Sex, News & Violins 10.04.07
Posted by Jamie Buttineau on 10.04.2007
Just when you think I'm dead and buried I just keep on popping back up. Radiohead blows your minds, Arcade Fire cryptically alert of a possible upcoming mind blowage, and Canada is really fucking stupid sometimes. Also, guv'ment came and took Britney's baaaaaaaaaby.
Hey I have the internet again! So barring my college suddenly deciding that we miserable students aren't worthy of a working internet connection, the columns should get a little more regular again (ironically upon writing that sentence my internet started not working again. Damn my hubris!). Although this one definitely didn't make the 11 PM deadline, but oh well, hopefully we'll achieve that next week.
And since I'm incredibly lazy, I'm combining the leftover bits from the column I couldn't post last week. It's like two columns in one! Whatta deal!
Viewer Mail
This one is actually from two weeks ago, but I just never got around to reading it .Until now! It's from the mysterious Matthew:
Hello Jamie Buttineau. My name is Matthew Black. I came accross your review on 411mania.com and couldn't help but notice how badly you criticized the albums on the BillBoard Top 20. Where do you get off misleading your readers by making us think that you have actually listened to every song on that list and are speaking from your own personal opinion? You probably haven't even listened to songs from five of those albums. I highly suggest that you listen, before you judge. Though I do agree with you on that new Linkin Park album. Sincerely, Matthew
Um, Matt, here's the thing. There's no way in hell I'm subjecting my ears to the torture of listening to any of that crap. I don't need to hear a Miley Cyrus album to know it's going to suck. It's a Miley fuckin' Cyrus album. Besides, I occasionally turn over to MTV here and there (I'm still technically young after all) so I usually hear some of this crap. And I can tell that it's bad, perhaps even worse than bad, besides even so reprehensible that the artist deserves to be castrated. Hell even if it's a female, they should have a penis artificially attached to them just so they can be castrated. So, will I at most times listen to most or even any of the albums on the Top 20? Nope. But do I really need to? Fuck no, fuck no I do not. Thanks for writing.
Coming To You Live From A Series Of Tubes
Kanye West, "Stronger"
Live on Jimmy Kimmel Live, September 13, 2007
It's crazy how good Kanye is live. The man is so immensely talented that it almost justifies the big head he carries on his shoulders. I'm not gonna lie, I'm a Kanye fanboy. But I believe there's nothing wrong with that, if you release three great albums then you should have my unwavering support. These days it seems like if Kanye touches it it's gold. I'm personally surprised that Jimmy Kimmel was able to snag someone as high profile as Kanye. I don't even think he's been on Leno, Letterman or Conan yet.
Daft Punk, "One More Time/Aerodynamic"
Live from Wireless Festival 2007
Now to go from a man sampling Daft Punk to the band themselves. Apparently these rambunctious robots are quite the live act, although I always saw it of more of a light show set to music rather than an actual live performance. But let's not get bogged down in semantics, it's still fun whatever it is.
Jens Lekman, "Pocketful Of Money"
Live from a parking lot in Sweden
Jens Lekman in a parking lot surrounded by a group of swooning and snapping Swedes. No, it's not Heaven, but damned close. Jens is pretty popular in his home country, popular enough to gather crowds together for parking lot shows. And they don't just stand around slackjawed, they actually snap among with Jens, which is pretty cool. Oh crazy Jens Lekman.
PJ Harvey, "Grow, Grow, Grow"
Live on Esprits Libres, September 15, 2007
To be honest, I hadn't thought too much about PJ Harvey's new album. It's PJ, so in all likelihood I expected something decent but probably lacking in comparison to her other works. But this performance definitely shows promise. It takes place on some snooty French show that seems pretty pretentious. I mean come on, there's candles and a fucking owl in the background. Plus the female French host's voice is pretty damn deep, scary deep even. But then Polly Jean shows up with her harp and amazingly beautiful voice and tears the place down. Watching this makes me pissed off that White Chalk has been pushed back until October. But at least now it's definitely on my radar.
