Sex, News, & Violins 06.04.06

Posted by Jamie Buttineau on 06.04.2006

I'm late, I got news on Death Cab, Yeah Yeah Yeah's and Depeche Mode, and Brian Berry talks about crazy Christmas trees. How can you not want to read?

Alright ladies and gentlemen we're running a smidge on the late side this week. Seeing as how this is going up on Sunday and all. I tell ya, you say to yourself that a trip to the states and to New Jersey sounds like a fun time and then a crazy homeless threatens you with his karate skills and tries to steal your shit. But I got to meet Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes so it was worth it. So forgive me if this week is a little on the short side, I can't be high quality every week friends. I AM NOT GOD!!

High quality, ha, I'm lucky if the word quality can even be used in conjunction with this column.


Viewer Mail

It's letter time, it's letter time, this letter comes from 411's own Brian Berry, or as I like to call him, DA MAN:

...a bit 'o response to the column.

From my limited knowledge of your musical taste I'd suggest you pick up Tortoise's self-titled album or "TNT." Great study/background music from Thrill Jockey Records.

Also, I'm glad you liked the Danielson album. I've listened to his stuff for a while and see him perform with Deerhoof a couple years back. He wore this gigantic tree costume with felt fruit hanging off it. Ridiculous absurd Christian awesomeness.

I have a Southwest Airlines voucher and I plan to attend the Pitchfork Festival. A few bands I plan to check include:
∢ Silver Jews
∢ The Futureheads
∢ Ted Leo/Pharmacists
∢ Destroyer
∢ Mountain Goats
∢ Band of Horses
∢ Matmos
Sunday, July 30
∢ Os Mutantes (the main reason I'll go)
∢ Spoon
∢ Yo La Tengo
∢ Mission of Burma
∢ The National
You really can't beat $30 for a two day show. It'll be hotter than hell though.

I get a kick out of your column...keep up the good work!

By the way, are you a Walkmen fan? The new album's great!

take'r easy,
Brian B.

Gotta love the Berryman. He actually gets to go to the Pitchfork concert, that's gonna be sick. And $30 is pretty awesome for two days of show. I actually started listening to some Os Mutantes, it's pretty good although of course I don't understand a single damn word but that didn't stop me from loving Rammstein so it won't stop me from loving this.

And the crazy Christmas tree with felt fruit outfit? That shit's just cool.


Let's churn these things out quick…

Headlines!

Ben Gibbard Has A Big Head…No Real Insight In That Remark I Just Think He Does

Last week I mentioned how Death Cab For Cutie will be doing a few shows with Spoon, and this week they revealed their summer tour plans. They'll be hitting up a few festivals here and there, like Lollapalooza (I almost spelled that right on the first try…And why does spellcheck know how to spell Lollapalooza?), T In The Park, Bonnaroo and a bunch of others. In addition to working with Spoon they'll do some shows with Mates Of State as well. Good times.

BADA BADA BAH BAH, BADA BAH BAH BADA BAH BAH, BADA BAH BAH BADA DAH DADA BADA BAH:

