Sex, News & Violins 07.04.07
Posted by Jamie Buttineau on 07.04.2007
Interpol have many tour dates, Yeah Yeah Yeahs have a few tour dates, Feist has European tour dates and Amy Winehouse has things carved into her stomach. Also it's a holiday of some sort.
Happy 4th of July! WHOOO!!! Fireworks! Explosions! Alcohol and weenie roasts! RIGHT ON!!
Of course I'm Canadian so the 4th of July doesn't mean jack squat to me really. But if I ever become a dual citizen then I'll have two national holidays to celebrate. And that means double the fireworks and booze. Nice.
Viewer Mail
Oooooo, I got some nice hate mail after I called Billy Corgan a douchebag and then followed it up with pictures of Billy Corgan looking like a douchebag. But I love hate mail, it's as beautiful as a blinking fist. I was hoping for more, but what can you do? There's always next week.
First up, is Jonathan Sheffysomething who starts his hate mail off with the catchy title of "You're An Idiot". So you know we're off to a good start:
Every single Smashing Pumpkins album/singles have had 20 different releases all over the world…How about giving away your album for free??? Done that...how about touring the world and giving all the money to charity??? Done that too!!! I don't know what the fuck you have stuck up your ass but I will never read your "fucktard" site again…good way of just "losing your fan base"…
jon
Yeah! That's right you tell me! Who am I to say things! I wasn't born to be a thing sayer! Fuck me! Fuck me and the horse I rode in on! If I ever saw me on the street I would kick my ass! In fact, I'm never reading my column again either! So fuck you me, you're the worst person I ever was!
Man, Corgan's got himself some diehard fans don't he? They'll even back him up when he tries to screw people over with four different albums. What is it about him that attracts fans? I mean sure, Smashing Pumpkins in their heyday were pretty badass, but what about now? I guess it's that shiny head, it is hypnotizing. Either that or he just confuses people with his blinking fists.
This next letter is from Stephen G., who is a little more eloquent:
Hello, my name is Stephen G. I'm 20 years old and from Syracuse
NY.
I'm writing to ask you to correct your "Sex, News & Violins 06.27.07"
article in which you accuse Billy Corgan of releasing 4 different
records.
You are misinforming many people because it is a commonly held
misconception
that artists are in charge of their own marketing. They are not. They
have
input, but definitely do not have the last word. Considering the amount
of
studio time the Smashing Pumpkins took up because of Billy's
perfectionism,
I don't think it would be inappropriate to assume that their record
label
was attempting to both return their investment by issuing "exclusives"
to
different stores and also providing a good amount of hype for the
album. The
Smashing Pumpkins will now almost be guaranteed a big advertisement in
the
Sunday spread on July 8th in both Best Buy and Target. They also will
have
the exclusive iTunes banner ad in the iTunes store. You also
conveniently
left out Billy's free release of the Machina 2 record online. Billy
encouraged fans on the official website to bring any type of media
recording
device and record his shows in Asheville, NC for everyone to see. Now I
can
sit up here in Syracuse and watch the concerts that would have cost me
hundreds of dollars to attend in NC on Youtube. Corgan doesn't want all
my
money, he just wants to reward his fans. I will guarantee you if you
asked
Billy Corgan "Hey Billy, you're a fucking asshole for releasing all of
those
Zeitgeist versions! Why did you do it?!?" he would reply "That wasn't
my
decision and I don't mind if people download the bonus tracks from all
versions, it's inevitable. In fact, I really wouldn't care if they
downloaded the entire album. I'm an artist and I just want people to
listen
to my music." By the way, the picture part in your article was
extremely
strange. What did you do, google image search Billy Corgan and take all
of
the photos out of context? You realize that half of those are from
album
booklets or a music video (or music video shoot). The second to last
photograph was from the Adore album booklet, right after there was a
lot of
death and turmoil in his life. The top hat photo is from Tonight
Tonight in
which they recreate the aesthetic feel of a very very old French film.
The
Future Embrace album cover is the first album photo which shows Billy's
bad
birthmark on his left arm/hand. You've got me on the glowstick-cross
though.
Stop hating on Billy for misconceptions and simply to be "xscenex" on
411mania. You're kind of funny but hasty in your judgement about
Billy/SP.
Please write a retraction and research the issue, there are many
articles
about the multiple versions of Zeitgeist. Thank you for your time.
