The 411 Music Top 5: Week 7
Posted by Brian Berry on 02.13.2007
411 staffers pick their Top 5 MOST HATED COVER SONGS in the 7th edition of the Music Zone's Top 5. Michael Bolton, Britney Spears, and a who's who of artists who suck corrode our lists this week.
Welcome to the 7th edition of 411 Music's Top 5!
In our last column 411 Mania staffers checked in with their Top 5 BEST COVER SONGS Of All-Time.
12 of our writers checked in with Top 5's last week. The 411 think tank only produced a few duplicates on our lists, including Jimi Hendrix's "All Along the Watchtower" [Bob Dylan], Cake's "I Will Survive" [Gloria Gaynor], and Johnny Cash's "Hurt" [Nine Inch Nails]. To the surprise of many, it was Jeff Buckley's cover of a Leonard Cohen original ("Hallelujah") that snuck its way on the most lists. Click here to check out all of the Top 5 Best Cover Songs lists.
We received no less than a shitload of reader mail in the past week. Seems like everyone wanted to let us know what they thought of our Top 5 Best Cover Songs lists, which brings us to…
READER MAIL
411 reader, CD Newell, comments on a song he thinks should've been listed: I would add "Hard to Handle", by The Black Crowes. Took a great blues song by Otis Redding and turned it into the song that put them on the map.
Adam Radomske tells us we forgot another cover: You missed "[Another] Brick in the Wall" by Korn, originally by Pink Floyd. My girlfriend likes the Korn version better.
Well Adam, read our lists this week because your girlfriend's gonna hate us BIG TIME.
Tanner Mobley lists a cover I should have remembered to list. Good call, dude: Some decent picks, but a little surprised there was no mention of "Jolene" by
the White Stripes. The live version from Under Blackpool Lights is amazing.
[Editor's note: "Jolene" was originally recorded by Dolly Parton]
Top 5's favorite Canuck reader, Jeff Osmond, gave us his two cents: Hi there. I just read about the cover songs. Really great stuff there but a lot of my favorites didn't get said. I won't go into them all because there are so many but one I expected to see was G 'N R's "Sweet Child O' Mine" which was covered by Sheryl Crow. Now I am a big metal/hard rock but I am also a fan of Sheryl Crow as well. So this might be interesting. Usually when I hear a softer artist do a cover song of a harder artist chances are they'll end up with a lesser version of it. Not so this time. In fact the 2 songs are excellent with Sheryl Crow's version just as great as the original. I love both versions. My only complaint was that Sheryl didn't put it on her BEST OF cd a few years ago. Anyway I can't wait for the worse cover songs. I know of some so let's see what makes it. Keep up the great work.
All I have to say to you is this Jeff: I hope you harbor no ill will towards Top 5 legend James Munson after reading his Worst Covers list this week.
…and finally, the 411 Wrestling Zone's Sean McCabe drops an entire Top 5 of METALTASTIC (666) best covers worthy of the DARK OVERLORD BEELZEBUB: 5. Kill the King - Stratovarius (Rainbow)
This was a tribute to Ronnie James Dio, and how else to you pay tribute to an artist, but by playing the hell out of one of their songs? Whilst I am fond of the original, Stratovarius show just why they are the heralders of European power metal by amping this song up to 12.
4. Enjoy the Silence - Lacuna Coil (Depeche Mode)
This is a great song and has been covered a lot, so the winning cover has to be no less than fantastic, and in their decade long career, this is one of Lacuna Coil's finest moments. Again, a good cover is when the band performing the cover clearly love the source material, it's true for this as it's true for everything in this list.
3. Walking in the Air - Nightwish (Aled Jones)
Ah, well, Walking in the Air is pretty infamous. Some people really hate it, and I could see why, in it's original incarnation. What it needed was a seriously good female singer to give it credibility, to remove the whole choirboy stigma it has. This takes a song that was beautifully written in the first place, but gives it a greater performence than it originally had.
