Sex, News, & Violins 12.21.06: Christmas Edition
Posted by Jamie Buttineau on 12.21.2006
A tiny smattering of news along with my favorite albums of the year and a heaping hoard of Christmas videos! Plus a performance by the Del Rubio Triplets!
Ah, the first week of a new column schedule and I'm a day late. Damn I'm reliable. Hello everyone and welcome to Sex, News, & Violins. From now on this column will be brought to you on Wednesdays instead of Fridays, because you people need me to help you get through the middle of the week.
Now I know you've all relied on me to make your weekends brighter and full of laughter, sometimes inviting friends over to hold full on "Sex, News, & Violin Beerbashes" But those days are over now, SNV has grown up. It has released that using it's mighty power of entertainment on the weekends is selfish. It needs to help those in need, in need of a news report that is both educational and entertaining. Edutaining if you will (copyright!). Therefore from this point forward, I, Jamie Buttineau hereby declare that Wednesday, formerly known as hump day will henceforth be referred to as "the day of Sex, News, & Violins"!
Except for today, which is Thursday. We'll just chalk that up to a Christmas miracle of some kind.
Viewer Mail
This first letter comes from the Berryman himself, Brian Berry:
The M.I.A. commentary had me rolling. Keep bringing the funny
Yeah, insane indie pop stars are awesome. If only Paris Hilton had a blog. I can only imagine the idiocy that would spew forth.
Well I don't anything else in the inbox. Guess we'll just move….Wait a minute. What's this? Is…This a hate mail? Oh sweet Jesus! I got a hate mail! YES!! Oh thank you sweet gods of the internet, finally someone hates me! It's a Christmas miracle! Oh how I have waited for this day. So wonderful, so lovely, so hateful. This letter comes from Taylor. Taylor, let the hate flow:
read this every week and man, start checking your damn facts.
"
Axl Rose has given Chinese Democracy yet another tentative release date. The world nearly kills itself in laughter in response."
Its one thing to posk fun at someone, thats fine, but to make up things to do it that people may read and find as truth is just fuckin retarded. GNR has NEVER given a release date, ever. Not a tentitive one, nothing to to say yetr another would be kinda off base wouldn't it? And oh, last i checked people are loving him for giving the release date, look around, no one is laughing. GNR has said ideas of release before, but any dates that have been said have been pure specualtion. You were just trying to be fnny huh? well im all for that if your not lieing to everyone to try and do it.
So, in concluesion, check your facts, and oh ya, FUCK YOU!
Uh, dude, they did give a release date. Well maybe not a date perhaps but a month, March 2007. And since it's Guns ‘N Roses it is of course if anything, tentative. So uh, why don't you check yo' facts!
Man, I love this email. It has all the hallmarks of a classic hate mail:
Poor spelling? ("specualtion"…hehe) Check.
Poor grammar (When beginning a new sentence, always make sure the first letter of the first word in the sentence is capitalized) Check.
Taking the matter way too seriously (dude, it was a joke about Axl Rose. Axl "I'm a crazy ass, now get me a drink. What? I can't drink onstage?! Well screw this shit, I'm gonna go bite a security guard!" Rose. Chill. Just chill) Check
Destroying his original point in the same email (And I quote: " GNR has NEVER given a release date, ever." "And oh, last i checked people are loving him for giving the release date, look around, no one is laughing." But wait, I thought you just said they didn't give a release date. How can they be loving him for a release date that you just said they never gave? Oooooo that kind of screw up would not win you a spot on the debate team) Check.
And add just a slight dash of f-bombs and you have yourself a beautifully crafted piece of hate mail. Fantastic. Remember people, I cherish hate mail. And I shall cherish this one as much as the one from that guy who told me I sucked because I didn't know who T.I. was (And still don't and never will! Take that!). Ah, made my day. In fact, since it's the end of the year, I hereby declare this letter, Hate Mail Of The Year! Congratulations Taylor, may your hatred always be pure.
Now, let's get onto much much more important matters, shall we?
Headlines!
……Uh oh. It's the holidays, sooooooo, there's no news really. Hmm, I guess we just move onto the RAPIDFIRE!! Because even when there's no news of any importance, there's always crappy junk news to report. Huzzah.
RAPIDFIRE NEWS SMARTASSERY!!
Nelly Furtado has expressed interest in recording a Spanish language album. I wonder how they say "sellout" in Spanish?
My Chemical Romance have announced plans for a US tour. Are they still trying to peddle that "emo marching band" crap to everyone? Because I know when I first think of depressed, angsty teens the first thing that pops into my mind is MARCHING BAND!
