The Savage Animal 04.18.07: Fantasy Musician Wrestling
Posted by Mikey MiGo on 04.18.2007
Like last week’s Fantasy Band column, Mikey MiGo returns to fantasy last with FANTASY MUSICIAN WRESTLING. What happens with Mikey MiGo books the likes of David Bowie vs. Gerard Way, Biggie vs. Tupac, or even John Lennon vs. Kurt Cobain. Sit back, click the link, and have some fun.
It's been a very long week. How I've only lived through seven days in this blur of a past week? I'll never know. It's been a rollercoaster of emotions, projects, and many other things. I'll spare you all the details.
I actually managed to watch RAW this week in the midst of everything. I like when RAW is taped because I can pretend to know what's going on to friends. I was tempted to make bets on things, but that's not cool. I enjoyed the surprise factor of Santino winning the IC title, but other than that it felt like a normal foreign country show.
As I was watching RAW, I got the whole idea for this week's column. Never mind that claymation show on MTV2, this idea is completely original and fresh. Just like chopping all your hair off except for one side that's kept long, this is unique and not played out.
FANTASY MUSICIAN WRESTLING
What we have here is a hypothetical fun fest. I'm going to put together seven match ups of musicians going at it in the squared circle. It's all based on my oddball day dream of how the event would go down. I'm going to bring some legendary performers back to life and it's in no way a jab at anyone. It's all in good fun. So without any further delay or mindless "don't scream at me" clauses, lets get this show on the road….
*Overly produced introduction video plays*
*Fireworks, walls of fire, and more pyro than 23 Wrestlemania's put together goes off*
THE MATCH
This match was booked because of the blatant rip off that My Chemical Romance is using from the likes of Bowie and a few others. Way would be younger and faster, but the emo in him slows him down due to crying. With the black eye make up in Way's eyes, Bowie capitalizes and hits the finish.
WINNER: David Bowie (via Space Odyssey Slam at 3:17)
THE MATCH
This hardcore protest match would be a battle of awesome (yet pretentious) protest rockers of our generation. To me, I didn't see much out of System of a Down on a uber political nature until RAGE faded. After a hard fought battle, Zack's inner rage (pun intended) about not putting out any albums over the past half decade or so will give him the edge. After the match, Zack would then protest himself because of "Unfair Treatment to Serj."
WINNER: Zack de la Rocha (via The Protest Pounce at 12:42)
THE MATCH
These two power duos are in their older years, but keep kicking. In this match, they get to kick each other. I grew up listening to Aerosmith more than The Rolling Stones, but I can not deny the Teflon-like make up of Keith Richards. Tyler and Perry can beat up Mick Jagger all they want, but Richards is going to come in like a house of fire and take them down. Richards annihilate them and then snorts their ashes for good measure.
WINNER: Keith Richards/Mick Jagger (via pin at 6:32)
THE MATCH
Now that Jay Z and Nas are together at Def Jam, it's on. Eminem would be quick in the match, but 50 Cent has been shot more times than Robocop and that is a factor. The match would go back and forth, but the ending would be disrupted. A MASKED PERSON comes in and kidnaps Eminem. 50 Cent would then chase after and leave the ring. Since there is no Count Outs in Fantasy Musician Wrestling, it's declared a No Contest.
WINNER: NO CONTEST (Eminem is kidnapped @ 9:29)
THE MATCH
WINNER: Prince (via Chris Rock at 4:09)
THE MATCH
What can be said? Both of these men are two of the most legendary rap artists of all time. Both of them saw their time come way too soon, but their music will keep them alive. In this hypothetical match up, it would be a brawl. I'd think it would be like a good Kurt Angle vs. Samoa Joe match. Biggie's size comes into a factor in the end when he gets the pin on Pac after a big power move. Afterwards, they shake hands and rest in peace.
WINNER: The Notorious B.I.G. (via The Hypnotizer at 13:17)
THE MATCH
Two generations would be divided with this match, but it would be a good one. John Lennon had Ringo and Cobain had Dave Grohl. Cobain had that going for him at least. Both icons also have the wife that many people dislike and cult like followings to this day. They'd go back and forth the entire match in between stalling. Kurt would mope around and Lennon would be paranoid the US Government was after him. In the end it would have no winner. It would end up being an great match, but still overrated match in vein of their music.
