Quick ‘n’ Dirty Music News: 04.18.08

Posted by Mitch Michaels on 04.18.2008

Is Ashlee Simpson pregnant?, Is Glastonbury racist?, Is Fred Durst aging poorly?, Is there a new #1 song?, What is the best Weezer album? – All of these questions answered, plus Angelina Jolie is our Piece Of The Week for no reason at all!

What's up children. Mitch Michaels back with the Quick ‘n' Dirty news. I gotta admit, I am a ZOMBIE this week, but we're still gonna do the best we can. If it feels a little light, I'll make up for it next week…

Oh, it'll still be fucking great, just not as long. Now, let's get to it. It's quick. It's dirty. It's news.



STAND BY…FOR NEWS!

All news items are from 411 Music's newswire:

Is She Or Isn't She?

Well, the big rumor this week is this: Is Ashlee Simpson pregnant?

Answer: I really don't give a fuck.

When I first heard the news, I thought, damn, it's a shame to see this rash of teenage pregnancies in Hollywood. Then I realized that Ashlee Simpson is like 24. What the fuck? Who cares?

I'm sure people will try and draw parallels between this and Jamie Lynn Spears' pregnancy, in that both are the less famous sisters of equally atrocious pop stars (seriously, who the fuck told Jessica Simpson she could sing? I'm thinking it had to be Marlee Matlin...

Ya know, I've always wondered what was so great about Marlee Matlin's acting. She always plays a deaf lady – what range! But I do have to commend her for current stint on "Dancing With The Stars". I'm even more impressed with her dancing (as a deaf person) than when Paul McCartney's ol' one legged ex took a shot last year. After all, you could argue that Heather Mills is a cyborg with an unfair advantage. Though I am constantly watching and waiting for this moment –


Anyway, I should get to closing that parenthesis).

Anyway, if Ashlee Simpson is pregnant, then there goes her…wait, what is she famous for, except for fucking up on SNL? Does anyone even realize she has an album coming out next week? The lead single, "Outta My Head", charted a whopping #121, despite being produced by Timbaland. An amazing feat really, as I have an audio track of me taking a shit produced by Timbaland currently making waves on iTunes.

Ashlee's label swept that one under the rug and released a new lead single, "Little Miss Obsessive", last month. It's yet to chart.

So could we call these pregnancy rumors a publicity stunt? I guess we'll just have to wait for that oh-so-telling baby bump to be sure.


And yes, I deem that picture worthy of two weeks of use!

And if the pregnancy rumors ARE true, then all I can say is WATCH OUT RACHEL AGUILERA!

I tried to find a pic of Rachel, but she seems shy. Luckily her sister isn't.



Don't Look Black In Anger

Oasis' Noel Gallagher has spoken out about the decision to put Jay-Z in the prime Saturday night headline slot at this year's Glastonbury Festival.

The Oasis frontman said that deviating from the festival's tradition of booking guitar-based headliners was "wrong".

"If it ain't broke don't fix it," he said. "If you start to break it then people aren't going to go. I'm sorry, but Jay-Z? No chance. "Glastonbury has a tradition of guitar music and even when they throw the odd curve ball in on a Sunday night you go 'Kylie Minogue?' I don't know about it. But I'm not having hip hop at Glastonbury. It's wrong."

Glastonbury fired back with this:

Organizers of one of Britain's best-known music festivals on Tuesday defended their decision to book Jay-Z as their headline act after Oasis songwriter Noel Gallagher blamed the rapper for disappointing ticket sales.

The outdoor Glastonbury festival is a cornerstone of Britain's music calendar. But this year's festival has yet to sell out, in contrast to past years when tickets were snapped up within hours.

Gallagher, whose band headlined the festival in 1995 and 2004, said rap was to blame.

"If it ain't broke, don't fix it," Gallagher said in an interview. "If you break it, people ain't gonna go. I'm sorry, but Jay-Z? ... No chance." He explained that the inclusion of a hip-hop act went against the festival's tradition of guitar music, adding: "I'm not having hip-hop at Glastonbury. No way. No. It's wrong."

