411 Music Fact Or Fiction 01.25.07: Week 1

Posted by Mitch Michaels on 01.25.2007

Brian Berry and Michael Melchor talk Van Halen, Dreamgirls, Smashing Pumpkins and more in the first ever Music ForF. Come inside!

Welcome one and all to the first ever edition of the 411 Music Zone's Fact Or Fiction. Just in case you don't know how it goes (and why wouldn't you? The Movies, Games and Wrestling Zones have been doing these since time immortal), each week, two writers will be given statements regarding hot, up-to-the-minute music news and make a case as to whether that statement is fact or complete and utter bullshit (ie, fiction). And, just for the fuck of it, I'll be here to tally up how many times the writers agree. Got it?

This week, it's gonna be main event quality, as Music Zone co-editor, reviewer and Lord Of The Top 5, Balls-Out Brian Berry takes on fellow co-editor, newsman and keeper of all things Rasslin', Mighty Michael Melchor.

Here we go…

1. The new iPhone will eventually reach the popularity level of the iPod.

Michael Melchor: FICTION. Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Apple and Motorola already try this with the ROKR phone? It has MP3 and iTunes capability and only has a feature or two less than the iPod does. Both companies were hoping that would sell like hotcakes and, so far, it hasn't lived up to that. I'm not sure that a souped-up version of the same thing will be met with the same kind of enthusiasm reserved for what is now the world's most popular portable media player. In fact, for whatever reasons, any phone that plays music (such as LG's Chocolate) hasn't been a blockbuster. Maybe people don't want their music interrupted by any random phone call as bad as the technology companies think thewy do.

Brian Berry: FICTION. I'm sure Steve Jobs will come up with a multitude of reasons and incentives for consumers to pick this up, and I wouldn't doubt it'll be the best MP3/cell phone to date. Unfortunately for Mr. Jobs, he has an exclusive contract with Cingular Wireless/AT&T, and that spells disaster for any hopes of matching iPod's success. Cutting out over half of the cell phone buying market by only using Cingular, along with those consumers who don't use cell phones at all, will likely prove the iPhone to be a success only as a cell phone model.

Score: 1 (for 1) is the loneliest number.

2. Following the lead of Ray and Walk The Line, an Oscar-level biopic centered on James Brown will begin development before the end of the year.

Michael Melchor: FACT. Are you kidding me? As devoid of original ideas that I'm convinced Hollywood is, I wouldn't be surprised if the screenwriter, producer, and director were hovering over Brown like swarming buzzards about to sense it's feeding time. I'm actually surprised I haven't seen more of these since both Ray and Walk The Line struck gold. James Brown definitely falls in the category of legends that people, I think, would want to see a biopic of - especially considering the shambles his personal life became in the last decade. His story makes for a great Hollywood movie with a tragic ending. I really wouldn't be surprised if it happens before summer, much less before the end of '07.

Brian Berry: FACT. Getting an Oscar nod sure ain't hard if you make a movie about a popular musician with personal demons. Let's face it: Walk the Line was a mediocre love story that hardly broke the surface on Johnny Cash's career, but somehow the film garnered acclaim across the board. Ray featured a pretty good performance by Jamie Foxx but was otherwise unremarkable. See also Gary Busey as Buddy Holly in The Buddy Holly Story. If producers see dollar signs, they'll go for it. Anything involving James Brown will be hot and there's no way a dozen screenwriters aren't already on top of this one.

Score: It takes 2 (for 2), baby!

3. The new Smashing Pumpkins album will come nowhere close to meeting fan expectations.

Michael Melchor: FACT. This is actually a tough call and I kinda wish there was an "it depends" answer because, in this case, several factors could turn it one way or the other. Recent reunion albums have all been met with the same reaction. There's the hype and anticipation that comes before, then, once it's out, the fans that clamored for it will get it and the rest will back off and sample a track or two before buying the thing to see if it's any good. The numbers will then be underwhelming (by industry standards, since anything less than a million-selling opening week is considered a disappointment) and then everyone will go about their business. As for the core fans, if it truly is a "Smashing Pumpkins" album and not "Billy Corgan featuring members of his old band", I think they'll go for it. If it becomes an exercise in ego-indulgence, then they could just as easily turn away.