06-16 Manchester, TN - Bonnaroo Music & Arts Festival
06-23 Neuhasen ob Eck, Germany - Southside Festival
06-24 Scheessel, Germany - Hurricane Festival
06-25 Amsterdam, Holland - Paradiso
06-27 Leeds, England - University of Leeds
06-28 London, England - Carling Academy Brixton
06-29 Werchter, Belgium - Rock Werchter
06-30 Roskilde, Denmark - Roskilde Festival
07-01 Bonn, Germany - Rhinkultur Festival
07-06 Kristiansand, Norway - Quart Festival
07-08 Co Kildare, Ireland - Oxegen Festival
07-09 Balado, Scotland - T in the Park
07-14 Melbourne, Australia - Forum Theatre
07-15 Sydney, Australia - Home (Rebel Rebel)
07-16 Sydney, Australia - Home (Rebel Rebel)
07-17 Adelaide, Australia - Governor Hindmarsh
07-18 Fremantle, Australia - Metropolis Fremantle
07-20 Fortitude Valley, Australia - The Zoo
07-22 Byron Bay, Australia - Splendour in the Grass
08-03 Cuyahoga Falls, OH - Kuyahoga Festival
08-04 Chicago, IL - Grant Park (Lollapalooza)
08-05 Lawrence, KS - Bleeding Kansas Arts & Music Festival
08-06 Denver, CO - The Fillmore *
08-08 Orem, UT - McKay Events Center *
08-10 Veneta, OR - Secret House Vineyard *
08-11 Berkeley, CA - Greek Theatre, UC Berkeley *#
08-12 Berkeley, CA - Greek Theatre, UC Berkeley *#
08-13 Los Angeles, CA - Greek Theatre *#
08-14 Los Angeles, CA - Greek Theatre *#
08-15 San Diego, CA - Embarcadero Marina Park South *#

* with Mates of State
# with Spoon

The band will also be on a VH1 Classic special called Decade's Rock Live where the band played some covers of Elvis Costello songs and Gibbard and Costello even played an acoustic version of "I Will Follow You Into The Dark", which is their next single. Ya know if it wasn't for Costello geek rock might not even exist so Gibbard owes his career to the guy. And Buddy Holly. And probably a bunch of other people and bands they resemble. Meh, Transatlanticism was a good album.

The Art Of Bleeps & Bloops

Depeche Mode rocks your face so whenever they release a new product it makes me wanna grab my Member's Only jacket and run out and get it. Although I don't have a Members Only jacket. But I want one.

The band is releasing their albums Speak & Spell, Music For The Masses, and Violator on CD/DVD with 5.1 Surround Sound and various extras like short films and extra tracks, ya know typical remastered re-release goodies. Should be swanky. Here's the tracklisting:

Speak & Spell:

CD:
01 New Life
02 I Sometimes Wish I Was Dead
03 Puppets
04 Boys Say Go!
05 Nodisco
06 What's Your Name?
07 Photographic
08 Tora! Tora! Tora!
09 Big Muff
10 Any Second Now (Voices)
11 Just Can't Get Enough
12 Dreaming of Me

DVD:
01 New Life
02 I Sometimes Wish I Was Dead
03 Puppets
04 Boys Say Go!
05 Nodisco
06 What's Your Name?
07 Photographic
08 Tora! Tora! Tora!
09 Big Muff
10 Any Second Now (Voices)
11 Just Can't Get Enough
12 Dreaming of Me
13 Ice Machine
14 Shout
15 Any Second Now
16 Just Can't Get Enough (Schizo Mix)
Do We Really Have to Give up Our Day Jobs? (short film)

Music for the Masses:
CD:
01 Never Let Me Down Again
02 The Things You Said
03 Strangelove
04 Sacred
05 Little 15
06 Behind the Wheel
07 I Want You Now
08 To Have and to Hold
09 Nothing
10 Pimpf

DVD:
01 Never Let Me Down Again
02 The Things You Said
03 Strangelove
04 Sacred
05 Little 15
06 Behind the Wheel
07 I Want You Now
08 To Have and to Hold
09 Nothing
10 Pimpf
11 Agent Orange
12 Pleasure, Little Treasure
13 Route 66
14 Stjarna
15 Sonata No.14 in C#m (Moonlight Sonata)
16 Agent Orange (5.1 audio mix)
17 Never Let Me Down Again (Aggro Mix)
18 To Have And to Hold (Spanish Taster)
19 Pleasure, Little Treasure (Glitter Mix)
Sometimes You Do Need Some New Jokes (short film)

Violator:

CD:
01 World in My Eyes
02 Sweetest Perfection
03 Personal Jesus
04 Halo
05 Waiting for the Night
06 Enjoy the Silence
07 Policy of Truth
08 Blue Dress
09 Clean

DVD:
01 World in My Eyes
02 Sweetest Perfection
03 Personal Jesus
04 Halo
05 Waiting for the Night
06 Enjoy the Silence
07 Policy of Truth
08 Blue Dress
09 Clean
10 Dangerous
11 Memphisto
12 Sibeling
13 Kaleid
14 Happiest Girl (Jack Mix)
If You Wanna Use Guitars, Use Guitars (short film)

They had a song called "Sometimes I Wish I Was Dead"? Damn, someone listened to Morrissey when they were younger.

