Sex, News & Violins 9.21.07
Posted by Jamie Buttineau on 09.21.2007
Yeah I'm still alive. Everybody loves Feist, Modest Mouse loves All Hallows Eve, and The White Stripes hate anxiety disorders.
Yeah this column is really late, but it's not entirely my fault. I've never seen an internet system as completely incompetent as this one. I can't even check my email half the time. And it doesn't look like it will be resolved anything soon. Damn the North!
Let's just churn this baby out and get it over with.
Headlines!
Pretty Lady Sing Good
Man Feist has gotten really popular lately hasn't she? Well when you release an album of excellent music that's typically what happens I guess .Well actually these days all you seem to need for a successful music career is a terribly shitty Disney show. It's nice to see Feist doing things the old fashioned way.
But increased popularity and respect doesn't stop Leslie Feist from rocking out worldwide. So if you want to see one of the best indie musicians around today, these are shows you should probably be going to. And even if you don't want to see one of the best indie musicians around today you should still go. Apparently they make good hot dogs at Feist concerts. I'm not sure why it's only at Feist concerts, but that's what I've heard anyway.
5678:
09-14 Grantham, PA - Messiah College *
09-15 Ann Arbor, MI - Borders Book and Music
09-15 Ann Arbor, MI - Michigan Theatre *
09-20 Baden Baden, Germany - New Pop Festival #
09-21 Amsterdam, Netherlands - Melkweg #
09-23 Nottingham, England - Social #
09-24 London, England - Shepherds Bush Empire #
09-25 Dublin, Ireland - Tripod #
09-26 Glasgow, Scotland - Oran Mor #
09-28 Bristol, England - Trinity Arts Centre #
09-30 Berlin, Germany - Admiralspalast #
10-01 Copenhagen, Denmark - Vega #
10-02 Stockholm, Sweden - Cirkus #
10-04 Hamburg, Germany - CCH Saal 2 #
10-05 Cologne, Germany - E-Werk #
10-06 Munich, Germany - Georg-Elser Halle #
10-08 Paris, France - La Cigale
10-10 Paris, France - La Cigale
10-11 Countance, France - Cultural Centre
10-12 Yzeure, France - Cultural Centre
10-13 Bordeaux, France - Salle de Vigean
10-15 Nancy, France - Jazz Pulsation Festival
10-16 Geneva, Switzerland - Grand Casino
10-17 Mulhouse, France - Cultural Centre
10-19 Brussels, Belgium - Cirque Royale
11-06 Portland, OR - Schnitzer Auditorium
11-07 Seattle, WA - Paramount Theatre
11-09 San Francisco, CA - Nob Hill Masonic Center
11-12 Los Angeles, CA - Gibson Amphitheatre
11-14 Denver, CO - The Ogden
11-17 Chicago, IL - The Riviera
11-18 Columbus, OH - Wexner Center
12-03 Hamilton, Ontario - Hamilton Place
12-04 Kitchener, Ontario - Centre in the Square
12-05 London, Ontario - Centennial Hall
12-18 Toronto, Ontario - Sony Centre for the Performing Arts
* with Rogue Wave
# with Bob Wiseman
Don't Let Isaac Brock Near Your Yacht
Modest Mouse has scheduled some new tour dates for the fall, which is nice because when you're out looking at the fall colours I can't think of a better soundtrack than the insane ranting of Isaac Brock. He so crazy. The dates also begin on Halloween, which makes me wonder what kind of fucking costumes the band would wear. Johnny Marr should dress as Morrissey just to be a dick.