2. In Power We Entrust the Love Advocated - The Gathering (Dead Can Dance)
This was one of the most beautiful songs ever written, so The Gathering took on the unenviable task of trying to make it even more beautiful. I'll put it simply. They succeeded.
1. The Number of the Beast - Sinergy (Iron Maiden)
Once again, it comes down to, the best covers are those where the performers really love what they are performing. Sinergy did great tributes to Abba and The Scorpions as well as Iron Maiden, they are definitely a band with talent at emulating music from other bands, of quite great variety. They just let it all hang loose, and when Sinergy let it hang loose, your face will be blown off. Simple as that.
Thanks for reading and keep the feedback rolling! [Ed.]
This week we determine whether or not ‘cover song' is a synonym for ‘heaping pile of shit'? Looking at the songs on our list of…
TOP 5 MOST HATED COVER SONGS
…there's surely no other explanation. Get yer reading glasses out because it's time for our most controversial Top 5 yet!
(Do ya hear that? It's the sound of hate mail hitting the floor at 411 Music HQ's after readers check out our lists this week.)
Brian Berry
[Music Editor/Columnist, "The 411 Music Top 5"/ Reviewer]
Honorable Mention: (10) Limp Bizkit "Behind Blue Eyes" [The Who] (9) Korn "Another Brick In the Wall" [Pink Floyd] (8) Mariah Carey "Without You" [Badfinger] (7) Madonna "American Pie" [Don McLean] (6) DJ Sammy "Heaven" [Bryan Adams]
5. 311 "Lovesong" (The Cure) - 311 destroyed a sweet yet haunting tearjerker with this terrible Alternative Rock staple. The cover was a sterile, faux calypso/reggae joint that wouldn't be out of place on a Carnival cruise ship, where it would give ignorant, rich folks the false sense they were being cultured by "ethnic" music (see also: the Jimmy Buffett discography).
4. Whitney Houston "I Will Always Love You" (Dolly Parton) - Alright, I know the country version (by Dolly Parton) sucks massively too. My qualm with the Houston's, Aguilera's, and Carey's of the world is the tacky showiness of their vocal performances. Whitney, I understand you can hit more notes than 99% of the Earth's population, but we'd rather you sing with passion and heart, without boasting. There's almost no emotion in the performance of this song off The Bodyguard (ugh) soundtrack. Additionally, Top 40 fans were in "I Will Always Love You" purgatory for nearly 6 months waiting for this to get off the airwaves.
3. Hillary Duff "My Generation" (The Who) - This is a song of angst! Rebellion! Stickin' it to the…you get the point. Hillary Duff (God, don't save her soul) shits on the original, removing all the ragged punk rockitude of the original in favor of a Radio Disney worthy hit. Her breathy, statutory rape-alicious, vocals (see: Britney Spears) make me feel dirty. So does this song. I need a bath.
2. William Shatner "Rocket Man" (Elton John) - There are two reasons why this isn't #1: (1) I'm 50% sure this is Shatner's idea of a joke. (2) This version is the funniest rendition of an original, outside of The Dan Band's "Total Eclipse of the Heart" in Old School. In the performance, Shatner speak-sings the surreal Elton John hit, beneath a bed of Muzak synthesizers, for the 1978 Sci-Fi Awards. "I'm a rock…it…man". [Side note: Beck lampooned this video performance in part of the "Where It's At" video] .Check out the video right here…AT YOUR OWN RISK! ->
1. Michael Bolton "(Sittin' on) the Dock of the Bay" (Otis Redding) - There are two reasons why this is #1: (1) I'm 100% sure Bolton was serious about this recording. (2) There is absolutely nothing funny about this blasphemous destruction of a soul classic. "No talent ass clown" with less soul than Phil Collins makes bad on what I see as a no-brainer for the worst cover ever.
Honorable Mention: Helmet "Army of Me" (Bjork)- I found this on a compilation with other cover songs like Pearl Jam's "Gremmie Outta Control". This version is terrible and the main culprit is Page Hamilton's off-key screaming that completely negates the mystery and brooding qualities of Bjork's original version. This isn't so disappointing because their cover of "Custard Pie" for the Led Zeppelin tribute album was pretty decent.
