Sex, News, & Violins 08.29.07
Posted by Jamie Buttineau on 08.29.2007
Yo La Tengo tell stories, Regina Spektor plans a "Better" tour, and The Thermals rant and rave across North America. Plus, unequivocal proof that the record buying public has absolutely no taste whatsoever. None. Zero. Zip. Nada.
Well it's that time of year again. Going back to the old school and such. Well actually it's a new school but hey who's counting. Moving into the dorm, doing the schoolwork, and wondering why I pay a fortune for the privilege to do so. Ah, good times good times.
Coming To You Live From A Series Of Tubes
Feist (feat. The New Pornographers, The National, Grizzly Bear & Mates Of State), "1234"
Live On Late Show With David Letterman, August 27, 2007.
As an unabashed worshipper of Feist typically any performance of hers gets mentioned in this column. However when the performance in question includes members of The New Pornographers, The National, Grizzly Bear, Mates Of State, and even Kevin Drew and Brendan Canning of Broken Social Scene as her backup singers, clapping and cheering along with Feist while dressed in white robes then you know I'm mentioning it. Mentioning it and perhaps calling it awesome. In fact, forget the perhaps, it is indeed awesome. Watch it and rejoice.
The Go! Team, "Grip It Like A Vice"
You know how that last Feist performance was awesome? This is like super fucking awesome. Somehow these guys manage to be as mind blowingly great live as they are on CD. Jesus I love Ninja.
The Arcade Fire, "Neon Bible"
Live from an elevator in Paris.
Yes you read that, this is Arcade Fire playing "Neon Bible" in an elevator. To be honest "Neon Bible" is actually probably my least favourite song on their latest album, but somehow this performance in the elevator makes it sound amazing. The violins really improve the song and instead of drums they rip a magazine to shreds and it actually works just as well. Worth checking out for the strangeness and quality of it all. Oh those crazy Montrealites, what can't they do?
Headlines!!
Yo La Talko
Yo La Tengo has planned something they describe as a "freewheeling storytelling tour". Along with playing many of their excellent tunes they will tell their tales of touring and song writing to an eager crowd of Tengo fans. Could be interesting as long as they have some cool tales to tell. Like Kevin Smith, that man could make going to the supermarket sound like an anecdote of epic hilarity. Sigh, too bad he peaked with Chasing Amy.
Oooooo, I have friends who'll kill me for that remark.
Anyway, the touro:
09-09 London, England - Royal Festival Hall
09-11 Paris, France - La Cigale
09-14 North Dorset, England - Larmer Tree Gardens (End of the Road Festival)
09-16 Austin, TX - Zilker Park (Austin City Limits Festival)
09-17 Austin, TX - The Parish
10-10 Bloomington, IN - Buskirk-Chumley Theater
10-11 Chicago, IL - Lakeshore Theater (two shows)
10-13 Grand Rapids, MI - Calvin College Fine Arts Center
10-19 Port Washington, NY - Jeanne Rimsky Theater at Landmark on Main Street
10-22 Philadelphia, PA - First Unitarian Church
10-23 Alexandria, VA - Birchmere
10-27 Mexico City, Mexico - Festival Manifest 2007
11-10 North Adams, MA - Massachusetts Museum of Contemporary Art
Spectators For Spektor
Regina Spektor, the bizarre chanteuse with a tendency to slip in occasional grunts and other weird noises into her songs, has released dates for her fall tour. For those of you hoping for something else to buy by this superb Soviet lass you can purchase her upcoming coloured vinyl 7" of a re-cut version of "Better" which will also feature a piano and voice version of the song. Sounds neat.
