The Southern Fried Chronicle 02.10.06
Posted by Rhett Walker on 02.10.2006
Life is good, but I’m still pissed about something.
Welcome back, my loyal readers, to another edition of The Southern Fried Chronicle. I'm Rhett Walker, the man who is in too good a mood to be angry right now, which may or may not be good for this week's column. Why am I in such a good mood, do you ask? It goes like this. As I write this, it is Thursday morning, I am at work, the boss is gone all week to a conference, and tomorrow is my last day at my job. After enduring the hell known as my current job (for another 36 hours) for just over a year, I am moving on to much greener pastures. Don't get me wrong, the company I am leaving is great. We do cool shit, and I like the owners a whole bunch, but I really hate my job. I could get on one hell of a soapbox right now, but I'm sure that none of you are all that interested in reading it, so let's get on with the column, shall we?
Football!
Men all across the United States drowned their sorrows this past Sunday, as the football season officially came to an end with Superbowl XL. I was torn for who to cheer for (Bettis deserved to go out in style, Alexander is a Bama man), so I had not real stake in who won or lost. I did, however, drink many beers in mourning for the end of the only sport really worth a shit. Baseball is waaaaaayyyyy too long, and Thugball (NBA) is a complete waste of my time. August can't get here soon enough.
Like the row of beer taps at your favorite bar, we've got a lot of choices on the menu
Ben wasn't impressed with the new Godsmack, and he thinks Fred Durst is a Jackass (we have so much in common).
Jared took some heat away from me by talking about Trent Reznor
Phil's column actually says that it was done by Phil this week
Over in politics, Joe Rivett said what most of us have been thinking for a long time
And don't forget to make it over to the movies section and check out my counterpart, Cris Murphy
This really is news!
Everybody already knows this, but I felt the urge to print it and bitch a little. The Rolling Stones played the Superbowl halftime show and got censored for some of their lyrics. I would like to thank Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson for royally fucking up the halftime show for years to come. The past two Superbowls have had two of the most boring halftime shows. Paul McCartney practically put me to sleep last year, and it didn't take genius to know that the Stones were going to play Satisfaction for the 1,659,812th time. If they want to do it right next year and still keep older acts as the entertainment, AC/DC should be on tour. That would be a bad ass halftime show.
The new album from Wicked Wisdom, the band fronted by Jada Pinkett Smith, will be released February 21. Should you feel so inclined, you can listen to two tracks from the upcoming record here. Only do this, however, if you feel like wasting seven minutes of your life that you can never get back. Wicked Wisdom is shit. There's no other way to describe them. Jada Pinkett Smith has no business fronting a metal band. She can't sing (Lacuna Coil), nor can she growl (Arch Enemy). All she does is talk over sub-par music. Sharon Osbourne must die! It is because of her that this band gets any kind of recognition. May the crabs of a thousand prostitutes infest her daughter Kelly's crotch. Oh wait, she took care of that herself.
In a recent interview, Judas Priest guitarist K.K. Downing stated that he would like to play a whole new set of songs on the next tour. Among the songs he would like to remove from the set list: Victim of Changes, Breaking the Law, and Living After Midnight. I have to give mad props to the man for wanting to mix things up. There are a lot of artists that have huge catalogs that don't do this. I don't blame him one bit for wanting to do this. The hits may be the band's bread and butter, but when you have a band that has been around for this long, playing the same hits over and over, it probably gets a little stale for the band. I hope they do decide to do this, and I hope they come close enough to where I live so I can go.
Who would win in a fight, Lemmy or God? Trick question, Lemmy IS God! I think it's safe to say that every time he does an interview, it's going to be entertaining. In his most recent interview, he spoke about a range of interesting topics. First was legalizing heroin (he doesn't do drugs, but sees this is as a way of controlling it), second was his desire to put screwdrivers through the knees of a journalist who wrote a story claiming he was bisexual, and finally, whether or not he uses Viagra (which he does). The man makes great music with his band, and does an excellent interview. Can we even count the ways that Lemmy kicks ass?
I just got finished listening to the first single from the upcoming album from Godsmack. Wanna hear it too? Click here. I'm sad to report that upon first listen I am a little disappointed. It felt like it was missing some cock and balls (you'll know what I mean when you listen to it). This, however, does not mean that I will not listen to the new album once it drops. I thought Voodoo sucked ass on the first album, but the rest was damn good.
One of the greatest bands in the history of music has decided to play a few more live shows. The original power trio, Cream, have announced that they will play some more dates in 2006, according to bassist/vocalist Jack Bruce. Just like last year, they will set up shop in a few cities and play multiple dates in said cities, in lieu of a full-blown tour. This band is like Pink Floyd - it doesn't matter how old the members are or how long it's been since they have played together. If they tour, YOU GO SEE THEM! Chances are they won't be playing anywhere near the Deep South, but if the stars align themselves and a miracle occurs, I will go. I don't care if one ticket blows my entire concert/football ticket budget for the year, I WILL GO!
