Quick ‘n’ Dirty Music News: 05.30.08

Posted by Mitch Michaels on 05.30.2008

The R. Kelly trial and sex tapes he's NOT in, Bow Wow’s legacy, Amy Winehouse, Lindsay Lohan and her lesbo phase, Jessica Simpson goes country, Complete Discography of The Wallflowers, plus chart news featuring Weezer and Disturbed and Girls Aloud are your Pieces of the Week!

Hey hey, remember me?? Mitch Michaels, back after a vacation that was certainly not a vacation to give you another dose of everything you crave on Friday: hot chicks, plenty of swearing, and a lot of good (and bad) music.

I do apologize for being away the last couple of weeks but, trust me, I'd rather be hanging out here at 411 than doing what I was doing, namely being worked like that proverbial government mule. Oh, and spending time in lovely New Jersey, which I have rechristened "The Asshole State". I didn't see garden #1 people.

And learn to pump your own gas. Is it that fucking hard? Then again, these are the same motorists we can't trust to make left turns, so maybe it IS.

Anyway, the last week has slowed down for me, enough that my name is back all over the Music news page and will soon be returning with a vengeance to the Music Reviews area. Daddy's been away far too long kids. It's time to rein you all in with my pure rock.

Oh, and one good thing from the past few days: a sleek, black 160 GB iPod, and it's ALL mine. That means all 1,000 or so of my CDs fit on the thing with plenty of room for more. Don't be fooled by cheaper prices and compatibility – iPod IS the gold standard of mp3 players, kids. It's time to man up and admit it.

OK, so are we all caught up? Good. Let's get to it.

It's quick. It's dirty. It's news.



STAND BY…FOR NEWS!

All news items are from 411 Music's newswire:

That Piss Could've Been Digital

My official title for the ongoing R. Kelly trial, which kicked off last week. If you've been in a cave for the past decade or so, a tape of R. Kelly allegedly having sex with, peeing on and then paying the alleged victim that was allegedly 13 or 14 is the center of a child pornography case against the R&B singer. Opening remarks in the trial, which has been delayed for around seven years, commenced last Tuesday.

Since the trial started, the prosecution has employed a strategy of having everyone and their mother identify the girl on the tape as the alleged victim, who would have been well underage at the time of the nasty golden shower. Witnesses have included the girl's junior high and high school basketball coaches and several friends. The trial was adjourned Wednesday in order to fly in a surprise witness from Chicago, who just may BLOW THIS WHOLE CASE WIDE OPEN!!

Sorry…too many legal dramas.

The surprise witness was found by Kelly's lawyers, who have employed the strategy of "just say it ain't him and say it ain't her". R. is sticking with that statement until proven guilty, while the alleged victim is also claiming that she's not in the video either. Amazingly, Kelly's lawyers are also claiming he wasn't in either Trapped In The Closet video release either. As a preemptive strike, Kelly's lawyers are denying that R. appeared in any of the following sex tapes as well:







They're quite the crack team.

It's really going to be hard to prosecute someone when the victim is in the defense's pocket, and it doesn't help that said victim has grown from a piss-loving young teenager to an adult who, in the eyes of jurors, would have the right to be fucked, filmed and pissed on at her own discretion without hesitation.

Of course, even IF Kelly is found guilty, it's going to be a circus because there aren't enough black people on the jury for the prosecution's liking. When you get a minute, could someone please show me where in the Constitution it claims you have the right to be tried by your peers of the same race?

Then again, we here at the QnD are in this trial purely for the entertainment value. It's got to be more fun than that whole Phil Spector thing.

Expanding Your Horizons Of Sucking

Shad Moss, aka Bow Wow, is focusing on acting full time. Moss has joined the upcoming fifth season of HBO's "Entourage" in a recurring role, playing Charlie, a new stand-up comic client of E (Kevin Connolly).

Additionally, he has landed a role opposite Forest Whitaker, rapper Lil Wayne and Isaiah Washington in the Weinstein Co.'s sports drama Patriots, about a high school basketball team in post-Katrina Louisiana.

"After 16 years in the music industry and six successful albums, I've decided to shift my energy to something else I'm passionate about, acting," Moss said. "I'm going to try to be the next Will Smith."

Oooh, he's so serious that he's going by his real name now. And here I'd just gotten used to him dropping the "Lil". With Moss "leaving music" (ie, not making a new album for two years), it's time to look back on the career, the LEGACY, or the man they called Bow Wow.

