The 411 Music Top Five 10.08.08: Absolute Worst Singles Of The 1990s
Posted by Ben Czajkowski on 10.08.2008
The 1990s were chalk-full of awful tracks. Everything from Aqua’s “Barbie Girl” to Limp Bizkit’s “Faith.” Then from “Smells Like Teen Spirit” by Nirvana to Billy Ray Cyrus and “Achy Breaky Heart”. The 411Music staff covers the gambit this week folks. Come in, state your opinion, and leave feeling empty and alone.
Oh, the hate that flows from these lists. And from my heart. We'll just get right to the worst singles of the 90s.
[Dan Haggerty]
Honorable Mentions: Right Said Fred - "I'm To Sexy For My Shirt"
5. Gerardo - "Rico Sauve": This is a song? Really? Really? This isn't a song, this is some dude over compensating for some defect over a couple of minutes. Good lord man, get a Ferrari and the little blue pill and call it good.
4. Billy Ray Cyrus - "Achy Breaky Heart": Can you believe this was a hit. I mean, Seriously, this wretched thing was a crossover hit on country and pop charts. What the hell? I thought the 80's was full of two-dimensional pop simpleton singles. I';m starting to rethink that philosophy. No wonder he eventually decided to dedicate himself to managing his daughter's career. I mean, how do you come back from this pile of Durst?
3. Whitney Houston - "I Will Always Love You": Oh sweet mother of god, what a song. You know, I'm down with the song since Dolly Parton did a nice job of it when she actually wrote it. I can admit that Houston has a hell of a set of pipes on her. But that damn note she hits, then sustains makes dogs five counties removed wimper. I know it's one of the best selling songs of all time, and I know it has won more awards than imaginable, but damn that song hits and I want to run full speed the opposite direction.
2. Los del rio - "Macarena": 4 million copies sold? Second biggest single ever? Biggest debut ever? No. Hell no. Fuck me with a barb-wired rototiller hell no. This is a song so cheesy, so bad, that it actually replaced the fucking hokey-poky at weddings in the 90's. I should know, some fucker put it on at mine. I yelled. I screamed. I begged for something with more substance. But nooooo... My relatives HAD to have it so everyone could go out and do that stupid dance. The march of the drones, a simple step so idiotic that it makes square dancing look like a ball room extravaganza. Shame on you John-Q public. For shame. No wonder I listen to extreme music.
1. Vanilla Ice - "Ice Ice Baby":
[Dan Marsicano]
5. Nirvana - "Smells Like Teen Spirit": This one will get me a lot of crap from you readers, but let me say that I like Nirvana. I really do; I think their music was solid. However, as a die-hard metal fan, I can't with good conscience praise this song. Any other Nirvana song might be different, but not the one that killed off metal during the 90's. If it wasn't for the other crap surrounding the 90's, this would top the list, but I didn't want to start a riot at 411 Music.
4. Limp Bizkit - "Faith": Anybody who read my recent What The Hell Happened To knows that I like Limp Bizkit. However, if there was one song that pissed me off more from their catalog (other than "Rollin," but that came out in 2000), it would be "Faith." It's a god-awful cover, not on the level of "Behind Blue Eyes," but close enough. I never got the appeal of the track, as the band takes a decent pop song and makes it all nu-metal with Durst singing/screaming/doing weird animal noises at the end.
3. Ron Jeremy - "Freak Of The Week": Ron Jeremy + Porn=Success. Ron Jeremy+ Rapping=EPIC FAIL. What else needs to be said? It stayed on the Billboard charts for over 25 weeks! I mean, have you seen the music video? It's like every generic 90's rap video combined into one freakish monstrosity.
2. Vanilla Ice - "Ice Ice Baby": The song that stole the "Under Pressure" opening bass line, and the song that teenage girls creamed their pants to. I will give Ice credit; he milked the shit out of the song as long as he could. Even after his rap career fizzled, he continued to remix the song in metal/rock/industrial. It's one of those awesomely bad songs that gets worse after every listen. If there is any proof God hates us all, this song, as well as the top spot, would be evidence A-Z.
1. Aqua - "Barbie Girl": The most annoying song of all time, it's a miracle that I didn't go on a murder spree, which would have made Jason Voorhees blush. There is nothing appealing about this song; its three plus minutes of poppy crap that gives the Danish a bad name. Can you believe that Aqua is the most successful Danish band of all time? Fuck, typing that sentence made me vomit in the mouth and I had Caesar salad for dinner; you know that didn't taste good coming back up.
Editor's note: This video has been viewed more than 23.3 million times.