Glastonbury Festival co-organizer Emily Eavis said the 38-year-old festival had a long history of attracting rap acts, including Cypress Hill and The Roots. She said the media stir over Gallagher's comments revealed an "innate conservatism" in some sectors of British society.

"There is also an interesting undercurrent in the suggestion that a black, American hip-hop artist shouldn't be playing in front of what many perceive to be a white, middle-class audience. I'm not sure what to call it, at least not in public, but this is something that causes me some disquiet," she said.

Eavis said she thought Jay-Z was "absolutely the right act" for the festival.

I love how the organizer chick subtly stated "If you don't come to Glastonbury this year, you're a fucking racist."

The media would love to turn this into a race thing, but past fests have featured plenty of black artists (Lenny Kravitz, Taj Mahal, Nelly Furtado, etc) on the Pyramid Stage, and even some hip-hop reps (like Cypress Hill). The reason for the slow ticket sales this year could be that Jay-Z is possibly the biggest name announced thus far. Who else are they getting?

Kate Nash, Kings Of Leon, Crowded House, The Verve and Neil Diamond. Now compare that to last year, when we had The Arctic Monkeys, The Killers, Amy Winehouse and The Who. It was a much hipper line-up, no doubt.

Still, you can't ignore two facts:

1) Jay-Z just isn't as big in the UK as he is in the US. In the States, Jigga has TEN CONSECUTIVE #1 ALBUMS. In the UK, American Gangster landed at #30. Kingdom Come isn't even certified gold over there, and I don't know how many of his albums are, possibly none. He only has 2 Top 10 hits in the UK, "Hard Knock Life" and "'03 Bonnie & Clyde". And really, isn't the latter all about Beyoncé?

In fact, I do believe Glastonbury would have been better off with Mrs. Jigga than Jay-Z himself.

2) Noel Gallagher is a cunt.

So, no, I don't think that the UK is so racist that they'd forsake their biggest festival of the year to avoid seeing a black man. But I do think hanging the entire festival's sales on Jay-Z thus far (cause who's coming for Kings Of Leon) have caused the soft ticket sales. Perhaps the UK is ready for hip-hop at Glastonbury, but Jay-Z wasn't the man to pioneer it. Kanye, Timbaland…those may have been better choices.

As for Noel Gallagher's whining that Glastonbury is a rock festival…hey, here's a guy who hasn't changed the way his band sounds in a fucking decade. People get tired and want something fresh Noel. Just look at your US record sales for proof.

Making Fun Of The Way Fred Durst Looks

Here's a recent picture of ex- (current?) Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst:


I think we found what happened to Michael Stipe's hetero side.

You know, besides being a little pudgy, there seems to be only one real problem with Fred here.


Nothing a little Just For Men won't fix. He'll be ready to cover George Michael again in no time. Er…

Here's a pic of the hot chick from that commercial while I'm at it.


A nurse outfit combined with a cheerleader outfit? Fucking genius!

The Complete Discography Of
Weezer


I figured I'd bring this feature back with the details of Weezer's upcoming CD coming this week (Weezer, due out in June).

Each edition of "The Complete Discography", I take a look at the complete discography of a band, which albums are vital, which songs are highlights and so forth. Each album will be assigned a rating. (1: Skip It, 2: For Fans Only, 3: Hear It, 4: Buy It)

Weezer (1994) - My first taste of the Weez, and I do believe I stole this album from a friend. I've since made amends, with the band anyway, by buying the deluxe edition. For a long time, I didn't "get" the Blue Album, but it's really gotten under my skin over the last few years. Much more than a one hit wonder showcase, as future records would show.
Song highlights: "Say It Ain't So", "Buddy Holly", "Undone – The Sweater Song", "My Name Is Jonas"
Rating: 4

