The Southern Fried Chronicle 01.20.06
Posted by Rhett Walker on 01.20.2006
Flame on, readers! This one is guaranteed to piss at least a few people off!
Welcome back to another edition of The Southern Fried Chronicle. I'm Rhett Walker, the man who writes this because I like to and because you like me to. So, readers, what's happening? It's another boring week here in the Deep South. No sports worth speaking of, no new music to praise/criticize, and no interesting weekend plans. It's been a while since the wife and I have made a trip to her parents' house, and since it is right in the middle of Mom's and little sister's birthdays, now is a good a time as any. Aside from the birthdays, the girls are planning something that is sheer torture for any red-blooded heterosexual male – a group viewing of the Miss America Pageant. I am so thankful that the in-laws live close to the town where I went to college. While they are watching the pageant, I will be at one of a few bars that I like to frequent when I am in town, with a Guinness in hand at all times. If you don't hear from me next week, then I didn't escape the torture and am seeking psychiatric help.
Like the row of beer taps at your favorite bar, we've got a lot of choices on the menu
Jeff is leaving the music zone and going over to 411 politics. You will be missed. You can have a guest spot in the Chronicle anytime you want it.
Ben liked my ranting about Amy Lee so much that he is planning one of his own.
Jared finished up his extended diatribe about remixes.
Ian and Brian gave us all the indie info we could possibly need.
And last, but certainly not least, check out my counterpart over in 411 movies, Cris Murphy.
This really is news!
In a recent interview, Slayer guitarist Kerry King told Decibel that music for ten of the eleven songs of their new album have been written, and lyrics for four of them have been completed. According to King "We're in the home stretch." The new album, the follow up to 2001's God Hates Us All, will be the first album with original drummer Dave Lombardo in over a decade. King promises that the reunion of the original lineup "isn't a reunion 'cash-in-and-go-away' thing. We're not close to hanging it up; we've still got a lot left." I'm glad that he cleared that up, but he didn't need to. Lombardo has been back with the band since their last tour. The only thing left for the band to decide on is the producer for the new record, with the choices being Dave Sardy (who King originally said would be the man) and Rick Rubin, who produced their most well-known release, Reign in Blood. The album is set to be released later this year. I have no doubt that this album will be nothing short of awesome. Slayer is one of those bands that don't know how to put out a bad album, and they are also one of those extremely rare bands that have gotten better with age. While Metallica has become a horribly disfigured version of itself, Megadeth can't keep a lineup together for anything, and Anthrax has most recently taken two steps backward with their reunion, Slayer has gotten older, wiser, and most importantly, angrier. This is going to be a good year for metal.
Continuing the talk from the previous two weeks surrounding Guns N' Roses, the man himself, Axl Rose, went on record with Rolling Stone about Chinese Democracy, saying that people will hear new G N' R material this year. The band has recorded 26 songs so far, and 32 will be recorded total. Out of those, thirteen will be on the album. I just don't get this. It has taken more than 10 years to record this album, and out of the 2.5 dozen songs recorded, only 13 will be released? WHAT THE FUCK??? This is the same band (in name, at least) that released two albums on the same day and both of them sold like crazy. There is enough G N' R fans still around that would go out and buy another double release and not think twice about it. Not that I personally give a shit about any of this. I will not be buying this album under any circumstances. It doesn't matter what the band name on the record is or who's voice is providing the vocals…it's not Guns N' Roses.
In a recent interview with Classic Rock Revisited, Toto guitarist Steve Lukather claims that Eddie Van Halen is doing fine and still has a lot of good music in him. "He is fine. He went through a really rough spot. Let's face it, on top of what you may have heard about him hurting himself, he got divorced, got cancer and lost his mother all in the same year and a half period. And his band falls apart and there is all that bad vibe. It is tough on a cat. You have to give him a little slack. His body of work speaks for itself. There is still a lot of good music left in Ed. You just have to let him go through what he is going through." First of all, why are we hearing this from the guitarist of Toto of all people? Why aren't we hearing this from Alex Van Halen or Michael Anthony? Second, I feel for Eddie after all the shit he has been through, but it has little to do with the state of the band. There have been problems in the Van Halen camp for nearly a decade, and more times than not the finger has been pointed at Eddie. If there is a snowball's chance in hell of Van Halen ever doing anything again, the guitar virtuoso needs to get his head out of his ass, soon.