Communism rules!:
08-30 Dublin, Ireland - Tripod
09-02 Argyll, Scotland - Inveraray Castle (Connect Music Festival)
09-04 Liverpool, England - Carling Academy
09-05 Birmingham, England - Carling Academy
09-07 London, England - Royal Festival Hall
09-16 Austin, TX - Austin City Limits Festival
09-19 Baltimore, MD - Ram's Head Live
09-25 Northampton, MA - Calvin Theater
09-26 Storrs, CT - Jorgensen Center
09-27 Upper Darby, PA - Tower Theater
10-01 Cleveland, OH - Agora Theatre
10-02 Indianapolis, IN - Egyptian Room
10-03 Cincinnati, OH - Bogart's
10-05 Omaha, NE - Sokol Auditorium
10-06 Saint Paul, MN - The Myth
10-08 Milwaukee, WI - Eagles Club
10-10 Detroit, MI - State Theatre
10-11 Toronto, Ontario - Kool Haus
10-14 Boston, MA - Orpheum Theatre
10-16 New York, NY - Hammerstein Ballroom
10-30 Los Angeles, CA - Wiltern Theatre
10-31 Anaheim, CA - The Grove of Anaheim
11-02 Salt Lake City, UT - In the Venue
11-04 Phoenix, AZ - Orpheum Theatre
11-06 Austin, TX - Stubb's Bar-B-Q
11-07 Houston, TX - Warehouse Live
11-08 Dallas, TX - House of Blues
11-11 Kansas City, MO - Uptown Theatre
11-12 St. Louis, MO - The Pageant
11-14 Nashville, TN - Ryman Auditorium
11-15 Atlanta, GA - The Tabernacle
11-19 Norfolk, VA - The NorVa
11-20 Richmond, VA - Toad's Place
Man, Imagine All The Angry Punk Music That Wouldn't Have Gotten Made If It Weren't For Bush?
Seriously some artists would probably be out of work if it weren't for him. Of course Rage Against The Machine would be fucking kings right now if they had stuck together but noooooooo. Morons.
Anyway, The Thermals, the current best politically charged punk band around (yeah you heard me Green Day fans. Choke on it) has planned some dates for the fall. Do you like punk music? Do you like fall? If you do, then you should go.
Alberto Gonzales is not a smart man. And now he's gone. Hooray!:
08-25 George, WA - The Gorge Amphitheater (Download Festival)
09-08 Portland, OR - Crystal Ballroom (Musicfest NW)
10-16 Vancouver, British Columbia - Richard's on Richards
10-18 Calgary, Alberta - Broken City
10-19 Edmonton, Alberta - Velvet Underground
10-20 Saskatoon, Saskatchewan - Amigo's
10-21 Winnipeg, Manitoba - Royal Albert
10-22 Minneapolis, MN - Triple Rock Social Club
10-24 Chicago, IL - Logan Square Auditorium
10-25 Pontiac, MI - The Eagle Theater
10-26 Cleveland, OH - Beachland Ballroom
10-27 Toronto, Ontario - Horseshoe Tavern
10-28 Montreal, Quebec - Club Lambi
10-30 Cambridge, MA - Middle East Downstairs
11-02 Philadelphia, PA - First Unitarian Church
11-03 Washington, DC - Black Cat
RAPIDFIRE NEWS SMARTASSERY!!
Britney Spears got a speeding ticket this week. She then shot the police officer who gave her the ticket, stole the cop car, crashed it into a Dunkin' Donuts, and took the entire store hostage all while injecting heroin directly into both of her eyeballs, beating her infant children about the head with a frying pan and shouting "who rules Bordertown?! Britney rules Bordertown!" And-Oh what's that? She just received the ticket? Huh, that seems rather low key for her. Maybe she's saving all her crazy for next week. I can't wait!
Genesis, which reunited recently didn'tcha know, are thinking of working on new material. Which should turn out great, because it's not like Phil Collins writes crappy sappy love songs that are so milquetoast and mediocre that the only place you would hear them would be as background music in a mall…Do you notice how I use sarcasm to illustrate my points? Pretty neat huh?
The Killers are planning are releasing an album of rarities. It's good to have some new possibly good material from The Killers, because Sam's Town sucked. Yeah that's right I went there Mitch Michaels!
Lindsay Lohan will spend one day in jail as part of her plea bargain for one of her recent drunk driving whoopsies. Well, at least we now know she takes after her father.
