Quick ‘n’ Dirty Music News: 04.11.08

Posted by Mitch Michaels on 04.11.2008

Jay-Z & Beyoncé say Popeyes is the new Cristal, Radiohead & 50 Cent opening their own version of MySpace, Axl Rose actually finished with GN’R album? (yeah right), Madonna’s baby crazy, Velvet Revolver war continues, High School Musical & more news, plus chart news and album previews for Leona Lewis, Dark Lotus and Britney Spears (through the years) is our Piece Of The Week!!!

Hey hey kids. Thanks for dropping by to read your Friday tradition, the Quick ‘n' Dirty Music News. I'm Mitch Michaels and I'm starting to think the weekend is running late. What the fuck?

Once again, we've got a killer new Music Podcast up, and there's a contest to win a free DVD featuring solo interviews with John Lennon, Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr on "The Tomorrow Show". So listen and find out how to win and check out all our other great podcast features. Seriously, we don't give you time to get bored.

Now, let's get to it. It's quick. It's dirty. It's news.



STAND BY…FOR NEWS!

All news items are from 411 Music's newswire:

She's Gonna Take Everything He Owns If He Lets Her Go

Well, the rumors are still running strong that Beyoncé and Jay-Z were married last weekend. The ceremony, which took place at Jay-Z's Manhattan apartment, has been confirmed by everyone but the alleged bride and groom themselves. Not surprising, since I'm pretty sure they haven't even officially announced they were dating yet, and they've been photographed together for something like the last five years.

Guests to the party included Gwyneth Paltrow and Coldplay's Chris Martin, as well as the other chicks from Destiny's Child. But which one was the maid of honor? I'd go with Kelly, since she has the star power.

The couple served a seven-course meal to their guests which – and I'm not making this up – consisted of beluga caviar, shrimp scampi and Popeye's fried chicken. I know what you're thinking:


It's true, Popeye's chicken is the new Cristal. But I gotta get sidetracked a little here and reveal a QnD exclusive. And I'm not ashamed to admit it or afraid I'll isolate my audience:

I've never had Popeye's chicken.

I'd never even heard of Popeye's until the Little Nicky movie as there wasn't one near me growing up or even during college. In fact, I don't think there's one in all of West Virginia. Wait, let me check.

…

OK, there's one in the eastern panhandle, but come on, those people aren't real West Virginians.

Anyway, when I moved to my old apartment, there was a Popeye's literally three minutes away. I made a mental note to try it out, but never got to it (partly because my parents said it wasn't great, but these are the same people who forced me to eat raw broccoli, so really, what do they know?). Then I moved and now it's on the dreaded "other side of town", damned to exist beside the Shoney's, Big Lots and Kentucky Fried Chicken which, coincidently, I also never go to.

So my question to you is, is it really that great? Better than what KFC has to offer? Fill up the comments section below and let me know, this is an important subject to me people. Should I go to Popeye's? The last new fast food chain I tried was In-N-Out Burger, which was obviously named for the motion a dick makes in regards to the place's mouth.

Anyway, back to Jay-Z and Beyoncé. Their small party insisted that the men wear black and the women wear white, which is a major fashion faux pas at most weddings…

Good God, did I just use the word "fashion faux pas"? Sometimes I fucking disgust myself. In other news, I just can't wait for the new Clay Aiken album to come out.

Come out.

Come out.


You know, I can't tell if I'm on fire today or just sounding like I forgot to take my pills.

Once again, back to Jigga and B'. 911 reports say that loud screams were heard from Jay-Z's apartment around 1 AM that night, which weren't the result of a domestic disturbance but of a three-week sex ban in place leading up to the big day. Whose idea do you think that was? Beyoncé, I've been patient since Destiny's Child did "Bootylicious". That was seven YEARS ago, where's my reward? Where's my fucking poontang and fried chicken???

So, of course, with this sudden marriage (well, sudden to us voyeurs – we know Jay-Z and Beyoncé have been planning for at least three weeks), rumors are sparking that Hova's new wife is actually pregnant. These rumors are being discussed at length on all the femmy gossip sites, where, I'm sure, the term "baby bump" is being used liberally. Seriously, next time I hear or see the phrase "baby bump", it'd better be referring to this:


The thing I want to know is, if and when B' and Jay-Z have a baby, how long will they deny it in the media? I can imagine that their son or daughter will prepare the press release themselves.

MySpace, YourSpace, Everybody'sSpace

Radiohead have launched their own social networking site at waste-central.com.

Much like existing networking sites like MySpace and Facebook, users can add their own profile, photos and personal info, comment on other users' pages and photos, and obviously view exclusive Radiohead photos and videos.

