Quick ‘n’ Dirty Music News: 03.14.08

Posted by Mitch Michaels on 03.14.2008

In the latest edition of the Quick ‘n’ Dirty Music News Report, 411’s Mitch Michaels discusses the blandness of Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame, his picks for the 2009 Hall, the adventures of “As The Britney Turns,” all the Billboard info you need and Ashlee Simpson is our Piece of the Week! Check out the full article for all the details!


Welcome one and all to the Quick ‘n' Dirty News, your ONLY source for hot news, hot babes and hot other stuff. Hot Pockets? I'm Mitch Michaels, and I'm so excited about St. Patrick's Day coming in three days that I'm beside myself. It's been too long since I got a three day weeken…wait a minute – we don't get that day off? Well, fuck a shamrock then.


Sorry, not you Ken.

Before I get started, I'd like to offer a serious apology for something I said last week. I know this is just a silly music column where you go to be entertained by boobs and topical editorials, but I'll admit that even I can get out of hand sometimes. However, you readers called me on it and, after giving it some thought, I realize that some comments I made last week were hurtful and a bit too off the cuff. You could even say that the statement was made more for the shock value than anything else.

So let me please state this to all who were offended: after a great deal of soul searching, I have come to believe that my calling Pearl Jam's current state mediocre was harsh on my part. While I wasn't a fan of Pearl Jam, the current album, I'll admit that "Worldwide Suicide" was a great single and the band has laid the groundwork for no less than a Hall Of Fame career.

Ah, I'm glad to get that off my chest. What, you expected something else?

It's quick. It's dirty. It's news.



STAND BY…FOR NEWS!

All news items are from 411 Music's newswire:

Speaking Of The Hall Of Fame…

Well, the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame went off blandly as usual this week. Dullness was at an all time high for the show, as there was just no interesting angle to cover this year's Rock Hall ceremony with. Some media sources tried to stir up controversy by debating whether Madonna belongs in the Hall. Well, of course she doesn't, but the Rock Hall gave up on any shred of integrity a few years ago as far as their voting board goes. Then again, no one debated inductions for Miles Davis or Grandmaster Flash, and those guys are as far from rock ‘n' roll, stylistically, as anyone can be.

Bottom line is that Madonna has sold a bunch of records and her name is known around the world. She's managed to remain in the news for 20-some years, which is a feat unto itself. And that's all it takes to be Rock Hall worthy.

Of course, Madonna's induction provided the only interesting part of the night, as Iggy Pop and The Stooges blazed through a pair of Madonna hits ("Ray Of Light" and "Burning Up" – I think I could've picked some better material). This unlikely union began a couple of years when Iggy opened some European dates for Madonna. Photos showed that the Rock Hall ceremony is both shirt and tie-optional.


It's sad that Madonna is the manliest member of that trio.

Justin Timberlake, who inducted Madonna, also told a nice story about Madonna forcing him to take off his pants and give him a B-12 shot, and then saying he had a nice ass. Isn't there something lecherous about that story when the woman is 50 and the guy is 26? Imagine if Rihanna had told a similar story on Jay-Z, and Jigga's not even 40 yet. Well, actually, that story would be kind of hot.

Not to be outdone, Madonna referenced her copious drug use during her acceptance speech. The media was all over this one, questioning Madonna's stories of doing marijuana, coke and ecstasy. Is it shocking though? Hell no, what Rock Hall inductee hasn't? There's a huge double standard in the media, though, that persists even today in stories about Amy Winehouse and Britney Spears, while the rock gods are left alone. You see, when a guy does drugs, he's Kurt Cobain. When a woman does them, she's Courtney Love.

Anyway, the other talented inductees this year included John Mellencamp, who was inducted by Billy Joel. I don't have anything against Mellencamp. I love a lot of his songs and I think he is definitely deserving of the top level of the rock pantheon. But you have to admit that there's something kind of boring about the guy. Billy Joel used the induction to tell a couple of humorous stories about John, which actually opened up questions if Joel has even spoken to John since the 80's.

The Dave Clark Five were also inductees this year, after being eligible for nearly twenty years. Press was divided on their induction, as the Rock Hall wanted us to believe they were second only to The Beatles in terms of their British Invasion success, while critics treated them like one hit wonders. Things changed when the band's singer and keyboardist, Mike Smith, died just days before the ceremony.

When the 2008 inductees were announced, I brought up the conspiracy theory that the DC5 actually made the induction grade in 2007, but were jettisoned in favor of Grandmaster Flash, as the voting board wanted to diversify the line-up a bit. Way to drop the ball on that one guys. At least Smith lived long enough to know he'd been inducted, a fact that Dave Clark brought up in their induction speech.

