Quick ‘n’ Dirty Music News 08.22.08

Posted by Mitch Michaels on 08.22.2008

Back from vacation with Music & Politics, the Sick Saga of Gary Glitter, Amy Winehouse news, taking on the Tween Top 10, 1980 In Review, plus chart news and Leryn Franco is your Olympic Piece of the Week!

Did you think I was taking the whole month off? Think again motherfuckers! Mitch Michaels, back once again with America's pastime, the Quick ‘n' Dirty News.

Special thanks to Ms. Rebecca Stone for covering for me last week, the only 411 staffer whose beauty is only equaled by their raw femininity. I'm sure you noticed plenty of mistakes, like the fact that the guys could have been hunkier in the closing shots, but you know how new kids are. She's learning.

Anyway, I've been away for a couple weeks and look what happened – tween music has taken over the mainstream, Isaac Hayes died and Christina Applegate's tits got lopped off. What the fuck? We'd better get to it before something even crazier happens. Like Limp Bizkit and Marilyn Manson joining forces.

…

What? Seriously?

It's quick. It's dirty. It's news.



STAND BY…FOR NEWS!

All news items are from 411 Music's newswire:

Political Refugees

It seems like every day this week, something new came down the pike that related music to the upcoming US Presidential election. Now, politics and rock ‘n' roll have been in bed together since before Bob Dylan first saw a protestor hosed down by a fire hose and it will continue long after Dylan cashes his last SSI check. So it really comes as no surprise that, as both major political parties rush towards their own National Conventions, political-minded musicians have started getting in on the action.

Yesterday, Sheryl Crow announced that she was going to be giving away a digital copy of her latest album, Detours, to the first 50,000 people who logged on to the Rock The Vote website and could prove that they'd signed up three people to vote. Hooray! Let's make the electoral process a pyramid scheme! Besides, BMG has a better deal, anyway – you sign up ONE friend and you get FOUR free CDs that you can actually choose. Besides, are there really 50,000 people out there who need a copy of Detours? That's barely less than its first week sales.

And I say that with all love, because I love Sheryl Crow's music. I just get bothered by "political Sheryl Crow", who says that ALL music should be politically relevant. In a world where the biggest hits right now are by people that aren't even of voting age, I think that's a rather bold statement. Sheryl says she just wants to make the world a better place for her adopted baby Wyatt. Sheryl – just do what I'm gonna do: by the kid a Big Wheel and make sure they've got three squares a day. They'll do just fine no matter which party is in office.

And speaking of parties, the Democratic National Convention is promising to be the biggest party of the summer bitches. Rage Against The Machine was announced last week, and hot newcomers the Flobots joined on this week. The Flobots, if you haven't heard them, are a predominately white rap/rock group that had a big Rock hit with "Handlebars" earlier this summer.

You know, if the DNC was REALLY behind Barack Obama, wouldn't they have gotten Kanye or Jay-Z? Or even Ice Cube and LL Cool J? They both have albums to promote anyway, and wouldn't Obama taking the official party nomination to "It Was A Good Day" or "Mama Said Knock You Out" be fucking spine tingling-ly cool?


Of course, the Rage show isn't actually AT the DNC, but will be hold in the same city on the same day. The concert itself is being held by Tent State, a war protest group.

Still, the Republican National Convention doesn't seem to have any big musical supporters. I guess Ted Nugent is out hunting that day? And we know Jackson Browne is still beefing with John McCain over the "Running On Empty" thing.

Why is it that Republicans only seem to know a handful of songs to use for political ads? If it's not by Springsteen, Mellencamp or someone else from that sound and era, they're fucking clueless.

So that's your music report for Election '08. Of course, it ain't over until John Fogerty gets some face time and Tom Petty refuses to allow "I Won't Back Down" in a campaign video.

No Country For Old Men Who Like Little Girls

Gary Glitter finished up his three year sentence at a Vietnamese prison this week and is currently being deported back to the UK.

Wait. Who the fuck is Gary Glitter?


