Sex, News & Violins 06.13.07
Posted by Jamie Buttineau on 06.13.2007
The Revolution may be reborn, The New Pornos want you to accept the four disc challenge, Isaac Brock looks like a pirate, The Arcade Fire mingle with Bob Barker, robots come to the big screen, a cat wins a prize, a bunch of white guys rap and a utensil prepares to rock. All this and more in a headline heavy edition of Sex, News & Violins!
Huh, I don't know what to say when an episode of a wrestling show manages to kill off its main character better than an episode of a critically acclaimed HBO series does. I mean, in hindsight the ending of The Sopranos wasn't terrible, but it wasn't very good either. I hate it when shows do that whole "how did the show end? Well that's up to your interpretation! Use your imagination kiddos!" If I wanted to use my imagination to fill in the blanks then I would just entertain myself by making my own mafia related show with sex, violence and coarse language in my head. But I watch TV to see writers and artists share their stories. And when you end a show like that, then your story doesn't have an ending.
At least when Angel went out they did a whole going out in a blaze of glory fighting an army and a dragon thing. It didn't have a definite ending, but the symbolism of "fighting against the odds no matter what the chances of success may be" was the theme of the whole show and thus it ended perfectly in that regard. The underlying theme of The Sopranos was family, and even that wasn't handled well. So the moral of the story is, in the end we get together and listen to Journey while eating onion rings? I like the theory that Tony got whacked at the end and that's why it suddenly cut to black, but with Phil dead who would have done the whacking? I mean if you're gonna whack him, would it have been so hard just to show a quick bloodspurt and then suddenly cut to black? Or show the camera from Tony's point of view, looking at his family, seeing his daughter come in, then we see a horrified look on their faces as they look over and we hear a silenced gunshot and cut to black! Boom, theme about family accomplished and we got a definite end. Oh even somehow have everyone Tony knows get whacked or sent to jail, leaving Tony all alone in an empty house. A little too much like Godfather III but it would have gotten the point across beautifully.
This ending strikes me as a copout, if you're too scared about your ending being clichéd or don't know how to end your show, don't build up the last episode as the most thrilling and suspenseful thing in the world. It's just sad to see a great show end without an ending. Carnivale and Deadwood didn't get one because they were cancelled, David Chase doesn't have that excuse.
Ah TV, you frustrate me so. Now, onto music stuff, since this is a music column and all.
It Is Taking Me A Long Ass Time To Think Up A Title Here
Bjork "Declare Independence" & "Earth Intruders"
Live on Later With Jools Holland. June 8, 2007
Haha yeah I'm probably going to be using a lot of clips from Later With Jools Holland. He has a lot of kickass guests on, like Bjork and her bizarre robed female backup singers/horn section. In the video for "Declare Independence", which is cool little rave track that builds up steadily, some guy is playing around with something called a "reactable", where blocks are placed on a kind of blue electronic screen that looks like a table and it acts as a kind of synthesizer. It's weird to describe you have to watch it to understand. Still, it's just neat to see Bjork travelling around with her own female version of the Polyphonic Spree. And thanks to the new Youtube player, afterwards you can check her interview with Jools Holland. Neat little fact about his interviews, he was the pianist for the band Squeeze back in the 80's, so to pay tribute to his musical career he does his interviews from behind a piano sharing the bench with the interviewee. How cool is that?
Headlines!!
I Am Purple And Wet With Intrigue
As longtime readers of this column (if such a thing exists) may know I am rather fond of many 80's music idols. And one of those idols would of course be one of the biggest of them all, motherfuckin' Prince y'all. I loved that dude even when his name was a symbol. But his albums as of late haven't been as good as he used to be in the past. In fact I'd go as far as to declare them lackluster in comparison to his better works. However, that may have changed as Prince has reunited with his two protégés from his Purple Rain days. That's right, Wendy & Lisa will appear on Prince's next album Planet Earth. Things might have just gotten awesomer.