[Jesse Coy]
5. Limp Bizkit - "Nookie": I guess it's the whole nu metal feel or texture, but why is it that I'd like to see these guys run into members of Biohazard, Sick Of It All, Agnostic Front, or some other real hardcore band in a dark alley? I could just as easily have stuck a Korn song here, though I don't know which Korn song was a radio hit. The thing about Korn is, I sort of liked the music when I briefly heard it, but you hear the singer… "wah, wah, wah… I was abused… wah, wah." Shut up already. Go feel your pain with Limp Bizkit or something. The tie-in is apprpriate as there was a lot of cross-breeding between the two bands.
4. Alanis Morisette - "You Outta Know": and the "wah, wah, wah" continues. This You Can't Do That on Television alumni deserves no slack. Please don't write a song "Ironic," when you give no real examples of irony in the song. Learn how to use words correctly if they're the title of your song. What's most annoying about her, though, is that she caused the whole "male-hating, men suck, chick music" genre to explode. BLEAH! Go to therapy. But don't broadcast your therapy all over the radio. Get some better dating habits.
3. Whitney Houston - "I Will Always Love You": the cliché answer when someone tries to show that they have broad musical tastes used to be (maybe still is), "I listen to everything but rap and country." Well, that was never my answer. I like a number of rap bands, and I can listen to some country. But this music? I guess you call it R&B pop? I can't stomach this vocal style, male or female. It sounds like they're dying a painful, nails on chalk board, cats in heat sort of death. Do yourself a favor and look up the original Dolly Parton version (yes, Whitney remade it), 100% better (which isn't saying much).
2. Celine Dion - "My Heart Will Go On": … without a doubt, this should be #1. But I have more elaborate plans for #1. If only Celine and Whitney and Mariah and several other radio R&B types would board some new age Titanic together… they don't even need to sink. They can just sail very, VERY far away. Take all traces of the musical Les Miserables with you, too. I'd be more than a happy man. This syrupy gunk annoyed me more so as it was attached to a blob of Hollywood crap that was way too overrated and Oscar-dominating. Her heart can go on… as long as the song stops some time soon.
1. Billy Ray Cyrus - "Achy Breaky Heart": speaking of country music, is this country? I guess so. All I know is that it brought that stupid line dancing to the masses. Despite the fact that I have this as number one (and if you really want to get another take on how this and other pop country songs suck, track down Jello and Mojo's "Let's Go Burn ‘Ole Nashville Down," friggin' awesome song), I can't hate it TOO much, because it gave birth to one of Weird Al's funniest parodies, or pure poetry, "Achy Breaky Song"…
You can torture me with Donnie & Marie, you can play some Barry Manilow, or you can play some schlock like New Kids On The Block, or any Village People song you know.
Or play Vanilla Ice… hey, you can play him twice, and you can play the Bee Gees any day. But Mr. DJ, please, I'm beggin' on my knees, I just can't take no more of Billy Ray.
Don't play that song, that "Achy Breaky" song, the most annoying song I know. And if you play that song, that "Achy Breaky" song I might blow up my radio, ooo...
You can clear the room by playing Debbie Boon, or crank your Abba records until dawn. Oh, I can even hear Slim Whitman or Zamfir… don't mind a Yoko Ono marathon. Or play some Tiffany on 8-track or CD, or scrape your fingernails across the board. Or tie me to a chair and kick me down the stairs, just please don't play that stupid song no more.
[Jeff Modzelewski]
(Dis)Honorable Mentions: Britney Spears "Baby One More Time", Celine Dion "My Heart Will Go On", Color Me Badd "I Wanna Sex You Up", Mariah Carey "Vision of Love", Naughty by Nature "OPP", Bel Biv Devoe "Poison", Kris Kross "Jump", Right Said Fred "I'm Too Sexy", Snow "Informer", Geraldo "Rico Suave" Hanson "MMMBop"
5. The Presidents of the United States of America - "Peaches": Before we get into the real crap, I just wanted to prove that there's some alternative rock that I think just sucks. "Peaches" is nothing but a huge waste of a song. It's OK musically, but it proves the stupidity of the public by it's insane lyrics. A song about canned peaches? Shut the hell up. POTUSA were interesting because they played weird instruments, not because they were anything spectacular musically.
4. Eminem - "My Name Is": A great example of a crappy song launching a great career. Eminem had some amazing songs on that first album (and plenty of even better ones on his second album) but this is not one of them. Juvenile lyrics, a mediocre hook, it's just pretty blah. It served to introduce Slim Shady to the world, but it's not that great of a song.
3. Cher - "Believe": An overly produced piece of crap that served to resurrect a career that should have been dead in the 80's. Cher did some great things in the 60's and 70's, but went downhill after that. This song allowed her to do what seemed like a 10 year "farewell" tour, when she wouldn't have been able to sell half the tickets that she did before this song.