Gary Glitter is a glam rocker who had three Top 10 albums in the UK from 1972 to 1975. He charted 11 Top 10 singles during that time and his debut hit, "Rock And Roll, Parts 1 & 2", actually reached #7 in the US. A follow-up, "I Didn't Know I Loved You (Til I Saw You Rock ‘n' Roll)", also made the US Top 40, and that was pretty much the last we cared to hear from him.

Following 1975, Glitter continued to release album after album to declining degrees of success in the UK. His last hurrah was a surprise 1984 Top 10, "Another Rock N' Roll Christmas". He wouldn't see the UK Top 40 again.

However, he did manage to put himself back in the news in 1999, when he was charged with downloading over 4,000 images of child pornography and listed as a sex offender in the UK. He moved to Cambodia, but was exiled from there in 2002 thanks to suspicion of child sexual abuse. In 2005, he was arrested in Vietnam for sexually abusing a pair of pre-teen girls and sentenced to three years in prison.

In other words, Gary Glitter is a sick, disgusting man who also happens to love rock ‘n' roll. Last week, Glitter was released from prison in Vietnam and deported back to his home country of the UK. Glitter was adamantly against going back to the UK, where he would be listed on the sex offender registry and be put on parole and required weekly visits. Kind of hard to get your underage fuck on when a parole officer is popping in every few days. And you just know they plan their surprise visits for just after school lets out!

Anyway, to hopefully get out of the trip back, Glitter reportedly faked a heart attack during his flight layover in Bangkok. At that point, he tried to enter Thailand, but was denied entry.

Let me say that again – he was denied entry into THAILAND. Do you know what kind of sick fuck you have to be to make Thailand not want you? Glitter then attempted to go to Hong Kong, but was denied entry there as well.

Rumor has it that Gary planned to move to either Hong Kong or Singapore to resume his singing career. Reports are now surfacing that Singaporean parents will be requiring their young daughters to take the bus instead of walking to school…

But wait, something doesn't feel right here…


DAMN THAT GARY GLITTER! HE'S ALWAYS ONE STEP AHEAD OF US!

The Sad World Of Amy Winehouse

Amy Winehouse is going back to rehab following a really bad performance at the V Festival last week. Apparently, she still doesn't have her shit together. On the upside, the rehab center – which was recommended by the comedian hosting the MTV VMAs whose name I can't be bothered to look up right now – is only a few miles from the jail her husband Blake was recently transferred to. Is there anything more beautiful than young love?

Amy is apparently so happy about the closeness that she's planning a big fireworks show that they'll both be able to see from their respective facilities, as Blake is a real nut for fireworks. Aww.


Who's Listening To This Shit? Apparently Everyone

I usually save chart news for my Billboard section, but this week is too fucking awful not to discuss at length. The Jonas Brothers rode in hard this week, scoring the third highest debut of the year with their new album, A Little Bit Longer. Not only is that the #1 album this week, but the band's 2007 self-titled album rose back up to #10, and the soundtrack to their starring Disney vehicle Camp Rock saw a sales boost that kept it at #8. Throw in teen queen Miley Cyrus still holding on at #4 and that Mamma Mia soundtrack still flying off and it makes for an amazingly mind-numbing Top 10. Has music gotten that ridiculous? Or am I just a bitch who is out of touch?

Well, let's find out. I'm taking on the entire shitty Top 10 this week, from the bottom up!

Jonas Brothers - Jonas Brothers: This record debuted late last summer at #5. It sold around 70k in its first week. What a difference a year makes, huh? Until this release, the Brothers had been without a recording contract to follow-up their 2006 debut. In swept Disney and Hollywood Records and the rest is history. Jonas Brothers is a platinum album now, thanks to Top 20 hits "S.O.S." and "When You Look Me In The Eyes". If you DON'T have kids (or have kids with a decent taste in music) and have never heard the Jonas Brothers, they seem to be a mix of boy-band harmony ballads and mid-tempo pop/rock tracks on this record. Their vocals (shared by brothers Nick & Joe) are like the comfortable middle-ground between Kidz Bop and John Mayer. The Hanson of the 2000's without the novelty hit to bury them. I didn't feel like puking until I heard them go "punk" on "Kids Of The Future", the final track.

