Under the Scalpel 11.06.08: Guns N' Roses, Atmosphere, Christina Aguilera

Posted by Mark Ingoldsby on 11.06.2008

Guns N' Roses takes 15 years to release a mediocre lead single, Atmosphere crafts a spectacular pop song and Christina Aguilera believes possessing female genitalia grants diplomatic immunity.

"Under the Scalpel: Dissecting Pop Culture One Song at a Time" is a weekly column written by Mark Ingoldsby, songwriter and guitarist for the hard rock band A Simple Complex. For 3 free tracks that will rock your panties off, check out www.asimplecomplex.com

Guns N' Roses – Chinese Democracy
After 15 Years, Axl Releases a Mediocre Lead Single

The last time Guns N' Roses released an album, man had recently invented the wheel. More accurately, Bill Clinton began his first term as President, Microsoft released Windows 3.11 and Intel starting shipping the first Pentium chips.

In the race between Chinese Democracy and Chinese Democracy, it appears Guns N' Roses is poised to win. The lead single from GNR's upcoming album is available for streaming at www.gunsnroses.com. It's been a long and painful wait, but now fans can go to GNR's website and experience… a long and painful wait.

After several false starts in the ridiculously long and pretentious intro, Axl's trademark yell crescendos and the song explodes into less than three minutes of second-rate hard rock.

To his credit, Axl's voice is still very powerful and charismatic after all these years. The recording of the vocals utilizes the same technique found in "Don't Cry" and "Knockin' on Heaven's Door," in which two vocal performances – sung in different registers – meld smoothly with one another.

The lyrics, however, leave much to be desired. Before performing this song at the Las Vegas House of Blues in 2001, Axl reportedly said, "It's not like an intelligent song."

He was not kidding.

I would sooner ask Miss Teen South Carolina why a fifth of Americans can't locate the United States on a world map than request Axl Rose's opinion on world events. He claims to have been inspired by Martin Scorsese's movie "Kundun," a film about oppression by the communist Chinese government and the exile of the Dalai Lama. To say that Axl's lyrics don't aid to the cause would be an understatement.

Even those who despise the Chinese government will have a hard time rallying under Axl's war cry, "It would take a lot more time than you have got for masturbation." The next line, "Even with your iron fist," makes matters worse.

It is a common saying amongst songwriters to "write about what you know." Singing about fifths of whiskey, having another cigarette and being brought to your sha-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na knees shot Guns N' Roses into superstardom. Rather than sticking with a proven formula, Axl presents us with his ‘New Coke' of lyrics. It is unlikely the average barstool headbanger is going to shout along to lines like "Blame it on the Falun Gong" or "Our baby's got to rule the nation."

The music creates a simple, head-nodding rock tune that unfortunately provides much less satisfaction than most of GNR's previous singles. The opening four-chord guitar lick that spans the majority of the song is a modified version of Blur's "Song 2." To take it one step further, it is a variation of The Kingsmen's "Louie, Louie."

In the middle of the first verse, the song intensity increases nicely, creating the perfect launching pad for a memorable and satisfying hook. Unfortunately, the song has no hook and instead the band plows unremorsefully into the next verse. This concept is best understood by imagining the song "Pretty Tied Up" with every chorus removed.

In addition to clever lyricism and an identifiable hook, also gone fishin' is the skilled axe-slinging formerly handled by ex-lead guitarist Slash. Although a drifting guitar solo meanders throughout the duration of song, it does not have the signature excellence previously associated with the name Guns N' Roses.

The official "I just sang the second chorus, take it whatsyerface!" solo is comprised of two pitiful back-to-back performances. The first solo sounds as if the band recorded the first amateur they found standing on a wah pedal at Guitar Center on a Tuesday night. The second solo emulates a mix of Tom Morello in Rage Against the Machine's "Know Your Enemy" and John Lowery in 2wo's "I am a Pig." It would be very avant-garde, 'twere it 1995.

Like the latest Metallica single, "Chinese Democracy" will sell like imitation lemonade at the fair on a hot day. Music lovers are thirsty for something new and the lead single is a familiar flavor that will prove somewhat gratifying. However, for those who expect another "Welcome to the Jungle," it's gonna bring you down.

