Sex, News, & Violins 04.04.07
Posted by Jamie Buttineau on 04.04.2007
The Pitchfork Festival gets some of its first acts, The New Pornographers have a new album, Queens Of The Stone prepare to do some serious face rocking, Bjork brings her special blend of Icelandic insanity to our shores, and The Rapture rock with robots. Because if you're gonna rock, you better do it with robots. They make good rocking partners.
7:00 PM on a Tuesday night and I realize I have a column to write. Who would have thought that procrastination would have a downside? I'm so disillusioned.
Headlines!!
Celebrating Your Favorite Farming Tool/Satanic Weapon Of Choice
Ah the Pitchfork festival, they may be a bunch of whiny, pretentious hipsters but at least that means they know who to book for their festivals. The lineup right now is looking pretty great, especially with Sonic Youth playing Daydream Nation in its entirely on day one. They're doing that a lot lately and it won't ever stop being awesome. Other great acts include The New Pornographers, Cat Power, Clipse, Grizzly Bear, Of Montreal and more. There will be even more than this though as there are expected to be nearly 40 different bands playing at the show. Thank God for indie elitists.
Tickets are on sale now at Ticketweb. Three day passes are $50, Friday night is $15, Saturday or Sunday is $25 and a Saturday/Sunday pass is $35. Not too bad actually.
Friday, July 13:
Sonic Youth performs Daydream Nation
Saturday, July 14:
Cat Power
Clipse
Iron and Wine
Girl Talk
Grizzly Bear
Battles
Professor Murder
Sunday, July 15:
New Pornographers
Stephen Malkmus
De La Soul
Of Montreal
Jamie Lidell
The Ponys
Ken Vandermark's Powerhouse Sound
Speaking of the New Pornographers…
Epic Pornography!
Transitions rule. The New Pornographers haven't any real specific news regarding their next album which is due hopefully in late August. The only song titles known about so far are "Myriad Harbor", "Salinger" and "Go Places". Dan Bejar of Destroyer and Neko Case both return for the album thankfully.
Said principal member of the band Carl Newman: "[the album] is maybe slightly more epic. It has our first song that passes the six-minute-long mark." I don't think I can ask for anything more than a epic album by The New Pornographers. Hopefully its as mind blowingly awesome as their previous work. They haven't released info regarding a tour however they have a few dates set up. But be forewarned, Dan Bejar and Neko Case aren't expected to be there. Case hopes to join the tour when it happens but Bejar's involvement is unknown at the moment.
Hopefully they have more music videos revolving drunk people fighting or drag queens:
04-28 Indio, CA - Empire Polo Field (Coachella)
06-18 London, England - Bar Academy
06-19 London, England - Borderline
06-20 London, England - 93 Feet East
Hope They Utilize The Cowbell Again
Kneel before the satanic throne of Josh Homme mortals! Perhaps my favourite rock band in the world Queens Of The Stone Age have announced some tour dates in Europe. Their new album Era Vulgaris is due out on June 26 and hopefully it will kick as much ass as Lullabies To Paralyze or Songs For The Deaf did.
Also collaborating on the album are Trent Reznor who just loves to contribute apparently, Julian Casablancas who does indeed have the most awesome last name in the industry today, Billy Gibbons of ZZ Top who I believe also made an appearance on Lullabies To Paralyze, and Mark Lanegan who I feel like I should know but I just don't.
Now, for the benefit of you Europeans out there, here be their dates:
06-14 London, England - Hyde Park (Wireless Festival)
06-15 Leeds, England - Harewood House (Wireless Festival)
06-18 Milan, Italy - Alkatrazz
06-24 Luxembourg, Luxembourg - Rock a Field Festival
06-26 Arendal, Norway - Hove Festival
06-28 Werchter, Belgium - Rock Werchter Festival
07-08 Glasgow, Scotland - T in the Park
Iceland Scares Me
Bjork has a new album, which should be if anything interesting. Every Bjork album is basically just one big aural mindfuck. I mean, look at the cover art:
Look at that! It's like a costume from a Brazilian kids show on LSD! How do you even come up with something like that?! Hell, screw the actual music, I wanna buy this album for that cover art alone. That just rules.
Volta is due out on May 7 and 8 in the UK and US respectively. It looks to be a more danceable album then her previous fare. This is evidenced by the fact that friggin' Timbaland is helping out on it. Where the hell isn't Timbaland? I mean I knew he produced almost everything but even Bjork albums? Dude's got range, gotta give him that. Here's the tracklist:
Volta Tracklist:
01 Earth Intruders
02 Wanderlust
03 Dull Flame of Desire
04 Innocence
05 I See Who You Are
06 Vertebrae by Vertebrae
07 Pneumonia
08 Hope
09 Declare Independence
10 My Juvenile
Now I know there are some of you who probably want to experience Bjork's Icelandic insanity up close and personal, so of course there are tour dates. Just, be prepared to be weirded out.
