Sex, News & Violins 8.02.07
Posted by Jamie Buttineau on 08.02.2007
The Go! Team seems to like wolves and dirt bikes, Joanna Newsom rocks out with an orchestra, and Final Fantasy aim for some street cred. Tune in now!...Well, not tune in rather, it's not a TV show. More like click on it with your mousey thingy.
It's so hot my teeth are sweating. Let's write a column before I am reduced to a puddle.
Viewer Mail
This first one comes from Paul F.:
Hey,
Just got done reading your column on 411mania.com, thought I would drop you a line and say keep up the outstanding work and you now have 5 loyal readers. It's nice to see someone completely lamb-baste the majority of retarded celebrities out there. Especially that dumb bitch Lindsay Lohan, seriously...if I had that much money, I'd sit in my basement watching hockey and football, whilst getting myself high as shit and playing video games...What really pisses me off is the fact she will probably get off scott-free after her second DUI in as many months...yet 2 years ago my friend got a DUI and had to go without his license for a year...I guess it pays to have a famous last name.
Also, I put 5-1 odds on Kanye West shooting 50 Cent first.
Thanks for taking the time out to read this, I look forward to reading more of your columns.
Paul
True, 50 Cent does seem to have more of a predisposition towards getting shot rather than shooting. Plus, another gunshot wound would bring his count up to a nice even 10. Thanks for writing in.
Hey, we got two letters. That's different. This one comes from Lynne K., who appears to be rather important:
I am old enough to be your grandmother, I am sure - but you are FUNNY. Thanks for the laughs ~
What you didn't see is that this all came with some fancy graphics and font, and a business title, "Administrative Assistant" of a Resort and Spa in California. Yeah that's right, Californians read this column! Hey, Weinstein Brothers, give me a job! Any job! What about you Judd Apatow, you control most of Hollywood now, make me a star! Screw Shia Leboeuf, I should get to be Indiana Jones' son and have sex inside of a Transformer (by the way, at the end of that movie, did it not disturb anyone that Shia and Generic Hot Chick #241 were doing it INSIDE of Bumblebee? While the other Transformers watched?! Man, the Autobots are kink-kay)!
Thanks for writing in Lynne, this is the first time I recall ever having a reader who may be old enough to have given birth to my parents. But as long as you can navigate through the obscure pop culture references, music snobbery, and whatever else I throw in this gumbo of a column, you are welcome. And may you use your Grandmothery powers to rule over your hotel employees with an iron fist. But know my readers, the power, the Grandmothery power, it cannot be stopped! Lynne will kill us all! Be aware! BE AWARE!
Coming To You Live From A Series Of Tubes
Imogen Heap, "Just For Now"
Live at the Studio 11 for Indie 103.1FM, September 2006.
I find that Imogen Heap can be somewhat of a mixed bag live, sometimes awesome, sometimes slightly off. This is one of her awesome performances, in fact I would go as far as to declare it her most awesome performance. Here she performs with just a sampler to loop her voice as she records parts and then sings over those parts and sings over the parts that she just recorded after having had just sung them. It's very very impressive, awe inspiring even. I've always been a fan of her albums, but I wish she had more music like this on her records. Strangely enough though, even though she blows this one out of the water, she never seems to do a good job with "Hide & Seek" live. Always found that odd.
The National, "Fake Empire"
From Late Show With David Letterman, July 24, 2007.
It's The National's national TV debut, and it's stellar. I love it when bands have a horn section in a part of their song and they're able to replicate that horn part perfectly during a live performance. Live trumpet action is hard to pull off. The album is definitely growing on me, but then I had a feeling it would. How often is Ian Wright wrong anyway?
Tay Zonday, "Chocolate Rain" & "Internet Dream"
This little video became one of those sudden overnight internet sensations that seem to pop up every so often. Like college pranks involving butter on the floor and videos of dogs doing it with cats. The song is actually somewhat catchy, and also hilarious with it's batshit crazy lyrics.
I actually prefer the second video though, "Internet Dream", as it's probably the better song. But really, you just have to accept them as what they are, kitschy Youtube music videos. Not sure if he means to take himself seriously or not, but hell the guy himself doesn't really seem to know that either. But hey, I may be a snob but I'm never snobbish enough to resist a good internet fad. Hell, I still laugh at the melodramatic prairie dog .
Or, DO I?!
Yes I am that lame.
Headlines!
An Squadron Of Forward Movers
I, think that's the album cover. But there's so much going on there I'm not sure It hurts my brain.
