Quick ‘n’ Dirty Music News: 11.21.08

Posted by Mitch Michaels on 11.21.2008

Poison comments, Coldplay retirement, Kanye’s secret crush, Madonna & Britney’s exes speak out, Lindsay vs. PETA: First Blood, Michael Jackson vs. Bahrain Royalty, Miley Cyrus is dead, Velvet Revolver’s not big enough for a label anymore, John McCain fires back at Jackson Browne and more! Plus, chart news, 1989 reviewed and Christina Aguilera is our size E Piece of the Week!

Hey kids, Mitch Michaels and Brittany back with you for another week of the profane and…I was going to rhyme something there, but I'm at a loss. Propane? It's clean burning.

Anyway, as always, this is the Quick ‘n' Dirty News and, if you're a By-God-American, then you're gearing up for at most a 4-day work week. Me? I'm going 2-day and I'll be fucked if that ain't the way God intended it to be. But don't worry; I'll have something special for all of you who click next week. I wouldn't leave you hanging after you wrote how thankful you were for me.

But that's next week and this is this week and there is work to be done.

However, before we do, let me quickly pimp a couple of contests the zone is running - one for a massive Xbox, Tenacious D and T-Pain prizepack and the other for some cool Smashing Pumpkins stuff. The Xbox thing wraps next week. The SP contest actually wrapped yesterday, but fuck it – I'm postponing it a day just to give you fine people another crack at it. Why? Because I RUN THIS SHIT.

Now let's get to it…

Oh and wait, one more thing. I don't usually address many comments here in the article, but I feel compelled to give a little FAQ. I've noticed more than a couple people complain that Brittany and I cover the same news items from time to time. We do this on purpose. The whole point of getting Brittany in here on this was threefold – 1) to give me something pretty to look at, 2) to make the column more kickass and 3) to give us a second (and female) perspective on things. To achieve that third one, sometimes we're going to cover the same ground. It's not an oversight.

And good God, what's with all the bitching around here anyway? We've went from "Nothin' But A Good Time" to calls for a "(Flesh & Blood) Sacrifice". We've got too many people who just wanna "Cry Tough" and say "Your Mama Don't Dance" and what have you. I understand that commenting gives "Power To The People" and "Every Rose Has Its Thorn", but I'm starting to lose "Something To Believe In". "So Tell Me Why"? "I Want Action", readers, before the QnD becomes another "Fallen Angel". So how about we all just quit complaining and "Rock And Roll All Nite"?

Ugh…how do you fucking stand reading me?

It's quick, it's dirty, it's news. Now Open Up And Say…Ahh!



STAND BY…FOR NEWS!

All news items are from 411 Music's newswire:

Brittany's Dirty News

Hey hey what's shakin'? I hope you're all ready for a good time because this is going to be the start of your weekend, and if it's a disappointed, then you will probably be with your weekend too.

Let's see what happens shall we?

Chris Martin of Coldplay doesn't think bands should be playing music after the age of 33 so this is a hint of retirement…until Gwyneth becomes an old rotting whore, loses work and they need money again. Can you imagine if other bands quit playing music after 33? What would music be like today? You know, maybe Chris is on to something, music would probably be a lot better…

Miley Cyrus is unfortunately still alive after rumors spread of her death by a drunk driver. She had this to say about the hoax:

"I'm really ticked at the person who did that. I'm going to, like, smack them!"

Aww untalented little girls who make money for their washed up parents are adorable.

I hope a drunk driver does kill this bitch. Or a pedophile..?


Kiss is planning on going on tour next year all over the world. With Queen. How is that going to work? And when is Gene Simmons going to step out of his box and realize he is not really even a musician, just a greedy businessman?


Snow Patrol are playing a few free shows because nobody wants to pay to see them. (myself included)

Sadly Deftones bassist Che Cheng is still in a coma. He showed some signs of movement last week but is still in serious but stable condition. Such a bummer.

Suge Knight is facing battery and drug possession charges for beating the shit out of his girlfriend and having ecstasy, a knife, and hydrocodone on him. Karma's a bitch.

Bradley Nowell is back from the dead? No, but a huge Sublime fan and surviving members of the band have been said to be jamming and maybe even play a show in New Jersey along with NOFX and Gorilla Biscuits. I am a giant Sublime fan, and this would probably be a huge disappointment. As is Long Beach Dub All-stars wasn't bad enough…ugh.

Turns our Dan Coffman is not going to be going on tour anymore and I will not be going either, so you guys are stuck with me every week MUAHAHHAAHA.

Sucks to be you!

Peace, love, and aural sex!

Mitch's Quick News

Kanye West made news after punching another photographer in the UK. Kanye says he's like Princess Diana when it comes to being hounded by the paparazzi. Is Kanye trying to tell us he's in love with a wealthy Egyptian man?