Other inductees included singer/songwriter Leonard Cohen, who was inducted by the great Lou Reed and paid tribute by Damien Rice. The event proved to be a good place for publicity, as Cohen announced a tour the next day and Rice announced a new album for this year backstage. Also inducted were instrumental greats The Ventures, blues harp player Little Walter and R&B songwriting legends Gamble & Huff.

With this year's Rock Hall over, we can already begin speculating who is eligible for 2009's class. I figured I'd compile a list of my Top 5 picks for the newly eligible nominees and also my Top 5 who have been passed over in previous voting.

MITCH'S TOP 5 PICKS FOR NEWLY ELIGIBLE 2009 ROCK HALL NOMINEES

1. Bon Jovi – This is a no-brainer, and with Bon Jovi's success over the past couple of years (as much as that Lost Highway album completely bastardized their sound), look for the New Jersey crew to be the frontrunners in next year's nominee list.

2. Run-DMC – The Rock Hall popped their rap cherry with Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five in 2007, so look for Run-DMC to be the next big time rap crew to see their legacy enshrined. The group has the pedigree. Not only are they one of the most influential early rap groups (towering over even Grandmaster Flash), but they also have had an eye on the Hall since their 1985 video for "King Of Rock", where they symbolically kicked the doors down in Cleveland. With Jam Master Jay fallen and the band officially retired, this will be a nice way to wrap up the band's career with a bow on it.

3. Stevie Ray Vaughan – SRV rules blues rock in the 80's and has proved to be an influential figure in the world of the guitar and therefore the world of rock. Though Stevie is a towering figure in the history of blues, I could see SRV being passed over in his first year, if for no other reason than the fact that he can't appear at the ceremony.

4. Cyndi Lauper – Ick. But with Madonna in and such a press grabber, Cyndi just can't be far behind.

5. Pantera – I know I'm dreaming here, but wouldn't it be nice to see Dimebag and Phil Anselmo grabbing mainstream press by the throat? I'd also settle for Slayer. We'll probably get someone like k.d. lang though.

MITCH'S TOP 5 PICKS FOR PREVIOUSLY ELIGIBLE 2009 ROCK HALL NOMINEES

1. Ringo Starr – Ringo has been eligible since 1995. We've all heard the joke that "Ringo was the drummer", but I think it's a slap in the face for Starr to have been passed up for so many years, even after John, Paul and George have seen their solo careers enshrined. Let's not forget that Ringo had a string of 9 consecutive Top 40 hits post-Beatles and was the first member of the Fab Four to reach the charts. No matter what his talents were compared to his bandmates, the man is still a legend.

2. KISS – Gene Simmons and the boys have been eligible for nearly a decade now, and this proves that the voting boys are simply snobs. If you wanna say that KISS was all hype and no substance, then why did Madonna get in this year? KISS revolutionized the way rock ‘n' roll is presented and marketed. Like them or not, KISS made every teenager in the 70's wanna be a rock star, and they made it look as easy as dressing up.

3. Alice Cooper – The same said for KISS goes double for Alice, and he has the added bonus of being extremely creative and talented. If the voting board has no appreciation for a stage show, then they still can't ignore Alice Cooper's status as a rock heavyweight.

4. Beastie Boys – The Beasties were passed over for the first time this year. They're young guys and still have plenty of fuel left to their career, but it would still be nice to see them affirmed.

5. Genesis – Seriously, why isn't Genesis in the fucking Hall of Fame? Any asshole with half a brain can see they're right up the Hall's alley. And universally loved to boot. Who did Phil Collins piss off? Or Peter Gabriel?

Ah, perusing that list of people who have been passed over is enough to make your blood boil. Check it out at this extremely handy Rock Hall resource.

So there's another year and another induction ceremony for the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame, which is totally about integrity and not commercialism. Well, except for that new partnership with "Guitar Hero".

As The Britney Turns

Brit was making news this week, though unfortunately it wasn't through crazy behavior. On Monday, a friend leaked that Britney was getting a little scared of a fan who is sending her sex toys and explicit letters in the mail. Hold on a second here…I thought that was Christina Aguilera's address. C'mon, that chick's got nothing but time since she had the baby. I just wanted to be pen pals.

Back to Britney, it's hard to believe this is the first time she's gotten such "fan" mail. The chick's been a well known sex symbol for nearly a decade. I'm sure there have been plenty of weirdo's who have gotten a hold of her address in some way. The real question here is…Is Britney checking her own mail??? Damn, that $40 million must be shrinking even faster than the news reported.

And speaking of Britney's shrinking fortune, she's squabbling with ex-husband Kevin Federline as of now over a $1 million in legal fees. If Britney needs that cash due to her shriveling bank account, photos show Kevin is also in dire need, as the fast food taxes in California are high and even the Dollar Menu can crimp your budget when you're dropping a c-note at a time. Check him out recently:


Instead of overextending himself throughout America, I guess he's just working on being the "Buffet's Most Hated" these days.

