Quick ‘n’ Dirty Music News: 05.02.08

Posted by Mitch Michaels on 05.02.2008

The Miley Cyrus Vanity Fair scandal, Mariah Carey married WHO?, Coldplay buys a bakery, Scott Weiland’s back to his old tricks, the first half of Tom Petty’s Complete Discography reviewed, plus chart news, previews for new albums like Clay Aiken and Neil Diamond, and Nick Cannon’s Women are our Pieces of the Week!

What's up kids? Mitch Michaels, back with the Quick ‘n' Dirty News. I apologize for leaving you hanging last week, but I was in the middle of putting together a pretty awesome new edition of the 411 Music Podcast, which features the debut of 411 Music Trivia. You've never heard a trivia contest like this before…and by that, I mean you've never heard myself, Dan Haggerty and Leonard Hayhurst talk about why Miley Cyrus makes us feel funny. Anyway, check it out, and we should have another new one up soon.

But anyway, we're back this week with plenty to talk about, so let's get to it.



STAND BY…FOR NEWS!

All news items are from 411 Music's newswire:

The Young & The Topless

If you haven't heard, Vanity Fair has decided to expand on their recent "green" issue, going from this:


To this:



Yes, that's 15-year old Disney superstar Miley Cyrus posing topless in a magazine. Yes, for those of you keeping score, we've finally reached rock bottom.

Let me tear a wall down for you here. I realize that we here at 411 are not only determined to bring you the latest in music news, but also to entertain you. And I also realize that, having a predominately male audience, photos of hot chicks are quite entertaining. I love hot chicks. Everyone does. That's why every Jessica Alba movie finds a way to have her in her underwear. Her body is to be appreciated as long as possible! (And given her current status of "with child", that time is ticking faster).

And hell, I'll admit to being...surprised when I found out Miley Cyrus was only 15 years old. She's very pretty. And she's fucking insanely rich.

But America seems to be determined to move in that direction where 18-years old is less like a road block and more like the speed limit: it's fine and dandy when there are plenty of people around, but when you NEED to get somewhere, it's more like a suggestion.

I guess this weird creep factor started going up when people started counting down to Mary-Kate and Ashley Olson's 18th birthday. I mean, for one: these kids were BABIES when they became popular. And two: seriously, have you SEEN Mary-Kate and Ashley Olson? What exactly do they have that makes them so prime to FUCK that people were counting down? Same thing Miley Cyrus has: money and a pretty face. I mean, look at that picture again. What else does this fifteen year old have to offer that's so irresistible?

People instantly started blaming Miley's parents for this one. Do they not realize that Billy Ray Cyrus made his name by being a Chippendale-turned-country singer who was more famous for his dancing than his songs? The guy knows how to make money with what God gave him. And he's doing that again, except not with his ass, but his kid's.

So holding Billy Ray Cyrus morally comparable is impossible. Actually, I blame Vanity Fair. Sure, there's a perv section of the drooling American public that would love to get it on in the sickest of ways with Miley Cyrus, but Vanity Fair poses as a SERIOUS publication. (Well, if culture and fashion are to be taken seriously, anyway) And this is their idea of…what?

Perhaps they were artfully "exposing" Miley Cyrus as, underneath the wig and clothes and BILLIONS of dollars, just a naked, inexperienced and virginal teenager. And then they sexed up her hair a little. And smeared her lipstick a little. And put her in a bed sheet.

Yeah, Vanity Fair has exposed Miley Cyrus as just another pop vixen, spellbounding the world with her sexual energy and jail bait status, while simultaneously spellbinding pre-teen girls into forking out loads of the parents' cash to be just like her. And they've exposed Billy Ray Cyrus as not-quite Father Of The Year caliber. But, most of all, they've exposed their view of the American magazine buying public: We're all just a bunch of drooling horn dogs that want to violate a fifteen year old girl.

I really hope that they're wrong.

R.I.P. Single Mariah Carey – 1997-2008

Well, after the world finally shook of the sadness of losing one R&B diva from the dating pool, another has hit us in full force. Mariah Carey, the best selling female vocalist of all time and one of the few music hotties to remain hot into her late 30's, has reportedly tied the knot. With that fucking loser Nick Cannon.


How can you not want to punch this guy in the face? To make matters worse, the chick in the photo above is his ex-fiance Selita Ebanks, a Victoria's Secret model. His dating record also shows he's scored with Kim Kardashian and Christina Milian. Damn!