WINNER: TIME LIMIT DRAW (15:00)
Announcer
Next Week on FANTASY MUSICIAN WRESTLING, we already have two big matches signed… Davey Havok of AFI vs. Marilyn Manson and Dave Matthews vs. John Mayer. Rumors are going rapid that who the masked person is that kidnapped Eminem!
*Credits Roll*
*Fade Out*
I hope that comes off as fun and entertaining to read because it was very fun and entertaining to write. I think we're all allowed to just goof off in a productive way now and again. That was my allowed time.
If you disagreed with my booking, have other ideas, or just want to tell me how lame that was feel free to drop me a line. If we get positive feedback, the FANTASY MUSICIAN WRESTLING shows might return.
FANTASY SUPER GROUP: FEEDBACK
Last week, I did a piece on my own personal fantasy band. Basically playing match maker and putting together my 5 picks of what a great combo would be in my eyes.
Matt Vilardebo sent in his Fantasy Band… Great friggin' concept. Here's my take. Band Name: Random Moment of Anger Genre: Metal/Hard Rock The Musicians: Lead Vocals: Corey Taylor, face it Corey is the man remember he is lead singer for two platinum selling acts. Corey can scream and growl like no other and he has a beautiful singing voice. Most importantly Corey has power and swagger when he is one stage he rules over all before him. Lead Guitar: Herman Li, this guy is genius in motion. He can shred and if anyone doubts me check out Dragonforce's videos for Operation Ground and Pound and Through the Fire and Flames. Kirk Hammet called this guy the fastest guitar player he has ever seen. He can also do vocal harmonies. Rhythm Guitar: Devin Townsend, yet another genius. Devin can sing, play guitar, produce, write, manage. Devin cut his chops touring with Steve Via when he was just a teenager and then went on the form Strapping Young Lad. Bass Guitar: Ryan Martine, I love heavy metal because there is such a plethora of talent. It is my opinion that he is the most talented bassist in metal/hard rock today. He can be fast and riffy and he can hold a groove. Need proof listen to Mudvayne's LD 50. Drums: Igor Cavalera. I know he thinks he is a DJ right now, but I think I can convince him to come home. Igor is one of the godfathers of heavy metal double bass drumming. Thanks to his Brazilian heritage he is an expert percussionist in addition to being a phenomenal heavy metal drummer.
That sounds like a bad ass band. Ozzfest could use this line up to fill that vacant Headliner spot and I may actually want to go.
Fun stuff, huh?
The rules are simple. We can pick any living musicians and put them in our band. There are no friends and we can break up any band we want. We can't use any dead people and we can only keep it to a realistic setting. Only FIVE MEMBERS ALLOWED! For instance: One singer, One Guitarist, One Bass Player, One Drummer, and Keyboardist. Or you can replace the keyboardist with a Rhythm Guitarist, a flute player, or a back up singer. It's all up to you how you use your FIVE slots.
Feel free to still send in your own picks for your own personal Fantasy Band.
MY "HEART SHAPED GLASSES" by MARILYN MANSON REVIEW: IN 667 WORDS OR LESS
Despite what people say or think about Marilyn Manson, I've always been a fan. His personality, stage work, album production, and the way he goes against the norms of society are all respectable and enjoyable. Over the past few years he's focused on art and again, I relate to that and appreciate that as well. When I heard he was releasing the album "Eat Me, Drink Me" I was a bit excited for new music, but this isn't what I had in mind. The leaked track for "Heart Shaped Glasses" sounds like Manson is singing a Cure cover over the music of Red Hot Chili Peppers. I wasn't expecting or wanting a rehash of an old album, but I was more than a bit let down with this track. I can only hope it either grows on me or is the worst song on the album. If anything, I'm just happy he's back to using music as a creative medium.
Time flies when you're having fun or in a coma. I think I've been in a coma over the past week. I can look back and piece together events that happened, but it still seems like a blur. None the less, I have a few ideas for next week's column that should be fun. Until then… Have a Great Week!
