411 Music Roundtable: December Edition

Posted by Mitch Michaels on 12.12.2006

The 411 Music staff takes a look back at November, a month that saw Snoop Dogg go to the pound, Jay-Z return with a vengeance, The Darkness split up, Britney Spears re-enter the dating world, Tenacious D take to the big screen and much more. Plus, we take a look ahead at upcoming albums by Gwen Stefani, Ciara, Ghostface Killah, Mary J Blige, Taylor Hicks and others! Come on in!!!

It's that time once again, when the logical and sober alliance of the 411mania Music Zone withdraws from creation ephemerally as it appraises the month past and chews on the musical dealings that may be laid bare under the next lunar cycle. These arbitrations have been time-honored as the 411 Music Roundtable.


DECEMBER 2006


BIGGEST WINNER OF THE MONTH


The Rolling Stones
Brian Berry: The greatest rock 'n roll band of all time has surpassed U2 as the best selling concert act of all-time. Wait...who passed up who?

Jay-Z
Phil Watts, Jr.: With all the Soundscan paper-chasing that went on this month, Jay-Z ended up being the winner. Yeah, he may have done a mail-in job lyrically (with Just Blaze and Kanye carrying him beatwise) and it may not be the 816,000 that was projected earlier (it wound up doing 681K, enough for Gold), but it was still enough to help him win the race.

Jared McGuckin: I'm not a big rap guy, but having your new record debut at number 1 is pretty damn good. Of course, it is Jay-Z and he's got a golden touch of sorts when it comes to music...so I'm told.

Keith Urban
Mitch Michaels: It seems odd to call a guy who's spent the entire month in rehab for alcohol abuse the biggest winner, but it's a fucked up world we live in. His new album debuted at #1 on the Country charts (#3 Pop) and pulled in his highest first week sales ever with over 260,000 units moved. He also picked up the CMA's Male Vocalist Of The Year award (and a standing ovation despite his absence) and recently picked up some Grammy nods. Add to that the fact that the guy is still married to Nicole fucking Kidman, and he's the kind of lucky drunk Aussie we all dream of being someday.


BIGGEST LOSER OF THE MONTH


The Darkness
Brian Berry: Flamboyant frontman Justin Hawkins dropping out of the band drives the nail in the coffin of the most underrated arena rock this side of Cheap Trick. Best wishes on his recovery.

TOO MANY TO NAME JUST ONE
Phil Watts, Jr.: This month saw so many losers, I couldn't narrow it down to one...so I'M NAMING THEM ALL!!:

Lil' Wayne & Birdman: With Weezy & Baby showing their...'Father/Son relationship' (as well as 50 & The Game starting their love/hate relationship with a peck on the cheek last year), it makes me wonder what's REALLY going on with today's hot-hot-hot thug rappers

Snoop: For getting his ass caught AGAIN, this time for having all kinds of drugs in his car. Fool.

Britney Spears & K-Fed's kids: I fear for those children...having to live with THOSE TWO AS YOUR PARENTS!

Fat Joe: Still hungering for the KING OF NEW YORK spot, only to continue his losing streak with another flop.

Lloyd Banks: 50 shouldn't laugh at Fat Joe too hard, as G-Unit continues their own losing streak with Lloyd's latest flop

Brooke Hogan & Flava Flav: Proof that VH-1's credibility as a music network is OFFICIALLY DEAD, as both of them used VH-1 reality shows to promote their albums, only for them both to flop HARD!

CL Smooth: Having his own aspirations of being KING OF NEW YORK, puts out a solo album, and even does, not just 1, but 2 more "PETE ROCK IS A FAGGOT" interviews to help promote the album...which does one of the lowest numbers in recent memory. Surprised?

Raekwon: Who recently did a concert where he shitted on Jigga's new album. Message to Rae: You do know your homeboy is on his record label, right? So please shut the fuck up before you turn Ghost into a Juelz Santana case.

The Game
Jared McGuckin: I nominate The Game for this very prestigious award. He was arrested for impersonating a cop to a cab driver, in order to run red lights. Now, I don't know what's worse, The Game getting pretending to be cop for a cab to run some lights, or; the driver for believing him and running the lights. Either way, The Game loses this month.

Snoop Dogg
Mitch Michaels: What the hell has happened with Snoop Dogg lately? He turns himself in for weapons possession and then gets arrested following a "Tonight Show" appearance on separate charges. It only validates his prophetic statement uttered lo those years ago: It really IS kinda hard being Snoop D-O-double G.


BIGGEST MUSIC NEWS OF THE MONTH


Janet Weiss Joins The Jicks
Brian Berry: Ex-Sleater Kinney drummer Janet Weiss joined former Pavement frontman Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks. To the mainstream populus this isn't as big as Kid Rock getting dumped, but to indie kids [and Malkmus fans] like me this is massive.