Reports hold that the engagement ring Mariah was spotted wearing was the same one Cannon had given his ex. Ouch. The same reports have the two exchanging vows on April 30th.

It's weird, because many of Mariah's recent interviews have talked about how she doesn't think getting married would be a good idea at this time in her life. So I guess she's hoping two wrongs make a right.

The QnD has found that the best marital matches in life come from the joining of two people who, socially and economically, are coming from the same place. Let's see how the happy couple matches up:

Mariah	Nick
Sixteen #1 Singles	One Top 40 Hit (Thanks to R. Kelly)
Appears in Adam Sandler's You Don't Mess With The Zohan, expected to be a summer blockbuster	His latest film appearance was in the Day Of The Dead remake, which went straight to DVD
Was married to powerful record exec Tommy Mattola. Reasons for their divorce include abuse.	Dated singer Christina Milian, but broke up when she found out he was cheating via his sidekick
Her latest album sold 465,000 copies in its first week	His latest album has remained unreleased for years
She made Glitter	He never wants her to forget that she made Glitter

So there you have it. I give it seven months.

Oh, and of course…



Everything Else

A little crunched for time this week, so let's hustle through everything else.

Coldplay gave away their new song, "Violet 4:11", via their website this week. Early figures have the single moving 600,000 copies in one day. That should be enough to put the song high on the Billboard charts. It's the same way Radiohead made the Top 40 with "Nude" recently. Oh, and they also bought a bakery. I guess that means, coming soon:



Scott Weiland was sentenced to eight days in jail. Rumor has it he's already started a new band while in there, who have since kicked him out. His wife was somehow beaten during this time, too. Even in jail, you can't keep Scott Weiland from doing what he does best!

Ozzy and Metallica will be teaming up for a two-day Ozzfest. That's awesome…if you live in Dallas. Otherwise, you're fucked. I'll bet if Robert Trujillo had known, five years later he'd have done jack shit with the band, he may have stayed on the Ozzy side of things.

Speaking of Metallica, Amazon has their next album set for release near Halloween. I'm sure the "it's better than St. Anger, but ‘Tallica has sucked since ‘Black'" comments are already flowing in.

Amy Winehouse may be divorcing her husband, but she still has a few members of Babyshambles to fuck before she's sure. Does anybody have Mick Whitnall's number? She also may be doing the next Bond theme.

Despite protests by Neil Patrick Harris, Britney Spears is headed back to "How I Met Your Mother". Her character will pretend to be engaged to openly gay Neil Patrick Harris' character. And you thought her real personal life was fucked up.

Extreme's making a new album. None of it will sound like "More than Words", just like every song on Pornografitti except "More Than Words".

Roger Daltrey lost his flying pig. It's OK now, though.

The Complete Discography Of
Tom Petty (Part 1)


With the release this week of Mudcrutch's "debut" album (a REAL treat, just some great rock music), I figured I'd go back and take a massive look at Tom Petty's career. All albums are credited to Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers, unless otherwise noted.

Each edition of "The Complete Discography", I take a look at the complete discography of a band, which albums are vital, which songs are highlights and so forth. Each album will be assigned a rating. (1: Skip It, 2: For Fans Only, 3: Hear It, 4: Buy It)

Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers (1976) - The band's debut, they were so rock ‘n' roll in an un-rock ‘n' roll time that they were lumped in with New Wave. tom Petty & The Heartbreakers is a hodge-podge of songs written during Petty's Mudcrutch period, his brief time under a solo contract, and then his ultimate formation of The Heartbreakers.This one holds up after all these years, especially thanks to the two classic singles. My friend Scott gave me a plastic bag of old Tom Petty tapes when I first got into them, and this classic was amongst them. Also the first vinyl record I bought as a collector.
Song highlights: "American Girl", "Breakdown", "The Wild One, Forever"
Rating: 3

You're Gonna Get It! (1978) - The band has stated that they purposely tried to record an album different from their debut. The songs are a lot darker and a lot noisier. So noisy in fact that one of the credited instruments is a remote control helicopter. Another one of my plastic bag albums, it's grown on me over the years. Still, not the best introduction to the band's early sound.
Song Highlights: "Listen To Her Heart", "Magnolia"
Rating: 2