It all started in 2000, when a 13-year old kid, barely old enough to be pissed on by R. Kelly, took the world by storm with Beware Of Dog. In five months, the debut album went double platinum on the strength of a pair of Top 40, #1 Rap singles, "Bounce With Me" and "Bow Wow (That's My Name)". The platinum Doggy Bag followed in 2002, but failed to chart any hits quite as huge.

After that, Lil' Bow Wow starred in his first film, Like Mike, as an orphan who was good at basketball. A third album, the gold Unleashed, came in 2003 and the rapper returned to the Top 40 with "Let's Get Down" while simultaneously dropping the "Lil'" from his name. More singles success followed, as a pair of platinum Top 5 singles, "Let Me Hold You" and "Like You", pushed Bow Wow's 2005 album, Wanted, to platinum status. Apparently, he was all out of dog references. A third Top 40 hit from the album, the gold and completely grammatically accurate "Fresh Azimiz", followed.

And blah blah blah. You know, I was really hoping to say "Bow Wow hasn't had a hit since a certain date", but the guy has remained pretty consistent up to that ill-advised collaboration with Omarion last year.

Then again, we could always look at his filmography, which includes the aforementioned Like Mike ($51 million), Johnson Family Vacation ($31 million), Roll Bounce ($17 million) and The Fast & The Furious: Tokyo Drift ($62 million). Then again, all of those flicks made back much more than they cost.

DAMN IT!

Oh wait - how did his flicks do on RottenTomatoes? Well, Johnson Family Vacation is a real piece of shit with 6%, but nothing else is overtly awful, even if only Roll Bounce made a passing grade.

What kind of a world is this when you just can't hate on Bow Wow and have the numbers to back it up?

…

But he's still no Will Smith.

Everything Else

I hate when columnists say "it's been a slow news week", but it really has been a slow week for interesting news to comment on. I mean, we've had lots of tour news and new tracks and videos, so it's been a great week for the news area here at 411, but still, I'd like a few more juicy stories. Is it going to be the summer of R. Kelly?

Anyway, here's this and that they may have slipped under the rug.

Amy Winehouse and the new James Bond theme are back together again. Apparently, Amy has enough downtime between her drug-induced hazes to lay a few vocals down, once Mark Ronson comes up with the good shit that is.

Amy is also back to being photographed looking like shit, but seriously, that diaper thing got out of hand. I'm not reposting the pic here because it disgusts me. And on that subject, who the fuck is AJ Grey and why is he posting in my zone without my permission?

And speaking of Mark Ronson, it seems that Lindsay Lohan and Mark's sister Samantha are LESBIAN LOVERS. While nothing's been formalized, friends are saying Lindsay wants to have a wedding and everything. Even her dad has given up, saying it's between "Lindsay and God" (which is what all bad parents say when they fuck up raising their kids). Well, I've unearthed a couple of pictures of the new couple. Check them out:





I thought we already knew Boy George was gay?

Alanis Morissette is writing a book about her life. Now we can find out if Mr. Woodchuck made an appearance in the bedroom during her romance with Dave Coulier.



Rihanna likes to put on her stage outfits when she's getting down and dirty in the bedroom. I've heard the guys from GWAR do the same thing.



Pray for their brides.

Jessica Simpson's first country song hit the airwaves this week. Jessica, shut the fuck up and put back on the bikini. That's the ONLY reason Willie Nelson hung out with you.

Ashlee Simpson-Wentz (formerly Ashlee Simpson, soon to be irrelevant I hope) has confirmed her pregnancy, which is in the second trimester. You know what that means!



And finally, Michael Jackson showed up the UFC fight in Vegas over the weekend in a wheelchair. Rumor has it when he found out the "U" didn't stand for Underage, he rolled his ass right back outta there.

The Complete Discography Of
The Wallflowers


With Jakob Dylan's first solo release due out soon, I thought it would be a good idea to take a look back on the releases by one of my favorite bands, The Wallflowers.

Each edition of "The Complete Discography", I take a look at the complete discography of a band, which albums are vital, which songs are highlights and so forth. Each album will be assigned a rating. (1: Skip It, 2: For Fans Only, 3: Hear It, 4: Buy It)

The Wallflowers (1992) - This was a very low-key release. It was on the critics' radar thanks to Jakob Dylan's lineage, but didn't sell very well. The band had only been together for three years when this set came out, and several line-up shifts (and a temporary break-up) occurred after. In fact, Jakob Dylan is the only original Wallflower left in the band these days. I picked this one up (along with an Aerosmith sticker for my truck) on a trip with my friend Charlie when we went to a WCW house show back in 1998. It was in the discount bin. It took a while to grow on me, but there are some great tracks here if you give them time.
Song highlights: "Be Your Own Girl", "Somebody Else's Money"
Rating: 2