We've got every date:
10-31 Spokane, WA - Big Easy Concert House *
11-01 Spokane, WA - Big Easy Concert House *
11-02 Calgary, Alberta - MacEwan Ballroom *
11-03 Edmonton, Alberta - Edmonton Events Centre *
11-05 Regina, Saskatchewan - Conexus Arts Centre *
11-06 Saskatoon, Saskatchewan - Oden Event Centre *
11-07 Winnipeg, Manitoba - Burton Cummings Theater *
11-09 Des Moines, IA - Val-Air Ballroom *
11-10 Madison, WI - Orpheum Theatre *
11-11 Milwaukee, WI - Eagles Ballroom *
11-12 Indianapolis, IN - Murat Egyptian Room *
11-14 St. Louis, MO - The Pageant *
* with Man Man, Love as Laughter
Stripped
Well this is a bummer. The White Stripes tour has been cancelled. Completely. Well that's certainly sucks. The reasoning behind the cancellation is that Meg White has suddenly come down with acute anxiety that has left her unable to travel. Which, doesn't seem like the kind of thing that would suddenly hit you but I understand the underestimated effects of anxiety so I get it. Still blows red and white chunks though. Here are all the cancelled dates, prepare to weep:
CANCELLED:
09-13 Albuquerque, NM - Kiva Auditorium *
09-15 Austin, TX - Zilker Park (Austin City Limits Festival)
09-16 Austin, TX - Stubb's Bar-B-Q
09-18 San Diego, CA - Coors Amphitheatre *
09-19 Inglewood, CA - The Forum *
09-21 Berkeley, CA - Greek Theatre *
09-24 Anchorage, AK - George M. Sullivan Sports Arena *
09-26 Seattle, WA - Paramount Ballroom *
09-27 Seattle, WA - Paramount Ballroom *
09-28 Boise, ID - Idaho Center Theater *
09-29 Salt Lake City, UT - The "E" Center *
09-30 Jackson Hole, WY - Snow King Center *
10-02 Rapid City, SD - Rushmore Plaza Civic Center *
10-03 Fargo, ND - Fargo Civic Auditorium *
10-04 Lincoln, NE - Pershing Center Auditorium *
10-06 Chicago, IL - Aragon Ballroom *
10-07 Chicago, IL - Aragon Ballroom *
10-10 Honolulu, Hawaii - Neal S. Blaisdell Center
10-10 Honolulu, Hawaii - Neal S. Blaisdell Center
10-24 Glasgow, Scotland - SECC
10-25 Manchester, England - MEN Arena
10-26 Newcastle, England - Metro Arena
10-28 Birmingham, England - NEC
10-29 Cardiff, Wales - International Arena
10-31 Sheffield, England - Hallam Arena
11-01 Nottingham, England - Arena
11-02 London, England - O2 Arena
* with Cold War Kids
RAPIDFIRE NEWS SMARTASSERY!!
Led friggin' Zeppelin is reuniting. Led the fuck Zeppelin people! Are you not entertained?! Goddamn that's cool! Hey, Pink Floyd, no one's buying that whole never reuniting thing. Do it Waters! Don't make me write a concept album about how much you suck!
Also apparently The Sex Pistols are planning on reuniting. You know what would be really punk rock? If they dug up Sid Vicious's corpse and played onstage with it. Now that would get people talking. They probably wouldn't care still but they'd certainly talk about it.
In the ongoing disaster that is Britney Spears's life, she know has to undergo regular drug testing and take parenting classes. And thus continues Britney's slow transformation into Courtney Love.
Rage Against The Machine frontman and dreadlocked wonder Zach De La Rocha has apparently completed his solo album. Huh, for some reason I didn't think hell would freeze over this quickly.
Willie Nelson is apparently writing a song for Jessica Simpson. Well, weed doesn't pay for itself people.
The new Eagles album will apparently be sold exclusively through Walmart. Well, new dentures aren't gonna pay for themselves people.
Marilyn Manson wants a part in Spiderman: The Musical. Well, it's not like they can make Spiderman: The Friggin' Musical any more ridiculously stupid so what the hell.
I find Bjork strangely attractive. Does that make me a bad person?
The Constantines recently signed to Canadian indie music superlabel Arts & Crafts, home to Feist, Stars & of course Broken Social Scene. I'm not that familiar with The Constantines but I have a roommate who likes them so I thought I'd throw this in there. You're welcome Marc.
The amazing Arcade Fire/LCD Soundsystem tour kicked off this week. I'm not going, and if you happen to be someone who is, I hate you with a fiery passion that will burn for all time.
80's throwback electro dancers Chromeo will apparently work with the ultimate in cheesy 80's bands, Hall & Oates. If Chromeo somehow manage to revive Hall & Oates' careers .Well I'm not really sure how I would feel about that. I could certainly do without Oates though.
And finally, Bobby Byrd, sideman and collaborator of James Brown has passed away at the age of 73 due to complications from cancer. Rest in peace funky soul brother.
Billboard Top 20
1. Various Artists, High School Musical 2 Soundtrack Man, does anyone remember when Disney had cool shows on their channels? Remember Darkwing Duck? Ducktales? Talespin? Goof Troop? Even the Aladdin and Timon & Pumbaa cartoons had their merits. Now, there's nothing. NOTHING! Hell, the theme songs of those shows were better than this crap! "Life is like a hurricane/Here in, Duckberg/Racecars, lasers, aeroplanes/It's a Duck blur/Let's solve a mystery/Or rewrite history/Ducktales!/WHOO-OOO!" The lyrics alone are more complex than anything coming out of this crapfest! Jeez!