Serj Tankian with The Foo Fighters, "Holiday In Cambodia" (Dead Kennedys cover)
Live from The MTV Video Music Awards 2007, September 09, 2007
To be honest I'm not that big of a Foo Fighters fan, they just never really did it for me. But Serj is and always has been badass. He's the reason I liked System Of Down, and no matter what Daron Malakian says he made that band. When I heard he and the fighters of foo covered the Dead Kennedys I was interested yet skeptical. Surprisingly, Serj compliments Jello Biafra quite well, in fact his voice fits the song like a glove. This is just good unclean fun, and makes me hopeful that Serj can excel on his own when he releases his solo album soon. Hopeful, although still quite skeptical.
Headlines!!
Well That Mystery Certainly Had A Good Payoff
Well unfortunately I wasn't ale to indulge in the craziness that was Radiohead's big mystery announcement on the interwebs. I did however find myself quite curious from the sidelines. All I knew was that whatever it was it had to be something pretty wicked cool. Thom Yorke would have a lot of pissed off fans if the announcement was regarding a new line of Radiohead themed Tupperware .Although I would totally buy that.
Thankfully, the result of all the crypticness was well worth it. Ladies and gentlemen .
Radiohead has a new album!!! EEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
Yes, an event so unlikely that it has likely shattered space and time itself. An event so monumental that it caused Ian Wright to go into anabolic shock and thus be unable to write a column this week. This is news people!
The album will be entitled In Rainbows. It's no Kid A or OK Computer but I'll roll with it. It will released on October 10 .The question however is how much you want to pay for it.
Oh that's right people, Radiohead doesn't do things the easy way. They're not currently signed to a label so they're self releasing this puppy. And as a radical new idea, they're allowing you to pay whatever the hell you feel like paying to download the album off of their website. That's right as much or as little as you want. Thom Yorke is a madman!
And for those of you who like having actual physical albums, you can purchase the special discbox version of the album which includes the album on CD and double vinyl, an extra bonus disc with seven additional songs, and some additional photos, lyrics, and artwork. And the whole thing comes in a hardback book and slipcase. Of course all this will set you back about $80, so it's probably for you hardcore Radiohead fans out there. Although there are probably still quite a few of those out there so these guys are pretty damned crafty.
And now, what you've been waiting for, the tracklist.
In Rainbows Tracklist:
"15 Step"
"Bodysnatchers"
"Nude"
"Weird Fishes/Arpeggi"
"All I Need"
"Faust Arp"
"Reckoner"
"House of Cards"
"Jigsaw Falling Into Place"
"Videotape"
And the tracklist for the bonus disc:
"MK 1"
"Down Is the New Up"
"Go Slowly"
"MK 2"
"Last Flowers"
"Up on the Ladder"
"Bangers and Mash"
"4 Minute Warning"
Thom Yorke, you so crazy.
What Is It About Cryptic, Mysterious Internets Messages From Bands This Week?
Move over Radiohead, your cryptic messages are yesterday's news. The new cryptic buzz? The Arcade Fire's mysterious announcement on some website linked on their Neon Bible website which mentions something fantastical occurring on October 6th. The only hints to whatever it is are the words "Arcade Fire presents" and "October 6th" which does not tell us much. Pitchfork apparently know what's up but they're holding out until October 6th so they can act all cool about knowing whatever it is. But I wanna know now!
I'm not sure what's being speculated right now, but I can probably make some speculations of my own. A new EP? A new LP? A joint collaboration with current tour buddy LCD Soundsystem? Some kind of online download? A book? A video game? A cologne? A limited edition cheese? The mind, she races.
You can check out the site here if you wish. Mayhaps you can decode the crypticness. And while I'm talking bout da fire, might as well post some tour dates. It's what I do.
