411 Music Fact Or Fiction: Week 12

Posted by Mitch Michaels on 05.08.2007

Ari Berenstein and Morgan Marx talk up the Shortlist, the resurrection of Elvis, System Of A Down’s future and MORE!!!

Welcome all to the twelfth edition of the 411 Music Zone's Fact Or Fiction. Each week, two writers will be given statements regarding hot, up-to-the-minute music news and make a case as to whether that statement is fact or complete and utter bullshit (ie, fiction). And, just for the fuck of it, I'll be here to tally up how many times the writers agree. Got it?

This week it's a full-fledged dream match, as the Wrestling Zone's Honorable Ari "The Wrestling Bear" Berenstein makes a rare appearance in the music zone to take on Music Zone legend Morgan "Mixed Martial Arts" Marx.

Here we go…

1. The new movement for cleaning up rap lyrics is bullshit.

Ari Berenstein : FICTION. There is always going to be a movement to clean up rap lyrics (and other forms of entertainment). You can agree or disagree with censorship in music, but there are some serious daggers that can be thrown at the music industry and specifically the genres of rap and rock ‘n' roll - sexism, violence and glorification of drugs and money. Well, might as well take all the fun out of music! Seriously though, there should be room for discussion on this issue. This latest attempt at dealing with the prevalent issues surrounding rap music has been stirred up in the wake of the Don Imus incident is actually a positive. With Russell Simmons as a part of this latest movement, it shows that at least some in the industry are willing to look in their own basement, as opposed to stopping at the door of a radio shock jock. It probably won't turn out much progress, but at least it's something.

Morgan Marx: FACT. Not to go all free-speech 101 on you, but censorship is never the answer. I agree that rap music has a problem with sexism, homophobia, and racial insensitivity. I commend the movement within African-American circles to clean up the language used in urban entertainment. However, I fail to see how banning particular words will help. The sentiment will still be there. It's going to take more than a "lyrical watchdog group" to change the ideas ingrained in an entire generation of both black and white youths. Dictating to artists what they can and can't say in songs is the wrong way to address the problem.

Score: Superstarr Pt. Zero (for 1)

2. Elvis Presley duetting with Celine Dion on "American Idol" was too fucked up to be cool.

Ari Berenstein: FACT. By the way, how cool is it that the music zone gets to curse? Larry Csonka never lets it fly in wrestling fact or fiction. (Ed. Note: I've actually toyed with making it mandatory!) Anyway, This was not just "fucked up" as Mitch puts it, the whole production was also extremely tacky. I'm not going to deny the immense vocal talents of Celine Dion or even Elvis Presley, but the compliments stop there. This was creepy in a Natalie Cole sings with her father sort of way, or a Fred Astaire dancing with vacuums sort of way. TV execs, listen up...it is not necessary to do this sort of thing. Oh sure this might have been for a good cause, but it was too mainstream, too "in your face" and too crass to mean anything special. I mean the freaking "American Idol" sign in back of them, the whole Idol cast doing "back up"? Too much for me.

Morgan Marx: FACT. It's hard to be critical of anything that generates such a charitable output, but the whole segment was just weird. It's not like Elvis and Dion have any sort of connection. At least the Natalie/Nat Cole duet allowed family members to connect (in a creepy manner). Plus the production was horrible. Let's just never speak of this again, lest we encourage "American Idol" to resurrect any other dead musicians.

Score: If I can dream of a warmer sun/Where hope keeps shining on everyone (for 2)/Tell me why, oh why, oh why wont that sun appear (Ed. Note: Actually, that line is pretty creepy given the whole situation)

3. To hell with Christmas songs, Bobby "Boris" Pickett's "Monster Mash" is the greatest holiday/novelty song of all time.

Ari Berenstein: FICTION. As close as it is, I'd go with "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" or "Dominic the Donkey" over this one, although those are my personal favorites and perhaps not the "greatest" songs of all time. Not to say "Monster Mash" isn't awesome, because it's incredibly fun and entertaining. Christmas songs have the edge because of their predominance in American radio from the months of November through December. Halloween is just one day, but the Christmas experience ends up being 1/6 of the year! I might also add, as a Jew, that "I had a little Dreidel" is woefully underrated.

Morgan Marx: FICTION. I have to agree with Ari here. Xmas is way far out in front when it comes to holiday songs. However, Pickett's song will live on like a reanimated corpse for years to come, and inspired the name of the "cool alternative" band made up of kids from my high school (Crypt Kicker 5). And it was covered by The Misfits. And Pickett was from Somerville, MA. So he had that going for him.