Bringing Down The Horse (1996) - The big breakthrough. This album was aided by production by T-Bone Burnett and made it to #4 on the charts thanks to the huge hit single "One Headlight". While The Wallflowers was a definite "songwriters' album", Horse has a lot of energy and some great folk-rock/alt-rock arrangements. I first got to know the band when I saw the video for "6th Avenue Heartache" (which features bgv's by Counting Crow's Adam Duritz) on CMT's "Jammin' Country" show, which I dearly miss today. I bought it not long later with some money a chick gave me for driving her to Math Field Day. I guess she chose gas over grass or ass. Good for me, though, because that album still rocks today.
Song Highlights: "6th Avenue Heartache", "One Headlight", "The Difference", "Josephine"
Rating: 4

(Breach) (2000) - This one wasn't as popular as Bringing Down The Horse, but it successfully marries the pop sensibilities of that album with the songwriting craft of the band's debut. Produced by the great Michael Penn. I bought this one the night it came out while in college and I don't think it left my CD player for a month.
Song Highlights: "Letters From The Wasteland", "Hand Me Down", "Sleepwalker"
Rating: 3

Red Letter Days (2002) - This album would feature a slightly different sound, as Dylan took over lead guitar from Michael Ward, a driving force behind the band's second and third records. Red Letter Days didn't chart anything like Horse, but for my money, it's the peak of the band's career, the perfect blend of thought provoking lyricism, tough alt-rock guitar riffs and country influence. This was one of my first CD reviews for 411, so it's got sentimental value too.
Song Highlights: "When You're On Top", "Everybody Out Of The Water", "Feels Like Summer Again", "Everything I Need"
Rating: 4

Rebel, Sweetheart (2005) - Rebel, Sweetheart is the Wallflowers' latest release and their final one with original keyboardist Rami Jaffee, who currently tours with the Foo Fighters. This album just felt too political to me, which took some of the illusion away from the songs. That, and the sound was perhaps a bit too self-consciously jangly. I bought this record the day it came out and opted for the DualDisc version to celebrate my new 5.1 Surround system. The DVD portion is the real get, as the 5.1 arrangement for "God Says Nothing Back" is gorgeous and the in-studio performances are far and away better than the songs actually on the album.
Song Highlights: "God Says Nothing Back", "Days Of Wonder"
Rating: 2


NEW RELEASES FOR JUNE 3, 2008

WHAT EVERYONE WILL BUY:

Disturbed - Indestructible - It's a tight race this week, as we have two big rock releases in Weezer and this new cut by Disturbed. Disturbed has the pedigree behind them (their past two albums went #1), while Weezer seems to be the perennial runner-up (three Top 5's, but no #1's). Not to mention, Disturbed have a #1 Rock single behind them as well. Plus, how many albums named Weezer do people need? (Ed. Note: Just found out that Weezer's new single went #1 too, but that doesn't change my prediction)

WHAT WILL BE NUMBER ONE:
Have you missed my predictions? Last week, 3 Doors Down busted in to grab their second #1 album. In fact, the entire Top 3 was new, thanks to UGK's Bun B and "Dancing With The Stars", uh, star turned country singer Julianne Hough. That Frank Sinatra compilation is still hanging in at #4 too. What the fuck? Only 3DD managed to move over 100,000 copies, making the entire Top 10 ripe for the taking.

This week, we should see Usher grab the #1 spot, getting some love from both the Billboard charts and in this club. Lame, I know, but the guy is on course to sell over 400k, and there's nothing funny about that. The rest of the new releases seem hard pressed to grab any Top 10 attention, aside from Christian rap-rocker TobyMac, who has a live CD/DVD that came out. Still, look for a mere reshuffling of the Top 10 and perhaps a return of, I don't know, Fergie's The Dutchess? It did have a new edition released.

WHAT YOU SHOULD BUY:

There's always something worth buying in the New Release section. Here are my picks:

Weezer - Weezer - Well, they didn't break up after all. The Rivers Cuomo demo project from Christmas put Weezer back in my good graces, and really, Make Believe was a good album. Besides, I've yet to buy an album called Weezer that wasn't awesome.

Aimee Mann - @#%&*! Smilers - Aimee has always been a great alt-country singer and this record is being called a return to form after a few side detours like her '05 concept album. I'm willing to listen just to find out what that 5-6 letter word referenced in the title is. Maybe I should get a cryptologist on it.

The Best Of Radiohead - This is Radiohead's old label making a buck after they're gone, a standard practice, really, and the tracklistings do make sense. I'd love to pick up the vinyl version of this one.