Damn The Torpedoes (1979) - Tom Petty's big breakthrough, this one yielded several Top 40 singles. A very angry record for Petty's "laid back rock" image, this was recorded as Tom & The Heartbreakers fought their way out of a bum record deal. Once again, this was one of my plastic bag tapes, and also the third vinyl I bought. A true classic that hearkens back to when FM radio ruled the world. Not a bad song on the album.
Song Highlights: "Refugee", "Don't Do Me Like That", "Even The Losers", "Here Comes My Girl"
Rating: 4

Hard Promises (1981) - The big follow-up to Damn The Torpedoes, this was the beginning to TP finding a much sunnier pop/rock sound, which would carry for a couple of albums. It also features the band's first collaboration with Stevie Nicks, who would go on to give them their biggest charting single in "Stop Draggin' My Heart Around". Not the hit machine that its predecessor was, but a solid record still. Another one of my plastic bag tapes, I found this on vinyl (along with two other TP records) still in the wrapping a few years ago.
Song Highlights: "Insider", "The Waiting", "You Can Still Change Your Mind"
Rating: 3

Long After Dark (1982) - A quick and dirty follow-up to Hard Promises, Tom himself has called this record compromised. I find it underrated, especially given the darker songs like "Straight Into Darkness". This was the only album pre-1989 that was NOT in my plastic bag of tapes. My brother and I picked it up on CD a few years later and scratched the shit out of it. This was also the first album to feature Howie Epstein on bass, as he replaced original bassist Ron Blair.
Song Highlights: "You Got Lucky", "Change Of Heart"
Rating: 2

Southern Accents (1985) - After a long hiatus (brought on by drug abuse and a broken hand), TP returned with this set of greatness. Intended as a double concept album about the south, The Heartbreakers kicked that idea out the window, brought in Dave Stewart and recorded the trippy "Don't Come Around Here No More". It's a shame that Southern Accents is so defined by this track, because there are some great holdovers from the "south" concept. One of my plastic bag tapes and one of my favorite of all time.
Song Highlights: "Rebels", "Southern Accents", "Don't Come Around Here No More", "The Best Of Everything"
Rating: 4

Let Me Up (I've Had Enough) (1987) - This was the first album produced by The Heartbreakers alone and the result of their time with Bob Dylan. Let Me Up is of two minds. On one hand, it jams like no Heartbreakers album before it. Petty himself was going down a slower ballad path, and those tracks are here too. Unfortunately, the combination is kind of a mess. This was the last of my plastic bag tapes and probably the least listened to. It was also TP's last album with the Heartbreakers for quite a while, though he would remain plenty busy with other projects.
Song Highlights: "Runaway Trains"
Rating: 1


NEW RELEASES FOR MAY 6, 2008

WHAT EVERYONE WILL BUY:

Clay Aiken - On My Way Here - This generation's answer to Barry Manilow will continue to dominate with his latest record. There's really no one else coming out this week with Aiken's mass appeal (to grandmothers and little girls), though Gavin DeGraw could give him a run for his money. The fact that Gavin got pushed back so much (and the lack of a big lead single and long gap between albums) could hurt him.

WHAT WILL BE NUMBER ONE:

Well, last week was a no brainer, as Mariah Carey held on to the #1 spot pretty easily. Flight Of The Conchords placed much better than I had anticipated, landing at #3 with a respectable 50k+. That's Sub Pop's biggest album of the year. Ashlee Simpson fell at #4, making this record her first to not debut #1. She should probably get used to that. Stick a fork in her. Rapper Atmosphere did really well with his hilariously titled When Life Gives You Lemons, You Paint That Shit Gold, which debuted at #5, marking his first Top 10 appearance. And finally, country act Phil Vasser nabbed another #10 spot.

This week – no brainer – Madonna will rule the roost, though I don't expect her to sell more than Mariah. She still grabbed an ungodly 100k during the first day, though. Any other debuts are pretty shaky, but this week has proven that the Top 10 is wide open. With that in mind, I look for Tom Petty's Mudcrutch to get some Top 10 love, as well as The Roots and maybe even Lyfe Jennings.

WHAT YOU SHOULD BUY:

There's always something worth buying in the New Release section. Here are my picks:

Neil Diamond - Home Before Dark - I've loved everything I've heard from this so far. Featuring some of the Heartbreakers backing him and Rick Rubin as producer, Diamond seems to be following the Johnny Cash Career Resurgance 101 text book.

Gavin DeGraw - Gavin DeGraw - His first album was…well, dreamy. And I love that new cut "Cop Stop". I just wonder if the public will remember that they loved Gavin five years ago.

