The Digital Pulse 05.31.06: The Passion Of The Federline
Posted by Joshua Richey on 05.31.2006
The Good. The Bad. The PopoZao.
Kevin Federline. Just the sheer mention of his name can send chills down one's spine. In a world where it's getting more, and more rare to find a unanimous stance on anything – everyone seems to hate the guy. Why though? Is it his appearance? Is it jealousy? Is it because he's a dirty talent less leech that is sponging off of his baby's mama? In this week's edition of The Digital Pulse, we unravel this mystery. By the end of this article we will know if Mr. Spears is in fact a douche bag, or if he is simply misunderstood.
The Digital Pulse presents: The Passion Of The Federline.
Before writing this article I asked a number of people a simple question. What are five characteristics that you hate about Kevin Federline? I narrowed their various responses down to these five arguments.
‘He's a Back-Up Dancer!'
The Bad:
Only a man with no pride, no ethics, and no purpose for life would admit to being a backup dancer. On the totem pole of life; being a back-up dancer is right there at the bottom; alongside re-enactment actors, and the President of Homeland Security.
The Good:
Being a Back-Up Dancer opened doors for K-Fed. He (backup) danced for the likes of Justin Timberlake, LFO, and Britney Spears. Hell, it even got him a part in the 2004 critically acclaimed motion picture ‘You Got Served'. A role in which he turned in an epic, heart wrenching performance.
‘He's a Wigger!'
The Bad:
I'm not sure what the politically correct word for ‘wigger' is, perhaps ‘racially confused', ‘ethnically challenged', or simply ‘color blind'. Nonetheless Kevin Federline is a fashion disaster. I wouldn't even know where to begin. With the cornrows? The socks with sandals? Or the clothes that wouldn't even fit Louie Anderson.
The Good:
Kevin Federline is from the mean streets of Fresno, California. He's paid his dues, and can dress however he wants. Honestly, what white guy doesn't wish he could have cornrows? Don't be jealous of him for it. Envy him, because he almost pulled it off without looking like a retard.
‘He's a Mooch!'
The Bad:
A picture is worth a thousand words...
...that fucker knows that isn't his money!!
The Good:
No good here folks. Only pathetic.
‘He ruined Britney Spears career!'
The Bad:
Britney Spears was once the most desirable piece of ass in the world. The image on the left is the Britney will all knew, and loved. On the right, is Mrs. Federline as we know her today.
Behold the power of K-Fed.
The Good:
With Britney; Kevin was simply leaving his mark. Just his way of letting the entire world know that ‘hey, I'm Kevin Federline. I hit that shit...2x!!'.
‘He's a Home Wrecker!'
The Bad:
Before mooching off of Britney Spears. Kevin was in a relationship with Moesha star Shar Jackson. While pregnant with the couples second child – Kevin ran off with Miss. Spears; abandoning their children, and their marriage.
The Good:
Now let's put ourselves in Kevin's unlaced shoes. Your wife is expecting your second child. She still hasn't lost that ‘baby fat' from her first pregnancy, even though she had promised she would. One day the sexiest pop star in the world approaches you, and asks you to go on tour with her. What do you do? On top of all that – after the tour is finished she begs you to marry her. She wants the penis, and who are you to deny her? If your wife loves you, she'll understand.
There you have it folks. You're all probably now dumber for having read that stuff. For that I apologize.
My Future Ex-Wife Of The Week: 05.24.06 Brooke Burke
In honor of Memorial Day, here is some Brooke Burke to satisfy your needs. Have fun fellas..
The (O.T)
> I'm afraid that I may be addicted to Surge Vault.
> I caught the midnight showing of X-Men: The Last Stand on Friday, and loved it.
> If your not watching the 2006 NBA Playoffs, then you're really missing out. The NBA may finally back.
> Why can't something severely bad happen to Carlos Mencia?