It will also give users a platform to discuss Radiohead's 2008 tour dates and talk about upcoming events with like minded fans.

Radiohead isn't all that innovative in doing this, as tons of other artists are making their own MySpace clones. You have 50 Cent's ThisIs50.com, as well as new sites for Kylie Minogue, Ludacris and the Pussycat Dolls.

I'm actually glad to see this new trend. I think the loss of "official websites" was kind of silly, cause where do you go for news? Artist MySpace sites were never good for much more than tourdates and streaming new tracks. Sure, I can understand upstart bands wanting to gauge their popularity by how many MySpace friends they have, but really: does 50 Cent not know that he has over a million fans?

And that's the reason MySpace will never truly be replaced for the smaller bands. The whole "networking" idea, when you're looking at the music business's usage of MySpace, is to have fans of one band learning about other bands through their friends list and other people signed up for MySpace. With these artist specific sites, you have places for fans to hang out and be fed all the latest PR material, but you don't have any growth beyond the topic of the one specific artist. And who's gonna be hanging out all day at fucking Radiohead's fansite? It's just gonna turn into a fancy new fan message board, only with pictures and bios. No thanks.

Question of the day: How come people who are hardcore into things that you're hardcore into are always fucking losers? For instance, the fans on TomPetty.com's message board nearly ruined Tom Petty for me.

Oh, and did I mention Kylie Minogue and the Pussycat Dolls? I think I did!





The Making Of Chinese Democracy - Now Available In This 75-DVD Set

According to Allyourtv.com, a major music-oriented television channel has pitched an idea for a reality series to Axl Rose, according to sources close to the project. The show, which would appear on a cable channel that asked not to be identified, would follow the troubled rocker as his continues his decade-long effort to release the Guns N' Roses project Chinese Democracy.

Rose has been laboring on tracks for the project on-and-off since mid-1994, and in both 2006 and 2007 gave several interviews promising the album would be finished "within the year." According to sources at Geffen a version of Chinese Democracy has been finished and delivered to the label. But there are still outstanding issues between the singer and the label, not the least of which is a recording cost for the project which (depending on who you believe), has reached between $11 and $15 million. Another stickler is the digital rights for the tracks, along with some proposed "bonus" tracks Geffen would like to release digitally.

This reality show project would be part of a larger effort to build buzz for an album which faces a number of promotional hurdles. Rose's recent concert appearances have been erratic at best, and many fans of the classic Guns N' Roses lineup are going to require some persuasion before embracing this new sound. Rose is also not an especially "journalist-friendly" preformer, making promotion for the project even more difficult.

OK, as much as I do NOT buy the Guns N' Roses hype, Chinese Democracy faces absolutely NO promotional hurtles. The thing could be announced tomorrow, release at the beginning of May and go double platinum by June. Look at how people go nuts at the mere mention of Axl. Hell, every time he's involved in a news item, it's one of our top read posts of the day. The thing is – we KNOW the guy is a trainwreck, we know that taking fifteen years to make an album is ridiculous. But he's AXL FUCKING ROSE. He makes hard rock music. We like those guys to be fucked up.

Now, I can see why Geffen may be having problems. One – they probably don't think the new album is very good. Face it, GN'R-type rock is dead, dead, dead on the radio. Why do you think Van Halen will never go back to the studio? Hell, Sebastian Bach released an INCREDIBLE album (with appearances by Axl no less) in Angel Down just last year and you were more likely to hear crickets chirping on the radio than his big "(Love Is A) Bitch Slap" single.

So yeah, this will be Guns N' Roses last hurrah. Geffen has nothing in the vaults, given that they've released the Greatest Hits and Axl has been hogging every piece of studio output for the last dozen years. That's why the label needs to throw everything they have in this. If Axl's asking for $15 million to hand over Chinese Democracy, he'll have to settle – but it will still be for MILLIONS of dollars. Meaning that the album will have to be better than double platinum. It will have to be HUGE. And with some so-so tracks, Axl's track record for fucking up tours and a surefire fuck-all as a follow-up (you think there will be a SIXTH GN'R album? Not in our lifetime), Geffen has to get this one just right to keep this from being a giant debacle. Because, having a stake in GN'R's legacy, Chinese Democracy just can't be the final nail in the coffin. It's gotta leave fans wanting more.

Anyway, if this goes "reality TV" on us, we're all fucked. Remember Andrew Dice Clay's big comeback? Or Corey Feldman's? Or Flavor Flav? Or Ozzy's? OK, somehow he doesn't count.