Rihanna - Good Girl Gone Bad: Another hold out from the summer of '07, this CD got a boost when the Reloaded edition was released a couple of months ago. Thanks to a newly included hit duet with Maroon 5, it's flying off the shelves again. If you have the original, don't bother with buying it again, as the Maroon 5 thing is nothing special. I like Maroon 5 here and there (their last album was as surprisingly good as Justin Timberlake's latest), but the fact that their lead singer constantly looks like he's 10 seconds from getting his dick sucked bothers me. Anyway – if you DON'T have Good Girl Gone Bad, you owe it to yourself to score "Umbrella" in some form, as it was 2007's best pop and R&B song.


Camp Rock: This soundtrack to a Disney movie debuted a few weeks ago, but always fell shy of the #1 spot. It's made up for it in its longevity. The second Jonas Brothers project on the charts actually only carries one track by the Brothers. They also show up on the big selling single "We Rock", and brother Joe Jonas throws in a pussy piano ballad for kicks. The rest is High School Musical style dance shit by kids I've never heard of. If the Jonas Brothers are a little too "adult contemporary" for your dirty-faced 10 year olds, Camp Rock is a safer bet. Now how long until cell phone pics of Demi Lovato surface?



Coldplay - Viva La Vida or Death And All His Friends: The only actual good album in the Top 10 this week and possibly my favorite album of 2008. I just picked this up on vinyl (which conveniently comes with the CD version too – a real steal!) and I can't put it down. It's ten tight tracks and wow, Brian Eno has worked wonders with this group through mere subtleties. If Coldplay weren't legitimately the biggest band in the world before this came along, the one-two punch of "Viva La Vida" and "Violet Hill" has put them there. Stuff of legends.




Lil Wayne - Tha Carter III: With all of this Disney junk on the charts, it's refreshing to hear a Top 10 album with a Parental Advisory sticker. I'm not one to call this a classic, but it certainly captures everything that is hot in mainstream hip-hop right now and shows that Weezy is one of the best around at the moment. I'm ready for a big Kanye/Wayne album war. If you haven't heard a little of Tha Carter III, you probably don't like hip-hop.





Sugarland - Love On The Inside: Dan Halen gave this CD high marks. I don't know if Mr. Halen is a country fan or not, but I require a little more, even from shitty pop country. This duo is so slickly manufactured to be "countrified Nashville" that I'm constantly checking to see if the price tags are still on them. Their "tribute" to Steve Earle makes me want to cry, but overall, all I want to do-oo-oo-oo-oo oo oo-oo-oo-oo-oo is plug my ears.





Miley Cyrus - Breakout: Miley, Miley, Miley. Easy on the eyes, hard on the ears. There will be more than 7 Things you'll find to hate about this record. Could it be that both Avril Lavigne and Ashlee Simpson both have rode this spunky kiddie act to the exact same results? I guess…wait, holy fuck, she's covering "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"? I never thought I'd have to utter the words "Cyndi Lauper did it way better", but there's a first time for everything. Anyway, I guess since Avril and Ashlee wound up knocked up and married so quickly into the careers, the biz figured we needed to start younger. I wonder how many albums of…holy shit, this "Fly On The Wall" track is the worst I've heard yet. Sorry, I guess Miley Cyrus' music is as distracting as her cell phone pics.


Kid Rock - Rock N Roll Jesus: I like Kid Rock, but I don't like how he's gotten here. I gave this album a pretty sound thrashing when it came out last fall, but I must admit that it's grown on me. The real Kid Rock-ish tracks - "So Hott", "Sugar", the bonus cut "Low Life" – are sure to please fans, but this "All Summer Long" shit has got to stop. Do we REALLY need someone singing over "Sweet Home Alabama" other than Ronnie Van Zant? The inescapable song of the summer for anyone over 15.





Mamma Mia! The Movie Soundtrack Featuring The Songs Of ABBA: I've made this point, but let me make it again: ABBA never had a Top 10 album in the US. So why are we tripping over our dicks to listen to other people sing their songs? This is filled with your typical ULTRA catchy show tune productions that you'll somehow find yourself tapping your toe to if drug to see the movie in the theaters and later hating yourself for. Apparently, some people love to hate themselves. Like effeminate men and dancing queens.