Some source reported this week that Madonna has told Britney Spears to never get married again and that marriage doesn't work for "girls like them". I'll let the exes comment:








Lindsay Lohan's girlfriend, DJ Samantha Ronson, had some choice words for a PETA representative who pelted Lindsay with flour recently:

"The girl who threw the flour acted like an animal herself. I take that back, it's an insult to animals to group her in with them, my dog is FAR more civilized than that person... It's a pity that some groups feel the need to assault people as opposed to fighting with words. Whenever I feel the need to vent about something that feels unfair to me I reach for my computer, I don't run out of the house with abusive intentions. I don't expect everyone to react the same way, but I do expect people to respect each other."

Lindsay, on the other hand, had her own ideas:


Michael Jackson has started amassing troubles on new continents now. Jackson is being sued by no less than the King of Bahrain's son, who claims he fronted Michael the money to record a new album a couple years ago and the singer never delivered. Sheikh Abdulla Bin Hamad Bin Isa Al-Khalifa (Britney's old boyfriend?) is suing Jackson for $7 million. For his part, Michael claims that everything the guy gave him was a gift and nothing was contractually finalized. The trial is set to go down soon, but Jackson was already begging off, claiming he wasn't medically cleared to leave the US for the UK. The other guy was all like "BULLSHIT!", and Michael was finally like, "Oh yeah? I'll BE THERE!". I don't normally recommend faking your own death, but Michael Jackson couldn't be a more prime candidate for it. He's got debt collector's hounding his ass, not to mention he's way too high profile to get any good child molesting done these days. I say fake a plane crash on his trip to the UK, hole up on an island off the coast of Spain for a few months, then slowly integrate yourself back into a new society.

Well, bad news for mainstream rap fans. Both Eminem and 50 Cent have postponed their new albums until 2009. Originally, Relapse had been scheduled for the day before Christmas Eve, and Before I Self Destruct was set to come the week before. Now, we're just getting "first quarter 2009". I don't understand why rappers can't get their shit together. They CONSTANTLY delay albums. Like, it's almost a given that the first two dates given to any new rap or R&B album is gonna be wrong. I used to think it had something to do with poor sales projections, but I'm not so sure anymore. I think there's like a whole new layer of PRE-prerelease hype now. So you get the buzz going on a false release date, and then really hammer it on the real release date. So let me go ahead and announce – my new R&B album will be released on 1/27/09. It's gonna hit stores everywhere, we're doing a tour and everything. It's gonna be huge. 1/27/09. Keep that date in your mind cause it's going to blow you away. 1/27/09 – Mitch Michaels - Fucking Soulmate.


Word going around right now is that Sony has dropped Velvet Revolver from their label. Kind of ironic, given that VR is currently all ex-GN'R guys and GN'R is finally releasing its first album. Wonder if Slash is having a moment of wondering where he stashed Axl's phone number? Of course, VR only needs to hook up with a big named singer to bring their stock back up. That could be the problem Sony was having, as the current list of candidates includes Sebastian Bach, a guy from Spacehog and a former MTV VJ. That's not what I would call a record company's dream.

Miley Cyrus was the victim of a death hoax this week, but is it really a death hoax if the news of the hoax gets around more than the death? Anyway, some hackers got in to Miley's official YouTube account and posted a video claiming that Miley had been hit by a drunk driver and that she would have wanted her fans to know before the public. Uh – aren't her fans the public? Whatever. This all went down on Sunday and was pretty much killed by Monday. Miley was reportedly so upset she wanted to smack the person who did it. You wouldn't like her when she's angry.

This just in – Miley Cyrus is dead. She reportedly went to smack the person who posted the YouTube death hoax and, during the stuggle, fell out of an open window. She told me that if anything ever happened to her, she'd want the QnD fans to know before the public and especially before her fans. Miley always hated her fans. RIP Miley, 1991-2008.

The other two guys from Sublime are thinking reunion. If you can actually name those other two guys, you may think about going to one of the shows. You'll probably just stay at home, though, and talk about how it's not Sublime without Bradley Nowell.

Suge Knight is being charged with two felony counts of drug possession and one count of misdemeanor battery after being arrested in Vegas a couple months ago while beating his girlfriend and brandishing a knife. The girlfriend has since gone missing after promising to testify against him in court. I hate to state the obvious here, but

YOU DON'T FUCK WITH SUGE KNIGHT.

And finally, you know how you always hear about somebody complaining during election season about a politician using their song (usually a Republican), and your knee jerk reaction is to think, "well, where do they get off using that song when it belongs to the writer?", and then you never hear anything else about it? Well, John McCain says fuck that. McCain was sued during his Presidential campaign by Jackson Browne over McCain's use of Browne's "Runnin' On Empty". Well, McCain is fighting back and has filed two motions against Browne. The first is to dismiss the claim, stating that McCain followed the "free use" rules. But the second is funnier – John McCain is suing Jackson Browne for blocking his free speech.

HAHAHAHA. Fuck you hippie. I don't care if you like Jackson Browne or not (and I like his hits, but the people he runs with – I'm big fans of). It has gotten abso-fucking-lutely ridiculous with this "don't use my song" bullshit. YOU SOLD YOUR FUCKING SONG THE DAY YOU PUT IT ON THE ALBUM. As long as people follow the copyright rules, anyone can use your intellectual property however they want. So cash your checks and settle back into obscurity Jacksone.