I wonder if she still has the swan dress. Maybe she gave it to Goodwill?:
04-27 Indio, CA - Empire Polo Field (Coachella)
05-02 New York, NY - Radio City Music Hall
05-05 New York, NY - United Palace Theater
05-08 New York, NY - Apollo Theater
05-12 Chicago, IL - Auditorium Theatre
05-15 Denver, CO - Red Rocks Amphitheatre
05-19 San Francisco, CA - Shoreline Amphitheatre
05-23 Vancouver, British Columbia - Deer Lake Park
05-26 Gorge, WA - Gorge Amphitheatre (Sasquatch!)
06-22 Pilton, England - Glastonbury Festival
06-28 Werchter, Belgium - Rock Werchter
07-01 Gdynia, Poland - Open'er Festival
07-05 Roskilde, Denmark - Roskilde Festival
07-25 Nyon, Switzerland - Paleo Festival
09-08 Toronto, Ontario - Virgin Festival
WHOO! AH YEAH! And So On.
The Rapture want you to dance, and you will comply with their orders or face their stern wrath. They'll be going around the world to spread their dance rock goodness, I bet Japan will love them. Probably use their music in some kind of creepy manga or something. They'll be joined on tour by The Killers, Straylight Run and in what should be an awesome double bill Daft Punk. I might actually go to the show in Toronto to see Daft Punk and The Rapture. That would be pretty badass. In the meantime, here be the dates:
I don't expect the rapture, but I do anticipate a rockpocalypse:
04-03 Melbourne, Australia - Myer Music Bowl
04-04 Adelaide, Australia - Memorial Drive
04-05 Sydney, Australia - The Factory *
04-07 Singapore, Singapore - Zouk Club
04-09 Osaka, Japan - Club Quattro
04-10 Nagoya, Japan - Club Quattro
04-12 Tokyo, Japan - O-East
04-15 Gainesville, FL - Abbey Road #
04-16 Athens, GA - 40 Watt #
04-18 Tampa, FL - USF Sun Dome !
04-19 Hollywood, FL - Seminole Hard Rock Hotel !
04-20 Orlando, FL - UCF Arena !
04-21 Hattiesburg, MS - The Bottling Company $
04-22 Austin, TX - The Backyard (MTVU Campus Invasion)
04-24 Tempe, AZ - Marquee Theatre $
04-25 Las Vegas, NV - House of Blues %
04-28 Indio, CA - Empire Polo Field (Coachella)
04-29 Reno, NV - Club Underground $
04-30 Eugene, OR - WOW Hall $
05-02 Salt Lake City, UT - The Venue $
05-03 Aspen, CO - Belly Up $
05-04 Colorado Springs, CO - The Black Sheep $
05-07 Minneapolis, MN - Fine Line Music Café $
05-08 Madison, WI - Orpheum Theatre $
05-09 Cleveland, OH - House of Blues $
05-10 Sauget, IL - Pop's $
05-15 New Orleans, LA - House of Blues $
05-16 Houston, TX - Warehouse Live $
05-17 Dallas, TX - Granada Theater $
05-21 Philadelphia, PA - Theater of Living Arts $
05-22 Hartford, CT - Webster Theatre $
05-23 Burlington, VT - Higher Ground $
07-04 Lisbon, Portugal - Superbock Super Rock
07-07 Montendre, France - Free Music Festival
07-13 Dour, Belgium - Dour Festival
07-15 Suffolk, England - Latitude Festival
07-18 Zurich, Switzerland - Moods Theatre at Schiffbau
07-20 Benicassim, Spain - Benicassim Festival
07-27 Berkeley, CA - Greek Theatre &
07-29 Seattle, WA - WAMU Center &
07-31 Denver, CO - Red Rocks &
08-05 Toronto, Ontario - Arrow Hall &
08-07 Montreal, Quebec - Bell Center &
08-09 New York, NY - Keyspan Park &
* with Phoenix
# with Straylight Run
! with the Killers
$ with Shiny Toy Guns
% with Brazilian Girls
& with Daft Punk
RAPIDFIRE NEWS SMARTASSERY!!
Apparently when Keith Richards recently admitted that in the 70's he combined his father's cremated ashes with blow in order to get high, he was just kidding! LOL! Please, you know he did it. He's Keith Richards, there isn't anything he hasn't snorted, injected or had shoved into his body. Including the ashes of family members.
Robert Smith is apparently working with Ashlee Simpson on her upcoming album…And I'm still waiting for this to be revealed as an April Fool's Day joke….Still waiting on that….Come on now…
The Game disses both Tony Yayo and 50 Cent in some of his latest tracks. Until someone gets shot I don't give a shit.
Britney Spears and K-Fed have reached a divorce settlement. And thus ends the rule of one of the greatest Hollywood power couples of all time.