Jonas Brothers - A Little Bit Longer: I actually hate this one more than the band's last album. Oldest brother Kevin (who will actually be old enough to drink later this year) must have gotten a bit more creative control, because the guitars have been turned up on this rocked up set. This almost feels like a nostalgia trip through bands like Bon Jovi on the rock tracks ("BB Good"), which only makes my head hurt when I think about the implications of that. The sweet little acoustic tracks like "Lovebug" are enough to make Plain White T's laugh. If you're kids are listening to this, do me a favor and rip your stereo out of your minivan. Just drive in silence. It might not be too late to eradicate this problem.

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MITCH'S TOP 10
1980

I come up with this new feature last column where I'm going to be looking at my favorite albums and songs from each year, beginning with 1979, the year I was born.

It's pretty straight forward – I'll pick my Top 10 singles and Top 5 albums of that year. If I miss anything important, let me know!

Mitch's Top 10 Singles Of 1980
1	AC/DC	"You Shook Me All Night Long"
2	Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band	"Against The Wind"
3	Bruce Springsteen	"Hungry Heart"
4	George Jones	"He Stopped Loving Her Today"
5	Eagles	"The Long Run"
6	Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers	"Don't Do Me Like That"
7	Billy Joel	"It's Still Rock & Roll To Me"
8	Bob Marley & The Wailers	"Three Little Birds"
9	Ramones	"I Wanna Be Sedated"
10	Waylon Jennings	"Theme From ‘The Dukes Of Hazzard' (Good Ol' Boys)"

Mitch's Top 5 Albums Of 1980
1	AC/DC	Back In Black
2	Bruce Springsteen	The River
3	Eagles	Live
4	Billy Joel	Glass Houses
5	Alabama	My Home's In Alabama

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NEW RELEASES FOR AUGUST 5, 2008

WHAT EVERYONE WILL BUY:

The Game - LAX - It's going to be rap vs. metal this week, as The Game pits his "final album" against the first Slipknot studio release in four years. I don't look for The Game to bode well once reviews come out (this thing has been delayed a million times for a reason), but I figure the hype will be enough to put it at the top of the debuting heap in its first week. Besides, The Game has a pair of #1s under his belt, while Slipknot's last set, 2004's Vol. 3, only made runner-up. Not to mention, you have that Lil Wayne assisted Top 20 hit on Game's side.

WHAT WILL BE NUMBER ONE:
I talked about the shitty state of the Top 10 this week enough above. Jonas Brothers were the only debut in the Top 10, reaching the top spot and selling over 500,000 copies along the way.

This week should see continued sales for both the Brothers and Miley Cyrus, as their Best Of Both Worlds concert movie hits DVD. Still, we should see a shake-up on the charts thanks to a big debut by Staind. Newcomers Shwayze have seen a decent push, but not likely enough to score them a Top 10 debut. Juliana Hatfield? Maybe. Same goes for The Academy Is. Something's gotta shake these dog days of summer doldrums.

WHAT YOU SHOULD BUY:

There's always something worth buying in the New Release section. Here are my picks:

Motörhead - Motorizer - Well, WWE has already jumped on this one, as they've already made a track from the album, "Rock On", a PPV theme. If that song is any indication, this should be another great set by a legendary metal outfit. Fans will be happy.

The Lost Trailers - Holler Back - The Lost Trailers were an interesting fringe country band. Then they got a reality show and up to some Muzik Mafia-type antics and now I can't stand them. Or was that the Warren Brothers? Either way, they both suck now, and the title of this record doesn't give me much hope. Oh yeah, and Cross Canadian Ragweed sucks now too. Go out and buy the new Chris Knight album and don't support these Nashville wannabes.

Blues Traveler - North Hollywood Shoutout - These guys are still plugging away. At one point they went from "guys who put out radio singles" to "another jam band". At that point I quit caring. However, word is this album is quite experimental, so it may be worth checking out. Harmonica solos? Of course!

WHAT'S HOT ON THE DIAL?