The Go! Team's new album is getting closer and closer to its release date of September 11, when I will either welcome it with open arms and declare it the greatest thing since opium or be so disappointed that it's not as good as Thunder! Lightning! Strike! that I grow disillusioned with the world, dye my hair black, set up a Live Journal and start randomly attacking reindeer. There will be no middle ground.
But in all likelihood it shall surely rule, and what would also rule would be seeing the team that goes live in concert. And that's now a possibility with The Go! Team announcing a US stretch of their tour. So if you're looking for a concert where feet moving, fist pumping and head bopping are likely to occur or perhaps even be mandatory, then this would be a good bet.
I hope there's something as awesome as Junior Kickstart:
08-10 Gothenberg, Sweden - Way Out West Festival
08-11 Oslo, Norway - Øya Festival
08-15 Saint-Malo, France, La Route du Rock Festival
08-16 Hasselt, Belgium - Pukkelpop
08-18 Brighton, England - Loop Festival
08-26 London, England - Get Loaded Festival
08-31 Argyll, Scotland, Connect Festival
09-02 Stradbally, Ireland - Electric Picnic Festival
09-07 Isle of Wight, England - Bestival
09-12 London, England - Electric Ballroom
09-13 Manchester, England - Ritz
09-14 Glasgow, Scotland - ABC
10-13 Chicago, IL - Double Door
10-15 Seattle, WA - Neumos
10-17 Portland, OR - Doug Fir
10-19 San Francisco, CA - Mezzanine
10-20 Pomona, CA - Glass House
10-21 Los Angeles, CA - Echoplex
10-25 Boston, MA - Paradise
10-26 Philadelphia, PA - TBA
10-27 New York, NY - Bowery Ballroom
10-28 Brooklyn, NY - Studio B
10-30 Washington, DC - 9:30 Club
Well Dat Dere Was Wonna Dem Harpsychordy Gidgets Tweren't It?
Celebrate North America, for you being given the chance to indulge in a cultural experience Well a cultural experience in the world of indie music. Joanna Newsom travelled the mystical land of Europe last year to promote Ys, playing with a full orchestra. And now North America will get to experience the grandeur of seeing Newsom play with 28 different instrumentalists backing her up.
Of course, there's only 4 American dates but beggars can't be choosers now. And one of them is in the Walt Disney Concert Hall! Maybe the Country Bear Jamboree will be part of the orchestra! Oh boy!
In reality the monkey would be eaten by the bear. However that wouldn't make for much of a whimsical tune:
08-17 Brecon Beacons, Wales - Green Man Festival
09-09 Helsinki, Finland - Tavastia
09-11 Hamburg, Germany - Kampnagel
09-12 Amsterdam, Holland - Paradiso
09-13 Frankfurt, Germany - Dreikoenigs-Kirche
09-14 Prague, Czech Republic - Archa Theatre
09-16 Vienna, Austria - WUK
09-18 Munich, Germany - Muffathalle
09-19 Zurich, Switzerland - Rote Fabrik
09-26 Fribourg, Switzerland - Fri-Son
09-28 London, England - Royal Albert Hall
10-21 Milwaukee, WI - Pabst Theater *
11-04 Grass Valley, CA - Music in the Mountains *
11-09 Los Angeles, CA - Walt Disney Concert Hall *
11-17 Atlanta, GA - Woodruff Arts Center Symphony Hall *
* orchestral show
Mosh Pit May Contain Chocobos
I had to look up what the weird bird things were called. For some reason it slipped my mind.
Final Fantasy, or Owen Pallet, the violinist of The Arcade Fire's solo act has announced some tour dates for the fall. His third LP Heartland is supposedly coming out this year, making it two years in a row we get to hear some violiny greatness. Although I haven't heard anything about it since it was announced, but they say it's coming so I'll believe them. Because I am gullible.
Pallet also may be the first person to ever win the Polaris Music Prize twice in a row .Technically speaking that is. Last year his album He Poos Clouds took the prize, whereas this year he played on The Arcade Fire's sophomore album Neon Bible which is nominated for the award. So if Da Fire wins, I'd say that would unofficially make him a two time winner. It's cheating a little to say so, but I would say it counts.
Also, bizarrely it appears that Pallet will co-headline the tour with Cadence Weapon, a talented Canadian rapper and former Pitchfork reviewer. It turns out the two are actually good friends and admirers of each other (but not in that way Owen, you sly dog you At least I don't think so Eh, well if they are then their children will probably grow up to be awesome musicians at least No, wait ). Just seems like an odd pairing, snarky rap and violin chamber pop. Actually I'd go see that.