Avril Lavigne's newest album will be titled The Best Dam Thing. Yes, "Dam", not damn but dam as in beaver dam. I'm sure there's probably some deep, philosophical explanation for the title, like it's a metaphor for the dam of emotions that builds and builds until finally it bursts or something like that. For now, I'm just going to call her a dumbass because she can't spell. Dumbass.
Her husband Derek Whibley (still?) commented on his wife Avril's (seriously still?!) new album. Says the Sum 41 singer: The way she does records, she'll record, like, 25 songs and then just pick the best." So you mean she records like 25 songs for her albums, yet "Sk8ter Boi" ended up being one of the best of the bunch? Wow…That's, incredibly sad.
Also, still married?!! Come on, give up the charade and divorce already! We all see it coming, it's coming. It'll happen when we least expect it…Like, NOW!!...No?...How bout now?!...Ok, I guess maybe they're not going to get-NOW!!! Damn, still together. You win this round young celebrity love, you win this round.
Good Charlotte's new single is called "The River", which is based on the flood control channel known as the Los Angeles River. And if you can't see the connection between Good Charlotte and a vapid, unappealing, garbage filled piece of land…Well you probably see where I'm going with this.
That's basically all the news I got on me. But luckily, we're at the end of the year. And I'm sure you all know what that means? It's time for:
Sex, News & Violins' Top 50 Albums Of The Year!! WHEEEEE!!!
Yes folks, it's truly been a whole year. For those of you who though I would eventually get sick of being an insufferable jackass I say HA! I'll never get sick of being an insufferable jackass. And it's time for your ol' pal Jamie to give you his top albums of the year. It's a diverse crop o' albums, everything from indie rock to twee pop to hip hop to country folk to heavy metal. Chances are if its good, I probably liked it. But what did I like the bestest? Time to find out.
Now I know the idea of a top 50 album seems a little vast but this is for all the albums I've been recommending all year, . this isn't so much a best of list, more of a "best of the stuff I myself have heard". A "Best of Important Releases Of The Week…According To Me" if you will. So if you notice an amazing album that's not on the list, chances are I probably just haven't listened to it yet. Although there's a few albums I've only heard recently because I only recently got them as gifts (secret Santa rules!) or finally found a illegal download of them….I mean, a legal download. Very legal. Uncle Sam himself clicked the mouse.
So without further ado, here are numbers 50-30 for this week.
50. Sufjan Stevens – The Avalanche
Ah Sufjan, even the worst albums by the man are better than most anything else. This isn't by any means the best Sufjan album. Illinois or Seven Swans or Greetings From Michigan easily eclipse it. After all, the disc is nothing more than the outtakes from Illinois in the first place. But that doesn't mean it doesn't have its fair share of good songs. All the soft spoken ballads about historical figures and overly orchestrated pop songs about national landmarks are still present, and they're as lush and vibrant as anything else.
49. Wolfmother – Wolfmother
I could include this album merely for the song "Woman". Yeah I know it's nothing more a rip off of Led Zeppelin and other bands. But eh, I like Led Zeppelin. Still, the band needs to come up with a more original sound in the future if they want to be taken seriously. The band doesn't seem to know whether they want to brainless alt. rockers, funky dance rockers or psychedelic garage rockers. But at least they only steal basic musical concepts from other bands, unlike Jet who steal whole songs (Compare "Look What You've Done" and John Lennon's "Imagine". I mean come on, that's just blatant.)
48. Red Hot Chili Peppers – Stadium Arcadium
Speaking of bands that steal songs from others, the Tom Petty robbing funk rockers come in at 48. I think I may be one of the few people on the planet earth who truly liked this album. It wasn't necessarily panned by critics but it didn't get shown much love either. Still, despite being somewhat bloated I thought some of the material on it was quite good. In fact I'd go as far as to say I thought the whole first disc was rather great. The second disc however I could have done without. Except for "Tell Me Baby" which is a pretty great song. I guess the band thought they could show how grown up they were by putting two CDs full of material. Plus they get all serious with song titles like "Torture Me", "Strip My Mind" and "Death Of The Martian." You see with the new Red Hot Chili Peppers the Martian dies, the old Chili Peppers would have just danced with it while Flea played a wicked bass solo. Ah, the follies of youth.
47. Eagles Of Death Metal – Death By Sexy
Cheesy cock rock with a lead singer who has a gigantic handlebar moustache. Plus Josh Homme on drums! You bring that combination of things together and you just try to get me to dislike them. Nothing fancy here, just some good ol' fashioned bar rock, well suited for getting drunk to or screwing to. Hell it's probably the second best soundtrack for drinking and screwing on this list.