2. Backstreet Boys - "I Want It That Way": God, I hate boy bands. Really, really hate boy bands. This song helped launch the 90's boy band craze, which I thought was dead with the demise of New Kids on the Block. The Backstreet Boys had very little talent, and nothing to offer other than an image. Damn boy bands...
1. Billy Ray Cyrus - "Achey Braky Heart": I had to listen to this song over and over and over again as a kid. My mom and sisters loved this fucking piece of shit. I wanted to jump out of the car every time they put this on. I wanted to put a gun to my head and blow my brains out instead of listening to this. At this time, I was listening to Guns and Roses, Metallica, Nine Inch Nails, and anything else that I could get my hands on that would piss off my parents. But I had to listen to this shit over and over again. Worst song of the 90's, by far.
[Victorela Esponza]
(Character from Starship Exile Podcast)
5. King Missile – "Detachable Penis": Some people thinka this song funny. But you thinka bout the lyrics. He talka of losing his penis at a party. This song give-a me the nightmares, and he not even sing in this song. Just talk and tell a scary story. No good.
4. Eminem – "My Name Is": He no lika his wife or his mother or wanna no like women? He talka bout women violence? We do-a thing with this type where I come from. We grabba this kinda "man" who talks women violence, throwa him in a bigga picnic blanket, swinga that around five or six times, and slinga him so hard, he flies inta the cathedral bell, make-a it ring so everyone thinks it's noontime.
3. Nirvana – "Smells Like Teen Spirit": Whena I first hear this song, I think he singa it in my native language. I thinka to myself, he does a bad job with pronunciation of my language. Then I finda out this be a song in English. I knowa much English, but still not understand a word he say. I thinka mucha this song bout a mosquito.
2. Green Day – "Basket Case": I heara the beginning of this song, "hava you got the time to listen to me whine," an' always say, "NO!" I no hava time to hear you whine, or pretend ta be a Vicious Sid when you looka like that-a one rich boy come around the piazza in my hometown, try to looka big punk, but we kicka his faux ass.
1. Right Said Fred – "I'm Too Sexy": Alla the English are thieves! This man take-a my song! I make a song like this one year earlier. I have it all written. I take-a the vacation at the Brighton Beach, and when I go to use-a the WC, I come back to-a my table, and my file of songs is gone. Two months later, this-a song appears… from RIGHT SAID FRED!
[Ben Czajkowski]
Dishonorable mentions: Aaliyah, Brandy, Monica, R. Kelly, Eminem…There are all multiple songs here I won't even bother to mention.
I decided to include the years in my songs because I think it explains a lot about me during the late 1990s. While I put this list together, I couldn't remember what the name of the 702 song was, so I looked it up on Wikipedia. Then, like a WikiAddict, I found myself clicking Wiki link after link. Finally, I realized, four of my top 5 most hated singles from the 1990s come in the form of 1999. I could write an entire column on the pain that year caused me, but it boils down to this: 1999 was when I began violently rejecting pop radio and grew addicted to that of the angry, angsty nu-metal.
5. LFO - "Summer Girls" (1999): As the decade came to a close, there was but one term that was in everyone's vocab, still persistent since the 80s and even before then, with the Beatles. Yes, that term would be "boy band". LFO was that reject group that had one hit song, and for a brief moment, they were every teenage girl's masturbation fantasy.
"Summer Girls" was the flavor of the summer, something written and released specifically because that's what happens every year. THIS SONG IS AWFUL! Listening to it now makes me feel LOVE the Backstreet Boys. Just disgusting. It oozes with false sincerity and Hollywood painted smiles. Nothing so manufactured before could make me so violently ill.
4. Spice Girls - "Wannabe" (U.S. 1997): Until I remember this song? No other call and response song of any decade makes me want to skin babies quite like the Spice Girls. What I think irked me even more was the catty fucking drama that surrounded them. They were
3. Ricky Martin – "Livin' la Vida Loca" (1999): This song reminds me of a part of myself that I hate. It really isn't such a bad song, but it was one that I heard so often and listened to so much that I developed an allergy to the Latino scene early on. And it's annoyingly catchy, to the point that, as I type this, it is stuck in my head, the lyrics so vivid… "Upside inside out. She's livin' la vida loca. She'll push and pull you down. Livin' la vida loca. She'll make you take your clothes off and go dancing in the rain." Lalalala. Here's where I swallow a shotgun.