Everything Else

Madonna's thinking about adopting another baby. Yeah, you wanna keep avoiding the natural childbirths Madonna to keep that below-the-belt area pristine. Her kids are perhaps the ONLY ones who haven't been there.

(*Note – In a QnD first, I almost used the term "vag" here, but edited it out*)

Scott Weiland is still talking shit about Velvet Revolver. I really wanna see this prick get his due, but if STP can keep him sober enough to make a new album, it'll sell like gangbusters. VR's post-Weiland? Without a lead singer named Axl, they're fucked.

Moby thinks Britney is hotter now that she's a mess. Personally, I'd fuck her either way.

If you're reading this, there's probably going to be a festival held in your back yard sometime this summer, and Nine Inch Nails, Radiohead and/or Jack Johnson will be headlining. Hope you have ample parking. And I hope your wife doesn't care much for her flower garden.

Gavin Rossdale gave a really interesting interview regarding his next album here. Just read it folks.

Simon Cowell said judging "American Idol" is boring sometimes. You know, if I get bored watching a couple of hours a week, it really must be brutal for this guy. At least he's got those nasty sex sessions with Paula when she takes too many of the wrong pill to look forward to.

That kid who Tony Yayo slapped (Uh, I mean, INTIMIDATED) is suing 50 cent, G-Unit and possibly the corpse of 2Pac for "promoting a gangsta lifestyle". Somewhere, Al Pacino just called his lawyer.

"You wanna waste my time? Okay. I call my lawyer. He's the best lawyer in Miami. He's such a good lawyer, that by tomorrow morning, you gonna be working in Alaska. So dress warm."

So better change up to a Czar Entertainment hoodie instead of that t-shirt Mr. Rosemond.

Actually, that would be inaccurate, since Scarface was an east coast gangsta.

Coldplay topped a survey of bands who put people to sleep, put out by the British arm of Travelodge. I had a friend who once said the voice of Glenn Danzig put him to sleep. He woke up one day with blood in his mouth and scars on his chest. True story.

And finally, Disney already has their sights set on High School Musical 4. The working subtitle is "How Do We Write The Chick Who Showed Her Tits Out Of The Story?".


So, so wrong.


NEW RELEASES FOR APRIL 15, 2008

WHAT EVERYONE WILL BUY:

Mariah Carey - E=MC² - (That's right, I'm one of the few music writers not too lazy to superscript that!) You don't need to be Einstein (har har) to call this one. There's only one real danger, and that's the Hannah Montana concert album. Lucky for Mariah, that one's been available exclusively at Wal*Mart for nearly a month, which should take the edge off its sales pretty substantially. Plus, she's got a #1 song on the album already, which should guarantee a top spot. The big question here is: how many copies will this move? I'm thinking over 500k.

WHAT WILL BE NUMBER ONE:

Well, motherfuck, if George Strait didn't prove me wrong and beat out R.E.M. this week. And good for him. But don't let that fool you: Accelerate is a great album, too, the best R.E.M. set in a LONG time. Muse…well, let's just say I can't be right all the time. They debuted at #46. And did I dream that Lil Wayne/Birdman joint? Nowhere in sight this week. Trina sold all the rap records, I guess, as she grabbed #6, and Van Morrison scored the FIRST Top 10 album of his career with Keep It Simple, which absolutely swings.

This week is pretty packed, actually. We've got Leona Lewis' debut finally come to the US, which held a #1 song in "Bleeding Love". I look for that one to grab the top spot, as it's the only CD coming out that could sell over 100,000 copies. Her biggest competition will be P.O.D., but I see them as a little shaky given their last couple of albums. Nine Inch Nails Ghosts I-IV saw its physical release, but an instrumental album? Not hitting Top 10. Ashes Divide is getting the hard sell, as is Ray J. Look for those two to get some Top 10 love.

WHAT YOU SHOULD BUY:

There's always something worth buying in the New Release section. Here are my picks:

Ours - Mercy (Dancing For The Death Of An Imaginary Enemy) - I caught this band opening for the Wallflowers back in 2002, and they're just getting around to releasing a new album. I've got an advance and it's some pretty great rock.

Frank Sinatra - Frank At The Movies - If it's near as good as Van Morrison's At The Movies, then you're in for a treat. It's nice to see compilations with themes other than "Best Of". Speaking of, what happened to those themed Elvis Costello sets we were supposed to see after Rock & Roll?

Dark Lotus - Opaque Brotherhood - Wasn't Black Rain supposed to be their last? Anyway, this ICP+ Super Group have promised 2008 will be the Year Of The Lotus, so let's see if they can deliver. I dig ICP, plus my favorite restaurant is Lotus Garden in Mercer Mall (whaddup Chen?). F*ck outta here if you ain't down with the clown.