Level Up:
08-13 Malmo, Sweden - Sommarscen
08-15 Paris, France - Pigalle Estival
08-16 Brest, France - Jeudis Duport
08-17 Vendome, France - La Route du Rock Festival
08-18 Vendome, France - Vendome Festival
09-02 Stradbally, Ireland - Electric Picnic Festival
10-04 Montreal, Quebec - Pop Montreal Festival
10-12 Chicago, IL - Schubas ^
10-13 Minneapolis, MN - 7th Street Entry ^
10-15 Winnipeg, Manitoba - West End Cultural Centre ^
10-16 Regina, Saskatchewan - The Exchange ^
10-17 Edmonton, KY - Starlight Room ^
10-18 Calgary, Alberta - The Warehouse ^
10-20 Vancouver, British Columbia - Richards on Richards %^
10-21 Victoria, British Columbia - Alix Goolden Hall ^
10-22 Seattle, WA - Nector !
10-23 Portland, OR - Someday Lounge !
10-25 San Francisco, CA - Independent !
10-26 Pomona, CA - Glass House !
10-28 Los Angeles, CA - The Troubadour !
10-29 San Diego, CA - Beauty Bar !
10-30 Phoenix, AZ - Modified !
11-01 Abilene, TX - Monks !
11-02 Denton, TX - Hailey's !
11-03 Austin, TX - Fun Fun Fun Festival !
11-07 Charleston, SC - Map Room !
11-09 Philadelphia, PA - First Unitarian Church Chapel !
11-10 Hoboken, NJ - Maxwell's !
11-11 New York, NY - Bowery Ballroom !
11-12 Cambridge, MA - Middle East !
^ with Basia Bulat
% with Great Lake Swimmers
! with Cadence Weapon
Apparently there was supposed to be a date in North Manchester, Indiana at a venue called The Firehouse, however that was cancelled because The Firehouse got flooded. Ironic, don'tcha think?
RAPIDFIRE NEWS SMARTASSERY!!
Hot off her world renowned and beloved stint in prison, Paris Hilton has reportedly been cut out of her grandfather Barron Hilton's will and has lost out on an inheritance of $60 million. Which for all us peasants that may seem like a helluva of a lot money to lose. But to Paris, I think that's probably just her annual budget for cocaine and manslaves.
The downward spiral of Lindsay Lohan keeps on going downward. Her latest movie I Know Who Killed Me bombed at the box office. And I mean bombed, like super bombed. I think Pootie Tang outgrossed it. I mean when you can't even get people to go to a movie where you play a stripper .Man, you got problems.
Natalie Portman almost won an Oscar when she did it! You are fucked girl, royally fucked.
Deerhunter was robbed at gunpoint this week. Ah I see, so now Deerhunter has become the Deerhunted.
Seriously though, leave your local ambient indie rock alone. Go rob Fall Out Boy No wait, those douches probably have tight security. Ok, go rob The Bravery, no one will give a damn if you rob them, plus they probably more likely to be wearing jewellery .They're not very masculine you see.
Usher called off his wedding with his pregnant fiancée. Eh, you may think that doing something horrible like this would severely hurt an R&B star's career but I wouldn't think so. I mean, R. Kelly pissed on children and he still has a record contract. We just can't stay mad at them and their heavenly voices. Oh R. Kelly and Usher, even your telephone conversations are musical opuses. Morons.
Now if Usher had urinated on his fiancee after calling off the wedding, THEN he'd be in trouble.
Kid Rock is releasing a new album, because Um Actually there's no really good reason for this to happen. At all. Ever. Besides, he's gone downhill ever since his midget died.
Paul Stanley of KISS recently suffered a heart attack or heart attackish ailment and had to miss the show to receive medical attention. Hopefully it wasn't too serious, otherwise it's going to be pretty hard for him to play The Starchild. Because the ladies strangely enough don't seem to find shirtless guys with pacemaker scars all that attractive. Get well Starchild!
Nicole Richie will serve 4 days in jail for drunk driving charges. You know, you're not on TV anymore. So you don't have to do everything Paris does anymore, you do realize that don't you?
Also, her kid isn't even out of the womb yet and already it'll have served time in jail. That baby is off to a great start.
Billboard Top 20
1. Various Artists, NOW 25 And once again, the demon offspring of the NOW family line takes the throne. Seriously, there's absolutely nothing worthwhile on this. Hell half of the artists here don't even have last names! Lloyd, Huey, Mims, for God's what happened to the days when musicians used to come up with awesome stage names! Who the fuck releases a record as "Lloyd"? I am not looking forward to the future: "And now, with his latest hit song, here is, Dave!"