I'm choking on my own sarcasm.
EMI and Apple have come to an agreement to drop DRM from some of the tracks sold on iTunes. Of course the non-DRM tracks will be 30 cents more but hey, they gotta gauge you somehow. Yay for Steve Jobs, the turtlenecked one strikes again!
Daddy Yankee's next album will include guest appearances by Fergie and Akon. This just in from the future: I hate Daddy Yankee's next album.
They Might Be Giants will release their next album in July. Hopefully they manage to create a song as powerful, memorable and life changing as the theme from Malcolm In The Middle.
Poison may release a new album. That's right, motherfucking "Every Rose Has A Thorn" Poison. We are officially back in the 80's. Bring on the neon lights!
Nelly Furtado and Billy Talent won big at the Juno Awards. For those of you who don't know what the Juno Awards are, think the Grammys only Canadian and they're even more worthless.
Scary Spice or Mel B if you weeeel gave birth, however former boyfriend Eddie Murphy has denied that the kid is his. Scary Spice procreating with Eddie Murphy? Oh that kid is gonna grow up to be so fucked up.
Pearl Jam has confirmed that they will play at Lollapalooza. Now I'm not sure whether we're back in the 80's or 90's.
A Proclaimers Comic Relief track managed to beat Avril Lavigne's song "Girlfriend" on the UK singles chart. That's right, The Proclaimers beat Avril Lavigne. Sometimes the world is so awesome.
Billboard Top 20
1. Modest Mouse, We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank – OH! AWESOME!! YES!! This is the greatest event in Billboard chart history! Modest Mouse has a number one record! GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!! It's just so wonderful to see a band with genuine talent make it to the top. Suck on it Daughtry, suck it hard and suck it long!
2. Joss Stone, Introducing Joss Stone – Nice to meet you, go away.
3. Elliot Yamin, Elliot Yamin – Oh come on? Elliot Yamin is even selling records now? This is just getting ridiculous.
4. Daughtry, Daughtry – You were the beginning of all this madness Daughtry! You are the bringer of our demise!
5. Marques Houston, Veteran – I do not know what this is, but Marques Houston is a pretty badass name I must admit.
6. Akon, Konvicted – Oh so clever.
7. Lloyd, Street Love – Get a last name jerkwad.
8. Musiq Soulchild, Luvanmusiq – Get a dictionary dumbass.
9. Rich Boy, Rich Boy – Get…Well just get lost really.
10. Amy Winehouse, Back To Black – Rehab isn't that bad. They give you free sugar cookies! Maybe even a snickerdoodle!
11. Justin Timberlake, Futuresex/Lovesounds – Ok, this has been at number 11 for like 6 weeks now. Are the same amount of people buying this album every week?
12. Robin Thicke, The Evolution Of Robin Thicke – I wonder how many times his dad had Pat Sajak over for barbeque.
13. Fergie, The Dutchess – Quite possibly the anti-christ. There are currently studies and tests being done to confirm this.
14. Norah Jones, Not too Late – Well it is too late for me to really care.
15. Carrie Underwood, Some Hearts – Well at least she won the friggin' contest. America, you buy the albums of the winner of American Idol, not the losers. We learned that the minute Justin Guarini released his album and became a national joke.
16. Fall Out Boy, Infinity On High – If you have any bodybuilding friends who listen to this, please laugh at them relentlessly. Even if you get beat up because of it. It'll be worth it.
17. Nickelback, All The Right Reasons – There really is no sane explanation for the popularity of this atrocity. It's one of those "why do bad things happen to good people" situations.
18. Nelly Furtado, Loose – Winner of 5 Junos!....Whoopee.
19. Neil Young, Live At Massey Hall 1971 – If Neil Young can survive a brain implosion, he can survive anything!
20. Insane Clown Posse, The Tempest – Seriously people? Seriously? There are still enough "juggalos" to warrant the existence of ICP? I mean come on, seriously?
Important New Releases Of The Week…According To Me
Apocrypha is defined as "certain writings which are received by some Christians as an authentic part of the Holy Scriptures, but are rejected by others." Because I know you were wondering, if you hadn't already looked in a dictionary like I just did. So I'm guessing the title is supposed to mean philosophy or opinions that are lazily thrown out there without any proof or reason. That's my interpretation and I'm sticking to it. Anyway, onto the actual music, it's the standard violin driven indie rock genre. Andrew Bird has been doing it a while now and he's got his formula down pretty well so you know you can usually expect a great album from him. And he doesn't fail to deliver here. A very good album, although maybe not up to the standards of his past work. Man I feel like I'm saying that a lot lately.
IT'S OVER!!
Unfortunately Youtube is down so no crazy music videos this week. Until next week though, don't start any fires. Just put down the matches and walk away. Especially you Bob, get away from that orphanage. NOW!