Maybe October 6 is date of the rapture in the Neon Bible?:
10-03 Louisville, KY - Waterfront Park *
10-05 Columbus, OH - LC Pavilion *
10-06 New York, NY - Randall's Island *#
10-23 Dublin, Ireland - Phoenix Park $
10-24 Dublin, Ireland - Phoenix Park $
10-26 Glasgow, Scotland - SECC $
10-27 Manchester, England - MEN Arena $
10-29 Newcastle, England - Metro Radio Arena $
10-30 Cardiff, Wales - International Arena $
10-31 Nottingham, England - Arena $
11-02 Brussels, Belgium - Forest National
11-04 Oslo, Norway - Spektrum
11-05 Stockholm, Sweden - Annexet
11-07 Copenhagen, Denmark - KB Hallen
11-08 Berlin, Germany - Columbiahalle
11-10 Vienna, Austria - Gasometer
11-11 Munich, Germany - Tonhalle
11-17 London, England - Alexandra Palace
11-18 London, England - Alexandra Palace $
11-19 London, England - Alexandra Palace
01-18: Auckland, New Zealand - Mt. Smart Stadium * (Big Day Out)
01-20: Gold Coast, Australia - Parklands * (Big Day Out)
01-25: Sydney, Australia - Sydney Showgrounds * (Big Day Out)
01-28: Melbourne, Australia - Flemington Racecourse * (Big Day Out)
02-01: Adelaide, Australia - Adelaide Showground * (Big Day Out)
02-03: Perth, Australia - Claremont Showgrounds * (Big Day Out)
* with LCD Soundsystem
# with Les Savy Fav, Blonde Redhead, Wild Light
$ with Clinic
What The Fuck Is Wrong With Us?!
Well the winner of this year's Polaris Music Prize, which is of course Canada's version of the Shortlist Music Prize, was announced this week (well last week now actually. Whatev). There were quite a few worthy nominees, including The Besnard Lakes, Junior Boys, Feist, and of course The Arcade Fire. The former two made two really great albums while the latter made two of my favourite albums of 2007. All worthy winners of the prize. And the winner is .
Patrick Watson.
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What the fuck?!! Who the fuck is that? Patrick Watson?! Patrick fuckin' Watson?! I mean, seriously? Serious fuckin' ly? Patrick Watson?! Patrick Watson?!! PATRICK WATSON?!!
I mean I guess maybe they were trying to go with someone not so obvious. But that doesn't mean they had to go with someone that NOBODY KNOWS!! And yes, I know by saying that I'm probably going to get a series of angry emails from upset Patrick Watson fans. But you know what, this dude was going up against Feist and The Arcade Fire. Two of the greatest Canadian artists perhaps ever. This was a two horse race. Hell even if they wanted to give a relative newcomer in the music scene than The Besnard Lakes would have been a better choice. But this is asinine.
Patrick fuckin' Watson. Way to shoot our award's credibility two years in guys. Dumbasses
RAPIDFIRE NEWS SMARTASSERY!!
Before we discuss other matters let's talk about the big news of the week, Britney Spears' shitty parenting.
Rapidfire Britney Spearsery!
Well it happened, it finally happened. They took Britney's kids away. Seriously, this hole situation has gone from funny to sad to stupid to sad to funny to pretty damn funny and now it's right back in sad territory. You wanna know the worst part though? The court has decided that Kevin Federline is a better parent than Britney Spears. That's right, white trash dancer/horrible rapper/human garbage K-Fed is a better parent. Chew on that for a while.
So what was the final straw that sent the social workers over the edge? Probably this photo:
That's Britney Spears driving home after a party. Which is bad, because Britney doesn't have a valid driver's license and was ordered not to drive. She was also ordered to submit to drug testing, meet with a drug counsellor, and enroll in parenting classes. Guess what she decided not to do? If your answer was "all of those things that she was told to do", you sir or madam are correct.
So either she's so incredibly stupid that she decided that she was a good enough parent and thus had no need for all of these court appointed orders, or she's so incredibly fucked up that her need for drugs, booze and partying outweigh her responsibilities as a parent and she was perhaps even glad to get rid of the brats. Either answer is rather sad and pathetic.
So there you have it, Britney Spears is a horrible human being and K-Fed is the better parent. So those kids now have to deal with being raised by a coked up former superstar who is now a national joke and a hick whose only real claim to fame is nailing their mom when she was still hot and releasing a bad album. If at least one of those kids doesn't have a meth addiction or crack baby by the age of 16, I will be greatly surprised.
And now, the other matters.