The Cure has postponed their tour until next year. That sound is the sound of a thousand wrists being slitted. Silly emo kids, drug overdoses are way cooler. At least you see some pretty colours on the way out.
Hinder has debuted some new songs while on their tour. Which means all my wishes for them to catch leprosy and die has not worked. Don't rely on voodoo dolls my friends, evidently they'll only let you down.
God I hate Hinder.
Bo Diddley suffered a heart attack this week. And yet, Hinder lives. Life is unfair.
Morrissey turned down $75 million dollars for a reunion of The Smiths. You may think this is a stupid move, but then you have to remember that Morrissey has made a career out of being a miserable twat who makes other twats miserable. If he has $75 million, it'd be pretty hard to be a miserable twat now wouldn't it? It's called career preservation people, career preservation.
Owen Wilson tried to commit suicide. I'm aware this isn't music news, but it's just weird. You're Owen fuckin' Wilson, you get paid to pay the same character in every movie and everyone loves you and wants to fuck you. Why try to kill yourself?! There's only one explanation: his nose told him to do it. Come on, look at that thing. No way it isn't some kind of demonic device of evil.
Beyonce was recently accused of flashing her breasteges during a concert in Vancouver although she claims it was merely a flesh coloured bra. I'm inclined to believe her because a) if this was true pictures of it would be flooding the interwebs and as a result this column probably wouldn't get finished and b) no one cares about boobie flashing anymore, vaginas are the new hot thing to flash. Get with the times girl!
Queen guitarist Brian May finally achieved his doctorate in Astronomy 36 years after starting his thesis. Maybe now he can go find wherever in space Heaven is and bring back Freddie Mercury so they record some actual Queen music. The guy from Bad Company my ass.
12 pitbulls were seized from the house of rapper DMX after word of animal mistreatment and abuse were reported. You know, it's actually been quite a while since DMX fucked up. What's the deal with that? He's DMX, he doesn't actually rap or act anymore so his whole business these days is finding various ways to fuck up. Dammit DMX, you have one job to do and you can't even do that right?! You better start not wearing a seatbelt again.
Garth Brooks may come out retirement. Which also means Chris Gaines may come out of retirement! Look at me I'm so giddy I can barely contain myself! I LOVE YOU CHRIS!! YOUR DARK HAIR AND MOODY EXPRESSIONS FEEL MY DREAMS WITH DELIGHT!! I WANT TO HAVE YOUR ABORTION CHRIS!!
Ahem, of course that was sarcasm…Yes…All sarcasm….Ahem.
Billboard Top 20
1. Various Artists, High School Musical 2 Soundtrack – And thus it begins. The months upon months of this absolutely piece of utter shite dominating the entire music industry. Do me a favour, if you happen to see a child this week please slap it as hard as you can. This is all their fault.
2. Miley Cyrus, Hanna Montana 2 Soundtrack/Meet Miley Cyrus – No, in fact slap a child even harder than as hard as you can. And if you can find a blunt instrument feel free to beat them about the head with it. I will thank you for your trouble.
3. Dave Matthews and Tim Reynolds, Live At Radio City – I'd say this is because of all the college kids grabbing it but do college kids even listen to Dave Matthews anymore? Hell I didn't think anybody listened to Dave Matthews anymore. The things you learn sometimes. And who the hell is Tim Reynolds?
4. Various Artists, NOW 25 – Man I thought the top ten a couple of weeks ago was bad, this one is making me taste vomit.
5. Various Artists, Hairspray Soundtrack – Nothing but fucking atrocious soundtracks! What is wrong with you people?! STOP IT!! YOU'RE KILLING ME!!
6. UGK, Underground Kings – Not my cup o' tea personally.
7. Fergie, The Dutchess – It's like AIDS for your ears.
8. Jonas Brothers, Jonas Brothers – If they unfroze Walt Disney today, he would bitchslap the kids on the Disney Channel. In fact, that's probably the only thing I would watch on the Disney Channel.
9. Plies, The Real Testament – I'd say this album was a real testament to what kind of crap people will buy, but we've already seen 8 different and better examples of that above.