Granted, all that Wendy & Lisa have done in the past, what 20 years, is score some movies and TV shows. Of course one of those TV shows was Heroes, meaning that each time you hear some scary sounding jazzy music when Sylar made an angry face, that was Wendy & Lisa.
Hopefully by uniting with some former Revolution members, Prince's career will get back on track and he will return to his ass kicking ways. But I'm not exactly holding my breath, based on his latest single "Guitar" which isn't all that special (but you can get it on your Verizon Wireless phone!....So, whoopdy shit I guess). Still, Planet Earth will be released on July 16 for the rest of the planet, while North America has to wait until July 24 for some reason. No tracklist or tour or anything useful to me like that has been announced but Prince does have some dates lined up for August and September. Of course almost all of those dates are in London at the O2 Arena.
Seriously, look at this tour schedule:
07-07 Minneapolis, MN - Macy's
07-07 Minneapolis, MN - Target Center
08-01 London, England - O2 Arena
08-03 London, England - O2 Arena
08-04 London, England - O2 Arena
08-07 London, England - O2 Arena
08-10 London, England - O2 Arena
08-11 London, England - O2 Arena
08-14 London, England - O2 Arena
08-17 London, England - O2 Arena
08-18 London, England - O2 Arena
08-24 London, England - O2 Arena
08-25 London, England - O2 Arena
08-28 London, England - O2 Arena
08-31 London, England - O2 Arena
09-01 London, England - O2 Arena
09-06 London, England - O2 Arena
09-09 London, England - O2 Arena
09-12 London, England - O2 Arena
09-13 London, England - O2 Arena
09-16 London, England - O2 Arena
09-20 London, England - O2 Arena
09-21 London, England - O2 Arena
Prince must have a serious fixation on Big Ben. Although I guess Big Ben does kind of resemble a giant penis with a clock on it. And that's the kind of weird thing Prince would love.
Unfortunately This Is The Only Way You'll Get To See Neko Case And Pornography Linked Together In The Same Story…Probably
The New Pornographers' newest album Challengers will drop on August 21, however if you're a super duper New Pornos fan (like myself) you won't settle for that pathetic one disc version of the album. One disc? HA! I laugh at your one disc album! What about two discs, would that be acceptable? OF COURSE IT WOULDN'T! Double albumsare for impotent housewifes! Indeed, only a three disc album could possibly suffice, isn't that right? WRONG! You are so very wrong!
That's right, the New Pornographers' latest album will be released in a special FOUR DISC Executive Edition box set! Four discs, now that sir or madam, is an album! The first disc will be the fourth release in its entirely, the second disc will be every b-side, demo or alternative version related to this album in any way, while the third disc will have live cuts from the band's recently announced fall tour and is called Live From The Future, and the fourth disc will have videos, photos and album artwork. Yes, a very fine box set indeed.
Of course, it's not an actual box set. It's part of a promotion by Matador's Buy Early Get Now pre-order campaign. You see, they don't actually have live cuts from the fall tour because the fall tour hasn't happened yet. So, instead of an actual malleable product, the box set will be sold as digital downloads. And then your lazy ass can put the box set together by burning the CDs yourself. It's like being a software pirate, only less sneaky and with less chance of accidentally downloading spam and porn! And not good porn either, some of that creepy goth donkey amputee stuff. It's not as hot as it sounds, trust me.
The cool thing though is because it's online and downloadable, Matador can add new stuff to it if they wanted to! So that's neat. Plus if you order the Executive Edition you also get to stream the whole album right freakin' now, plus you got three exclusive MP3's and early bird access to tour dates and tickets. WHATTA BAR-GOON!
Of course you could just get the regular album. Which I'll probably just do.
You can also see this funny little troupe of Canadian and Canadian-esque musicians live in person on their recently announced fall tour. I dunno what it is, but when Canadian musicians get together and form a supergroup it's almost always awesome. We work well with others apparently.