The November Hip-Hop Soundscan Paperchase
Phil Watts, Jr.: A lot of rappers say "THE RAP GAME'S LIKE THE CRACK GAME", but this month showed that the Rap game is more like the game PRESS YOUR LUCK, with rappers standing over a buzzer, trying to get BIG NUMBERS, while hoping they don't catch a WHAMMY. You have The Game telling everyone that he's going to go platinum and that Jigga had better push his album back, only to do a respectful 300k--not the platinum he expected, but enough to prove he could make it without 50 & Dre (although he mentions those two enough times that they might as well be on the album!!) You had everyone from Jigga to Snoop to the Game to Fat Joe to Jim Jones to hookman-for-hire Akon all standing over the buzzer screaming "BIG NUMBERS!! BIG NUMBERS!! BIIIIIG-BIG NUMBERS!! NO WHAMMIES, JUST BIG NUMBERS!!!" This shit got so ridiculous it's almost comical, as even Afeni Shakur had to cobble together ANOTHER post-mortem 2Pac record just to join in on the madness.

The Death of Gerald Levert
Jared McGuckin: While I'm not a big R&B fan, I knew who Levert was and I was familiar with some of his music. He died of a heart attack at the young age of 40, surprising to say the least. The news didn't garner a whole lot of media attention, at least not that I noticed, but the R&B community and his fans will feel the loss.

Britney Spears & Kevin Federline Split
Mitch Michaels: Looking at the other staff entries here and then my own, it makes me wonder: Didn't I used to be a respectable writer here at 411? Even more telling, I had to think for a second to remember if these two had anything to do with music. But, seriously, given her appearance at the Billboard Music Awards, Britney seems to have fans ready to accept her back with open arms. What the fuck is wrong with people? Was Brit ever that great? (Here's a hint: FUCK NO!). The only thing she had going for her was the fact that she was jailbait. Now she's a single mom. Need more proof? She's already on her way down the Lindsey Lohan highway to hell. And to think we all initially snickered when K-Fed said he wanted custody of the kids. Maybe she'll do a double turn and marry Umaga next.


MOST NOTABLE RELEASE OF THE MONTH


The Hold Steady - Boys & Girls In America
Brian Berry: I'm a month behind on this one...but damned if it's not the most noteworthy rock record of the past few months. Any band who can wear such unfashionable Americana influences as Bruce Springsteen, John Mellencamp, and Jackson Browne on their sleeves and appeal to the kids deserves massive kudos. If this isn't the best bar band
record of the new millennium I'll eat my vinyl collection in one sitting.

DJ Premier - No Talent Required MixCD
Phil Watts, Jr.: With a title like that, you just know that Premier is going to litter this album with rants about how fucked up today's Hip-Hop is...Thankfully, he's got plenty of good joints in here, from KRS-One's ill comeback "My Life", to MOP's "Stop Pushin'", to Jigga's "Lost One", to Ice Cube's "Growing Up", and many more. Take a break from the Soundscan-crazy madness and cop this album.

Army of Anyone - Army of Anyone
Jared McGuckin: I have been anticipating this record for a while now and it did not disappoint. It sounds exactly like you think it would with the voice of Filter and the music of Stone Temple Pilots. For my money, one of the better releases in the past year.

Tenacious D - The Pick Of Destiny
Mitch Michaels: With the greatness that was the D's first album, I really didn't think this album could fail. Unfortunately, POD is more of a companion piece to the Tenacious D movie and contains very few enjoyable tracks that stand alone as cool songs. Even the Meat Loaf/Dio appearance disappoints. Fortunately, if you've seen the film (and, given the low box office, not many folks have) this is a fun listen. "The Final Showdown" (featuring Dave Grohl as the devil himself) nearly saves the entire CD and is hilarious, as is the title track and the Black Sabbath-ish "The Metal". Still, I really want to hear a REAL second Tenacious D album and not just this overall weak soundtrack.


MUSIC DVD OF THE MONTH


My Morning Jacket: Okonokos
Brian Berry: I haven't seen it yet, but I know it's going to be awesome. I was at this show dressed as a Christmas elf and the band completely destroyed.

Ghostface Killah: Live In NYC
Phil Watts, Jr.: With the upcoming More Fish album around the corner, it's best for me to point out this concert DVD, filmed on October 2005. As you could tell, Ghost has the tendency to go wild in his concerts (I remember this show where he gave a Shatner-isque performance of "Wildflower"--you know...the "YEAH-YEAH--I FUCKED YOUR FRIEND" song. Priceless! If only that was in here...) He even did a little ODB dedication by performing "Shimmy-Shimmy-Ya", and even brings out his kid, Sun God (who will be on the More Fish album).