Huh, a well articulated, thought out hate mail that raises interesting points and arguments without resorting to being crass or using foul language gratuitously. That's unexpected, usually I just get called a fucktard. Although, he did accuse me of being "xscenex", which I don't know what that means...So, pass?
I agree that the record company were probably mostly to blame for the whole four album debacle. But, Billy boy still had to record all those extra tracks. He must have had the intention of adding them to maybe a "super deluxe version" of Zeitgeist. It also pisses me off when that happens, I buy the regular album and then the artist looks at me and says "what? You bought that version of the album instead of the new super happy deluxe 17 disc version with alternate tracks, demos, Spanish language songs, poetry performed in Klingon, incantations to the dark lord and it even comes with a limited edition autographed golden rake! And you call yourself a real fan, psssh." The record company probably said, "hey instead of one deluxe version, let's release four different versions with an extra exclusive track or two!" Corgan hasn't come out and announced his displeasure with the huge ordeal, so unless I hear it straight from the horse's mouth I find him to be just as guilty. Guilty I says!
Now the pictures I have to admit were a last minute decision. I was surfing around the net and realized how many pictures there were of Billy Corgan smugly smiling or doing some kind of oh so serious face or just plain looking douchey. So I said to myself, "I should post some of his douchiest pictures to back up my point that he indeed is a douche", and so the picture slideshow was thrown in. So yeah, I did just go on Google images and look up his douchiest stuff, but I was lazy because had I looked harder I probably would have found even better pictures to illustrate my point. And I didn't really see the need for context as the point was "I'm calling this guy a douchebag, and in these pictures he looks like a douchebag." Besides I don't care what the context is…
THAT is a douchey picture.
But I appreciate your opinion as you didn't resort to the typical trappings of your average hate mail. And for that I thank you.
You could learn a lesson from him Sheffysomething, you foul mouthed young man. And three question marks after every question? You don't need 3 question marks! In some countries they don't even have question marks! So don't go wasting them, you greedy punctuation using buster you! Rude!
And finally, this one isn't hate mail, actually he more or less seems to agree with me. Which I always like:
Hi there. I was just reading about what you said Billy Corgan. Was it his choice to release 4 different cds or did his record label have any say? Whoever's choice it was to relese 4 cds made a bad decision. If it was Corgan's idea he deserves whatever crap that is tossed his way. Anyway I will buy whatever copy comes first. I'm sure there will be a cd of rare tracks 5-10 years from now. I wouldn't just put blame on Corgan but any band that releases any kind of cd where there are bonus tracks on some copies and not on others.
Jeff
NL, Canada
I wholeheartedly agree, as I said above, I hate the habit of releasing one version of an album, only for the more awesome version to be released later. And as much as it pains me to say it, some of my favourite artists have done stuff like this. Even Beck, who is one of my favourites released that three disc version of The Information afterwards. But it's a way of duping fans out of money so it's probably something that won't go away.
But one thing that also won't go away is me making fun of Billy Corgan. Because it makes my heart feel good. Now then, I do believe there's a column buried around here somewhere.
Damn you disabled embedding! Foiled again! This is both cool and annoying, cool because it's White Stripes randomly playing on a public transit bus. Annoying because of the people on the bus. Especially the guy who seems to yell "This is crazy! I'm going to fucking die! WHOOOOOOOOOOO!" every ten seconds. But aside from it it's a neat little thing, in theory anyway, you can barely hear them playing over the sounds of the passengers creaming themselves.
Morrissey, "That's How People Grow Up"
From The Late Show with David Letterman, June 29, 2007
Moz! He may look like your gay drunk uncle at a wedding now, but you can't deny he's still sorta awesome. I don't know why the hell Dave had Moz randomly appear on his show, but any chance to see him perform is one that must be cherished. This song would apparently be on his next album, which will surely make people of the world weep with depression. Cuz that's what Moz does, that is what Moz does.
Headlines
So If Interpol Is A Rip Off Of Joy Division, Wouldn't That Make The Editors A Rip Off Of A Rip Off Of Joy Division? God NME, You Really Stuck Your Head Up Your Ass On That One
Despite the apparently hatred of certain European online music mags, Interpol is still poised to deliver their highly anticipated third LP Our Love To Admire on July 10 (holy crap that's next week. Are we really nearly halfway through summer already? Cripes, time is moving too freakin' fast). To help support the album, the band has expanded their tour. And I loves posting me some tour dates, so here they be.