2. 702 – "Where My Girls At?" (1999): Right up there with the manufactured boy bands came the manufactured and synthetic angry R&B chicks to compete in the genre that was basically dominated by Missy Elliot. 702 was one such group that persisted into much of the early 2000s, propelled mainly off of their success of this song. How creative of the band to name themselves after their area code in Vegas? What I didn't expect was how much of a cultural influence they'd be for a while. "Where my girls at…with one hand up, can you repeat that?" NO! Please, for the love of Go---oh there they go, sing-songing the same chorus over and over again. Sigh.
1. T.L.C. – "No Scrubs" (1999): Which brings me to my #1 most hated single of the 1990s, and makes me look like I hate black women and Ricky Martin. Not too far from the truth, but that's a story for another time. What I think I grew tired of the most was the genre that popped up that revolved around "strong" women viciously hating on men.
BITCH, HOW MANY TIMES I GOTTA FUCKING TELL YOU TO GET BACK IN THE KITCHEN AND MAKE ME A PIE! What? You died in a car crash? GOOD! That'll learn you not to leave the bed room. What? Off topic hate rant? That's okay. We don't have any female readers anyway. By the time this song was played out on MTV and the radio, I had already kissed my relationship with pop music goodbye. This song was my final rejection of the 1990s and the shit that came with it.
[Sandeep Murali]
(411Music's Newest Recruit, for the moment)
Well, don't I have a bucketful of these! I'm gonna refrain from the obvious alt-rock path as much as I can and stick to mainstream pop singles, simply because these are songs that annoyed me to unexplainable levels. Need I mention that once I hear/ think about these songs, they just-don't-go-away from my head? Yes, in a BAD way; not in an "AC/DC riff" sorta way.
5. Lou Bega - "Mambo No.5" : I get it. The whole "Sampling an old song and re-interpreting it to capture the imagination of multiple fanbases" deal. Problem was, the sampling part was pretty much the only thing that worked in this one. The guy was annoying as fuck and hearing the song every 15 odd minutes over the span of a few months didn't help things one bit either. I turn on the TV? He's there. I turn on the radio? He's there. I go to the mall? He's there. I walk past the stadium and guess what? He's right-fucking-there, lip-synching the hell out of the goddamn song!
No-talent hacks like Lou Bega get richer every time their "artworks" are aired on radio/ TV. And that's a fucking shame.
4. Britney Spears - "Baby One More Time": The first time I heard this song, I knew in the back of my mind that I was destined to hate this woman for the rest of my life. Yes, I was a "Britney-hater" eons before it became fashionable to be one. Nothing in that song appealed to me. Not the "melody", not the video and certainly not that horrific, nasal excuse she had for a voice. And no, Christina Aguilera was waaay hotter.
It's scary how television can take the most unexceptional piece of white trash and push them to the moon. It's scary coz it works every single time.
3. AQUA - "Barbie Girl": I thought I'd be nice just this one time. I thought I'd pretend that I don't mind synth-helium vocals; as long as they‘re used in controlled doses. But a WHOLE FUCKING ALBUM? Oh now you're asking for it! This band deserved to lose every single penny they earned to Mattel on multiple charges of annoyance. Too bad they chose to pursue the Copyright infringement route.
I despise the entire discography of this "Band" with a passion, but "Barbie girl" AKA "The Herpes of pop culture, circa 1997" takes the cake. The video was incredibly retarded, I could sense my brain melting away every time the song started and my dear sister insisted on playing this abomination of a song in an infinite loop. No amounts of pounding on the walls and begging for mercy proved fruitful.
Yes, I'm emotionally scarred for life and I hold "Barbie girl" responsible.
2. Backstreet Boys - "I Want It That Way": Make no mistake, I used to be a fan of their catchy music when it first came out. But by the time "Millennium" came out, I was wise enough to recognize dogshit for what it is.
"You are my fire, my one, desire"
Ok, fine and dandy. But thirty seconds later?
"Am I your fire? Your one desire"?
Hey guys, here's an idea. Let's make a song called "I say, you say". Hell, I even have the lyrics planned out:
"It's raining here. Is it raining there? It's cold here. Is it cold there? I had spaghetti for breakfast. Did you have spaghetti for breakfast?"
All you have to do is add your de-facto beats, a falsetto here, a pitch change there and dance around like dorks. Result? Instant #1 Hit!
The video showed some fat chick shedding tears of joy at the sight of the "Magnificent 5". Pretty much sums up the target audience and the heights of their expectations.
1. Nirvana - "Smells like Teen Spirit": Ok, serious time. I really, really, abso-durst-ingly hate this song. Why? Because I'm a fan of Rock ‘n Roll. You know, the music genre where singers are supposed to SING and guitarists were supposed to be well versed in scales, modes etc. and so on? Well this song marked the beginning of the end for this art form.