Something to vent about
It's been a week of fun reading here at 411 music. For those of you that haven't noticed, a feud is developing. Stephen Morgan, who write the series of "Untouchables" columns decided to take a look at Guns ‘N Roses, and his opinions seemed to have pissed a few people off. The most notable of these is a fellow 411 music columnist, writer of "Wake Up: Time to Rock," Tollah, who took it upon himself to voice his opinion about the same band and bash Stephen for his in the process.
I'm not going to take sides on this. I like reading just about everyone who takes the time to write for the music zone. There's really only one way to put this: take it outside. Don't settle this in your individual columns. Either drop emails back and forth or get on a messaging program and discuss it. There was a column that was done here awhile back, Grut vs. Daniels. These two got on IM, argued about a predetermined topic, then saved it and printed it here for all of us to see. Why don't the two of you do that? But don't blast each other in your respective columns.
Now that that is out of the way, let's talk about some of the other fun reading here in the music zone. Everyone here has at least one band that they truly loathe, and everyone has vented about those bands at least once or twice. Jared decided to put the artist that he truly despises on display in his column this week. I find myself sharing in his opinion. Don't get me wrong, I do like some of the music put out under the name Nine Inch Nails, but by no means do I think Trent Reznor deserves the musical genius moniker that has been put on him by lots of obsessed fans.
But I'm not here to rehash what Jared said. He did it quite well himself. But there are a bunch of pissed of writers this week at 411 music, and since I am "The angriest columnist at 411 Music" (don't believe me, check my profile), I can't be soft and cuddly during a week when venom is spewing from every link on the page.
So, what am I pissed of about? Hmmmm, lets see. Ok, got something.
If I sound like a music snob over the next few paragraphs, my apologies. I don't consider myself one. There are a lot of people out there (some of them probably write here) that know a hell of a lot more than I do about music. I like to think that I know a fair amount about music that I like, love, dislike, hate, and 100% detest. I like introducing people to bands they haven't heard before, and vice versa. The more great music that I have in my life, the better my life is.
For a lot of other people, music doesn't have as big of an influence on their lives, and that's ok I can understand that. The only problem for me is these people know just enough about music to piss me off to no end. Jump in the time machine with me and let's go back a few years (a decade to be exact). It was my first Senior year of college. I was living in a small, two bedroom house with one of my best friends. One evening, he decides to thumb through my CD collection for something to listen to and comes across Faith No More's breakthrough album, The Real Thing. He puts it in the player, goes to track 2, and hits repeat. Do I even need to tell you what song that is? Do you think he took the time to listen to any other songs on the disc? Do you see where I am going here?
Fast forward a few years. My friend and I are roommates once again. My CD collection is easily in the hundreds. I can count the number of CD's he has on my fingers and toes. He still goes through my collection for something to listen to from time to time and still goes straight for only the songs he knows and nothing else. This sucks.
What my friend (and lots of others) doesn't realize is that there is so much more to listen to than what has made it into the mainstream. Take The Real Thing, for instance. "Epic" is not the best song on there. It's not even close. Let's go a step further; The Real Thing isn't even the best record by Faith No More. It's bad ass, but Angel Dust blows it out of the water. If you turn on the radio, however, the only thing by Faith No More that ever gets played is "Epic" (occasionally you might hear "Falling to Pieces").
When it comes to music, people like this live in a world that I am extremely thankful I'm not a part of. I'm not going to pretend like I don't like some mainstream bands, but I like those bands for a lot more than their one or two songs on the radio. I don't care what's in the Top 40, pushed on MTV and VH1, or on the cover of Rolling Stone. If I like it, I like it. It just blows giant donkey balls that there are so many people that claim to be into music but can't get past that which is shoved down their throats relentlessly. Then these same people wish to engage into discussion with me about music, and I end up wanting to bash their skull in out of pure frustration. Example: One of my other best friends tries to act like he knows a lot about music. Half of what he knows comes from mainstream; the other half comes from me. One night we got into a discussion because I like to bust his balls about liking Linkin Park (I can't stand them). Somewhere along the line we shifted gears and began talking about thrash metal. I immediately named off the pioneers of the subgenre. He told me I was wrong, but he couldn't tell me who was right. For being one of the smartest people I know, he sure as hell doesn't know jack shit about music.
So, I will leave you all with this question:
Who are the four bands widely considered to be the pioneers of thrash metal?
Drop me a line and tell me who they are. We shall use this as a segue into the column next week.
This column has been brought to you by…
Jet – Get Born
Cream – The Very Best of Cream
Iron Maiden – Powerslave
Slayer – God Hates Us All
Farewell. Farewell till we meet again. Peace be with you. May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