I challenge you!:
06-18 London, England - Bar Academy %
06-19 London, England - Borderline &
06-20 London, England - 93 Feet East +
06-22 Pilton, England - Glastonbury Festival
07-04 New York, NY - Battery Park *
07-15 Chicago, IL - Union Park (Pitchfork Music Festival) $
09-13 Victoria, British Columbia - McPherson Ballroom #!
09-14 Seattle, WA - Showbox #!
09-15 Seattle, WA - Showbox #!
09-16 Portland, OR - Crystal Ballroom #!
09-17 San Francisco, CA - Warfield Theatre #!
09-18 San Diego, CA - House of Blues #!
09-19 Los Angeles, CA - Henry Fonda Theater #!
09-20 Los Angeles, CA - Henry Fonda Theater #@
09-21 Tucson, AZ - Rialto Theatre #@
09-22 Albuquerque, NM - Sunshine Theater #@
09-24 Boulder, CO - Boulder Theater #@
09-25 Salt Lake City, UT - The Depot #@
09-26 Boise, ID - The Egyptian Theatre #@
09-28 Vancouver, British Columbia - Commodore Ballroom #!
% with Envelopes
& with Immaculate Machine
+ with the Little Ones
with Midlake
$ with Stephen Malkmus, De La Soul, Of Montreal, Jamie Lidell, the Sea and Cake, Junior Boys, the Field, Cadence Weapon, the Cool Kids, Klaxons, Nomo, Deerhunter, the Ponys, Menomena, Craig Taborn's Junk Magic, Brightblack Morning Light, Fred Lonberg-Holm's Lightbox Orchestra
# with Lavender Diamond
! with Fancey
@ with the Awkward Stage
Hey! Stop Mutilating Isaac Brock! That's His Job!
Apparently Europeans don't much care for Modest Mouse. Or they're douchebags. But for some reason, some jackass decided to whip a bottle at Isaac Brock's head while he was performing. And thus begins the origin story of Mad Captain Brock, Scourge of the Seven Seas!:
Seriously though, considering how their newest album is called We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank a pirate gimmick seems rather appropriate. But, as a result of Brock's sudden need for eyepatchery he had to undergo surgery and thus was forced to cancel and reschedule some shows. To which I say UNCOOL EUROPE! You do not throw things at good bands. Sure, Modest Mouse has occasionally been known to have lousy live performances but a bottle to the eye? I say nay nay! Even Modest Mouse at their worst performance don't deserve to have bottles thrown at them as much Fallout Boy does at their best performance. Or any performance. Or even if you see them on the street. Actually throwing bottles at them seems like the best response for any situation involving Fallout Boy. It just makes sense.
So as a result of someone's intense jackassery, here are the cancelled dates.
CANCELLED!:
06-11 Cologne, Germany - Live Music Hall
06-13 Copenhagen, Denmark - Vega
06-14 London, England - O2 Wireless Festival
06-16 Interlaken/Schweiz, Switzerland - Greenfields Festival
06-17 Nickelsdorf, Austria - Nova Rock Festival
And here is the rest of the mighty Mouse gang's tour schedule with the newly rescheduled European dates in Bold.:
06-19 Luxembourg, Luxembourg - Kulturfabrik
06-20 Paris, France - Elysée Montmertre
06-22 Glastonbury, England - Glastonbury Festival
06-23 Scheeßel, Germany - Hurricane Festival
06-24 Neuhausen ob Eck, Germany - Southside Festival
06-26 Aarhus, Denmark - Voxhall
06-28 Gothenburg, Sweden - Accelerator Festival
06-29 Stockholm, Sweden - Accelerator Festival
06-30 Arendal, Norway - Hove Festival 07-02 Copenhagen, Denmark - Vega
07-03 Cologne, Germany - Live Music Hall
07-04 Frankfurt, Germany – Batchkapp
08-01 Morrison, CO - Red Rocks Amphitheatre *#
08-03 Kansas City, MO - City Market *#
08-04 Washington, DC - Virgin Festival
08-05 Chicago, IL - Grant Park (Lollapalooza)
08-08 New York, NY - Keyspan Park *#!