2. Miley Cyrus, Hannah Montana 2/Meet Miley Cyrus You do release she is the product of Billy Ray Cyrus having had sex with someone? You are buying albums by Billy Ray Cyrus' sperm. Does the world not have ANY COMMON SENSE?!!
3. T.I., T.I. Vs. T.I.P. Well, it's pretty clear what T.I.'s favourite punctuation is.
4. Various Artists, Hairspray Soundtrack A NOW compilation, Hannah Montana and John Travolta in drag are all in the top 10 this week. Things do not get much worse than that.
5. Colbie Caillat, Coco I'm so not cuckoo for you.
6. Fergie, The Dutchess OK! WHO ARE THE LITTLE JACKASSES WHO BOUGHT ALL THESE HORRENDOUS FUCKING ALBUMS THIS WEEK?!!
7. Linkin Park, Minutes To Midnight SERIOUSLY LOOK AT THIS SHIT!! WHO BUYS THIS AND ENJOYS IT?!! WHO?!! I can't think of anyway this could get worse.
8. Amy Winehouse, Back To Black Alright, there, you bought the album by the crazy lady. That's ok, it's not very bad, it's got that Motown feel to it. Of course she only decided to go for that Motown feel because the mannequin she keeps in her basement told her he liked Motown. She does horrible things to that mannequin. Even still, there's nothing wrong with Amy Winehouse, so maybe this list isn't that bad.
9. Nickelback, All The Right Reasons - FUCK!!
10. Bon Jovi, Lost Highway -
11. Kelly Clarkson, My December I'm sure she means December to represent a cold and desolate time in her life. However, when I think of December I think of Christmas, and presents and Santa Not really all that depressing. Now My February, that would be depressing.
12. The Smashing Pumpkins, Zeitgeist Seriously, it's painful to look at the albums that the mass majority of people buy. I feel Charlton Heston at the end of Planet Of The Apes. Only the blown up head of the Statue of Liberty in this case is good taste. DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!
13. Yellowcard, Paper Walls An emo band with a violin?! What a twist!
14. The White Stripes, Icky Thump The ONLY thing that's worth a damn on this whole meshuggah list.
15. Taylor Swift, Taylor Swift Fights dirt, now with even less talent!
16. Rihanna, Good Girl Gone Bad I see no pornography. Therefore your album's title is unjustified.
17. Brad Paisley, 5th Gear Poseur.
18. Maroon 5, It Won't Be Soon Before Long If anyone can decipher this cryptic message, please, help me.
19. T-Pain, Epiphany I saw The Simpsons Movie the other day. It's quite good. Wish it had more Apu and Mr. Burns, but for the most part was quite excellent...Oh right, T-Pain, he sucks.
20. Avril Lavigne, The Best Damn Thing On behalf of Canada, I apologize for unleashing this horror upon the world.
Man that was a painful pile of crap. Let's look at some actual good albums, shall we?
Important New Releases Of The Week .According To Me
Annie Clark has been around the music scene for a while now. You may not have of heard of her but you've probably inadvertently listened to her quite a bit. After all, she's played for groups such as Sufjan Stevens and The Polyphonic Spree and opened for bands like The Arcade Fire and Xiu Xiu. This is actually her very first solo release, and it's quite good. She's comparable to other female songwriters, like Regina Spektor, Imogen Heap andFeist. Very similar in tone and sound to those artists, and that's high praise indeed. So if you love those artists, then St. Vincent should definitely be up your alley.
Classic indie spazz rock at its finest. Blitzen Trapper sound like numerous other indie bands that you've heard before, however they also seem have to take some cues from classic southern rock as well. The title track has a very Lynard Skynard-esque feel to it. Harmonicas and jam sessions common to classic rock combined with the typical yelpy indie vocals and synths of the indie genre manage to make this album, one with many influences, sound practically unique. They even manage to throw a little science fiction and fantasy in there, just like good indie nerds should.
The Greatest Video Ever Made Of The Week
Kwoon, "I Lived On The Moon"
From the album Tales And Dreams
I'm not really sure who Kwoon is, but this video is absolutely beautiful. Brilliantly animated with a style reminiscent of a darker version of James & The Giant Peach. I'm not sure I quite understand what's happening, there's a flying woman and she's attacked by gnomes with pointy hats and a giant red sun. And her son rides a plant and a sting ray through the sky. It's weird, but definitely worth looking at. Absolutely gorgeous.
IT'S OVER
Eh, I'm hot and tired so I'll just link everybody on the site next week. Until then, read everything else on this website. Then after you've done that, come back to my column and read it a few more times. Gotta keep your hits coming, I heard if enough people read this column, I might get a shiny nickel!