WHAT'S HOT ON THE DIAL?

Billboard has about a million charts, so each week I'm gonna round up the #1s from each format. That way, no matter WHAT station you flip to when not using your presets, you'll be aware of what you might hear. Newly crowned #1s are in bold:

CHART	SINGLE	WEEKS
POP
HOT 100	Mariah Carey – "Touch My Body"	8
HOT 100 AIRPLAY	Usher feat. Young Jeezy – "Love In This Club"	8
POP 100	Leona Lewis – "Bleeding Love"	8
POP 100 AIRPLAY	Chris Brown – "With You"	16
HOT SINGLES SALES	Anna Nalick – "Shine"	2
BUBBLING UNDER HOT 100 SINGLES	Mana – "Si No Te Hubieras Ido"	1
DIGITAL
HOT DIGITAL SONGS	Madonna feat. Justin Timberlake – "4 Minutes"	2
HOT DIGITAL TRACKS	Madonna feat. Justin Timberlake – "4 Minutes"	2
HOT RINGTONES	Grupo Montez de Durango – "Adios Amor Te Vas"	55
R&B/HIP HOP
HOT R&B/HIP HOP SONGS	Usher feat. Young Jeezy – "Love In This Club"	9
HOT R&B/HIP HOP AIRPLAY	Usher feat. Young Jeezy – "Love In This Club"	9
HOT ADULT R&B AIRPLAY	Jaheim – "Never"	25
HOT RAP TRACKS	Lil Wayne feat. Static Major – "Lollipop"	3
RHYTHMIC TOP 40	Ray J & Yung Berg – "Sexy Can I"	N/A
HOT R&B/HIP HOP SINGLES SALES	Bizzy Bone – "A Song For You"	1
COUNTRY
HOT COUNTRY SONGS	Trace Adkins – "You're Gonna Miss Me"	18
ROCK
HOT MODERN ROCK TRACKS	Puddle Of Mudd – "Psycho"	23
HOT MAINSTREAM ROCK TRACKS	Puddle Of Mudd – "Psycho"	27
ADULT CONTEMPORARY
HOT ADULT TOP 40 TRACKS	Sara Bareilles – "Love Song"	34
HOT ADULT CONTEMPORARY TRACKS	Colbie Caillat – "Bubbly"	36
CHRISTIAN
HOT CHRISTIAN SONGS	Matthew West – "You Are Everything"	26
HOT CHRISTIAN ADULT CONTEMPORARY	Jeremy Camp – "Let It Fade"	15
DANCE
HOT DANCE CLUB PLAY	Donna Summer – "I'm A Fire"	6
HOT DANCE AIRPLAY	Bellatrax feat. Sophia May – "I Can't Help Myself"	10
HOT DANCE SINGLES SALES	Mindless Self Indulgence – "Never Wanted To Dance"	3
INTERNATIONAL
HOT LATIN SONGS	Flex – "Te Quiero"	22
EUROPEAN HOT 100 SINGLES	Leona Lewis – "Bleeding Love"	24
EURO DIGITAL SONGS	Madonna feat. Justin Timberlake – "4 Minutes"	3
CANADIAN HOT 100	Madonna feat. Justin Timberlake – "4 Minutes"	3
RECURRENTS
HOT 100 RECURRENT AIRPLAY	Three Days Grace – "Never Too Late"	14
HOT SINGLES RECURRENTS	Three Days Grace – "Never Too Late"	16
HOT R&B/HIP HOP RECURRENT AIRPLAY	Keyshia Cole introducing Amina – "Shoulda Let You Go"	4
HOT R&B/HIP HOP RECURRENTS	Keyshia Cole introducing Amina – "Shoulda Let You Go"	4
HOT COUNTRY RECURRENTS	Rodney Atkins – "Cleaning This Gun (Come On In Boy)"	1
HOT ADULT CONTEMPORARY RECURRENTS	Plain White T's – "Hey There Delilah"	1

MUSICAL PIECE OF THE WEEK

This week, techno star and longstanding Eminem rival Moby stated that he felt the Britney of 2008 is much hotter than the peak years sexpot Britney. Has it really gotten to the point that we have Fat Britney and Young Britney postage stamp contenders? Anyway, I figured we'd do our own pictorial tribute to Britney Spears through the years and name her our Quick ‘N' Dirty Piece Of The Week!















THE END

Hope you all had fun. Be sure to drop me a line on what you liked, didn't, etc.

Keep your ears to the ground.