And if one pic of K-Fed playing golf wasn't enough, here's another:


That's Kevin and Britney's dad Jamie playing golf together this week, supposedly as the two are battling each other over said legal fees. Ya know, if this is a sign that the two are trying to work things out outside the courtroom, I totally applaud that, as the judicial system in the US is ridiculously misused. If it's a sign of Brit's dad taking sides with Kevin in the divorce….well, who could blame him? Have you seen how fucking psycho that chick is? Brit will never get the kids back, so if Grandpa wants to visit, he'd better stay on Federline's good side. I'd say some Hardee's gift cards should do the trick.

And in more Britney news, the star is apparently going to be showing up on a future episode of "How I Met Your Mother" playing…seriously, do you watch that show? Anything with an over arcing romantic storyline has "CHICK" written all over it. All I know is that Doogie Howser and the delicious Alyson Hannigan co-star.

What I thought was funny is that reports stated that Brit was doing everything she could to be prepared for the role. Really? And it's hard to have a cameo on a sitcom because…? I guess she's hoping people will say she didn't look that strung out. She must be OK now! Blackout was awesome!

Or who knows, maybe she's hoping to parlay this guest spot into a recurring role.



Sorry NPH.

Everything Else

I talked way too much about Brit and the Rock Hall this week, but those were the big stores. Here's everything else.

The Game went to jail before I could post last week's column after being found guilty of possession of a firearm in a school zone. He was set to serve a 60-day sentence, but was released before I could post this week's column. Overcrowding was blamed. To be fair, have you been to a public school recently?

Remy Ma also began a trial for shooting a friend and intimidating witnesses this week after a bunch of cash was found missing from her purse. Well no shit, the lawyers took it. Remy could be facing 25 years, which, will probably translate to around 25 years. Hey, if they ain't letting Foxy Brown out, they ain't letting Remy Ma out.

Lots of artists announcing new stuff this week. Be on the lookout for new projects by Janet Jackson (tour), Puscifer (remix album), Lamb Of God (drum and guitar clinics way the hell in Germany), Journey (album), 36 Crazyfists (album), Metallica (album), Dr. Dre's mom (a book), Ice Cube (album) and Radiohead (single).

American Idol raped the corpse of John Lennon as Paul McCartney cashed a few checks that he didn't have to split with Heather Mills. America watched by the millions.

R.E.M. will be previewing their album early via iLike…what?

Van Halen canceled a month of tour dates due to an unspecified ailment bothering Eddie Van Halen. Not sure how it's pronounced, but the medical term is TooMuchOfDavidAndMyExWifeAndMyFatKid-itis.

Kid Rock returned to the scene of his public brawl last year, a Georgia Waffle House, for a charity event. Five were killed while dozens were left wounded.

And finally, Brit pop star Robbie Williams is apparently so enamored with UFO-watching that he wants to build his own observatory. Robbie, who claims to have had his own unexplained experience, says he'd like to completely immerse himself in becoming a Ufologist.




NEW RELEASES FOR MARCH 18, 2008

WHAT EVERYONE WILL BUY:

Flo Rida - Mail On Sundays - Not even a question here, as "Low" is the biggest hit of 2008 thus far. The only thing that could hurt Flo Rida's sales is the fact that the track was on the Step Up 2 soundtrack. Still, I think plenty of people will be buying this set that wanted the head start on "Low". The only other competition really is Danity Kane, and that lead single from Dollhouse has absolutely bombed.

WHAT WILL BE NUMBER ONE:

Well, I was right on all accounts for this week, as Alan Jackson ascended to #1 once again. The guy is nothing if not dependable. I was also correct on Flogging Molly scoring their best week ever (great album, btw, find my review) and the Black Crowes returning to the Top 10 as well. Jackson Browne didn't make the cut, but to be fair, I called that a maybe.

This week is a tough call. I think we'll definitely crown a new #1, given that Alan Jackson should fall below 100k in sales. But who will it be? We have Rick Ross, who's last album went #1 but who also has yet to find a hit with his new one. Then you have Snoop Dogg, who has been riding a wave of publicity, but saw his last album fail to meet expectations. It's a hard call, but I'm giving the edge to Snoop. Should be an all new Top 3 this week, with Now 27 also out. Randy Jackson should ride Paula Abdul to some Top 10 love, as well. Yes, I meant to say it that way.