Kurt Cobain to me is the antonym of talent. The guy couldn't sing for shit, couldn't do justice to a guitar (Four bar codes in a pattern is what most guitar students can do after two weeks worth of practice) and wrote some of the most senseless & over rated lyrics ever. NOTHING he has ever penned can come close to being as deep or meaningful as say, "Jeremy" or "Black"; to name efforts from one contemporary. Master of words? Puhlese. The man was barely a master of pronunciation. And "Teen Spirit" captured the essence of all these fallacies in the best way possible.
Short version: It's a stupid fucking song that didn‘t deserve an iota of recognition it received.
It pains me that out of all the Grunge bands that arose from Seattle (On a side note, I am deeply amused at the media for classifying entirely different sounding bands under one genre), The least talented one was pushed to the top.
Rock ‘n Roll as I know it died in 1991. And I don't plan to forgive "Teen Spirit" or Cobain for that.
Alright, folks. Thanks for reading. Here's what you should do. Enter your list in the comment's section.You do not have to register to comment. Here's how your list should look:
Honorable Mentions: If you have any...
5. Artist - "Song": Explanation of choice 4. Artist - "Song": Explanation of choice 3. Artist - "Song": Explanation of choice 2. Artist - "Song": Explanation of choice 1. Artist - "Song": Explanation of choice
the irony of No Scrubs is that most of the dumb bitches who had dead beat baby daddy's were crack whores who lived on welfare themselves.
Posted By: JP (Guest) on October 08, 2008 at 12:36 AM
to Jesse Coy: the song from Alanis is "YOU OUGHTA KNOW" and not "outta" and her last name is "MORISSETTE" and not "Morisette". Learn how to spell words correctly and then maybe I will take your criticism seriously...
Posted By: Sheila (Guest) on October 08, 2008 at 12:43 AM
I can understand Smells Like Teen Spirit being hated for being totally overplayed... I also get the hate for the nonsence lyrics... but its one of the most distinctive songs ever in terms of rhythm and the guitar rift alone at the beginning is perhaps the best I EVER heard (though I can't stand it now)
Seriously listen to Weird Al Yankovic's version Smells like Nirvana... with fun decent lyrics and being able to understand the guy singing it... its one of the best songs ever!
I hate the song overall for being overplayed other than that I just sense preteniousness amongst you all.
Posted By: Andrew Barbarash (Guest) on October 08, 2008 at 12:46 AM
When I saw the reaction to Smells Like Teem Spirit I knew, as a fan of Rock N Roll...that I was screwed.
Nirvana killed Rock N Roll.
I've never seen anyone else say it...and for the longest time people said I was crazy.
...
now there are two of us.
Posted By: Guest#8359 (Guest) on October 08, 2008 at 12:52 AM
Man, why so much hate for Nirvana and Kurt Cobain? I personally don't think that that a Rock bands need outstanding guitar playing to be considered greats. I love AC/DC but I don't think Angus is that great of a guitarist and song writer because all their songs sound the same. Kurt did something different at that time, he freed rock from the vain, and narcissistic hair metal that ruled before grunge and alternative. He continued the spirit of Punk that would influence the indie bands of today. And if it wasn't for Nirvana I would have discovered great bands like Pixies, MDC, Young Marble Giants, and The Vaselines.
Posted By: Yoda (Guest) on October 08, 2008 at 01:04 AM
Fuck that goddamn piece of shit song. I hope the asshole DJ that remixed it into the 'hit' it became dies of oral gonorrhea.
Posted By: Soy (Registered) on October 08, 2008 at 01:18 AM
If one song kills of an entire genre of music, then clearly the genre needs to die if it can't withstand one song no matter how popular it is. Look at hip hop, its got bullshit coming out of every hole but a few guys are still out there making the good stuff worth listening to, but to find it you actually have to look. I can't agree with one sing solid list here. I think Ben's list is the closest here.
I can't agree at all with Slim Shady being on the list cause it was the way that song was that opened up and entire genre to an entire subgroup of people. (Rap to middle class suburban white kids)
And how old are the writers here to wear Nu-Metal gets such a strong bashing?
Posted By: kinaj (Guest) on October 08, 2008 at 01:35 AM
Faith was great
Posted By: S Dot (Guest) on October 08, 2008 at 01:38 AM
Is anytime given for you to think about these submissions? Really?
Posted By: Guest#3628 (Guest) on October 08, 2008 at 01:55 AM
"Smells Like Teen Spirit" helped to define the 90's arguably more than any other song in that decade. I also can't see the rationale for the amount of hate the song received in this column, but I suppose everyone has their own opinion.