The class of 2008 for the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame have been announced. The inductees are as follows: Madonna (eh, makes sense), Beastie Boys (fucking awesome! Surprised they got that one right. Although it makes me sad that those guys who symbolized youth and rebellion are now old enough to be in the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame. Sigh, sunrise, sunset), The Dave Clark Five (eh, kay), Leonard Cohen (if he plays "If I Had A Rocket Launcher" at the induction ceremony he has my love), Afrika Bambaataa (I feel like I know and love this by the name alone, but I just don't know what it is), John Mellencamp (never one of my faves but certainly deserves induction), The Ventures (sounds familiar, they're probably important somehow), Donna Summer (enough is enough is enough!), and of course Chic. Who the fuck is Chic you ask? I don't really know either, maybe someone will enlighten me.
At least now Madonna might realize she's too old to be dancing in outfits where I can see her ass .Nah probably not.
Meg White was recently accused of being in a sex tape, but it was later proved that it wasn't her. Also, I think there's a better chance of seeing Jack White in a sex tape before Meg White. She doesn't exactly strike me as the superfreak type. Well not in the sexy way anyway. More superfreak in the crazy cat lady who collects voodoo dolls kind of way
Eminem is working on a new album, so expect to hear yet another song about either how great he is accompanied by a zany video or about how hard it is to be a parent if you're famous. Serious, that's all he does. Except for "Stan", but then that was still a song about how he's so great that he made a fan commit suicide. So there ya go.
Dr. Dre's next album Detox won't see the light of day this year, but it may next year. He's also stated that it will be his last solo album, and considering it takes the man nearly 10 years to release an album that's probably not that shocking. He's not exactly known for being prolific.
Patrick Watson, Jesus that's dumb.
The Flaming Lips long awaited movie Christmas On Mars may finally see release this Christmas. Whether or not it's a good film or a hippie dippie mindfuck remains to be seen.
Phil Spector's murder case ended in a mistrial with a hung jury at 10-2. The good news though is that he'll be retried, which means he'll have a chance to debut a new wacky hairdo! Goody!
Tickets for the Spice Girl reunion shows have sold out fast. And I wonder why people like High School Musical. Oy.
Also, Bono will apparently collaborate with the Spice Girls on a song. The only way I can envision them talking Bono into this is if they threatened to blow up Africa if he didn't do it.
I like Steve Carrell, but he really needs to stop making so many paycheck movies and make another 40 Year Old Virgin or Little Miss Sunshine before his credibility is shot. Then again, he's still got The Office to fall back on so maybe he's ok. Just throwing that out there.
Kanye West hates MTV apparently. He also has a blog where he talks about the latest indie videos like Bat For Lashes' newest. Is he trying to nail someone at Pitchfork or something?
Robert Plant has stated that the Led Zeppelin reunion is for one show only and that no tour is planned. This has been said because Robert Plant hates your joy.
T.I. is working on his next album. Hopefully this time he'll make a good one.
Hey Spoon is the musical guest on SNL with Seth Rogan hosting. You know, that may not suck. Interesting.
And finally Ryan Adams freaked out at a show over the sound system and bitched about said sound system the entire performance. Ahhhh, it's been so so long since I last heard about a good Ryan Adams freakout. Feels good, feels right.
Billboard Top 20
1. Reba McEntire, Reba Duets If the gaping black hole that was Reba couldn't kill her career then nothing will.
2. Kanye West, Graduation I'm really not sure how Mr. West is so damned popular, I mean his music isn't sugary sweet pap, crappy country or watered faux gangsta rap bullshit. And yet he's dominating. It gives me just the tiniest glimmer of hope for humanity, and that makes me feel good.
3. 50 Cent, Curtis So he's retired now right? Because that would be so great.
4. Barry Manilow, The Greatest Songs Of The Seventies Hmmm, a singer in his 50s or 60s singing covers of famous songs from yesterday. Oh yeah, this will be around for a while. Expect him to hit up American Idol too while he's at it. He's a sly dog he is.
5. Kenny Chesney, Just As I am: Poets & Pirates Well, I like pirates. But everything else can go. Including Kenny.
6. Various Artists, High School Musical 2 Soundtrack Something tells me we haven't heard the last of this foul beast.
7. James Blunt, All The Last Souls Oh please, this crappy album doesn't even have a "You're Beautiful" to fall back on. Crappy singer, crappy songwriter, crappy crapster. Die in a fire.