5. Sixpence None the Richer "There She Goes" (The La's) - One of my favorite albums was released by a band that only made one proper album. The self-titled debut by The La's gets frequent rotation in my player except for "There She Goes" and I partially blame Sixpence None the Richer. Their cuetsy, upbeat adaptation seems to be completely oblivious to the fact that this song is most certainly about drug addiction. Their "Don't Dream It's Over" cover isn't particularly good, either.
4. Korn "Another Brick In the Wall" (Pink Floyd) - Why a growly, candy-ass band like KoRn would get the idea that they have the ability (or cred) to cover anything by Pink Floyd is beyond me. In order to receive the biggest laughs, wait until the end of their three(!)-part cover and you can hear Jonathan Davis fake over-emote the lines, "goodbye cruel world…." Truly pathetic.
3. Limp Bizkit "Behind Blue Eyes" (The Who) - Granted, this cover isn't as bad as it could have been, but Fred Durst does an excellent job of stinking up one of the most memorable songs The Who ever made. Hearing Durst sneer the lyric, "And I blame you…." is enough to make anybody throw up in their mouth a little.
2. Sheryl Crow "Sweet Child O' Mine"(Guns ‘N Roses) - What do you get when you take one of the biggest hits from a larger-than-life rock band and strip it of all its balls? This cover removes all of Slash's axe-shredding and Axl's shrieking and replaces it with Sheryl Crow's half-uninterested Lilith Fair wuss-rock balladry. Farce, I say!
1. Madonna "American Pie" (Don McLean) - I don't believe many people will argue with me on this one. I'm best friends with a Madonna fan (who also happens to love the original "American Pie") and even she thinks this version is blasphemous. Not even Madonna showing off her butt crack in low-rise jeans in the accompanying video to this turgid, uninspired rip-off can save this song from what it actually is: a steaming pile.Check out the video right here…AT YOUR OWN RISK! ->
Let me just preface this list by saying I was extremely tempted to make a top 5 list composed entirely of F.Y.P. covers for this week's review. But I guess that wouldn't be fair. I have no beef with F.Y.P. or F.Y.P. covers – but I did think it would be a fun way to take a jab at one of our more feisty readers who launched a rather misguided attack at last week's top 5 by Jes. Mr. Feisty, aka Reagan Walker , seems to think that it was my duty and responsibility to list each and every punk rock cover that could have been included in last week's list – starting with F.Y.P. What Mr. F fails to comprehend (besides elementary spelling, grammar and sentence structure, that is), is that inherent in any top 5 list is, among other things, a) subjectivity and ii) 5 winners. And unlike Mr. Brian "Tiger" Berry who, as our fearless leader, has such a duty (theoretically) to include all of the very best covers (or whatever the topic is) of which his melon can conceive in that catchall "honorable mention" cesspool – I have undertaken no such oath of responsibility and do not foresee doing so in the future. And finally, dear Mr. Feist – if your balls are so delicate that you're intimidated by a female opinion on punk rock, then you should probably get out of the pit. To use our reader's terminology, it's so un-punkish.
Ahem…so then, on to this week's subjective and necessarily truncated top 5 list of worst cover songs:
Honorable Mention: Madonna – "American Pie" (Don McLean), AFI – "Last Caress" and "Halloween" (Misfits), and basically anything by Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey, Michael Bolton, Rod Stewart, Metallica, KoRn – there's really too many and, as noted above, I have no responsibility to list them all.
5. Bouncing Souls "Candy" (The Strangeloves) - This band has a very special place right next to my aorta, and I appreciate the humor of them covering this song. That said, I hate it. It's the song, not the singer. Actually, I can think of a few BS covers ("Mommy, Can I Go Out And Kill Tonight?" – Misfits, "(Don't You) Forget About Me" – Simple Minds, "Better Things" – The Kinks) that all sound heaps better by the original artists and just sound somewhat misplaced coming from these guys. Straight up Bouncing Souls for me, please.