Metallica: Some Kind of Monster
Jared McGuckin: I had seen this when it was first released, and I thought it was great. It made me hate Lars even more. But what really ropes me in about this DVD is the show of vulnerability form the mighty Metallica. While the therapist thing was a real lame act
for a heavy metal band, it showed how far Metallica was willing to go to fix their problems.

Garth Brooks: The Entertainer
Mitch Michaels: I picked this one up from Wal*Mart over Thanksgiving. It's a decent deal, you can get it for $15 and you get four concert TV specials (including the landmark live HBO Central Park show) plus a whole DVD of videos. The sound and video are a bit lacking (the original "This Is Garth Brooks" might as well be VHS quality), but the shows are just…damn, they bring back memories. There was a time when Garth Brooks was THE guy, not in country, in the whole world of music. The Entertainer really captures the why of that, and how far GB would go to entertain an audience.


CLASSIC ALBUM OF THE MONTH


The Beach Boys - Pet Sounds
Brian Berry: I just saw Brian Wilson perform Pet Sounds in its entirety for the last time in Philadelphia last week. The show was the best sounding, most technically precise show I will probably ever witness. It's too bad most only know of The Beach Boys' earlier, less explorational work. This is arguably the greatest achievement in the
history of popular music.

Lou Rawls - Merry Christmas Ho! Ho! Ho!
Phil Watts, Jr.: What? You thought someone wasn't going to bring up a CHRISTMAS ALBUM? Please! Anyway, this is the late great Lou Rawls, backed by the incredible arrangements of David "Holy Thursday" Axelrod. If you listen to this album, you could tell that Lou was really into it and was having FUN in the studio while recording. A lot of the Christmas albums that have come out over the couple decades don't even come close. I remember this Babyface Christmas album where he sounded absolutely BORED through the whole thing! So to all you artists who plan on making Christmas albums, listen to this one first for an example of how it's supposed to be done!

House of Pain - House of Pain
Jared McGuckin: I don't care what you say, I still like this CD. It's just a fun record from start to finish, I remember singing, or rapping along to it when I was 12, even if I don't know what the hell Everlast was talking about.

Garth Brooks - Ropin' The Wind
Mitch Michaels: No Fences might have sold more, but when Garth Brooks' third album was released in 1991, it took over the world. It became the first country album to debut at #1 on the pop charts, thus making cowboy hats and rodeos mainstream in America for a period of more than just a few months. The album itself is Garth's first tentative steps beyond the genre, with a kick-ass Billy Joel cover and the inspirational, James Taylor-ish "The River". But don't forget the hardcore country tunes, though, which are some of the hardest driving of the era. "Rodeo" still stands as one of my top songs ever, and "Papa Loved Mama" and its subject matter is still shocking by today's radio standards. Fuck, I love this CD.


LYRIC OF THE MONTH
Brian Berry: "Loneliness is a such a sad affair/And I can hardly wait to be with you again/What to say to make you come again/Come back to me again/And play your sad guitar" - The Carpenters, "Superstar"

Phil Watts, Jr.: "The last time you went [platinum], my chain was around your neck..." Jay-Z, "Dig A Hole" (It's funny how Jigga waited ONE WHOLE YEAR just to put Cam'Ron in his place with that line.)

Jared McGuckin: "I haven't felt like this in so long /Wrong, in a sense too far gone from love/That don't last forever/Something's gotta turn out right" - Alice In Chains, "Got Me Wrong"

Mitch Michaels: "I'm the devil/I love metal" - Tenacious D feat. Dave Grohl, "Beelzeboss (The Final Showdown)"

NEXT MONTH'S NEW RELEASES


Ciara – The Evolution
Brian Berry: Aaliyah biting, chair dancing, tramp who is making generic, overproduced, oversexed, sleep inducing R&B. Complete garbage.


Taylor Hicks – Taylor Hicks
Brian Berry: Thank god I don't listen to Top 40 radio. STOP WATCHING "AMERICAN IDOL" AND IT WILL GO AWAY!

Phil Watts, Jr.: To tell you the truth, I feel sorry for a lot of the "American Idol" contestants. They may have great voices, but it's all for naught if they don't have a great producer that can bring out the best in them, and they are learning that lesson the hard way. I do like the fact that this guy won because the voters were sick of all the pretty-boys.

Mitch Michaels: I just can't shake the fact that ol' Gray Charles kinda looks like a child molestor. Still, I'm with Phil. If anything, the "AI" winners are proof that singing decent karaoke does not a good album make. Now that Hicks is past his terrible "AI" winner single (and, ugh, was this year's the worst yet) and will soon be past his "AI" winner mediocre debut, we'll get to see if he's really capable of much more than making mother's pull their children a little closer.


Mary J Blige – Reflections: A Retrospective
Brian Berry: One of the few consistent soul artists over the past two decades. She deserves to mail one in for the sake of a retrospective. Pick it up if you don't own any of her albums and want to hear how modern soul should be done.