WHAT YOU SHOULD BUY:

There's always something worth buying in the New Release section. Here are my picks:

Buzz Cuts - This alt rock compilation will take you back to the 90's, with hits by Creed, Bush, Everclear and even more recent acts like blink-182 and Puddle of Mudd. If you're too lazy to download, this is worth ten bucks for the nostalgia.

Body Of War: Songs That Inspired An Iraq War Veteran - Just an intense compilation here, with cuts by Rage, Anthrax, Neil Young, Pearl Jam and a bunch others. A little too "protest" music for me, making me wonder how this guy got so "inspired" by them while fighting the war *cough*ihatepoliticalagendasinmusic*cough*.

WHAT'S HOT ON THE DIAL?

Billboard has about a million charts, so each week I'm gonna round up the #1s from each format. That way, no matter WHAT station you flip to when not using your presets, you'll be aware of what you might hear. Newly crowned #1s are in bold:

CHART	SINGLE	WEEKS
POP
HOT 100	Usher feat. Young Jeezy – "Love In This Club"	4
HOT 100 AIRPLAY	Chris Brown – "With You"	14
POP 100	Flo Rida feat. T-Pain – "Low"	19
POP 100 AIRPLAY	Flo Rida feat. T-Pain – "Low"	19
HOT SINGLES SALES	The White Stripes – "Conquest"	4
BUBBLING UNDER HOT 100 SINGLES	Ryan Leslie – "Diamond Girl"	5
DIGITAL
HOT DIGITAL SONGS	Jeff Buckley – "Hallelujah"	1
HOT DIGITAL TRACKS	Usher feat. Young Jeezy – "Love In This Club"	2
HOT RINGTONES	Grupo Montez de Durango – "Adios Amor Te Vas"	50
R&B/HIP HOP
HOT R&B/HIP HOP SONGS	Keyshia Cole – "I Remember"	19
HOT R&B/HIP HOP AIRPLAY	Keyshia Cole – "I Remember"	19
HOT ADULT R&B AIRPLAY	Keyshia Cole – "I Remember"	18
HOT RAP TRACKS	Webbie, Lil' Phat & Lil' Boosie – "Independent"	19
RHYTHMIC TOP 40	Chris Brown – "With You"	N/A
HOT R&B/HIP HOP SINGLES SALES	Temar Underwood – "Inside Out"	52
COUNTRY
HOT COUNTRY SONGS	Carrie Underwood – "All American Girl"	15
ROCK
HOT MODERN ROCK TRACKS	Foo Fighters – "Long Road To Ruin"	20
HOT MAINSTREAM ROCK TRACKS	Puddle Of Mudd – "Psycho"	23
ADULT CONTEMPORARY
HOT ADULT TOP 40 TRACKS	Sara Bareilles – "Love Song"	29
HOT ADULT CONTEMPORARY TRACKS	Colbie Caillat – "Bubbly"	31
CHRISTIAN
HOT CHRISTIAN SONGS	Matthew West – "You Are Everything"	22
HOT CHRISTIAN ADULT CONTEMPORARY	Matthew West – "You Are Everything"	22
DANCE
HOT DANCE CLUB PLAY	Janet – "Feedback"	6
HOT DANCE AIRPLAY	Ida Corr – "Let Me Think About It"	19
HOT DANCE SINGLES SALES	Tanika Turner – "It's Right Here"	4
INTERNATIONAL
HOT LATIN SONGS	Juanes – "Gotas De Agua Dulce"	10
EUROPEAN HOT 100 SINGLES	Leona Lewis – "Bleeding Love"	20
EURO DIGITAL SONGS	Duffy – "Mercy"	4
CANADIAN HOT 100	Flo Rida feat. T-Pain – "Low"	17
RECURRENTS
HOT 100 RECURRENT AIRPLAY	Pink – "Who Knew"	4
HOT SINGLES RECURRENTS	Jeff Buckley – "Hallelujah"	1
HOT R&B/HIP HOP RECURRENT AIRPLAY	Robin Thicke – "Lost Without U"	16
HOT R&B/HIP HOP RECURRENTS	Robin Thicke – "Lost Without U"	16
HOT COUNTRY RECURRENTS	Brad Paisley – "Letter To Me"	2
HOT ADULT CONTEMPORARY RECURRENTS	John Mayer - "Waiting On The World To Change"	19

MUSICAL PIECE OF THE WEEK

Ashlee Simpson spoke candidly to US Weekly recently about being a "sex symbol" and having a nose job, even though she still feels like the girl next door. (Shouldn't she actually just feel like Jessica's ugly little sister?) While I've never felt Ashlee was that hot, she's definitely taken some decent pictures. And on a slow babe news week, that's enough to make her our Quick 'n' Dirty Piece Of The Week...













THE END

Hope you all had fun. Be sure to drop me a line on what you liked, didn't, etc.

Keep your ears to the ground.