Barenaked Ladies - Snacktime - Isn't it kind of wrong to buy your kids a children's album by a band called Barenaked Ladies? Probably will be more fun for their lame fans than kids. I'm one of their lame fans.

WHAT'S HOT ON THE DIAL?

Billboard has about a million charts, so each week I'm gonna round up the #1s from each format. That way, no matter WHAT station you flip to when not using your presets, you'll be aware of what you might hear. Newly crowned #1s are in bold:

CHART	SINGLE	WEEKS
POP
HOT 100	Leona Lewis – "Bleeding Love	11
HOT 100 AIRPLAY	Usher feat. Young Jeezy – "Love In This Club"	11
POP 100	Leona Lewis – "Bleeding Love"	11
POP 100 AIRPLAY	Leona Lewis – "Bleeding Love"	10
HOT SINGLES SALES	Prodigy – "The Life"	3
BUBBLING UNDER HOT 100 SINGLES	Sean Kingston feat. Elan & Juelz Santana – "There's Nothin"	2
DIGITAL
HOT DIGITAL SONGS	Leona Lewis – "Bleeding Love	10
HOT DIGITAL TRACKS	Leona Lewis – "Bleeding Love	10
HOT RINGTONES	Grupo Montez de Durango – "Adios Amor Te Vas"	58
R&B/HIP HOP
HOT R&B/HIP HOP SONGS	Lil Wayne feat. Static Major - "Lollipop"	7
HOT R&B/HIP HOP AIRPLAY	Lil Wayne feat. Static Major - "Lollipop"	7
HOT ADULT R&B AIRPLAY	Raheem DaVaughn – "Woman"	31
HOT RAP TRACKS	Lil Wayne feat. Static Major – "Lollipop"	6
RHYTHMIC TOP 40	Lil Wayne feat. Static Major – "Lollipop"	N/A
HOT R&B/HIP HOP SINGLES SALES	Bizzy Bone – "A Song For You"	4
COUNTRY
HOT COUNTRY SONGS	George Strait – "I Saw God Today"	12
ROCK
HOT MODERN ROCK TRACKS	Seether – "Rise Above This"	10
HOT MAINSTREAM ROCK TRACKS	3 Doors Down – "It's Not My Time"	11
ADULT CONTEMPORARY
HOT ADULT TOP 40 TRACKS	Sara Bareilles – "Love Song"	36
HOT ADULT CONTEMPORARY TRACKS	Colbie Caillat – "Bubbly"	39
CHRISTIAN
HOT CHRISTIAN SONGS	Jeremy Camp – "Let It Fade"	35
HOT CHRISTIAN ADULT CONTEMPORARY	Jeremy Camp – "Let It Fade"	18
DANCE
HOT DANCE CLUB PLAY	Mariah Carey – "Touch My Body"	6
HOT DANCE AIRPLAY	Leona Lewis – "Bleeding Love"	6
HOT DANCE SINGLES SALES	Mindless Self Indulgence – "Never Wanted To Dance"	6
INTERNATIONAL
HOT LATIN SONGS	Flex – "Te Quiero"	25
EUROPEAN HOT 100 SINGLES	Madonna feat. Justin Timberlake – "4 Minutes"	6
EURO DIGITAL SONGS	Madonna feat. Justin Timberlake – "4 Minutes"	6
CANADIAN HOT 100	Madonna feat. Justin Timberlake – "4 Minutes"	6
RECURRENTS
HOT 100 RECURRENT AIRPLAY	J. Holiday – "Suffocate"	1
HOT SINGLES RECURRENTS	Three Days Grace – "Never Too Late"	19
HOT R&B/HIP HOP RECURRENT AIRPLAY	Musiq Soulchild – "teachme"	1
HOT R&B/HIP HOP RECURRENTS	Musiq Soulchild – "teachme"	1
HOT COUNTRY RECURRENTS	Chris Cagle – "What Kinda Gone"	1
HOT ADULT CONTEMPORARY RECURRENTS	Elliott Yamin – "Wait For You"	2

MUSICAL PIECE OF THE WEEK

Well, as envious as we are of him, Nick Cannon sure does get around. Now that he's forever bound to Mariah Carey, no longer to bed anymore A-list hotties, let's do a pictorial tribute to the women in Nick Cannon's life. Because, even though he gave us Drumline, he's also giving us our Pieces Of The Week!

















THE END

Hope you all had fun. Be sure to drop me a line on what you liked, didn't, etc.

Keep your ears to the ground.