46. Mew – And The Glass Handed Kites
Now this, I'm not sure what this would be the soundtrack for. Maybe an animated Scandinavian fantasy adventure film involving some knight trying to find a crystal chalice of some kind. And I see pink clouds too for some reason. As for the music itself I'm not technically what to classify it as….I wanna say wuss rock but that's not very flattering. Still, with a high pitched vocalist singing over synthesizers and twinkling keyboards, it's hard not to classify it as such. Still, it's unique and catchy and most times that's enough to satisfy me aurally.
45. The Flaming Lips – At War With The Mystics
If The Flaming Lips make an album then it will probably make my year end list. Now I can see why some were disappointed with this one. Mainly because it wasn't a classic. Is it still a good possibly even bordering on great album, sure. But in comparison to The Soft Bulletin and Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots it doesn't match up or even come close to matching up. However, it's still a great listen, with all the hippie joy and love you expect from Wayne Coyne. The fact that this is probably their weakest album is a testament to how great The Flaming Lips are.
44. Bela Fleck – The Hidden Land
There are three camps of people who are reading this part. The first are wondering why the hell a banjo jazz album is on this list. The second are probably fans of banjo jazz and nodding in agreement. And third have no earthly clue who Bela Fleck is. Bela Fleck is a banjo player who's brand of music can best be described as bluegrass jazz fusion…And that's still probably not the best description. But I've been a fan of Bela Fleck ever since Flight Of The Cosmic Hippo, which may my favourite name for anything. So on the list it goes.
43. Muse – Black Holes & Revelations
Ah, it seems like the 50-40 area of this list is populated by people who sound like other people. Yes the Radiohead soundalikes make this list because as derivative as their stuff may be, it's fun and well done. The album is chock full of space rock opera, songs that make you think of 2001: A Space Odyssey and the like.
42. Twilight Singers – Powder Burns
Hey if Denis Leary likes them why shouldn't you? This album was apparently recorded just before, during and after Hurricane Katrina. Which really takes dedication, I know if someone told me that a hurricane was coming my first instinct wouldn't be "well damn I better record these songs then." It's a great hard alt rock album.
41. Neverending White Lights – Neverending White Lights Act One: Goodbye Friends Of The Heavenly Bodies
Man that album title is a mouthful. Yeesh. Unless you're Canadian you've probably never heard of these guys. And if you are Canadian then chances are you have heard of these guys because "The Grace" was being played non-stop on the radio like all last spring. You remember the song, with the video where the guy sews angel wings on a sewing machine for some chick while strumming an acoustic guitar? Yeah that's right Canada, this is the album. This is a emo album done with several different artists all contributing. The most famous singer is probably Raine Maida of Our Lady Peace fame. Or Third Eye Blind. You know I seriously get those two bands confused all the time. Probably because they sound the exact same. Also performing on this album is Dallas Green of Alexisonfire, who is probably considered a God in St. Catherines and nowhere else. It's definitely worth a look.
40 Beck – The Information
I love Beck, the guy can seamlessly transition between techno/dance, rap, folk, hard rock, tropicalia and blues music. Sometimes on the same song. He's probably the most unique and versatile artist out there. This is your typical Beck album, pseudo hip hop with acoustic guitars and tribal drum beats thrown in while Beck rattles of cryptic nonsensical lyrics. And really, that's all I need from Beck. Not to mention, stickers! Although I wish the plates and spoons version of "Clap Hands" was on here. Now that's a fun song.
39. Emily Haines – Knives Don't Have Your Back
The Metric lead singer put out an singer that is significantly different than anything Metric has put out. I actually liked the last Metric album, but this I believe actually tops it. Backed by a gathering of musicians from Broken Social Scene and Stars, this album is a gang of dreamy chamber pop songs written by Haines over the years. Haines has stated that she believes her solo career will affect the musical direction of Metric, and if the work is as good as this album is then I hope she's right.
38. The Dears – Gang Of Losers
Is brit pop still brit pop if it comes from Montreal? The Dears are of course the emotional Canadian band whose sound is influenced by great mope rockers like Morrissey and the like. Sometimes they get a little overwrought and overdramatic, but I'd say this is as good as their last album and one of my favourites this year.
37. Gnarls Barkley – St. Elsewhere
Sometimes I think I have an unhealthy fascination with these guys. But as an unabashed fan of Danger Mouse I find this album to be something rare in these days, a soulful dance album. Cee-Lo has one of the best voices in the business today, Danger Mouse is one of the best producers around and not to mention the fact they like to wear ridiculous costumes. Any band that dresses up like Darth Vader and Obi-Wan Kenobi while stormtroopers sing backup has my vote.