8. Chamillionaire, Ultimate Victory 8th place is your ultimate victory? Way to set your standards low there Cha Cha.
9. KT Tunstall, Drastic Fantastic I should dislike her, but "Black Horse & The Cherry Tree" is a guilty pleasure of mine. So she gets a pass.
10. Twista, Adrenaline Rush 2007 So I guess by next year this Adrenaline Rush will be expired and we'll have to buy the 2008 version to keep us going? Shrewd move Mista Twista.
11. Eddie Vedder, Into The Wild Soundtrack Oh Sean Penn, you silly gun loving hippie.
12. him, Venus Doom Apparently Bam Margera likes these guys .Yeah that doesn't mean much to me either.
13. Miley Cyrus, Hanna Montana 2 Soundtrack/Meet Miley Cyrus We've met you, we're now very well acquainted. Now go away.
14. Fergie, The Dutchess You know, I think "die in a fire" may be my new symbol of contempt and hatred. Yeah I like it. Die in a fire.
15. Nickelback, All The Right Reasons Die in a fire.
16. Motion City Soundtrack, Even If It Kills Me You know, I actually have an album by these guys. I haven't listened to it in a while, I don't know if it holds up. But I assume this is probably at the very least decent to mediocre. Good for them.
17. Colbie Caillat, Coco You must have money, you should be able to afford a better name than that.
18. Justin Timberlake, FutureSex/LoveSounds Just think, that could have been his kids that Britney was neglecting. Dodged that bullet.
19. Diana Krall, The Very Best Of Diana Krall Elvis Costello is the one nailing her right? Or is it Eric Clapton? I always get those two confused for some weird reason. Whoever it is, I salute them.
20. Dropkick Murphys, The Meanest Of Times Personally I always preferred Flogging Molly when it came to celtic punk, but I've always had a fondness for the Murphys. Nice to see them crack the top 20. Actually there are a few acts I'm shocked to see on here, I like that.
Important New Releases Of The Week .According To Me
Les Savy Fav are apparently pretty popular in the indie rock scene, or so says Pitchfork at least. And if they say it it must be true I suppose. This album is actually pretty diverse, going from punk to dance punk to kind of Gang Of Four/Bloc Party songs and elsewhere. It's surprising how many different styles are touched on this one album. I only got it today but I can see this growing on me quite a bit. If you like rock then I see no reason not to give this a listen. None at all. Zip, zero, nada, no reason, check it out. Nowish.
Hey look, Sufjan Stevens did a new album! Just kidding. Although upon hearing this new offering from Sam Beam you would almost this was a side project of the state loving Christian himself. But Sufjan comparisons aside this is a very well crafted album. There seems to be different styles combined together to create something that sounds rather newish. I actually expected to be a rather chilled album, something to zone out to but a few of the songs are actually quite pumping. Don't get me wrong there are quite a few songs on here you can enjoy on a nice calm day, in fact most of them. But there are toe tappers on here as well. So if you like the aforementioned Christian songsmith, or acts like Grizzly Bear or M. Ward or other folksy artists, this will up your alley.
I've had this for a while and I still have rather mixed feelings about it. I mean sure I like it but I'm not quite sure how much I do yet. It certainly seems like the kind of an album that takes a while to like, I know it took me a while to like their last album Feels and I love that album now. So if you like Animal Collective check this out, but if you're unfamiliar with them I dunno if this is the best place to start.
The Greatest Video Of The Week
Bruce Springsteen, "Long Walk Home"
From the album Magic, 2007
No one quite understands the majesty of a saxophone solo the way The Boss does. I was never much of a Springsteen fan, in fact the only reason I appreciate him now is because of the kickass We Shall Overcome: The Seeger Sessions from last year. And that's not even representative of his usual musical output. His newest album however Magic seems like it will be classic Springsteen at its finest. And this certainly illustrates that. Bruce, you're getting older, you can let up just a little. Gonna give yourself a stroke man.
IT'S OVER!!
"I'll buy you a parakeet." This is proof that Dave's still got it. God bless that marvellous old man. Until next week (god willing), I'll see ya later.