I Wish My Last Name Was A Letter

The Yeah Yeah Yeah's are looking for video submissions to include for their music video for their new single "Cheated Hearts". Dude, if I had a camera I would so do this. The band wants videos of fans doing their best YYY's impressions dancing or lip syncing or whatever they want with the song to put in their video. So dress like Karen O. (or a crazy lady in other words) and….well the other two and you may get in a video. Submissions are due on June 12. Sweet.

The group also have a few new dates so I will post those. Cuz that's the thing that I do. What with the news report and all.

Hells Yeah Yeah Yeah:
05-31 Milan, Italy - Rolling Stone
06-02 Barcelona, Spain - Parc del Forum (Primavera Sound)
06-10 Mountain View, CA - Shoreline Amphitheatre (BFD)
06-18 Detroit, Michigan - 89X Birthday Bash
07-22 Byron Bay, Australia - (Splendour in the Grass)
08-05 San Diego, CA - Qualcomm Stadium (Street Scene)
08-11 Brooklyn, NY - McCarren Park Pool *#
08-11 Brooklyn, NY - McCarren Park Pool *$
08-25 Reading, England - Reading Festival
08-26 Leeds, England - Leeds Festival
09-02 Glasgow, Scotland - Indian Summer Festival
09-03 County Laois, Ireland - Stradbally Estate (Electric Picnic 2006)

* with Sonic Youth
# with Blood on the Wall
$ with Awesome Color


Ahhh that'll do for now, we're running short on time here so let's just dive into…

RAPIDFIRE NEWS SMARTASSERY!!

Apparently the new Amy Millian album sucks. Disappointing. And my friend says the new Emily Haines solo album isn't all that hot either. So Feist remains the best solo female Broken Social Scene member. For now.

In a poll from NME, Oasis' album Definitely Maybe was voted the greatest album of all time, which is just stupid. England, hang your head in shame.

Kanye West is not a plagiarist. Just a prick.

Fallout Boy doesn't want one of their songs included in a compilation aimed at pre-teens because they don't consider the song "Dance Dance" kid's music. I don't want the song included in any compilation aimed at anyone because I don't consider "Dance Dance" actual music. Lameasses.

Steven Seagal is releasing a new blues album. I'd mock him, but then he might break my neck so I'll keep my mouth shut.

Oh who am I kidding, that's gonna suck so bad.

R. Kelly doesn't want the video of him doing nasty things with an underage girl. Are you crazy R. Kelly? This could be the sextape sensation of the year! Who doesn't want to see a crazed, perverted R&B singer peeing on a little girl? Gold baby, gold!

Actually I just saw the episode of Boondocks involving R. Kelly. Adam West is so awesome.

Alicia Keys and Gavin DeGraw will present and perform at the Songwriters Hall of Fame awards dinner. Meanwhile the people who write their songs will be attending their kids' dance recitals.

Pete Doherty was searched for drugs at an airport in Spain. Which isn't surprising, hell when he goes to his family's house for Christmas they probably search him at the front door. Dude, seriously, just stop it.

Mariah Carey has been rumored to have insured her legs for $1 billion. Um, if your legs are worth that much why even work? I'd rip off my legs, collect the $1 billion and then buy some crazy robot legs with my money.
That's just common sense.

Madonna's latest tour started off with her strapped to a mirrored crucifix while AIDS statistics flashed on the screen. Sigh, fine, I'll admit it, Madonna is starting to get interesting again. Fuck, wasn't she the one we were all mocking for rapping in a song a while back? While do we all love her again? Damn her disco roots.