Posted By: Nick (Guest) on October 08, 2008 at 02:57 AM
Meh. I hate how you guys go rock music has to mean something blah blah blah. Rock music can have crazy and nonsensical lyrics but still be a great song. Guys like Buddy Holly, Chuck Berry, Eddie Cochran didn't write meaningful lyrics for any of their hits but they still are great.
Posted By: Ed (Guest) on October 08, 2008 at 03:18 AM
Hey, Ben?
Fuck you, buddy. I don't know if you were attempting humor or not, but that was not fucking funny. Okay. You have the song. Whatever. Go be a fucking misogynist somewhere else.
Posted By: sa+an (Guest) on October 08, 2008 at 05:40 AM
I have to say I lost faith with several of the 411 writers with this column. I think instead of killing rock 'n roll, Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit" breathed new life in to it. I remember watching MTV in the early 1990s, and remembering that rock was in a terrible holding pattern with generic sounding black metal bands or hair-metal holdovers, such as Ratt and Winger. Sorry guys, but other than acts like GnR, Metallica, and Faith No More, a lot of the rock acts before Nirvana hit it big in 1991 were stale.
Posted By: Flex (Guest) on October 08, 2008 at 07:24 AM
I was tempted to put Teen Spirit on the list, but in and of itself, it's actually a pretty decent song. It just got killed by overplay. In fact, I can imagine that if Kurt were still alive today and Nirvana was still a band, he'd probably refuse to play the song live as a big "fuck you" to the casual fans.
5: Love and Affection--Nelson: While this band had some good songs sprinkled throughout their mediocre career, this was a pretty horrible effort, epitomizing everything that was wrong with "pop metal"
4: No Self Esteem--Offspring. I'm not a huge fan of the mid 90's fake-punk, and this song is a pretty good example. It's just lame with a horrible singer.
3: Until it Sleeps--Metallica: This is the song that began Metallica's downward slide, only halted by the incredible Death Magnetic album. The video came across as a lame version of Heart Shape Box (and I didn't think it was possible to be lamer than that Nirvana vid), and the song is just bad. Actually, it comes across as what would happen if Metallica tried to sound like Dokken. And to make things worse, it was the first single from Load, which was a bad decision, considering it's probably the second to worst song on the track (with ROnnie being the worst).
2: Cherry Pie--Warrant: When people say that hair metal needed to die, this is probably one of the songs they were talking about. Warrant actually has a couple of pretty cool and catchy songs, and some are even thought-provoking. This lame lockerroom song is not one of them.
1: Acky Breaky Heart--Billy Ray Cyrus: I agree with the inclusion on this list. This is just a bad bad song made even worse by its repetition.
Posted By: Michael L (Guest) on October 08, 2008 at 08:37 AM
Summer Girls by LFO is one of the greatest songs ever.
New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hits, Chinese food makes me sick, and I think its fly when the girls drop by for the summer.
For the summer!
Posted By: John (Guest) on October 08, 2008 at 08:52 AM
"Smells Like Teen Spirit?" Worst single of the 90s? Even top 5? What...the...fuck.
Can we get some new contributors up in here? Seriously?
Posted By: Ken B. (Guest) on October 08, 2008 at 09:17 AM
5. Wet Wet Wet - Love Is All Around: It was number one in the UK for 15 weeks. FIFTEEN WEEKS! It got so stupid that the band made a personal decision to delete it. And it's not even that good a cover, they're not a very good band, the song was the theme to the movie that launched the career of Hugh Grant despite said song only being heard for 90 seconds in the end credits.
4. Whigfield - Saturday Night: Oh sweet Jesus, a crappy piece of Europop which got stuck at the top of the charts for endless weeks, only this time with an insanely stupid dance routine. Much like...
3. Los Del Rio - Macarena: Same as before, but Spanish not Scandanavian. Simply, simply awful.
2. R Kelly - I Believe I Can Fly: No you can't you... well, you know who what he is. Annoyingly soundtracked the first few months in the very first job I ever had, and as such sums up and reminds me of the insane misery and hatred I had at the time.
1. Urban Hype - Trip To Trumpton: If you ever want to know why The Prodigy were accused of killing rave, this unmitigating dirge (along with Sesame Treet) is the reason. Simply, simply, simply awful cash-in to a genre which was dead as soon as it crossed over into the mainstream.
Posted By: Liam (Guest) on October 08, 2008 at 09:21 AM
What an absolutely despicable piece! Nirvana's 'Smells like Teen Spirit' on any worst list is sheer blasphemy - whether you like the band or not, you just cannot ignore their influence on the future generations of musicians. Get your facts straight people; Grunge brought back the edge to Rock music in the 90's after hair/glam rock killed it through the 80's. It's amazing that not ONE of you remembered 'Macarena'. And what about Big Mountain - 'Baby I Love Your Way' or Snow - 'Informer' or even 'Baby Got Back'? Tracks like that were a LOT more nonsensical and senseless/ tuneless. Yes, you're writing an opinion piece, so you're most welcome to put them out there, but the least you can do is your research or maybe a spell check. I mean what the hell is 'Achey Braky Heart'?? And spare us the misogyny PLEASE!