2. Fergie, The Dutchess WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE?!!! WHAT THE FUCK?!! You're trying to kill me! This is attempted murder! Fergie?! What the hell inspired you all to go out and buy this piece of shit in disc form in droves! OOOOO I'M DYIN'!
3. Miley Cyrus, Hanna Montana 2 Soundtrack/Meet Miley Cyrus You know, I may get this if it's just perverts buying it because they like to oggle Miley Cyrus and are sexually attracted to her voice. But you know what? If you stop buying her shit and thus destroy her career, she'll eventually have to turn to porn to make ends meet. Then you perverts will get exactly what you want. Unless she can live off the royalties from Doc.
4. Casting Crowns, The Altar And The Door Jesus wouldn't even listen to this shit.
5. Chiodos, Bone Palace Ballet Don't know what this is, but it's probably gothy emo bullshit. So I hate it.
6. Various Artists, Hairspray Soundtrack If you put John Travolta in a fatsuit, for some reason they will come.
7. Various Artists, NOW 25 The only thing that may be shittier than the High School Musical 2 soundtrack.
8. Nickelback, All The Right Reasons OOOOOO I'M DYING AGAIN!!
9. Amy Winehouse, Back To Black You won't buy crack but you'll buy an album by someone who does. Hypocrite.
10. Linkin Park, Minutes To Midnight Yeah, this is the worst fucking top ten I've ever seen. And for the last few weeks it's been getting worse and worse. Which is ironic considering September has seen an influx of great albums released recently. Weird how that works.
11. Yung Joc, Hustlenomics Yet another course offered by the Business School For Complete Fuckups.
12. Justin Timberlake, Futuresex/Lovesounds I'm not gonna lie, this is the best album on the entire list this week. JT has come a long long way.
13. Taylor Swift, Taylor Swift No one sucks more swiftly than Taylor Swift.
14. Colbie Caillat, Coco If the music here sucks anymore than his or her name does, then this would really fucking suck.
15. T.I., T.I. Vs. T.I.P. Here's a tip, don't do a concept album if your concept is fucking stupid.
16. Jonas Brothers, Jonas Brothers You think Disney just has a lab where they churn out little moffets?
17. Maroon 5, It Won't Be Soon Before Long I hate the fact that Adam Levine gets laid more than I do. I mean I could start a band that basically apes whatever is popular at the time and is sub-par at doing so too, but then, I'm not completely lame.
18. Plies, The Real Testament Jesus would kick your ass. Then he would give a name that's even lamer than "Plies". Although that's probably the lamest name there can be. So it begs the question, could God create a name so lame, that even he couldn't out lame it?
19. Various Artists, High School Musical Soundtrack Hell why are you buying these albums now? You should just wait for the giant boxset where they're put all 20 High School Musicals in one big fucking package. And don't think Disney won't do twenty of these. They made sequels to Bambi, Lady & The Tramp, The Little Mermaid, Peter Pan and much much more. Hell, they made two fucking sequels to Cinderella. Did Cinderella's storyline really require two fuckin' sequels?! It's not that complicated, I think you got the point first time around!
20. Common, Finding Forever And I don't really have anything to say good or bad about this one. Blah.
Important New Releases Of The Week .According To Me
Sometimes I wonder why I doubt this man. He's the cockiest bastard in the hip hop world today, which is really saying something. He throws temper tantrums when things don't go his way. And sometimes he says some incredibly idiotic and arrogant things. Yet, he just keeps making great records. It boggles my fucking mind that this guy is a mainstream success, he seems like the kind of guy who should be struggling to get by while plying his trade. But somehow he's incredibly popular, and thank god for that because it proves that sometimes the general public actually can get it right. I had a bad feeling that Fiddy would end up winning, proving that style always wins out over substance. Thankfully, Kanye came out on top both critically and financially.
Now to talk about the actual album itself, a lot of people have made mentions about how this album has a more worldly feel to it. There's influences from Europe crawling all over this record, which considering the first single was based around a sample of a Daft Punk song shouldn't be that shocking. The album is outstanding, it's unique and innovative. Sure, it doesn't exactly compare to the greatness that is Late Registration, but what does really? I would at least put it on the same level as The College Dropout. So it goes without saying that you should ignore Curtis like it's the plague (which it basically is) and pick up this superior album. Mr. West scores again.
Also, this album cover art is much better than the one I saw before. I like colours.
There, It's Over, Jeez
Yeah I'm ending it abruptly. Next time if all things go according to plan this should be up at a reasonable time with all the fun sections you expect. But for now, consider this a bite sized version of my usual greatness. Now if you'll excuse I have to sleep for two hours and then go to my class. School bad, sleep good, Jamie sad.