08-11 Tokyo, Japan - Summer Sonic Festival
08-12 Osaka, Japan - Summer Sonic Festival
08-15 Columbus, OH - LC Amphitheater *#
08-16 Cleveland, OH - Warner Cable Amphitheatre *#
08-17 Northampton, MA - Pines Theater #
08-18 Mansfield, MA - Tweeter Center (Download Festival) *
08-19 Philadelphia, PA - Festival Pier *#
08-21 Louisville, KY - Louisville Gardens
08-22 Nashville, TN - Ryman Auditorium
08-25 George, WA - Gorge Amphitheatre (Download Festival)
08-27 Troutdale, OR - Edgefield
09-01 Stradbally, Ireland - Electric Picnic
09-02 Argyll, Scotland, England - Connect Festival
* with Band of Horses
# with Love as Laughter
! with Clipse
Do Europeans Really Appreciate The Poetic Imagery Of A Pacman Game Cabinet On Fire? DO THEY?!!
The Arcade Fire have announced some fall and hell even some winter dates. They'll be going back to Europe, since they seem to love it over there. Hopefully Win Butler doesn't suffer another sinus infection though. They'll be playing mostly in England, but they'll make a stop in Wales (which, is like the deep south of the UK intellectually, right? Is that accurate?) and Scotland. I'd say that'd be great for Ian so he can go see them, but he's in Ireland. And if I'm not mistaken, those two countries are still at war. Something to do with bagpipes and leprechaun magic. There's some bad shit going over there.
Anyhow, the band will also release a 7" single for "Intervention" on July 10 and a "No Cars Go" single will arrive on July 23. Now then, dates!
A flaming pinball machine brings a tear to my eye:
06-22 Pilton, England - Glastonbury
06-23 Scheeßel, Germany - Hurricane Festival
06-24 Tuttlingen, Germany - Southside Festival
06-27 Arendal, Norway - Hove Festival
06-30 St. Gallen, Switzerland - Open Air Festival
07-03 Lisbon, Portugal - Super Bock Super Rock Festival
07-05 Roskilde, Denmark - Roskilde Festival
07-07 Balado, Scotland - T in the Park
07-08 Naas, Ireland - Oxegen Festival
07-11 Ferrara, Italy - Bands Apart Festival
07-13 Barcelona, Spain - Summercase Festival
07-14 Madrid, Spain - Summercase Festival
07-15 Southwold, England - Latitude Festival
07-18 Lyon, France - Les Nuits de Fourvière
07-22 Nimes, France - Festival de Nimes
07-25 Nyon, Switzerland - Paleo Festival
08-17 Hasselt, Belgium - Pukkelpop Festival
08-19 Biddinghuizen, Netherlands - Lowlands Festival
08-24 Paris, France - Rock en Seine
08-25 Reading, England - Reading Festival
08-26 Leeds, England - Leeds Festival
09-14-16 Austin, TX - Austin City Limits Festival
10-26 Glasgow, Scotland - SECC
10-27 Manchester, England - MEN Arena
10-29 Newcastle, England - Metro Radio Arena
10-30 Cardiff, Wales - International Arena
10-31 Nottingham, England - Arena
11-17 London, England - Alexandra Palace
Also, on Pitchfork they recently show that members of The Arcade Fire actually made an appearance on of all things, The Price Is Right. You can see them wearing "1-866-NEON-BIBLE" shirts behind the contestants' row. Just look for the guy with the "1-866" plastered on his shirt.
It's a neat little bit of trivia. I'm gonna miss Bob Barker, they really need to make him into a cyborg so he can host that show forever. It would help keep America wholesome.
And The Winnah Is…
Hey remember all that Shortlist Music Prize business from a little while ago? Well they have announced the winner of the 2006 Shortlist prize. And the winner is…
Cat Power's The Greatest. Chan Marshall in what could probably be said to be a very good year for her has won the prize for 2006. It also, rather surprisingly, makes her the first woman to win the award. Score!