Atmosphere – You
A Pop Song You Can Enjoy Having Stuck in Your Head

There are plenty of catchy songs on the radio these days, but most of them are vacuous and irritating. Having an annoying song stuck in your head is like trying to fall sleep as a persistent mosquito buzzes around your ear. Fortunately, the hip-hop duo Atmosphere has created a spectacular pop song that sounds better with every listen.

Atmosphere is part of an underground movement made up of artists like El-P and Aesop Rock who offer hip-hop music with substance instead of jumping on today's pop-rap bandwagon with those who thrive on overindulgence and glorified senseless violence.

The lyrics to "You" are a modernized version of Donna Summer's "She Works Hard for the Money". The storyteller relates his bitter analysis of a discouraged waitress's typical day, detailing her struggle to repress anger, hopelessness and insecurity while painfully maintaining her phony smile for annoying, ogling and rude customers.

The tale is delivered with pessimistic empathy as he taunts her, "You just got off work, huh? Another night feeling like the worst one? … Everything seems so hollow ‘cause after work, where'd that smile go?" Adding sympathy, he recognizes, "Even when you're meek and sweet they still treat you like a piece of meat."

For anyone who has grown tired of going nowhere in life, stuck in a thankless, dead-end job, this song's lyrics will strike a nerve, especially the powerful message repeated in each chorus, "You don't know you."

Using the principle 'less is more,' Producer Anthony "Ant" Davis provides a very nice groove over which the vocals fit perfectly. The music is a combination of a simple-yet-effective beat with a funky bass line that is fun and catchy. Atmosphere opted for live instrumentation over using samples on their latest effort, and this has provided an organic feel that is both powerful and pleasing.

Vocalist Sean "Slug" Daley describes the song in an interview with Hip Hop Official as, "...one of the riskiest things that I think I've ever allowed other people to hear. I don't even know if my fans are going to like that shit."

The song landed on Billboard's Modern Rock Chart in the top 40, becoming Atmosphere's second official hit single and putting to rest any doubt as to whether or not the band's fans like it.

You will like "You" too.

Christina Aguilera – Keeps Gettin' Better
This Just In: Super Bitch Makes the Rules

This month will see the release of Christina Aguilera's greatest hits compilation. Despite tireless lobbying by thousands to move the "s" from the end to the beginning of the last word, the album will be titled Keeps Gettin' Better - A Decade of Hits.

Christina has joined again with songwriter/producer Linda Perry of 4 Non Blondes fame to co-write and produce another hit single. This one consists of a stolen rhythm, silly noises and masochistic lyrics.

When the song starts, it's like stepping into a time machine and landing in a video arcade circa 1983. Noises from classic games reminiscent of Tron, Joust and Berzerk begin beeping, buzzing and booping in an effort to be fashionably retro. A beat blatantly ripped-off from Gary Glitter's "Rock and Roll Part 2" (also known as "The Hey Song" at sporting events) emerges and onward the song monotonously plods.

The lyrics brashly declare that this woman's "loved" one is required to accept her indulgences, antics and mistreatment without question because she performs well in bed. The message is crystal clear: "I strap on my boots and I slip on my suit" and therefore have license to be a "super bitch." She plans to be "shaking it up" and will then "serve it up in a shot" (her metaphor for being reckless and vicious). This poor sap's job is to "suck it down like a man" (shut up and deal).

At the end of the chorus is a feeble attempt to put a positive spin on all of this. She claims that somehow their relationship "keeps gettin' better," with no explanation as to how, and he should "hold on."

For those who believe that having female genitalia grants diplomatic immunity, this song was made just for you. Hit the club tonight with your clear heels, belly ring and tramp stamp displayed proudly.

Otherwise, don't bother with this overblown claptrap.

And guys, if a girl sings these words loudly and callously in your face as some sort of "girl power" slogan, run! Don't walk! Unless of course, ill-treatment gets your motor humming. Let's face it; sometimes one head says, "stop!" but the other says, "go!" Just don't be surprised when "super bitch" inevitably purées your heart in a rusty blender.