Posted By: Neil (Guest) on October 08, 2008 at 09:37 AM
Holy shit, I didn't even read Ben's rant on "No Scrubs".
Dude, you need to go. Just go. Get the fuck off this website.
Posted By: Ken B. (Guest) on October 08, 2008 at 10:01 AM
I used to write for this site and I remember Ashish having a rather extensive editorial dictatorship over what gets posted (let alone as a highlighted top page article). This is garbage. Awful writing, terrible music selections, and poor taste in humor. You guy should have thought about this longer than you did. Editors: I'm truly disappointed. Ben: Get fired.
Posted By: UNO (Guest) on October 08, 2008 at 01:39 PM
Decided to go with some less obvious cuts.
Dishonorable mention: Anything by any Grateful-Widespread-Travelling-Phish-Doctors.
5. Natalie Merchant - "Carnival" ('95) - Not the worst song in the world but I always hated her phrasing. "I walk these...streets...in the...carnival..." Coupled with the fact that alternative radio played the hell out of this record, that's why it makes my list.
4. Marcy Playground - "Sex & Candy" ('98) - Disco Lemonade, anyone? Truly one of the dumbest records ever to be overplayed on radio.
3. The Why Store - "Lack of Water" ('96) - Limp, weak, tuneless and overplayed. I didn't even like these guys when they were called the Crash Test Dummies.
2. Blind Melon - "No Rain" ('92) - Some folks loved it, most folks hated it, others only remember the bee girl from the video...I hated this guy's voice and the band didn't do him any favors.
1. Hootie & the Blowfish - "Hold My Hand" ('94) - Nothing wrong whatsoever with a little love and some tenderness, but you can have the lame brother doing a bad Eddie Vedder impression.
Posted By: JMAC (Guest) on October 08, 2008 at 01:50 PM
What a lot of you don't get is the fact that this isn't meant to be serious. The Top Five is suppose to be humorous and edgy, not great works of writing.
I do agree that some of the comments were a little extreme, but that's just how our writers are. Ben will always make offensive comments; thats who is he and who he has always been. Yes, there were some spelling mistakes, but none of them were from me, so i don't care.
Hell, if it got you worked up enough to spent time commenting your views, then we as writers did our job.
Posted By: Dan Marsicano (Registered) on October 08, 2008 at 01:55 PM
Aqua is still huge in a lot of other countries as far as dance music goes. Yeah, Barbie Girl is lame but not top five lame. Know what you are talking about before posting such trash. Every time a top 5 list comes out you guys get it wrong each and every time. For shame.
Posted By: You lose. (Guest) on October 08, 2008 at 02:27 PM
Wow, you all take this way too seriously. These are our opinions of the worst, not something that is necessarily based on numbers or most people annoyed.
I'm sorry for anyone who is offended by this stuff. It's more of something that is supposed to get you through the day.
Posted By: Ben Czajkowski (Registered) on October 08, 2008 at 02:45 PM
I would like to see a Top 5 list of the best non-metal-grunge songs from you guys, since metal/grunge seems to be the only genres you guys like on here.
Teen Spirit/Grunge may have killed off Rock n' Roll, but at least R'n'R had decades of shelf-life and history behind it. Grunge as a genre died when Cobain killed himself. How powerful is a genre when it relies soley on one band/singer? Not powerful at all. Grunge didn't even last 5 years. Disco lasted longer, and at least that had some fun/timeless songs in it, instead of the one-hit grunge wonder.
Posted By: JLAJRC (Guest) on October 08, 2008 at 03:31 PM
a song missed in both the best and worst list= mmmm,mmmm,mmmm by Crashtest Dummies.
And NIRVANA sucked. they were jammed down our throats by radio and MTV and everyone took abig bite like they always do.
Posted By: gutter (Guest) on October 08, 2008 at 04:49 PM
Ooo, hating on "Smells Like Teen Spirit." How edgy and original.
Posted By: matt (Guest) on October 08, 2008 at 05:05 PM
5. TLC - Waterfalls: overrated garbage, alot of TLC's stuff is mediocre. sorry.
4. Lou Bega - Mambo No.5 : I bet Fidel Castro wanted this guy assassinated and his vocal cords crushed. or he needs to be thrown in the bermuda triangle. either way I'll be glad.