While I'm disappointed that Joanna Newsom didn't win (she plays the harp and makes it cool. How do you overlook that?!), Cat Power is a very acceptable choice and I'm glad to see her win it. Even if Panic! At The Disco was partly responsible (and I really want to meet the guys who thought letting them be judges on the Shortlist panel was a good idea. Indeed, let's have the award for the best indie music be partly decided by some Fallout Boy knockoffs. Brilliant. Oy). And as part of a Shortlist digital promotion you can download the album from iTunes with a special bonus iTunes exclusive track "Up And Gone." Congrats Chan!
I Bet It Has Robots In It!
Wow, I remember mentioning this back in the early days of SNV. I have come a long way baby.
Daft Punk's feature film Electroma is actually going to make it to North American shores. Yeah I'm as surprised as you are. The movie is about "two robots who journey across a mythic American landscape of haunting, surreal beauty on a quest to become human". So it's kind of like Pinocchio with electro-disco music and robot heads.
The movie was made by Thomas Bangalter and Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo (now THAT'S a cool name!) who are of course the men behind the robot masks. Yeah I know what you're thinking, it's disappointing to know that there actually are people behind the masks. It's like finding out who the guy inside the Chewbacca suit or the voice behind Bugs Bunny is. It sucks the fun out of it.
The movie will hit store shelves in the fall via Vice Records. It'll also be played at some festivals and artsy theatres so if you wanna see robosexuals (HA! Hi-larious!) on the big screen, these might be your only chances.
Electroma Screenings:
06-14 Toronto, Ontario - Xpace
06-28 Calgary, Alberta - Stride Gallery
06-29 Los Angeles, CA - New Beverly Cinema
07-28 Miami, FL - Studio A
09-08 Montreal, Quebec - Osheaga Festival
09-09 Montreal, Quebec - Osheaga Festival
Of course Oscar aspirations aren't the only thing that Daft Punk have going for them this year. They also have some tour dates set up for the summer. And chances are their live show will be sweet, like when they had that giant electronic pyramid thing last year. Maybe this year it'll be an electronic octagon! With robot cage fighting! Awesome!
Expect a lot of neon lights:
06-14 Paris, France - Bercy ^
06-16 London, England - O2 Wireless
06-17 Leeds, England - O2 Wireless
06-23 Istanbul, Turkey - Electronic Festival
06-26 Nîmes, France - Arenes
06-29 Düsseldorf, Germany - Phillipshalle
06-30 Berlin, Germany - Velodrom
07-04 Amsterdam, The Netherlands - Heineken Music Hall
07-06 Esch, Luxembourg - Red Rock Festival
07-08 Dublin, Ireland - Oxegen Festival
07-21 Los Angeles, CA - Sport Arena
07-27 Berkeley, CA - Greek Theatre *
07-29 Seattle, WA - WAMU Center *
07-31 Morrison, CO - Red Rocks Amphitheatre *
08-03-05 Chicago, IL - Grant Park (Lollapalooza)
08-05 Toronto, Ontario - Arrow Hall *
08-07 Montreal, Quebec - Bell Centre *
08-09 New York, NY - Keyspan Park *
^ with Klaxons
* with the Rapture, SebastiAn, KavinSky
And of course, let's not forget that Daft Punk helped contribute to the biggest loudmouth in hip hop's newest album. The track "Stronger" from Kanye West's new album Graduation has released onto the interest via some weird youtubery. So while this isn't a video, it's still a neat little track.
There's been a lot of disappointing third albums lately, I wonder if Kanye will make or break that trend? Well at least if he doesn't he might finally get knocked down a peg….Ah who am I'm kidding, then he'll just make fun of the critics and say he's still awesome. Oh Kanye, you're so unflappable.
I Predict A Wacky Music Video Is Probably Forthcoming
The Beastie Boys has announced a tour to promote their upcoming instrumental album The Mix-Up due out on June 26, which I am extremely skeptical of, but eh I'll give anything a shot. Even black tar heroin.