4. Pearl Jam "Last Kiss" (Wayne Cochran) - I can't remember if I hated this cover the first time I heard it, or if it took all 12,361,292 and a half times before I realized I could not take it even one more time. I like PJ as much as the next guy (gal), but isn't being all anti-commercial and secretive kind of their shtick? Ummm, it doesn't get any more Top 40 friendly than this.
3. Counting Crows "Big Yellow Taxi" (Joni Mitchell) - I don't hate this band, in theory at least. But to take this Joni Mitchell classic, add some poppy synthesizer undercurrent, try to sing like a male-Mitchell and throw it all over the airwaves was a pretty foul move. This version does nothing to either compliment or transform the original. Bad news bears.
2. Rod Stewart "Downtown Train" (Tom Waits) - Most people don't even seem to realize that Stewart's cheesy, over-inflated and generally un-listenable rendition of this song is not, in fact, the original, which was recorded by Mr. Waits in 1985 and appears on the album Rain Dogs as something much different (and much better). Seriously - what could Not-Hot-Rod possibly know about Brooklyn girls?
1. Britney Spears "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction" (Rolling Stones) - It's hard for me to think about this without vomiting. I can deal with the media's unholy obsession with her 5 minute marriages, lack of parenting skills, crotch shots, etc., etc. – whatever. But this trashy, talentless, unoriginal and apparently oxygen-starved pile of glittery pop grossness has the audacity to cover a song by The Rolling Stones? I'm sorry, you have to draw the line somewhere. Then she covers "I Love Rock ‘N Roll" and tells Rolling Stone she wanted to do the cover because she "loves Pat Benatar." Priceless. .Check out the video right here…AT YOUR OWN RISK! ->
Jesse Coy
[Music Columnist, "Notes From the Padded Cell"/ Reviewer]
Awful Covers now? How about my damn quilt that the dog puked on?
What? That doesn't qualify? Okay, then. Here goes...
5. M.O.D. "Colour My World" (Chicago) - The most fun awful cover song EVER! Meant to be an awful cover of an awful song to begin with. Think your worst drunken karaoke nightmare session warbling out to laughingly bat you over the head.
4. Sonic Youth "I Wanna Be Your Dog" (The Stooges) - This is really just screaming discord. Any semblance to Iggy Pop is purely coincidental.
3. Metallica "Run To the Hills" (Iron Maiden) - Just a distorted end riff from Garage Days Re-Revisited, but maybe it was a sign of things to come that would produce the laughably Spinal Tap-ish band that's shown in that recent documentary about them, where they're so pathetic it's comically awful. Story I heard, Iron Maiden didn't want the song covered, so this was Metallica's little temper tantrum... prelude to huge temper tantrums left to be documented.
2. Sex Pistols "Johnny B. Goode" (Chuck Berry) - Another cover song so bad it's actually great (sorry, I know this isn't quite the rules, but my vomit quilt is making me do it). Johnny Rotten, without lyrics in hand, tells both the rest of his band and the song to "fuck off." .Check out the video right here…AT YOUR OWN RISK! ->
1. Chris Connelly "Desperado" (Alice Cooper) - Former Ministry singer, and industrial solo artist, have you ever heard this Alice Cooper cover by him? Consider yourself lucky, and please don't seek it out. Normally a good singer, I don't know what happened to Mr. Connelly here. Was he drunk (or not drunk enough)? Like a character out of an Alice Cooper song, with blood dripping cleaver, he utterly BUTCHERED this great tune.
Need to go back in my Padded Cell now....
Think we missed a shitty cover song? Let us know!
…and don't forget to click on each writer's name to see what else they've been writing at 411 Mania!
That's it for The Top 5 this week. Check us out this time next week for our TOP 5 SAD SONGS of All-Time!
Before you get on with your day, check out this gem of a cover for Europe's classic hit "The Final Countdown".
