411 Music Fact Or Fiction: Week 15
Posted by Mitch Michaels on 06.05.2007
Michael Melchor and special guest John Cullen talk up Pitchfork Music Festival, Jordin Sparks, Guitar Hero and more in the latest edition of Music Fact or Fiction!
Welcome all to the fifteenth edition of the 411 Music Zone's Fact Or Fiction. Each week, two writers will be given statements regarding hot, up-to-the-minute music news and make a case as to whether that statement is fact or complete and utter bullshit (ie, fiction). And, just for the fuck of it, I'll be here to tally up how many times the writers agree. Got it?
This week it's a special non-sanctioned match, as former 411 reviewer John "The Conqueror Root" Cullen takes on 411 music zone editor, newsman, reviewer, interviewer, keeper of rhyme and reason and tenured professor of the Course of History, "Mighty" Michael Melchor.
Here we go…
1. New American Idol Jordin Sparks has a long, successful career ahead of her.
John Cullen: FICTION. What American Idol star HAS had a long, successful career ahead of them? Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood are to date the only American Idols who've achieved any level of large mainstream success, and what do they have in common? They both make men want to drop their pants. Sparks has the ability to become an adult contemporary favorite, maybe, but that's about the only level of fame she'll hit. She lacks "the look" and charisma to be a truly great star. A novelty at 17 years old, sure, but if her career is at all successful, it certainly won't be long.
Michael Melchor: FICTION. I can't argue with much of that at all. Outside of Clarkson and Underwood, you have the few "fringe" successes such as Clay Aiken, Fantasia, or that Sanjaya freak who either have an odd cult following or just sacrifice any credibility they could have ever had in the name of a few more minutes of press. Sparks has the phenom factor about her in that she's 17, but I can't see that lasting long enough to guarantee a lasting career.
Score: Give Me One (for 1) Reason
2. At 50 bucks for three days, Pitchfork Music Festival is the biggest bargain of the summer.
John Cullen: FICTION. While the ticket price certainly cannot be argued against as a "bargain" versus the other summer festivals ticket prices, the fact of the matter is that the lineup simply doesn't match up. It might be an indie lover's wet dream, but compared to the virtual star map that was Coachella and the dual performance of the Beastie Boys at Sasquatch, the Pitchfork Festival lacks any sort of HUGE draw, outside of Sonic Youth. Take for example, Saturday at Pitchfork. The headliner is Yoko Ono (is there even an interest?), with Cat Power and Clipse in direct support. Saturday at Coachella? Red Hot Chili Peppers with Arcade Fire and Decemberists in support. There's no comparison. How about Sasquatch? Beastie Boys with Interpol and Spearhead, with Sarah Silverman hosting. Nope, not even close.
Michael Melchor: FICTION. Well...I guess you get what you pay for. Sonic Youth are the only ones there that I would give a rat's ass about seeing, it sounds like. Granted, on a sheer scale of numbers, Pitchfork might be the better bargain, but, as far as money draws, Sasquatch and Coachella beat the hell out of them. Not only that, but there's also the Virgin Festival in Baltimore. In honor of my esteemed colleague, Mr. Cullen, I did the math and it comes out to $4.48 per band (a $175 2-day pass for 39 acts). That's above and beyond both Sasquatch and Coachella, but consider that one of the bands you're paying a mere $4.48 to see is The Police, who are currently charging anywhere between $75-$250 to see just by themselves. Add in the also-reunited Smashing Pumpkins (although that's debatable if having only 2 original members counts as a reunion), Velvet Revolver, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Wu-Tang Clan, Modest Mouse, Amy Winehouse, Chemiocal Brothers, Incubus, Fountains Of Wayne, Interpol and Matisyahu...yeah, Pitchfork ain't got a damned thing.
Score: Looking for a man with a focus and a temper/Who can open up a map and see between one and two (for 2)
3. With no recording contract, tons of bad press and the rest of Creed on to other things, Scott Stapp is pretty much over.
John Cullen: FACT. Wasn't Scott Stapp over about 5 years ago? I'm actually surprised he even still makes the news anymore, although that whole stalking the 15 year-old girl thing was pretty funny. Creed was barely relevant even when they were around, and anything Scott Stapp has to contribute to the music industry at this point isn't wanted. I'm surprised I'm even answering this question, to be honest, this could have been a question about my neighbor's gardener, him and Stapp are at about the same point now anyway.
Michael Melchor: FICTION. I say this not because Cullen doesn't have a point or because I'm a big Scott Stapp fan or anything (far form it, really), but, at the point Stapp is at now, this is a feel-good comeback waiting to happen. Britney Spears, much as I loathe the idea, is in the same boat – HUGE stars at one point who have fallen so far from grace it's sick, yet people will eat the shit with a spoon once they make their proper comebacks. As much as our culture loves tearing down their stars, they also love it when they pick themselves back up and make the general sheep populace remember why they were so loved in the first place. Many other acts and bands have done it; why not this loser, too?
Score: If I had just two (for 3) words to say/To explain my life away/I could say ups and downs/Because I always kept my defense down
INXS says SWITCH!
4. With the popularity and extra exposure given to them by Blake Lewis on "American Idol", 311's upcoming album has the potential to be their biggest hit since 1997's Transistor.