…Hey don't knock it till you try it.
Presumably Mixmaster Mike will be in attendance as well to help the boyeeeees lay down some phat beats. Also, I'm sure there will be a few instrumental tracks to showcase their Mix-Up goodness, but there should be plenty of white guys rapping as well. At least there'd better be.
SABOTAGE!:
08-01 Philadelphia, PA - Festival Pier
08-06 Boston, MA - Bank of America Pavilion
08-08 New York, NY - Central Park SummerStage
08-09 Brooklyn, NY - McCarren Park Pool
08-16 Denver, CO - Red Rocks
08-23 Santa Barbara, CA - County Bowl
08-25 Berkeley, CA - Greek Theatre
Forkin' A
Spoon has announced some American and Canadian tour dates for the early fall and MAN is there a lot of news this week or is it just me? I haven't even gotten to the other sections yet and I've already written up 10 pages. Kee-hrist.
Anyway, the band's album Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga comes out on July 7, 9 and 10 in Australia, Europe and North America respectively. For now, let's list those tour dates already!
Knifey spoony:
06-10 Chula Vista, CA - KZBT Independence Jam
06-16 Manchester, TN - Bonnaroo
06-29 Calgary, Alberta - Sled Island Festival
07-04 Detroit, MI - Comerica CityFest
07-05 Milwaukee, WI - Summerfest
07-11 New York, NY - Rockefeller Park (River to River)
08-04 Chicago, IL - Grant Park (Lollapalooza)
08-05 Baltimore, MD - Virgin Festival
08-10 Oslo, Norway - Øya Festival
08-11 Gothenburg, Sweden - Way Out West
08-12 Leicester, England - Summer Sundae Weekender
08-14 Paredes de Coura, Portugal - Paredes de Coura Festival
08-16 London, England - Cargo
08-17 Hasselt, Belgium - Pukkelpop Festival
09-07 Vancouver, British Columbia
09-10 Los Angeles, CA - Henry Fonda Theatre
09-11 Los Angeles, CA - Henry Fonda Theatre
09-14-16 Austin, TX - Zilker Park (Austin City Limits Festival)
10-10 Minneapolis, MN - First Avenue
10-15 Toronto, Ontario - Phoenix Concert Theatre
10-20 New York, NY - Roseland Ballroom
RAPIDFIRE NEWS SMARTASSERY!!
Apparently Steve Perry, the lead singer of Journey, demanded to know how The Sopranos ended before he signed off on the show using "Don't Stop Believin'" at the end because he didn't want the song playing while people were possibly getting whacked.. You mean to tell me that Steve Perry knew how this show would end ahead of time? I would have liked to see that explanation. "Well, they eat onion rings, a guy goes to the bathroom, your song plays and then for no reason we very suddenly cut to black!" I think I would have been more pissed if my song played during THAT then during a whacking.
Rage Against The Machine had a countdown on their website and that had fans in a tizzy. Then it just turned out to be a countdown to a live performance. Frivolous use of countdowns should be illegal! Damn you De La Rocha, everyday you get my ire! STOP GETTING MY IRE!!
Stacked Bundles, a rapper associate of Jim Jones, was shot and killed this week. That's a bummer, although it's more of a bummer that the first rapper shot to death in a long while was named Stacked Bundles. Sorry but that's kind of a weak MC name. Still, Rest in peace Stacked Bundles, you now have the coolest bling of all, a halo.
Mandy Moore is going on tour. Seriously, stop singing, you're a better actress. But that may be only because in comparison to other pop singers turned actresses you're above average. I mean Jessica Simpson just walked around in jean shorts for an hour and a half.
Speaking of singing actresses, American Idol loser and eating disorder aficionado Katharine McPhee will make her acting debut in a dark indie comedy called The Last Caller. Hmmm, I'd say stick to your dayjob, but she's not very good at that either. Eh, maybe she'll be good? After all, Jennifer Hudson won an Oscar so weirder shit could probably happen.