Score: For you, the living, this mash was meant too (for 3)/When you get to my door, tell them Boris sent you

INXS says SWITCH!

4. Serj Tankian's upcoming solo album will be the final nail in the coffin for System Of A Down.

Morgan Marx: FICTION. Solo albums weren't the end of Smashing Pumpkins, Rage Against The Machine, or any of the other numerous bands that have reunited in recent years. While it may be a long while before SOAD get back together, it will probably happen eventually. There is so much pressure on bands to tour constantly and release an album every two years; it's no wonder some groups fall back on the "extended hiatus." But plenty of acts take time off, pursue other musical interests, and wait five years between albums. Okay, maybe that's just Tool, but still, I'd expect to see SOAD perform together again.

Ari Berenstein: FICTION. I agree with Morgan here. It's never too long before bands on hiatus come back and release a new album. Even if they "break up", it's only paving way for the reunion tour.

Score: Yo, I FUCK yo' ass up!/(HUT ONE, HUT TWO, HUT THREE (for 4), HUT!)

5. Regina Spektor will win this year's Shortlist Music Prize.

Morgan Marx: FICTION. While Ms. Spektor's excellent Begin to Hope is truly deserving of the award, so are several of the other nominated albums. And isn't that the point of the Shortlist Prize? By the time the list is whittled down to ten not much separates the remaining, hipster-adored groups. Was Sufjan Stevens really that much better than Arcade Fire and Antony and the Johnsons? For this year's award, Regina faces tough competition from fellow indie-pinups Joanna Newsom and Cat Power. Then there's cult favorites Bonnie "Prince" Billy and Tom Waits. Which means that someone like Band of Horses will probably win. Seriously, Damien Rice had a better album than Bright Eyes, Interpol, and The Streets? Where was I?

Ari Berenstein: FACT. I've only heard of three the ten finalists besides Spektor: Cat Power, Tom Waits and Hot Chip. I guess I'm not plugged into the indie underground of music as much as I used to be. I can't really speculate on who will win based on quality of musical composition or vocals. However, I do know that Spektor is a much hailed critical darling, and maybe that gives her the political edge for the award. I have to say though, that I've tried to give her album a chance several times, and aside from "20 Years of Snow", it really doesn't do it for me. I think she's overhyped. I also think she'll win.

Score: You know there's a legend and it goes like this/If you kiss the lamppost between 224th street and 225th in the Bronx/When it's a full moon/You'll be granted three (for 5) wishes

6. Courtney Love auctioning off Kurt Cobain's belongings is just plain wrong.

Morgan Marx: FICTION. I'm going to tentatively give Courtney Love the benefit of the doubt. Which I'm sure will never come back to haunt me. If handled correctly, an auction is not inherently an evil, soulless idea. Love has repeatedly mentioned how much of Cobain's stuff is still just sitting in boxes, taking up space. Why not distribute it? If a vast majority of the money raised does go to charity (Ed. Note: Is up Courtney Love's nose considered "charity"?), isn't that "what Cobain would have wanted" or something similarly sappy? I'm terrified that Love will fuck things up however, and we'll end up with some sort of kitsch-y Cobain museum somewhere. Of all the things that have tarnished Cobain's legacy over the years, this shouldn't even be close to the worst.

Ari Berenstein: FICTION. Like Morgan, I find it admirable that Courtney Love is willing to give the proceeds of the sale to charity (Ed. Note: Sorry to keep interjecting, but Love's exact statement was "and we'll give some of it to charity". That's pretty far from any kind of commitment). However, I found Courtney Love's statements about what her daughter doesn't need as far as her father's material possessions to be ridiculous and borderline cruel. I'd hope that Francis Bean would want more than the box set of Nirvana songs to remember her father. Clothes, mementos, pictures and personal artifacts of a lost loved one; these are the things that should be treasured. These are the things that are a link to the past. Assuming Love sells more than "a bag full of sweaters", when these items are gone, they're gone. What a shame.

Final Score: I've been locked inside your heart-shaped box for (for 6) weeks

A fine, FINE edition this week. I was tempted to give the win to Ari for helping me discover MS-Word's anti-Semitic nature ("dreidil" doesn't appear to be in its dictionary), but then he got a HARD DQ when I found out that "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" was one of his favorite Christmas songs. Why, Ari, why? The contest was Morgan's to lose at that point, and lose he did, when he started namedropping like an indie maniac on that Shortlist question. That leaves only one man standing this week, Mitch fucking Michaels.

Thanks to Ari, Morgan and YOU, John Q. IThoughtTheElvisThingWasTasteful for dropping by this week. Be on the lookout for more Music Fact Or Fiction!