Admiring:
07-05 Lisbon, Portugal - Super Bock Super Rock
07-07 Naas, Ireland - Punchestown Racecourse (Oxegen Festival)
07-08 Balado, Scotland - T in the Park
07-19 Rochester, NY - Harro East Ballroom *
07-20 Atlantic City, NJ - Music Box @ Borgata *
07-21 Norfolk, VA - NorVa *
07-23 Cleveland, OH - House of Blues *
07-24 Pittsburgh, PA - Byham *
07-25 Columbus, OH - The LC Amphitheatre *
07-27 Grand Rapids, Michigan - Orbit Room *
07-28 Detroit, MI - State Theater *
07-30 Milwaukee, WI - The Rave *
07-31 Indianapolis, IN - Egyptian Room *
08-01 St. Louis, MO - Pageant *
08-03 Covington, KY - Madison Theatre *
08-04 Chicago, IL - Grant Park (Lollapalooza)
08-05 Baltimore, MD - Pimlico Race Course (Virgin Festival)
08-11 Tokyo, Japan - Summersonic Festival
08-12 Osaka, Japan - Summersonic Festival
08-16 Salzburg, Austria - Frequency Festival
08-17 Stausee Hohenfelden, Germany - Highfield Festival
08-18 Biddinghuizen, Netherlands - Lowland Festival
08-20 Birmingham, England - Birmingham Academy
08-21 Newcastle, England - Newcastle Academy
08-22 Edinburgh, Scotland - Edinburgh Corn Exchange
08-24 Reading, England - Reading Festival
08-25 Leeds, England - Leeds Festival
09-08 Toronto, Ontario - V Festival
09-09 Montreal, Quebec - Osheaga Music and Arts Festival
09-10 Albany, NY - Palace Theatre
09-12 Boston, MA - Agganis Arena
09-14 New York, NY - Madison Square Garden
09-15 Philadelphia, PA - Tower Theatre
09-16 Raleigh, NC - Disco Rodeo
09-18 Orlando, FL - Hard Rock Live
09-19 Miami, FL - Bank United
09-21 Atlanta, GA - Tabernacle
09-22 Nashville, TN - Ryman
09-23 New Orleans, LA - Sugar Mill
09-25 Houston, TX - Verizon Wireless Theatre
09-26 Austin, TX - Stubb's Bar-B-Q
09-27 Dallas, TX - Palladium
10-10 Kansas City, KS - Uptown
10-11 Chicago, IL - Aragon Ballroom
10-12 Minneapolis, MN - State Theatre
10-14 Denver, CO - Fillmore
10-15 Salt Lake City, UT - McKay Center
10-16 Boise, ID - Big Easy
10-18 Seattle, WA - Wamu
10-19 Portland, OR - Memorial Coliseum
10-20 San Francisco, CA - Bill Graham Civic Auditorium
10-23 Los Angeles, CA - The Forum
11-12 Florence, Italy - Sachhall
11-13 Milan, Italy - Alcatraz
11-15 Zurich, Switzerland - Volkshaus
11-16 Munich, Germany - Tonhalle
11-17 Berlin, Germany - Columbiahalle
11-19 Cologne, Germany - Palladium
11-20 Tilburg, Netherlands - O13
11-23 Brussels, Belgium - Forest National
11-24 Hamburg, Germany - Docks
11-25 Hamburg, Germany - Docks
11-28 Blackpool, England - Empress Ballroom
11-29 London, England - Alexandra Palace
11-30 London, England - Alexandra Palace
* with Calla
They Is Is Awesome
No new LP from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs is likely coming this year, however their latest EP Is Is due out on July 23 in the UK and July 24 in North America. And to help advertise this, the band have cobbled together a few North American dates in August. So if you like positivity to come in triplicate, you best to catch them live.
Yeahs x 3:
08-01 Lawrence, KS - Granada Theatre
08-02 Columbia, MO - The Blue Note
08-04 Chicago, IL - Grant Park (Lollapalooza)
08-05 Baltimore, MD - Pimlico Race Track (Virgin Festival)
08-07 New York, NY - Webster Hall
08-15 Philadelphia, PA - Electric Factory
08-18 Mansfield, MA - Tweeter Center (Download Festival)
A Double Decker Bus Is The Only Vehicle Capable Of Safely Transporting Her Awesomeness
Feist is touring Europe, so if you people across the ocean don't know what a talented Canadian indie musician sounds like this would be a good opportunity to check one out. And she'll traversing all across Europe, even heading to Baden Baden, Germany and Yzeure, France. I love European city names, they all sound like mystical magical lands.