Wilco recently licensed some of their music for Volkswagon ads. The majority of the band were against this idea, but after Jeff Tweedy beat them down with his pimp hand they quickly changed their minds.
Moby says he would like to be a vampire….Well there's a random newsbit.
Toby Keith will release an acoustic holiday CD. And people wonder why there are so many suicides around Christmas.
The B-52's are seriously making a new album. As awesome as that may be, there's probably no chance in hell that it'll be any good. Still, it's just good to know that Fred Schnieder is still alive.
Apparently Timbaland beat up some German guy after said Germanian reportedly called him the n-word and got sent to jail. This can only mean one thing: that man was a nazi. And therefore, Timbaland is a nazi hunter! It is his destiny to travel around the world slaying every nazi in his path! This fall, Timbaland Presents Timbaland in an original Timbaland series: Timbaland The Nazi Slayer. Produced by Joss Whedon.
Fergie recently revealed that the Black Eyed Peas will eventually return. And I cried and cried and cried.
Radiohead music will be featured in a ballet. That is going to be the most fucked up ballet ever. Especially if they use "Fitter, Happier". Try dancing to that Baryshnikov!
And finally, in happy news, Paris Hilton was sent back to jail after being released for some kind of emotional breakdown. Hey, you know what would be awesome? If her mind completely snapped and she shived someone in the shower. Oh that would be like Christmas, Chanukah and a three day orgasm for the news channels.
And just for kicks, Tommy Chong making fun of the whole Paris Hilton debacle whilst in an interview with Cuntessa Brewer, who starts acting like a bitch. The biggest revelation to come out of it? That someone named their daughter "Cuntessa". Oh high school must have been fun for her.
Billboard Top 20
1. R. Kelly, Double Up – Huh, well ain't that a pisser.
2. Maroon 5, It Won't Be Soon Before Long – Heh, I nearly wrote moron 5 instead of Maroon 5. Oh me and the English language are on the same wavelength sometimes.
3. Linkin Park, Minutes To Midnight – How many more minutes until their 15 minutes are up?
4. Jason Aldean, Relentless - ….You suck Aldean!...I got nothing.
5. Daughty, Daughty – It's like Nickelback only retarded! No wonder it sells so well!
6. Amy Winehouse, Back To Black – Well she knows how to rock a beehive.
7. Young Jeezy Presents U.S.D.A., Cold Summer: The Unauthorized Mixtape – There is nothing I hate more than having to type out that dumbass title. Jeez.
8. Avril Lavigne, The Best Damn Thing - So lame even the posers at Hot Topic hate her. Now that is hatred.
9. Michael Buble, Call Me Irresponsible – He never puts the cap back on the toothpaste. IRRESPONSIBLE!!
10. Ozzy Osbourne, Black Rain – Just another reason for Ozzy to wear mascara.
11. Carrie Underwood, Some Hearts – Robots and country music, they just go together so well.
12. Robin Thicke, The Evolution Of Robin Thicke – Alan Thicke probably has a better falsetto.
13. Ne-Yo, Because Of You – Kind of a whiny little bitch isn't he?
14. Fergie, The Dutchess – I can't understand how people find this thing attractive.
15. Taylor Swift, Taylor Swift – Picks up dirt on hard to clean surfaces!
16. Tank, Sex, Love, & Pain – Will forever be an enemy of this column.
17. Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, Strength & Loyalty – Unless at least two of them have been shot I demand a recall of that name.
18. The Used, Lies For The Liars – Ah, it's just like being back in high school, only the loneliness and anxiety are replaced with crappy screamo! KEEN!
19. Various Arrrrtists, Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World's End Soundtrack - Such a very crappy movie. Stupid Orlando Bloom, he ruins everything.
20. Various Artists, NOW 24 – Do you think they'll make a 25th one?
Sorry Folks, It's Over
Hate to cut this one short but I got stuff to do in the morning and thus need my sleepy time. So until next week, adios.
