The Best Album You Never Bought 5.05.08: Lessons Learned from Jimmy Hart
Posted by Dan Yates on 05.06.2008
This week, we take a look at celebrity-spawned albums, examine what Scarlett Johansson can learn from Jimmy Hart, and learn a valuable lesson: never try to be anything more than you already are. Know your role and shut ...
This column is brought to you in that time in between real life, constant searches through satellite radio channels and long, roaming bicycle rides.
Sometime last week, we the Internet public got our first sample of what to expect from Scarlett Johansson's upcoming debut album Anywhere I lay My Head in the form of the video for Johansson's first single, "Falling Down". The album, a collection of Tom Waits covers, had been announced in passing some time ago and had been been laughed off by many, particularly those of us who remember her vocal performance in the somewhat infamous Saturday Night Live sketch "Fly High Duluth."
And, while the jury is still out until the album actually is released, it may still meet an unfavorable fate. Reaction to the first single seems to be mixed, but I am of this opinion, it's not that bad.
And, for Johansson, that's a very good thing. The track record for Hollywood actors and actresses in the pop music world over the past few years and decades isn't that good. Jack Black and Jennifer Lopez are the exceptions, but there are countless others who have tried and failed. Billy Bob Thornton had a decent Bob Dylan impression, but no one bought his album. Russell Crowe's 30 Odd Foot of Grunts sounded like a lame bar band. Jennifer Love Hewitt was cute, but almost too inoffensive. And no one can remember anything positive or negative about Keanu Reeves' Dogstar. The Bacon Brothers? The less said the better.
And Jimmy Hart? Not completely awful, actually.
Jimmy Hart created a whole new industry for custom megaphone paint jobs.
Apparently, in 1986, our favorite professional wrestling manager, Jimmy Hart cut a record called Outrageous Conduct. As a meticulous and serious Web site columnist, I scoured the Internet for minutes trying to dig up any information about it and have come to this conclusion: no one knows anything about it. I would be tempted to think it didn't actually exist if I didn't actually own it.
Outrageous Conduct, available on cassette, is my all-time best thrift store find and the strangest thing I have ever spent a quarter for. For those who aren't familiar with the man in question, Jimmy Hart is a loud southerner, known for his use of a megaphone, the managerial services he has provided to a long list of professional wrestlers, his colorful jackets and his grating, high-pitched voice. With this knowledge in tow, the logic is simple. Hart, capitalizing on his strange and fringe level of fame, would record an album and rake in the riches.
To be fair, Hart has a background in music. In the 1960s, Hart was a part of a group called the Gentrys, who apparently had a few clean and happy, toe-tapping songs perfect for sock hops and trips to the malt shop. Seriously, look it up on YouTube. This band belongs in Archie comics.
Hart also had a role in music associated with pro wrestling. Outrageous Conduct was released in the midst of the Rock n' Wrestling era and one of its songs did appear on the infamous and laughable Wrestling Album. Hart also worked on wrestler theme songs over the years and, if memory serves me correctly, had a role in the development of 3 Count, a boy band parody that was one of the few creative highlights in the dying years of World Championship Wrestling.
There is little doubt that given his background, Hart has some musical chops, but it is the genesis of this album which puzzles me. It's an album that you find buried in a box at a thrift store, hold in your hands and ask, "Why does this exist?" That said, with expectations so low, when you actually put the tape in, you'll likely be pleasantly surprised. Don't be mistaken, it's not a good listen, but, in a novelty kind of way, it has some charm and I think that is what is intended. And, to his credit, these are real songs. There's a real band, a few clever lyrics (highlighted by "Eat Your Heart Out Rick Springfield), and a few shockingly catchy choruses. Hart's singing voice isn't even that bad.
As an album, Outrageous Conduct is a kind of tribute to some romantic ideals of the 1950s. I thought, in summarizing the album, I would count how many times Hart uses the words "Rock n' Roll," but I quickly lost count. Needless to say, the count was well over 12 three songs in. Thematically, the album isn't anything special and in fact, it's a little repetitive. However, it's a kind of weird and a lot funny that Hart, who at the time had to have been approaching middle age focuses his songwriting on telling stories through a child or teen's point of view, lamenting the fact that the older establishment doesn't want him listening to that darn rock n' roll. I think we all can relate.
When not musing about a state of rock n roll that probably never existed, Hart aims for comedy. Or, at least that's the impression he gives. If "Hippo Hips," "Barbra Streisand's Nose" and "Tammy Whynott" aren't comedy songs, something is wrong. They aren't funny, but they're harmless.
And that's the important thing. And it's here that Johansson should take note. Jimmy Hart made a tongue-in-cheek album and that's what you would expect from him. Thus, I can reflect favorably on my Jimmy Hart experience. If he tried to mimic Duran Duran, that would have been offensive. It's a novelty album from a guy who made his name in a novelty business. Johansson should stick to this simple formula and make the musical equivalent of Lost in Translation. The album simply has to be pretentious as hell and make no sense whatsoever. Based on the single, she's well on he way.
If the album establishes itself as a pretentious mess, its success or failure critically or commercially are irrelevant and won't hurt her image or label her as a Hollywood actress who failed as a singer. It's art and it's not meant for mass consumption and it will stand as a kind of personal or artistic triumph. Her image and future earnings are safe-guarded from what could otherwise be a career misstep.
As Jimmy Hart shows us, if you absolutely have to make an album, make it appropriate to your established character and regardless of how bad the music is, it won't be offensive. A few months later, we'll forget it ever existed and we'll stand in line for your next movie. That may be the best fate Johansson can hope for.
And that is the first and last time Scarlett Johansson will ever be compared to Jimmy Hart. Lets hope it never happens again. Upon second thought, perhaps the whole analysis is a little misguided. Disregard all of the above …
Next time on celebrity music roundup: Bruce Willis and The Return of Bruno.
