyone who would truly like to retire from the public life, wouldn't actually want to be around the public, but no one ever said Shia was the sharpest tool in the shed.

Let's all just hope that this is the last we hear from Shia for at least a month and that he's able to get his life on track. And by that I mean stay in his house for the rest of his life, away from a computer and cell phone so he can't get into trouble online and then google his apology speech.

Drugs were found in the home of Justin Bieber during a recent raid. Also, texts between him and Selena Gomez were leaked.

The texts between him and Gomez are so hilarious. They went something like this:

Bieber - I want you back, baby.

Gomez - No.

Bieber - Come on baby, You miss my dick. *Dick pic*

Gomez - You're gross. All my friends hate you.


And of course Gomez will probably go running back to him. Because girls don't want nice guys. They want assholes who they think they can change.

As for the drugs, that's not really a shocker. Some guy named Lil Za took the blame for Bieber's cocaine but now Bieber is addict to sizzurp, which I think is just cold medicine. Hopefully Bieber takes enough cold medicine tho put him asleep for a long time and I don't have to write about him every week because it's getting harder to harder to come up with a new term for "douchebag."

Sadly, that won't happen. This idiot will keep taking drugs, banging hot chicks, making terrible music, and ruining my life as a gossip columnist.

The Lucky One
(AJ Grey's Pic of the Week)

Once again, it's the love of my life, Jaclyn Swedberg.

Our Song
(Music Pick of the Week)

Over the weekend, Larry Csonka sat me down at his house and FORCED me to watch Pitch Perfect for the 100th time this year. So here's the greatest song of all-time by the greatest woman of all-time.

XOXO, Gossip Guide


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