3. Aqua - Barbie Girl: yikes this song along with erasure(greatest hits) I bet are played everytime at last call in gay clubs
2. Limp Bizkit- whole catalog. really, this was the worst band of the 90's "joe six-pack"(haha) posterboys
1. Macarena(they don't deserve to be called artist) - Macarena: white people dancing to song everytime you changed the channel.. yikes. my junior high had an assembly and they played this pig vomit after and tryed to get every one to do "the" I another kid refused and got suspended, till this day I have not done the dance and will not.
Posted By: tacosrambo (Guest) on October 08, 2008 at 06:31 PM
Smells Like Teen Spirit? Seriously? Nice try saying this is one of the worst singles of the 90's. A feeble attempt to gain a shred of journalistic credit is what it is. To even hint Smells Like Teen Spirit and Ice Ice Baby are of the same caliber (in terms of awfulness) is an outrage. Did Ice Ice Baby rank high in the hip-hop world? No. It was a joke. Did Smells Like Teen Spirit rank high in the rock world? Absolutely. Smells Like Teen Spirit and Nirvana, for that matter, still rank among the most influential songs/bands of the 90's. The influences of which are still felt today. Ice Ice Baby... It remains a joke to this day. Nice attempt to "shock" us guys. Next time, try being relevant when you attempt to do so...
Posted By: Johnson (Guest) on October 08, 2008 at 06:44 PM
Gotta say, Dan Haggerty's list is the one I most agree with, even though "Rico Suave" is still a guilty pleasure...
Posted By: Beeker (Guest) on October 08, 2008 at 06:48 PM
Okay, yes, Nirvana sucked.
Overated, overplayed
but the fact of the freakin matter is Smells Like teen spirit is a legendary epic.
it washed away the 80s with that riff
camon dude
Posted By: Marc (Guest) on October 08, 2008 at 08:52 PM
You guys are fucking idiots. And 411 loses cred for posting this article. To call the song that single handidly changed the face of music for the 1990s, one of the WORST songs? To call a song that generated, and still generates MILLIONS of dollars one of the WORST songs?
You don't know what you're talking about, but then, I suppose that's why you're writing for 411.
Posted By: Guest#2676 (Guest) on October 08, 2008 at 09:29 PM
A word of note to those defending Teen Spirit. revolutionising the industry is not a criteria for being a good song. I put it on the list because, well... its a bad song. At least from a musician's point of view.
Then again like Ben said, this is one of those things you need to read with a chill pill in the mouth. These lists are subjective, people. Of course we'll end up having differing opinions!
Posted By: Sandeep Murali (Registered) on October 08, 2008 at 10:54 PM
Hey 411 writers,
Thanks for taking the time to respond to the comments.
Of course (most) readers understand these columns are not life-altering. That being said, you DO realise that people who take the time to read your work, care about the topics, be it music or MMA or whatever. And they care a lot. So please don't discard your columns as 'humorous'. There are tons of websites where people can read sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek writing. But if they choose to come here, it's for a reason. Do expect at least some of your readers to have an opinion as well.
And Ben,
Misogyny doesn't get anyone 'through their day'. Surely you have more class than that?
Posted By: Neil Soans (Registered) on October 09, 2008 at 03:40 AM
" I put it on the list because, well... its a bad song. At least from a musician's point of view.
"
That is why people in the music industry, musiciains, producers, journalists, remember where they were when they first heard that song over a decade later.
You are so right, musicians dont appreciate this.
Posted By: C. Drama (Guest) on October 09, 2008 at 11:01 AM
i find it troubling that the men on this site find it so offensive to hear women sing songs about criticizing men's behavior and encouraging women's empowerment, but make no mention of the blatant misogyny male performers of hard rock, rap, and r&b have utilized in their lyrics and performances for years.
oh and in response to this quote:
"Hell, if it got you worked up enough to spent time commenting your views, then we as writers did our job.
Posted By: Dan Marsicano"
all reactions are not equal. just because a writer elicits a response, does not mean the writer has done their job. the assault on women, and black women in particular, by ben should not be something that is encouraged on this site or any other site. unless of course that is the "job" of the writer that you speak of in which case this is a different site than i thought it was.
Posted By: its raining men (Guest) on October 09, 2008 at 07:06 PM
what about "mmmbop" by hanson??? that song sucked the most. i can't believe it wasn't mentioned.
anything by moby sucked.
nirvana sucked, but "smells like teen spirit" was a good song. get over it.
that paula cole song bites the big one.
"more than words" by extreme was extremely sucky!
"hard knock life" by jay z was GARBAGE. seriously, has there ever been a worse sampling in the history of hip-hop?
Posted By: sam stellar (Guest) on October 12, 2008 at 12:13 AM