Billboard has about a million charts, so each week I'm gonna round up the #1s from each format. That way, no matter WHAT station you flip to when not using your presets, you'll be aware of what you might hear. Newly crowned #1s are in bold:

CHART	SINGLE	WEEKS
POP
HOT 100	Rihanna – "Disturbia"	9
HOT 100 AIRPLAY	Rihanna – "Take A Bow"	19
POP 100	Chris Brown – "Forever"	17
POP 100 AIRPLAY	Chris Brown – "Forever"	18
MAINSTREAM TOP 40	Chris Brown – "Forever"	16
HOT SINGLES SALES	The Cure – "Perfect Boy (Mix 1)"	1
BUBBLING UNDER HOT 100 SINGLES	Jonas Brothers – "Can't Have You"	1
DIGITAL
HOT DIGITAL SONGS	David Archuleta – "Crush"	1
HOT DIGITAL TRACKS	David Archuleta – "Crush"	1
HOT RINGTONES	Grupo Montez De Durango – "Adios Amor Te Vas"	80
R&B/HIP HOP
HOT R&B/HIP HOP AIRPLAY	Rihanna – "Take A Bow"	14
HOT R&B/HIP HOP SONGS	Rihanna – "Take A Bow"	17
HOT RAP TRACKS	Lil Wayne – "A Milli"	16
MAINSTREAM R&B/HIP-HOP	Young Jeezy feat. Kanye West – "Put On"	13
HOT ADULT R&B AIRPLAY	Keyshia Cole – "Heaven Sent"	14
RHYTHMIC TOP 40	Lil Wayne – "A Milli"	N/A
HOT R&B/HIP HOP SINGLES SALES	Cleer – "So Good"	3
COUNTRY
HOT COUNTRY SONGS	Taylor Swift – "Should've Said No"	14
ROCK
HOT MAINSTREAM ROCK TRACKS	Shinedown – "Devour"	16
TRIPLE A	Coldplay – "Viva La Vida"	12
HOT MODERN ROCK TRACKS	Coldplay – "Viva La Vida"	11
ADULT CONTEMPORARY
HOT ADULT TOP 40 TRACKS	3 Doors Down – "It's Not My Time"	22
HOT ADULT CONTEMPORARY TRACKS	Sara Bareilles – "Love Song"	32
CHRISTIAN
HOT CHRISTIAN SONGS	Third Day – "Call My Name"	19
HOT CHRISTIAN ADULT CONTEMPORARY	Third Day – "Call My Name"	19
DANCE
HOT DANCE CLUB PLAY	Cyndi Lauper – "Into The Nightlife"	6
HOT DANCE AIRPLAY	Ne-Yo – "Closer"	16
HOT DANCE SINGLES SALES	Madonna – "Give It 2 Me"	5
INTERNATIONAL
HOT LATIN SONGS	Flex – "Te Quiero"	41
EUROPEAN HOT 100 SINGLES	Katy Perry – "I Kissed A Girl"	4
EURO DIGITAL SONGS	Katy Perry – "I Kissed A Girl"	5
CANADIAN HOT 100	Lady GaGa feat. Colby O'Donis – "Just Dance"	13
RECURRENTS
HOT 100 RECURRENT AIRPLAY	Sara Bareilles – "Love Song"	1
HOT SINGLES RECURRENTS	Sara Bareilles – "Love Song"	1
HOT R&B/HIP HOP RECURRENT AIRPLAY	Rick Ross feat. T-Pain – "The Boss"	1
HOT R&B/HIP HOP RECURRENTS	Rick Ross feat. T-Pain – "The Boss"	1
HOT COUNTRY RECURRENTS	Blake Shelton – "Home"	2
HOT ADULT CONTEMPORARY RECURRENTS	Colbie Caillat – "Bubbly"	3

MUSICAL PIECE OF THE WEEK

To close this week, I got to thinking global. Nothing's hotter right now than the Summer Olympics, and nothing's hotter in the Olympics than Paraguayan javeline thrower Leryn Franco. So, while she's not musical, I think that we'll give some leniency. This shit only comes once every four years, after all. So here she is – the QnD's favorite Paraguayan athlete, Leryn Franco is your Olympic Piece Of The Week.













THE END

Hope you all had fun. Be sure to drop me a line on what you liked, didn't, etc.

Keep your ears to the ground.