Baden Baden bitches:
07-17 Portsmouth, England - Wedgewood Rooms
07-19 Manchester, England - Academy 3
07-22 Birmingham, England - Birmingham Glee Club
07-24 London, England - Scala
07-28 Mt. Fuji, Japan - Fuji Rock Festival
08-29 Brooklyn, NY - McCarren Park Pool *
09-08 Montreal, Quebec - Osheaga Music Festival
09-20 Baden Baden, Germany - Radio Festival
09-21 Amsterdam, Netherlands - Melkweg
09-23 Nottingham, England - Social
09-24 London, England - Shepherds Bush Empire
09-25 Dublin, Ireland - Tripod
09-26 Glasgow, Scotland - Oran Mor
09-28 Bristol, England - Trinity Arts Centre
09-30 Berlin, Germany - Admiralspalast
10-01 Copenhagen, Denmark - Vega
10-02 Stockholm, Sweden - Cirkus
10-04 Hamburg, Germany - CCH Saal 2
10-05 Cologne, Germany - E-Werk
10-06 Munich, Germany - Georg-Elser Halle
10-08 Paris, France - La Cigalle
10-09 Paris, France - La Cigalle
10-11 Countance, France - Cultural Centre
10-12 Yzeure, France - Cultural Centre
10-13 Bordeaux, France - Salle de Vigean
10-15 Nancy, France - Jazz Pulsation Festival
10-16 Geneva, Switzerland - Grand Casino
10-17 Mulhouse, France - Cultural Centre
10-19 Brussels, Belgium - Cirque Royale
* with Kevin Drew
RAPIDFIRE NEWS SMARTASSERY
I don't know how I missed it but I'll report it this week. Ladies and gentlemen, Prince has his own fragrance. So if you ever wanted to know what a tiny, creepy little man who likes to wear purple and nail women nearly 2 feet taller than him smells like, well, voila.
Speaking of Prince, he's planning to release his latest album, Planet Earth for free in a UK paper called The Mail On Sunday. Nice of him to do that, although I'm not sure that bodes well for the quality of the album if he's giving it away for free….In a newspaper…A Sunday newspaper evidently…Which is probably mostly read by senior citizens wanting to do the crossword or daily jumble. Something tells me that's probably not his target audience.
Morrissey had to postpone some of his tour dates due to a throat infection. Damn you cruel world, first you crush his soul, then you break his heart, now you infect his throat! Can you not give the poor man some reprieve! He hasn't smiled since the early 80's! Leave the Moz alone!
While in an interview with Spin Magazine, Amy Winehouse used a shard of broken glass to carve "I Love Blake" into her stomach and then said "I'm not in this to be a role model." As a result of this, Amy Winehouse now scares me.
The Blake in question (or more like in the skin on her stomach) is her new husband, who busied himself this week by threatening a guy who said he looked like Ethan Embry (who?), an actor from Vacancy (what?) and telling a reporter "Tell the guy who looks like he has leukemia I'm going to slit his throat." Congratulations to the happy couple! They're gonna make great parents.
Hey Blake, you look like Ethan Embry (who?). HA! DEAL WITH IT!
Lily Allen assaulted a photographer, in an obvious attempt to compete with Amy Winehouse's freakout. Sorry, glass carving beats assault. Now if you had carved "Lily Allen Rules!" into the photographer's stomach with a shard of glass, then you would have won. Better luck next time Lily.
The new Britney Spears album has been delayed. Yes, that's right, she's actually making one. Oh man, it is going to be horrible. I mean epically horrible, like horrible in a way that's barely even comprehendible. You thought K-Fed's album was bad, at least that was just white trash trying to act gangsta. This is white trash trying to act like a legitimate artist. And it is going to be saaaaaaad.
By the way, does she still even have children? If her life were a movie, those kids would be one gaping plothole.
The Spice Girls are indeed reuniting. And it's like the world is just loading ammo into my funny gun.
