411 Music Fact Or Fiction: Week 22

Posted by Mitch Michaels on 08.10.2007

It's week two of the EM Championship Series, as EM takes on Daniel Wilcox to discuss R Kelly's sex life, Usher's marriage, the Eagles' new album and more. Have EM and Dan been messing with the same girl?

Welcome back to the twenty-second edition of the 411 Music Zone's Fact Or Fiction. Each week, two writers will be given statements regarding hot, up-to-the-minute music news and make a case as to whether that statement is fact or complete and utter bullshit (ie, fiction). And, just for the fuck of it, I'll be here to tally up how many times the writers agree. Got it?

This week, it's week two of the EM Championship Series. Each week, another 411 staffer will sit in the hot seat across from our beloved longtime contributor, you know him as EM, I know him as the former master of the T.I.T.S. and his mom knows him as her favorite mistake, Evocator Manes. In week two, EM takes on 411's on dual sport superstar, WWE RAW reporter and soccer enthusiast (not to mention master of the Screwjob), Daniel Wilcox.
Here we go…

1. There's no reason why the Now series can't keep cranking out #1 gold and platinum releases for the next decade.

Daniel Wilcox: FACT. Oh you poor deluded Americans. You hate these things now right? You're on what, Now 25? Well, here in the UK, Now 67 was just released. These things ALWAYS sell. And they have been doings so for something like 30 years (Ed. Note: 24 to be exact). The fact is these things are full of mainstream hits and kids will keep buying these things as long as Beyonce and Justin Timberlake, etc keep producing music. So get used to it.

EM: FACT. Sadly. I want to say FICTION, I really do, since the general level of quality of those things, never good to begin with, has sunk well below the level of quality tolerable to play through the tinny speaker of an elevator, but no one ever lost money overestimating the stupidity of the public.

Score: Now That's What I Call Music! #1's (for 1)

2. R Kelly won't serve any jail time from his current child pornography charges.

Daniel Wilcox: FICTION.If Paris Hilton has taught us anything, it's that if you keep doing this shit, however much money you have, you will go to jail. And the shit R. Kelly has allegedly been getting up to is worse than anything Hilton ever did, except maybe that album she released. That being said, I've read dozens of cases where people get away with crimes relating to child pornography and one would think Kelly can afford a pretty good attorney. Still, there's a shitload of evidence and he better go down, though I wouldn't be shocked either way. At least if he does go down it'll stop him making any more crap music.

EM: FACT. This thing took forever to get to trial and the point becomes more and more moot. My guess is time served and probation, maybe some community service.

Score: She said she got me on her ringtone/Are you talking about the pink phone?/Uh-uh , the blue one (for 2)

3. Jay-Z will leave Def Jam within the next twelve months.

Daniel Wilcox: FACT. At least, probably. Not that I've heard of any problems between Hova and Def Jam (Ed. Note: Jay-Z‘s three year Island Def Jam contract is up soon), but it just seems like something Jay-Z would do and I know that if I ever had the opportunity, I'd go into business with Beyonce.

EM: FACT. Jay-Z has always been in business for Jay-Z and with his endorsements and other deals lying about and the fact that he cares less and less about music and more and more about other trivial shit, it seems likely he will drop the whole thing for good or just come back when another corporate alcohol sponsor pays him enough to do so...

Score: But like, fifty-two cards when I'm, I'm through dealin'/Now fifty-two bars come it, now you feel 'em/Now, fifty-two cars roll out, remove ceiling/In case fifty-two (for 3) broads come out, now you chillin'

INXS says SWITCH!

4. The Roth/Van Halen tour will gross more than the '04 shows with VH and Sammy Hagar.

EM: FICTION. Wow, really good question, Mitch. The answer, of course, is no. Hagar and Roth was the best of both worlds and this is just a tired rehash with three tired old men and a kid. Nobody cares anymore, not even them and it was aborted the first time for Eddie's rehab. Over/under on this tour is an even dozen dates, most probably not at capacity. This is the definition of has-been.

Daniel Wilcox: FICTION. Last time I heard/cared, this thing wasn't even going to happen, but upon further research, it apparently is going down in September. But still, I don't see it topping ‘04. I haven't cared about this fiasco for a long time and I know I'm not the only one. The last tour was a HUGE success, grossing something like $50million plus, and I don't see them doing that again.

Score: Van Halen III (for 4)

5. Usher got cold feet.

EM: FACT. I personally believe he sobered up long enough to realize he was talking about getting ready to be married to a man. Fortunately, his handlers were able to inject him with hallucinogens again and they were hitched under the watchful eye of his attorney, so he couldn't escape again.

Daniel Wilcox: FICTION. I can't say I really know, or care, but the fact that he did get married a week later kind of suggests to me that there could easily have been something else behind it. But like I said, we don't know the details and it's not like I want to know either, but yeah, his wife is a man.

Score: U, K, man we've been messing with the same girl/See she was taken flights/Going back and forth (for 5)/I would pick her up at the Airport

6. The new Eagles album will suck.

EM: FACT. Fuck the Eagles. Every album they ever did sucked, why should this one be any different. I will even go so far as to name it for them, since they are awful at that job also. The album title for the new Eagles album the world has never needed is Piece Of Fucking Shit.

Daniel Wilcox: Fact. It's only available at Wal-Mart stores right? Then it's bound to suck. (Ed. Note: Huh? Did Garth Brooks join the Eagles?) The last few Eagles albums have, though I did and still do enjoy Eagles and to a lesser extent Hotel California. I just wish bands would stopped reforming or reuniting decades after they were relevant. (Ed. Note: The last Eagles album was 1979's The Long Run, preceded by 1976's Hotel California. If their last few album's sucked, then you yourself enjoyed a sucky album. Just saying.)

Final Score: Well my time went so quickly/I went lickity-splitly/Out to my ol' 55 (for 6)

Things were going great there until both contestants went all Big Lebowski on me and that Eagles question. John was rocking bringing up the current longevity of the UK Now series, but it's gonna take more than that to defeat EM and his R Kelly sentencing details. "Fifty dollar fine and time served!"

Thanks to Mikey, EM and YOU, John Q. IHadARoughNightAndIHateTheFuckin'Eagles,Man for dropping by this week. Be on the lookout for more Music Fact Or Fiction!