In other Van Halen news, former frontman David Lee Roth's attempt to fill the shoes of departed radio god Howard Stern are already proving to be futile. According to David Schultz of Earvolution, "Since taking the commercial airwaves on January 3rd, Roth's inaugural broadcasts have been scatterbrained messes with little to no coherent thought being applied to the subjects discussed during the most misguided call-in show in recent history." Show of hands: how many of you didn't see this one coming? What? All of you knew this was destined to be total shit? Add 1,000 points to your score. David Lee Roth has been living in the past for nearly 20 years. Aside from his first full-length solo album (Eat ‘Em and Smile), Roth has not recorded anything worth listening to since. At one time, Roth was the man. Today, he's a punch line.
Adding yet another reason to the list of why they are one of the coolest bands on earth, Opeth will play a few special live performances entitled "Chronology MCMXCIV- MMV - A Live Observation By Opeth" during their U.S. tour scheduled to begin next month. These special shows will feature songs from each album done by the band, will run in excess of two hours, and will have no opening acts. The bad news is they are only doing three – in New York, Chicago, and possibly Los Angeles. The good news is it has been announced that they will be stopping in New Orleans at the House of Blues in March, along with DevilDriver and Dark Tranquility. I'll give you one guess of who will be going to that show. Jeff, Brandon, Ben: should you feel the urge to hop a plane or get in your cars and come down south to join me, you have a place to crash.
Someone thinks this is news?
I can't possibly try and paraphrase this.
WICKED WISDOM frontwoman Jada Pinkett-Smith (actress and wife of actor/rapper Will Smith) recently spoke to the Tallahassee Democrat about the group's upcoming self-titled debut album and their current multi-band tour also featuring SEVENDUST, SOCIALBURN, ONE and NONPOINT. A few excerpts from the chat follow:
On the fact that WICKED WISDOM's sound reflects the current selections on Pinkett Smith's iPod:
"I've got MESHUGGAH, OTEP, GOD FORBID, BLACK LABEL SOCIETY mixed in with SADE, ANI DIFRANCO, old-school PRINCE, MAXWELL and MILES DAVIS. I listen to everything. . . I've always loved all types of music. My uncle introduced me to bands like LED ZEPPELIN, OZZY OSBOURNE and PINK FLOYD, and my mom was a huge WHO fan. Then in high school, GUNS 'N ROSES was one of my favorite bands. I've always loved heavy music."
On her two children, son Jaden and daughter Willow:
"My kids love having a rock 'n' roll mom. My son is more of a hip-hop head, but my daughter is a really big rock fan. She tells me, 'Mom, you know I'm going to have a better band than you.' The girl is 5 years old. She comes up with about 10 new band names a day."
On playing the second stage for last summer's Ozzfest dates:
"It's not as wild and crazy as people try to make it seem. It's a real family affair. People bring their kids to the shows and a lot of the band members have families, too."
On the upcoming WICKED WISDOM CD, which will be released on Feb. 21:
"The album takes you on a real roller-coaster ride. It's very different from anything out there right now. It's who WICKED WISDOM is."
All metalheads can now laugh in unison. Who in the hell does this woman think she is? Go back to Will and the kids and stay away from a recording studio. And do not ever call yourselves a hard rock/metal band. You are a waste of a perfectly good recording contract that should have gone to a band that actually deserves one.
Something to vent about
Nine times out of ten I reserve this part of the column to vent about something current in music that pisses me off. In this case, it's both current and not. How is that? Allow me to explain.