Eve weaseled out of a DUI, or got a plea deal rather. Part of the plea deal is that she needs to wear a SCRAM alcohol monitoring device on her ankle. Oh come on, that's not a punishment, all she needs to do is add some bling to that device and she's got a fashion statement going on.
The newest American Idol Jordin Sparks' debut album may be out as soon as Thanksgiving. Which is just wrong, because that thing will be so goddamned sugary sweet that it's bound to give you diabetes. And how can you enjoy Thanksgiving with diabetes?! Way to fucking go Jordin Sparks! Melinda was robbed!
And finally in shocking news, Pete Doherty pleaded guilty to drug charges. How and why are you not dead of an overdose yet? The son of a bitch will probably outlive me.
Billboard Top 20
1. Bon Jovi, Lost Highway – You know, Bon Jovi has always managed to be cool and lame at the same time. It's kind of magical.
2. The White Stripes, Icky Thump – Their mainstream success is to this day shocking to me. But even a blind pig yadda yadda acorn yadda yadda blue moon yadda yadda moss gathers no rolling stone and so forth.
3. Brad Paisley, 5th Gear – I dunno, it's pretty hard to portray yourself as white trash when your last name is Paisley. You try hanging out with real white trash with the last name Paisley and see how many toes and teeth you come back with.
4. Toby Keith, Big Dog Daddy – Now this guy I buy as white trash.
5. Paul McCartney, Memory Almost Full – He may have been a Beatle, but he was never a travelling wilbury. And that says it all.
6. Linkin Park, Minutes To Midnight – This is only going to encourage Fred Durst to make a comeback. And then he might try to rape another one of The Who's songs. And dammit we can't take that chance!
7. Amy Winehouse, Back To Black – Now I'm going to have nightmares where she carves the lyrics of her songs into my face with a shard of glass. Then she'll turn into Tony Danza and we'll ride on a log flume made of skeletons and dip a dog in chocolate and sell it to a homeless shelter….My dreams are weird.
8. Maroon 5, It Won't Be Soon Before Long – Started out as a Coldplay knockoff, and now they're a Justin Timberlake knockoff. Well, at least they're growing as artists.
9. Fabolous, From Nothin' To Somethin' – I bet you did awesome on your high school English exams….If you even showed up for your exams…Or for high school…Or elementary school….Can you read?
10. T-Pain, Epiphany – What does the T stand for, a mystery that haunt mankind for centuries.
11. Shop Boys, Rockstar Mentality – I don't know who they are, and boy howdy do I not care.
12. Rihanna, Good Girl Gone Bad – Seriously, an umbrella? You got Jay-Z out of bed over an umbrella?
13. R. Kelly, Double Up – You'd think pissing on children would ruin a man's career, but you'd be wroooooong.
14. Lifehouse, Who We Are – You mean shitty musicians? Yeah we knew that.
15. Fergie, The Dutchess – You'd think pissing yourself onstage would ruin a woman's career, but again, wrongness.
16. Avril Lavigne, The Best Damn Thing – When that divorce finally makes the news I am going to be so happy. I don't know why, but her misery is what I desire.
17. Daughtry, Daughtry – If a giant dipped him in ink, he could be used as a ball point pen!
18. Taylor Swift, Taylor Swift – He's the swifter picker upper!
19. Big & Rich, Between Raising Hell And Amazing Grace – This is a perverse representation of purgatory.
20. Michael Buble, Call Me Irresponsible – I will call you very lucky for having gotten famous off of doing a glorified Sinatra impersonation. Seriously dude, you hit the friggin' jackpot there. I commend you.
Support The Municipality!!
Just one little link this week, but perhaps the most important link of all. Because it involves me. This week's Fact Or Fiction happens to star none other yours truly AND Deniz Kuypers, who is apparently a woman. We seem to get along quite well. And you know Deniz, Fact Or Fiction makes for strange bedfellows, heh heh heh…..God I'm lonely.
IT'S OVER!!
And in honour of the birthday of Dwight Eisenhower, or whatever the 4th of July is supposed to celebrate I hereby take the rest of the column off for this week! Yippee! Now if you'll excuse, there's a nunnery that's about to get an unexpected fireworks show. Because if there's one thing I'm sure nuns love, it's fireworks.
So wherever you are in the world, have a happy weekend blowing stuff up. Unless you're in the Middle East, where something blows up everyday! Ha ha, topical political humour, fantastic.