Pinkerton (1996) - I got this CD on accident: it came as my featured selection from BMG one month when I forgot to return the card. I remember sitting in my floor and cleaning out my freshman dorm room to this CD. I had to loop it a few times cause it's really not that long. I was blown away by how dark and connecting these tracks were. Still stands as their most original album and a precursor to the commercial explosion of emo. But not their accessible. Still, if you didn't laugh out loud the first time you heard "Pink Triangle", you're hopeless.
Song Highlights: "The Good Life", "El Scorcho", "Pink Triangle".
Rating: 3

Weezer (2001) - The band's big comeback, I played this fucker to death over the summer of 2001. This is sort of a more polished version of Blue, given its penchant for pop melodies and hooks. Tragically short, but there's really not a bad song.
Song Highlights: "Island In The Sun", "Hash Pipe", "O Girlfriend", "Photograph"
Rating: 4

Maladroit (2002) - Who knows WHAT THE FUCK happened here. After taking five years to follow-up on Pinkerton (so long that most figured they'd quietly broken up), the band only took a year to return with this piece of crap. Frontman Rivers Cuomo used interviews to talk about how he was a guitar god now and how Weezer fans sucked. We would've loved him anyway if the album had been any good.
Song Highlights: "Keep Fishin"
Rating: 1

Make Believe (2005) - Before this album came out, the break up rumors had already begun. With assistance by Rick Rubin, many hoped this record would be a return to the Pinkerton sound. Instead, it's sort of a mopey pop album. I'd call this one for fans only, but there are just too many great tunes to ignore its power, even if it was a disappointment to fans (and what's not when it comes to Weezer fans?)
Song Highlights: "Beverly Hills", "Perfect Situation", "Haunt You Every Day"
Rating: 3


NEW RELEASES FOR APRIL 22, 2008

WHAT EVERYONE WILL BUY:

Ashlee Simpson - Bittersweet World - Despite the fact that Ashlee's singles have made zero impact, she's going to benefit from being the only major release of the week. Plus, there are the pregnancy rumors.

WHAT WILL BE NUMBER ONE:

Leona Lewis made me proud this week, by moving over 200k and grabbing the top spot, just as predicted. She was the only artist to sell six-digits, too, which I predicted. P.O.D. also scored, grabbing the #9 spot with their great new set (and you can win a copy if you check out the latest music podcast!). Ray J got some Top 10 love, but James Otto snuck up one me and grabbed a #3 spot with his Sunset Man. Read my review to see what I think of that one.

Mariah Carey has already been deemed this week's #1, moving 135k in ONE DAY, as industry analysts are saying she could be on her way to well over 500k for week one. (Take that comment guy!). That new Hannah Montana concert album may pop up in the Top 10, but it's already technically out. Rush could get some recognition for their new live album this week, too.

WHAT YOU SHOULD BUY:

There's always something worth buying in the New Release section. Here are my picks:

Whitesnake - Good To Be Bad - Who knew they were even still around? It's a great month to be a hair band fan, as Def Leppard has a new disc coming out soon too. It's been twenty years since Whitesnake released Slip Of The Tongue and this is amazingly their first new US release since then. But no Steve Vai. Damn.

Blind Melon - For My Friends - I'm willing to give Blind Melon another shot without frontman Shannon Hoon. They're saying this one sounds like "classic Blind Melon" (yeah, those classic three years), but are already talking changes for the next CD. We'll see how long this "reunion" lasts.

The Replacements Reissues - If you've never gotten into these alt-rock pioneers, now's the time, as several of their albums are getting the re-release treatment.

WHAT'S HOT ON THE DIAL?