10. Common, Finding Forever – Lily Allen makes an appearance on this. Neat.
11. T.I., T.I. Vs. T.I.P. – Damn you T.I.P.! Why can't you for reals like T.I.?! You straight trippin' foo'!
12. Linkin Park, Minutes To Midnight – I could see Linkin Park on the Disney Channel actually. They're probably what the Disney Channel's idea of edgy is.
13. Nickelback, All The Right Reasons – Every week it seems like I have to deal with the horrible reality that people actually seem to buy Nickelback and Fergie albums. Forget worrying about society crumbling, it's already crumbelievable.
14. Amy Winehouse, Back To Black – Marmalade was invented by Tom Bosley to turn people from Taiwan into sand. So says Amy Winehouse.
15. Paramore, RIOT! – DON'T CARE!
16. Various Artists, High School Musical Soundtrack – I was once surprised that people were dumb enough to vote George Bush into a 2nd term. After seeing this top 20, I am no longer that surprised.
17. Taylor Swift, Taylor Swift – I heard it contains bleach. Keep it away from your children.
18. Blaqk Audio, Cexcells - ….Oh there ain't anything that I don't hate about this.
19. Sean Kingston, Sean Kingston – Don't know and shall never care.
20. Kidz Bop Kids, Kidz Bop 12 – And as of this day, I am definitely considering circumcision.
Important New Releases Of The Week…According To Me
Fuck Kanye vs. Fiddy, this is the rap album I've been looking forward to. Ever since I heard "None Shall Pass" back in February I've been waiting to listen to Aesop's new album. This is actually my first Aesop album and I'm quite pleased. His lyrics are somewhat bizarre and he spits them with intensity and enthusiasm. As with all artists I tend to get into late I fully intend to check out his back catalogue as I hear Bazooka Tooth is quite badass. El-P, who also released a stellar hip hop album this year, helps out with the production along with Blockhead and Aesop who self produces some of the songs. Overall, if you like hip hop there's no excuse not to pick up None Shall Pass.
I tried to resist her feminine, crazed, sort of hip hop charms for the longest time but I finally broke down and got me a M.I.A. album. Surprisingly I liked it. It makes for unexpectedly good car music with big beats and lots of weird nonsense. Plus it seems to shift styles every five minutes going from obtuse hip hop to a tribal beat to a cover of a Bollywood song to a group of Australian Aboriginal children rapping about Jackie Chan and stilts. Yeah, it's out here, really fucking out there.
The Greatest Video Ever Made Of The Week
Aesop Rock, "None Shall Pass"
From the album None Shall Pass, 2007-08-28
Crazy animation combined with hip hop. That's typically enough to win a spot in my column. In this video there's a man in a flying skull with hands for wings and a giant heart and people dressed as animals head down to the city to have stones or roses thrown at them while Aesop Rock appears in some Sons Of Butcher style animation. Yeah, it's weird.
Support The Municipality!!
Fact Or Fiction continues being the permanent residence of Evocator Manes and this week he challenges John Nagle. My challenge as of yet has not been accepted. I sense cowardice.
This week on The 411music Top 100 Albums list it's #40-31. Ooooooo we're almost at #1! Suspense!
And Ian Wright provides the indie goods as always. But he won't be here next week so all those indie news giblets will belong to me! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!
IT'S OVER!!
And that does it for this week. I should be back next week, not accounting for any craziness that may occur as a result of drunkenness. Remember kids, just because it's frosh week doesn't mean it's time to use your liver as a personal punching bag.
My recommendation would actually be to invest in a whole lot of E. I mean anyone can get drunk, but getting high on E, now that's a good time. You see funny shapes, you lick things you wouldn't normally lick, you become sexually attracted to The Smurfs, there's all sorts of fun.
So remember kids, drinking and driving leads to horrible accidents but taking E and driving is like going on an adventure. So instead of a horrible accident, it's like being in an episode of The Magic School Bus! That is, if the The Magic School Bus had an episode that dealt with horrible accidents. Which they should. I hate that fucking bus. I'm Jamie Buttineau, goodnight.