Not too long ago, the boss of bosses, Ashish, came up with a super neato new way for the writers of this kick ass site to send in their columns. The only catch was that you needed a registered name for the 411 Forums. I already had a name, but I hardly ever use it (I can count the total number of posts I have made on ONE HAND). A few days ago, I felt the urge to logon and check out the latest and greatest ramblings, and I came across one that caught my attention. It was about someone named Casey who claims to be a better guitar player than deceased Nirvana frontman, Kurt Cobain. To be honest, I don't know who Casey is (If you write for 411, I'm sorry I don't know who you are), but I felt like reading what everyone had to say. I even decided to respond the post. I didn't say that much in my post. I decided to reserve that for here.
Kurt Cobain is one of the most overrated figures in the history of music. I don't know how to say it any simpler. He was the driving force behind a second-rate band that just happened to be in the right place in the right time. At the height of the band's popularity, he took a shotgun and blew his face off. As a result, he and the band have been placed on a pedestal that they don't deserve, and it's about time that everyone realized this.
Did Nirvana usher in the grunge era? Sure they did (not completely alone, but they were the most prominent factor). This does not mean, however, that the grunge era was a good thing. Actually, the early to mid 90's represents one of the worst times in the history of rock. Grunge got boring, fast. Luckily, the elder statesmen of rock at the time were there to battle it out with grunge. Van Halen was still going strong. Ozzy was still successful. Metallica (albeit the shitty, Bob Rock version of the band) broke into the mainstream in a huge way. Aerosmith was touring relentlessly. Guns N' Roses was nearly unstoppable (if it weren't for Axl and his bullshit, they would have been). As the decade came to a close, metal was experiencing a second upswing, and grunge was a flash in the pan.
Was Nirvana the best band to come out of the grunge era? They weren't even close. Alice in Chains was infinitely better, as was Soundgarden. Actually, both of these bands were unfairly labeled as grunge. They happened to come out around the same time as Nirvana and were from Seattle. After that, the similarities end. Alice in Chains and Soundgarden were metal, and very well done metal at that. So good, in fact, that both bands opened for some of the best metal acts of the early 90's. Alice in Chains opened for both Van Halen and Ozzy (and I saw both of those tours), and Soundgarden opened for G N' R.
So what was it about Kurt Cobain that makes some people think he is so great? Was he a great guitar player? No, he wasn't. The overwhelming majority of Nirvana's songs are made up of a maximum of four chords, and his guitar solos are a complete joke. Was he a great singer? No, he wasn't. His voice was whiny and rasperous, and you couldn't understand 90% of the words he was singing. Was he a great songwriter? If you can count song after song of three to four chord repetitions as great songwriting, then yes. If you have half a brain, then no. The band had one song that got everyone's attention, and all of a sudden the man is some sort of rock deity.
Now that I have managed to piss off the Nirvana faithful once again (I have proudly done it before), I shall go a little further. For anyone that thinks everything I have said about Kurt Cobain so far is wrong, let's do a short comparison. Let's put Kurt Cobain, someone who some people think was the voice of a generation and an unbelievable musician, up against someone who, like Mr. Cobain, is a well-known guitar player, singer, and songwriter who left the world too soon. Kurt Cobain, meet Jimi Hendrix. In all three categories, Jimi wins. In terms of guitar playing and songwriting, he wins in a landslide. In terms of singing, he wasn't the greatest, but unlike Cobain you can understand him.
You will notice I said that Kurt Cobain left the world too soon. I really did mean that. If he was still around, he would be exposed for what he really is instead of being so revered. And before you ask, no, I don't have a crystal ball, I have something better: Pearl Jam. Nirvana would have traveled down the exact same path as their brethren. A breakthrough album (Nevermind, Ten), a good album (Vs, In Utero), and then the voyage into mediocrity, barely to be heard from. That's what Cobain deserved. He was a heroin addict who was too much of a pussy to face his demons and took the easy way out courtesy of a shotgun. He was not a great musician.
This week's column brought to you by…
Iced Earth – Something Wicked This Way Comes
Alice in Chains – Dirt
Queensryche – Empire