Billboard has about a million charts, so each week I'm gonna round up the #1s from each format. That way, no matter WHAT station you flip to when not using your presets, you'll be aware of what you might hear. Newly crowned #1s are in bold:

CHART	SINGLE	WEEKS
POP
HOT 100	Leona Lewis – "Bleeding Love	9
HOT 100 AIRPLAY	Usher feat. Young Jeezy – "Love In This Club"	9
POP 100	Leona Lewis – "Bleeding Love"	9
POP 100 AIRPLAY	Jordin Sparks & Chris Brown – "No Air"	18
HOT SINGLES SALES	Spoon – "Don't You Evah"	1
BUBBLING UNDER HOT 100 SINGLES	Fergie – "Finally"	3
DIGITAL
HOT DIGITAL SONGS	Leona Lewis – "Bleeding Love	8
HOT DIGITAL TRACKS	Leona Lewis – "Bleeding Love	8
HOT RINGTONES	Grupo Montez de Durango – "Adios Amor Te Vas"	56
R&B/HIP HOP
HOT R&B/HIP HOP SONGS	Usher feat. Young Jeezy – "Love In This Club"	10
HOT R&B/HIP HOP AIRPLAY	Usher feat. Young Jeezy – "Love In This Club"	10
HOT ADULT R&B AIRPLAY	Raheem DaVaughn – "Woman"	29
HOT RAP TRACKS	Lil Wayne feat. Static Major – "Lollipop"	4
RHYTHMIC TOP 40	Ray J & Yung Berg – "Sexy Can I"	N/A
HOT R&B/HIP HOP SINGLES SALES	Bizzy Bone – "A Song For You"	2
COUNTRY
HOT COUNTRY SONGS	Trace Adkins – "You're Gonna Miss Me"	19
ROCK
HOT MODERN ROCK TRACKS	Puddle Of Mudd – "Psycho"	24
HOT MAINSTREAM ROCK TRACKS	3 Doors Down – "It's Not My Time"	9
ADULT CONTEMPORARY
HOT ADULT TOP 40 TRACKS	Sara Bareilles – "Love Song"	35
HOT ADULT CONTEMPORARY TRACKS	Colbie Caillat – "Bubbly"	37
CHRISTIAN
HOT CHRISTIAN SONGS	Matthew West – "You Are Everything"	27
HOT CHRISTIAN ADULT CONTEMPORARY	Jeremy Camp – "Let It Fade"	16
DANCE
HOT DANCE CLUB PLAY	Snoop Dogg – "Sensual Seduction"	9
HOT DANCE AIRPLAY	Basshunter feat. DJ Mental Theo's Bazzheads – "Now You're Gone"	10
HOT DANCE SINGLES SALES	Spoon – "Don't You Evah"	1
INTERNATIONAL
HOT LATIN SONGS	Mana – "Si No Te Hubieras Ido"	3
EUROPEAN HOT 100 SINGLES	Duffy – "Mercy"	9
EURO DIGITAL SONGS	Madonna feat. Justin Timberlake – "4 Minutes"	4
CANADIAN HOT 100	Madonna feat. Justin Timberlake – "4 Minutes"	4
RECURRENTS
HOT 100 RECURRENT AIRPLAY	Three Days Grace – "Never Too Late"	15
HOT SINGLES RECURRENTS	Three Days Grace – "Never Too Late"	17
HOT R&B/HIP HOP RECURRENT AIRPLAY	Lupe Fiasco feat. Matthew Santos – "Superstar"	1
HOT R&B/HIP HOP RECURRENTS	Lupe Fiasco feat. Matthew Santos – "Superstar"	1
HOT COUNTRY RECURRENTS	Rodney Atkins – "Cleaning This Gun (Come On In Boy)"	2
HOT ADULT CONTEMPORARY RECURRENTS	Plain White T's – "Hey There Delilah"	2

MUSICAL PIECE OF THE WEEK

For absolutely no reason other than some hot pictures of this chick (at SIXTEEN) have been enticing me on the cover of one of my wife's Us Weekly's, Angelina Jolie is YOUR Quick ‘n' Dirty (Not Quite) Musical Piece Of The Week!











THE END

Hope you all had fun. Be sure to drop me a line on what you liked, didn't, etc.

Keep your ears to the ground.