36. The Long Blondes – Someone To Drive You Home
A new addition to my CD collection, recommended to me by a friend. This band kind of reminds me of Le Tigre, although less lesbiany. Maybe. Post punk riot grrl music at its finest….Hey whatever happened to Stacy Trash anyhow?
35. The Rapture – Pieces Of People We Love
Some of my favourite songs from this year came off of this album. "Get Myself Into It", "The Devil", and "W.A.Y.U.H." are all fantastically awesome songs. Hell the first 6 songs on this album are amazing. It loses points however believe I believe that the quality starts to trail off during the last four songs. Still, an awesome first half earns this album the number 35 spot on this list.
34. Built To Spill – You In Reverse
Hmmm, you in reverse is "uoy". I'm not sure what the significance of that is. Maybe I'm not supposed to take that literally. This band has been around nearly forever so them putting out yet another great indie rock album shouldn't be all that shocking. And I don't know about you, but "Goin' Against Your Mind" always seems to pump me up for some reason.
33. I'm From Barcelona – Let Me Introduce My Friends
I still don't get why a band of people from Sweden would claim to be from Barcelona. I guess Barcelona is just a catchier country name. This happy go lucky indie pop collective is like The Polyphonic Spree if they weren't all cultish and crazy. Nearly 30 people play in this band, including guys who play the harp and the French horn. You just don't have enough French horn players these days.
32. Camera Obscura – Let's Get Out Of This Country
Considering how many times I've written the words "indie pop" or "indie rock" on this list it's safe to say that my favourite musical genres typically have the word "indie" in front of them. This Scottish band seems to be dedicated to writing music about broken hearts, with organs blazing while Tracyanne Campbell sings about lost love. Ah, great music for the long harsh winter.
31. Arctic Monkeys – Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not
You like beer? You like English people? You like british alt rock? Well have I got the disc for you! Now this is soundtrack for drinking and screwing. This band made itself popular earlier this year without their own special brand of taking the piss out of people by writing scathing brit rock songs about…Well whatever they felt like taking the piss out of. Plus they got famous enough to get them an appearance on Saturday Night Live, so score!
Tune in next week for part 30-11 of Sex, News & Violin's top 50 albums of the year! Will we have a celebrity guest? Perhaps rock troubadour Donovan? I'll never tell!
The Greatest Video Ever Made Of The Week
Well folks this is the last SNV report before Christmas. And therefore I feel obliged to give you a gift in honour of the birth of that dude everyone likes so much. So how does a smorgasbord of videos sound?! Yes I know you wanted Guitar Hero 2. Too bad, you're getting some internet videos instead. Stop crying.
Perhaps a little clichéd to put this here since EVERYBODY loves and knows this movie already. But come on, it's The Nightmare Before Christmas, unless I see this and Jingle All The Way then it just doesn't feel like Christmas.
If you haven't seen this yet then you are missing out on the biggest pile of awesomeness ever. Seriously, the dude wired his Christmas lights to synch up with an awesome song. Whoever did this must be a God.
Possibly my favourite Christmas special in the history of Christmas specials. Say what you will about Paul Reubens, but Pee Wee Herman was freakin' brilliant. And here I give you three of the performances off of the show that are nearly as hilarious as anything else you can find. A group of creepy old triplets, a female who looks like Kyle McLaughlin singing with a blue dog puppet, and CHARO! They don't make kids shows like this anymore. And aww hell, just for shiggles (thank you Bob Saget), here's Grace Jones singing a new wave version of "Little Drummer Boy" while wearing some kind of futuristic head dress. Enjoy!
Any Christmas that has Weird Al singing about the end of the world brought on by atomic bombs has my vote. Add in a video made of old footage from old 50's and 60's duck and cover videos and we have a winner.
I cannot watch this without breaking into hysterical laughter. Seeing a racist, overly religious gay teacher with a hand puppet beating a Japanese man with gifts and a Christmas tree is too damn funny.
And finally to finish things up and truly get everyone into the holiday spirit:
Nothing says Merry Christmas like the original kings of hip hop laying down some phat beats. Extra points for the use of a Simon Says game as Santa's control panel.
IT'S HO-HO-HO-VER!!
That's all for this week. Christmas is just around the corner and I can hardly wait for the festivities…Well not so much the festivities as that involves actually spending time with my extended family. More like the gifts, yeah definitely looking forward to some present getting. And remember people, it's only 10 more days until New Year's Eve, the day where alcoholics world wide can blend in with everyone else and not seem so sad. If just for one day.
I'll back next week, until then, have a Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, Kwazy Kwanza, a Tip Top Tet, and a solemn dignified Ramadan.