Grateful Dead keyboardist Vince Welnick has gratefully passed away. Rest in peace my sweet deadite.

Luciano Pavarotti farewell tour has been delayed again. I'm not sure why exactly, but I'm gonna guess it's because he's so fat.

And that should be enough this week, making this the rapidest RAPIDFIRE yet. Good times.

Billboard Top 20

Ok, let's check this bitch out quick.


1. Dixie Chicks, Taking The Long Way – Hmmm, well, they're country, but they're one of the better country groups…Although that's not saying much really….Ah, I'll let them off easy this week. But watch your backs ladies. Especially the fat one.

2. Various Artists, High School Musical - …..AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3. Various Artists, American Idol Season 5: Encores – I still say Mandisa should have won. Fucking grey haired freak.

4. Angels And Airwaves, We Don't Need To Whisper – Complete and utter ass. But someone from Blink 182 is involved so that's to be expected….At least I think one of those douchebags is involved. No time to check it out. Meh someone will probably tell me.

5. Red Hot Chili Peppers, Stadium Arcadium – I know it was number one for two weeks but still, the Chili Peppers should never be beneath High School Musical or American Idol. Just wrong.

6. Rascal Flatts, Me And My Gang – This will never not be on the countdown will it? It'll be number 6 on here until the day I die.

7. Don Omar, King Of Kings – I feel like I should know who this is but I really don't.

8. Various Artists, WWE Reckless Intent – If Macho Man Randy Savage isn't rapping then I don't give a shit.

9. Tool, 10000 Days – Your wine tastes like dog urine. And not even fancy dog urine, I'm talking about the swill you find in a can.

10. Carrie Underwood, Some Hearts – Wow a country singer AND an American Idol? It's like two great tastes that taste great together! Next.

11. Various Artists, NOW 21 – Next, part deux

12. Rihanna, A Girl Like Me – I was watching MuchMusic and it turns out not only does this chick has three songs but three music videos to go with them. Granted they're all just basically her gyrating on a bunch of pimps but still.

13. Shakira, Oral Fixation Vol. 2 – Shake it, I said shake it!

14. The Wreckers, Stand Still Look Pretty – Well that's basically my philosophy for life.

15. Nick Lachey, What's Left Of Me – What's left of you is apparently not enough to stay in the top ten for longer than one week. See you at number 68 next week Nick.

16. Def Leppard, Yeah! – No!

17. Pearl Jam, Pearl Jam – PEARL JAM!!

18. Cam'Ron, Killa Season – Shhh, be vewy quiet, I'm huntin' killas. Ha-ah-ah-ah-aaaaahhh.

19. T.I., King – The second best king with a T in the name. ALL HAIL KING BOOKER!

20. Nickelback, All The Right Reasons – Sounds like something crawled down Chad Kroeger's throat and died.


Important New Releases Of The Week….According To Me

Only one this week since I didn't to listen to much this week, let's check it out:


Peeping Tom – Peeping Tom
Well I finally listened to a Mike Patton project not called Faith No More. And it was good. Peeping Tom had become a sort of legend since the early tapes or whatever surfaced with material by this group. And eight years later it's out and is pretty good.Typically I don't usually like this kind of music but I go outside my usual musical tastes once in a while. Gotta keep an open mind and all. It's about as mainstream as Mike Patton gets I would imagine, and has guest appearances by Massive Attack, Rahziel, Dub Trio, Dan The Automator and Norah JonesYeah one of those things is not like the other, but regardless it's hard, aggressive and weird. So I likes it. Pick ‘er up.


Au Revoir For Now

Linking takes time so I'll link everything next week. For now go read absolutely everything on 411music. In fact, go back and read every old column too. Especially Brian Berry. Just because.

And that was the short and sweet version of Sex, News, & Violins. Next week, I'll probably supersize the order to make up for this pathetic happy meal of a column. Till then, goodnight and send me some friggin' mail.