Mitch Michaels: This one could've came out a little earlier in the month if it wanted to capitalize on the holiday sales. Still, with her huge #1 last January, people will be eating up MJB's good times, I guarantee.


Nas – Hip Hop Is Dead
Brian Berry: Nas is one of the greatest of all-time. I have high hopes for this, but his label must not. Why's it being released after the Christmas rush?

Phil Watts, Jr.: This is straight from my October 12 column: "When December 19 approaches (the release date), I will go to my local big-name music outlet to cop the Hip Hop Is Dead album...When I take the disc out of the case, put it in my CD player, and press [PLAY>], I want to be surprised! I want to be proven WRONG. I want Nas to deliver. I want all the producers involved to bring some shit that will make me believe in them again...If it delivers, I will take back every bad thing I have ever said about him and any of the producers he's worked with on the album. If the album is another mediocre borefest--or worse--then I will dedicate my column to not only tear the album to shreds, but I will also turn this bitch into a complete anti-Nas piss-fest. I will go over every career misstep he has ever been involved in, and trust me--there have been PLENTY--pulling Hoe-cards left and right!" In other words, Nas...I know you can put out a dope album...DO NOT DISAPPOINT ME!


V/A – Family Values Tour 2006
Brian Berry: Yawn. People still listen to this?

Mitch Michaels: I have the 1998 version of this CD and am surprised it ever passed standards due to shitty audio quality. It also pissed me off that the tracklisting said Ice Cube does "Fuck The Police", when really, he just sings a couple lines from it. No, I won't be buying this one.


Ghostface Killah - More Fish
Brian Berry: Another potentially spectacular hip-hop release being buried at a lowpoint in the holiday season. Sigh.

Phil Watts, Jr.: Look, I done went over this countless times, I pretty much sound like a broken record. So let's just take my word for it, wait until Dec. 8th, and cop the album.


Mos Def - Tru3 Magic
Phil Watts, Jr.: After listening to 9th Wonder's installment to "Crooklyn Dodgers" ("Brooklyn In My Mind"), on which Mos delivers a damn good effort, I have some hope that Mos just might give us an actual Hip-Hop album this time out. If Common can regain credibility after losing fans with an experimental album that didn't get over, so can Mos Def.


Madlib - Mind Fusion, Vol. 4 & Vol. 5
Phil Watts, Jr.: Madlib is one of the luckiest producers on the planet...to be signed to a label that lets him do whatever he pleases. Over the course of 14 years, he has grown into one of the most innovative producers of all time, partially thanks to the creative freedom that PB Wolf and Stones Throw Records gives him. This is a continuation of the Mind Fusion series, which features lots of off the wall remixes and blends of lots of weird jazz breaks from musicians you never heard of (and you know that Madlib ain't giving out any names!)


GangStarr - Mass Appeal: The Best Of GangStarr
Phil Watts, Jr.: I know what you're thinking--"They already gave us the Full Clip album, which had 2 CD's of hits...SO WHY DO WE NEED THIS ONE FOR?" How about a CD that has some of their post-Moment Of Truth hits ("Skills", "Natural", "Squeeze", etc.) and a DVD filled with some of their dopest videos? My advice? Get the Full Clip 2 CD set and then get the Mass Appeal album when it comes out...and hope that both Guru and Premier work out their differences and gives us another album.


V/A - Dreamgirls: Music From The Motion Picture
Phil Watts, Jr.: I remember the original "Dreamgirls" musical from over 20 years, where Jennifer Holiday outshined EVERYBODY with her performance of "You're Gonna Love Me". To whoever it is that's going to play Jennifer's role, my prayers go out to you...because you have some huge shoes to fill!

Mitch Michaels: Just watching Beyonce fall apart in the wake of NOT being the breakout star from this movie is entertainment enough for me. You don't need to buy me the soundtrack!


Eminem presents The Re-Up
Phil Watts, Jr.: Even though it seems that Eminem is starting to get his groove back, I don't have much hope for this album, as it's going to be filled with nothing but crew members and Em's irritating attempts at making beats.


Tyrese (aka Black-Ty) - Alter Ego
Phil Watts, Jr.: So Tyrese wants to be T-Pain in reverse--a SANGA TURNT RAPPA. Funny thing is that I can't remember a single song that he's ever sung.


Gwen Stefani – The Sweet Escape
Jared McGuckin: I remember the days when she had a band and everything. I still don't know if No Doubt are together seeing as this is the second solo release from Stefani, and she was the one who really sold those records. This CD will probably do pretty well, but I
don't see it doing better then her first one. If it has a song akin to "Holla Back Girl", it'll fly off the shelves, and I'll probably take my own life.

Mitch Michaels: This shit is BANANAS!

THE END
And that'll do it for this month. Join us next month for another awe-inspiring edition of the 411 Music Roundtable!