Michael Melchor: FACT. Firstly, 311 has never really fallen out of popularity to begin with. The current "biggest hit since 1997's Transistor dates all the way back to...2005's Don't Tread on Me(Ed. Note: Transistor went platinum, 311's last two albums didn't even reach gold.). For the same reason that people mindlessly fall in line with buying albums from generic bands like Hinder, people will go for the new 311. Even more so that their last album, I'm sure - especially now that they've shown their faces on what has sadly become THE music show anymore, "American Idol". It seems anyone who pops up there receives an 800,000,000% sales increase the following week Of course, a rock band appearing on a show trying to crown the winner of a pop-singing contest defies logic in and of itself, but that's not the issue here. It's all about the self-promotion, baby, and 311 knows where to go to do that.
John Cullen: FACT. I'm actually in the opposite boat from Melchor when it comes to reasoning: I actually didn't even think 311 still existed. They are one of those bands that I've always had difficulty figuring out exactly why they're so popular, because none of my friends ever listened to them, and it was only through very occasional appearances on MuchMusic and MTV that I even knew who they were. They've always been a part of a scene where there were other bands doing exactly what they did, and better, so for me, they've constantly been in other bands' shadows. The fact that "American Idol" (or Blake, or whomever) chose them to get some airtime showed everyone out there they still exist, and while their bland sort of heavy rock is not really too over anymore, the fact is that being on "American Idol" sells records. Taylor Hicks has a recording contract, and people bought his album, I mean, that's testimony to that right there.
Score: Too easy. 3(for 4)11
5. No matter how cool the songs included, the Guitar Hero games are fucking lame.
Michael Melchor: FICTION. Yeah, the Guitar Hero games may have taken the concept of "air guitar" to ricockulous new levels in the video game age and yeah, millions of kids will pick this thing up instead of, you know, picking up and learning how to play an actual fucking guitar and actually play the songs themselves, but there is one saving grace this game has - it's not an internet game. That means we get spared millions of YouTube videos featuring the "LOLOMGgreatestPerformancesEVAR~!!11!!1" from people not even playing a real guitar. If people want to be impatient and lazy and feel they're accomplishing something when they're really not in the comfort of their own home where I don't have to be subjected to it, that's okay by me.
John Cullen: FICTION. Lame? What? I can't recall anyone ever saying Guitar Hero games were "lame", although apparently they exist. The people who make the games have a really keen sense of which songs to choose, keeping their fanbase satiated by including such a wide variety of tunes (Pantera has a song featured in a top-selling video game, who would have thought that would ever happen (Ed. Note: Ever heard of a game called DOOM?!?!)). While I'm sure most people playing Guitar Hero have never heard of Pantera, the song is fun to play along to, and that's something that RedOctane has captured supremely well. Sure, it's not as cool as ACTUALLY learning the guitar, but then again, you and your hippie friends never had an acoustic strum-off, did you? A great (albeit obvious) idea for a party game, I just can't, in my right mind, call it lame. It's too much fun for that.
Score: Comin' for (for 5) you, we're the cowboys from hell
New Moon was better than any of Elliott Smith's DreamWorks albums.
Michael Melchor: FACT. Does this diminish the quality of Smith's output at his peak and before his death? Not at all. However, as the moderator of this very column once put it, "it captures Elliott Smith in a hopeful place, when the drug problem hadn't gotten too bad and before the major labels had made him doubt his own talent." In other words, before the demons had struck and he was more assured in what he was doing (the total opposite of his DreamWorks output), Smith was making some damned good music. When someone can posthumously release a collection of demos and rarities that can match their major label output in terms of quality, that's some serious talent right there.
John Cullen: FICTION. While New Moon is certainly a welcome addition to Smith's back catalogue, are we forgetting that XO was released on DreamWorks, arguably Smith's finest moment? I'm not really sure that just because he was depressed while crafting his stuff for DreamWorks that New Moon is any better. Happy or sad, Smith proved he was an exceptional songwriter, able to craft excellent pop melodies worthy of his poignant lyrics. What Melchor seems to miss is that Smith was in a perpetual state of recording, always making songs and demos, and it wasn't necessarily up to him what made albums or didn't. I would hesitate to say that some of the stuff on New Moon wasn't intended by Smith to end up on an album at some point, and the fact that it's really good sort of speaks to that idea, that these songs are less "b-sides" and more stuff that Smith just recorded along with everything else, hoping it would someday find its way to the musical listening public.
Final Score: Figure eight is double four (for 6)/Figure four is half of eight
A great showing this week, no doubt, as both guys brought their ForF A-Game. John Cullen showed no signs of ring rust, busting out some Scott Stapp hate and an intelligent thrashing of Pitchfork's festival. Still, his passionate defense of "Guitar Hero" dropped him down a few points. It was Melchor's for the taking at that point, and when he whipped out the calculator for some hardcore MATH I was tempted to give it to him. But his attempt at flattery by quoting my Elliott Smith review in statement six was just too revoltingly obvious. The winner? MITCH FUCKING MICHAELS.
Thanks to John, Double M and YOU, John Q. CatPowerEqualsStarPower for dropping by this week. Be on the lookout for more Music Fact Or Fiction!