Brian Berry: FICTION. While not a huge Pumpkins fan, I am yet to hear a weak Billy Corgan album (including Smashing Pumpkins, Zwan, movie scores, and other solo material). His solo album was grossly underrated, as was the Pumpkins' more progressive rock leaning later material. It's doubtful James Iha or D'Arcy will come aboard so this is probably going to be all Billy and Jimmy, with a couple all-stars plugged in to fill out the band. Will the new stuff be radio friendly and accessible to fans of alt-rock staples like "1979", "Today", and "Tonight Tonight"? Maybe, but probably not. Will their hardcore fanbase eat up the material and defend it no matter what? Definitely. Corgan's turning 40 this year and he has yet to give any indication that he's not willing to take chances and make interesting music on his own terms.

Score: Don't be sad ‘cause 2 (for) 3 ain't bad.

And now comes the part where we change the order, and the person who answered questions first starts answering questions second. In other words…

INXS says SWITCH!

4. Van Halen will reunite with David Lee Roth for their Rock 'n' Roll Hall Of Fame induction.

Brian Berry: FACT. They'll hate it but the Hall of Fame will likely show mad Benjamins to all parties involved. Something tells me that dude from Extreme (AKA Van Halen vocalist #3) won't get an invite to the ceremony though. Poor guy.

Michael Melchor: FACT, though I don't think money will be the primary motivation. Granted, cash will have some say but the egos of all involved will have more. Eddie already believes he's the best guitar player alive and this is validation, but even he has to know he didn't do it alone (although he could very well believe that and dash all hopes altogether). And could you imagine the stink that "Diamond" Dave would raise if he were left out of his place in history? Sammy Hagar could take it or leave it, but he's laid back enough to maybe want to mend a fence or two. As for Gary Cherone (AKA Van Halen vocalist #3), he should but his run is so unfairly marred that he won't. I say he give all of them the finger and get back together with Nuno Bettencourt for their own reunion.

Score: Gimme 3 (for 4) steps.

5. With Jennifer Hudson getting all of the attention, Beyoncé's "serious actress" bid in Dreamgirls can be considered a failure.

Brian Berry: FICTION. I wouldn't say that not being recognized by the Golden Globes equates to failure but I wouldn't say her acting is impressive either. She's the same vanilla actress that dominates mainstream Hollywood with one difference: Beyoncé Knowles' pipes are better than 99.9% of her peers in Tinseltown.

Michael Melchor: FICTION. Beyoncé is too marketable of a name overall to have her acting career be over at this stage in the game. People will pay to see her even if Berry's 100% right - that she's a generic actress in general who has the advantage of a good voice going for her. She's enough of a star that people will pay to see the name and not the ability. Besides, if Jon Bon Jovi can do it, she damned sure can.

Score: 4 (repeat steps one through three) for 5 (make her fall in love with me).

6. Brad Paisley would defeat a sober Keith Urban in a straight-up bar fight.

Brian Berry: FICTION. Battle of the two biggest pansies in pop-country goes to Keith Urban because, for no other reason, he has more riding on the line. What I mean by this is Urban has mass face time in the tabloids and would never risk his relationship with ol' pastie (who is also good for PR) by losing a bar brawl. So, how does he win? Very cheap like. I see eye gouging, biting, foreign objects, and probably a kick (or gentle caress) to the balls. A more entertaining fight would be a blindfolded Hank Williams III against both of these douchebags in a handicap match. Now, them there's some fightin'. [Come to think of it, I don't even know of Urban's still dating Nicole Kidman]

Michael Melchor: FICTION. For the record, Urban is no longer dating Nicole Kidman - they're married now. That in mind, Urban would stand up for the honor of his woman and beat Brad Pansy's ass senseless. I definitely agree with Berry that my dream would be to watch Hank III walk in and cripple the both of them while laying the mack on some barslut. Because that how the Williams family rolls, bitches.

Final Score: (Jackson) 5 for 6.

Close score this week, but unfortunately both parties lose for failure to mention that Brad Paisley is married to actress Kimberly Williams ("According To Jim"), who is a much hotter piece of ass than Nicole Kidman, even in her prime.

Thanks to Double M, Berry and YOU, Mr. Reader, for dropping by this week. Be on the lookout for more Music Fact Or Fiction!