Journey - Revelation - Hey, it's sans Steve Perry, so there's a plus right there. If you're a Jounrey fan, do the guys a favor and pick this up.

WHAT'S HOT ON THE DIAL?

Billboard has about a million charts, so each week I'm gonna round up the #1s from each format. That way, no matter WHAT station you flip to when not using your presets, you'll be aware of what you might hear. Newly crowned #1s are in bold:

CHART	SINGLE	WEEKS
POP
HOT 100	Lil Wayne feat. Static Major – "Lollipop"	11
HOT 100 AIRPLAY	Lil Wayne feat. Static Major – "Lollipop"	10
POP 100	Leona Lewis – "Bleeding Love"	15
POP 100 AIRPLAY	Leona Lewis – "Bleeding Love"	14
HOT SINGLES SALES	Camp Rock – "We Rock"	1
BUBBLING UNDER HOT 100 SINGLES	David Cook – "Little Sparrow"	1
DIGITAL
HOT DIGITAL SONGS	David Cook – "The Time Of My Life"	1
HOT DIGITAL TRACKS	David Cook – "The Time Of My Life"	1
HOT RINGTONES	Grupo Montez de Durango – "Adios Amor Te Vas"	62
R&B/HIP HOP
HOT R&B/HIP HOP SONGS	Lil Wayne feat. Static Major – "Lollipop"	11
HOT R&B/HIP HOP AIRPLAY	Lil Wayne feat. Static Major – "Lollipop"	11
HOT ADULT R&B AIRPLAY	Keyshia Cole – "I Remember"	29
HOT RAP TRACKS	Lil Wayne feat. Static Major – "Lollipop"	10
RHYTHMIC TOP 40	Lil Wayne feat. Static Major – "Lollipop"	N/A
HOT R&B/HIP HOP SINGLES SALES	Ringtone – "Envy"	6
COUNTRY
HOT COUNTRY SONGS	Brad Paisley – "I'm Still A Guy"	14
ROCK
HOT MODERN ROCK TRACKS	Weezer – "Pork And Beans"	6
HOT MAINSTREAM ROCK TRACKS	Disturbed – "Inside The Fire"	9
ADULT CONTEMPORARY
HOT ADULT TOP 40 TRACKS	Leona Lewis – "Bleeding Love"	8
HOT ADULT CONTEMPORARY TRACKS	Sara Bareilles – "Love Song"	20
CHRISTIAN
HOT CHRISTIAN SONGS	Needtobreathe – "Washed By The Water"	17
HOT CHRISTIAN ADULT CONTEMPORARY	Jeremy Camp – "Let It Fade"	22
DANCE
HOT DANCE CLUB PLAY	Britney Spears – "Break The Ice"	7
HOT DANCE AIRPLAY	Madonna feat. Justin Timberlake – "4 Minutes"	10
HOT DANCE SINGLES SALES	Madonna feat. Justin Timberlake – "4 Minutes"	4
INTERNATIONAL
HOT LATIN SONGS	Te Quiero – "Flex"	29
EUROPEAN HOT 100 SINGLES	Madonna feat. Justin Timberlake – "4 Minutes"	10
EURO DIGITAL SONGS	Madonna feat. Justin Timberlake – "4 Minutes"	10
CANADIAN HOT 100	Madonna feat. Justin Timberlake – "4 Minutes"	10
JAPAN HOT 100	Hey! Say! Jump – "Dreams Come True"	1
RECURRENTS
HOT 100 RECURRENT AIRPLAY	Colbie Caillat – "Bubbly"	1
HOT SINGLES RECURRENTS	Buckcherry – "Sorry"	1
HOT R&B/HIP HOP RECURRENT AIRPLAY	Jill Scott – "My Love"	2
HOT R&B/HIP HOP RECURRENTS	Jill Scott – "My Love"	2
HOT COUNTRY RECURRENTS	Trace Adkins – "You're Gonna Miss This"	2
HOT ADULT CONTEMPORARY RECURRENTS	Daughtry – "Home"	3

MUSICAL PIECE OF THE WEEK

Some recent pics of Cheryl Cole (formerly Cheryl Tweedy) from UK girl group Girls Aloud has sparked a debate…in my pants! So which Girls Aloud chick is hotter? You decide, as this band of hotties with real Chemistry, who you'd love to get Tangled Up with and don't care what the neighbors would say, Girls Aloud are YOUR QnD Musical Piece(s) of the Week!











THE END

Hope you all had fun. Be sure to drop me a line on what you liked, didn't, etc.

Keep your ears to the ground.