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MITCH'S TOP 10
1989

I come up with this new feature a while back where I'm going to be looking at my favorite albums and songs from each year, beginning with 1979, the year I was born.

It's pretty straight forward – I'll pick my Top 10 singles and Top 5 albums of that year. If I miss anything important, let me know!

Mitch's Top 10 Singles of 1989
1	Tom Petty	"Runnin' Down A Dream"
2	Garth Brooks	"Much Too Young (To Feel This Damn Old)"
3	Roy Orbison	"You Got It"
4	Aerosmith	"Love In An Elevator"
5	Neil Young	"Rockin' In The Free World"
6	Clint Black	"Killin' Time"
7	Keith Whitley	"No Stranger To The Rain"
8	Dwight Yoakam	"I Got You"
9	Billy Joel	"We Didn't Start The Fire"
10	Paula Abdul	"Straight Up"

Mitch's Top 10 Albums of 1989
1	Tom Petty	Full Moon Fever
2	Garth Brooks	Garth Brooks
3	Aerosmith	Pump
4	Don Henley	The End Of The Innocence
5	Clint Black	Killin' Time
6	Bob Dylan	Oh Mercy
7	Nirvana	Bleach
8	Travis Tritt	Country Club
9	Eric Clapton	Journeyman
10	The Beach Boys	Still Cruisin'

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NEW RELEASES FOR NOVEMBER 25, 2008

WHAT EVERYONE WILL BUY:

Kanye West - 808s & Heartbreak - And holy shit, we've finally come to that crazy week. We've got a new Kanye West album, the Ludacris record which has released enough hot singles to make a great showing for itself and the 15-years in the making Guns N' Roses album. In the end, it's a no brainer. Sure, AC/DC managed an ungodly total with their last record, but that was a Walmart exclusive. This is a Best Buy exclusive, and there's a world of difference. Sure, Best Buy is still in that triad of holy music retailers (up there with Walmart and iTunes), but it's a clear #3. Nto only that, but AC/DC had that casual interest. You're checking out at Walmart with your groceries and school clothes and all manner of stuff, you see a big shiny display and a bunch of copies of Black Ice - why not pick it up? For Best Buy, you've gotta already be in that music/electronics frame of mind. So Chinese Democracy will do well, but I can't even see it doing Use Your Illusion well. And this is KANYE FUCKING WEST we're talking about. Aside from maybe Coldplay, there's just nobody hotter today. So, yeah, Thanksgiving's gonna be turkey, football and "Love Lockdown".

WHAT WILL BE NUMBER ONE:

Well, last week wasn't hard since Billlboard put out early projections. Taylor Swift got all the little girls in the stores and made her sophomore album a #1 hit. That's the first of her career. At nearly 600,000 copies sold, it was the best week for a Country album since the Eagles last fall – and this one wasn't two discs. Elsewhere, AI alum David Archuleta scored a #2 with his debut, selling just under 200k. Under that, you had Now 29 and T-Pain, just as we figured. Big week for debuts, taking the top 4 slots. Enya's Christmas album also scored some Top 10 love, as expected, but Christina Aguilera slipped in there quietly with her Target-exclusive hits compilation,

This week, we'll get to see who won the shoot-out between Nickelback and Beyonce. As esteemed assistant music editor Ben Czajkowski already knows, I'm calling Beyonce with around 340k and Nickelback with under 300k. As I told Ben, All The Right Reasons was a grower, not a shower, so it should have plenty of time to sell apocalyptic like numbers. David Cook (more AI-related music) will also easily get in on the Top 10, as should Il Divo (where's that review, Sandeep??) and Mudvayne.

WHAT YOU SHOULD BUY:

Well, it's the holiday season, so there's lots of good stuff trying to grab your money coming out this week:

Kanye West - 808s & Heartbreak - I don't give a fuck about vocoders. I thought Graduation Day was an awesome album and this one should be just as innovative. Even if it's all mellow like "Love Lockdown", I think it plays to Kanye's strengths.

The Killers - Day & Age - I was psyched for this just because I'm a Killers fan, but then I heard the new single "Human". Now I am DYING for Monday to get here. These guys are just an amazing, quirky, danceable rock back. They have their critics, but I like the Killers because they cross so effortlessly into pop and dance without coming across as pandering.

Coldplay – Prospekt's March - This EP is a bunch of studio holdovers from the Viva La Vida sessions. Viva is probably my favorite album of 2008, and at 10 tracks, it wouldn't hurt to hear some other stuff from those sessions.

Guns N' Roses - Chinese Democracy - NOT. Everything I've heard from this set is awful. And I'm not a "GN'R fan from wayback". Just a guy who likes rock music. People will buy it out of curiosity, but, IF THERE IS A NEXT ALBUM, GN'R will enjoy sitting comfortably beside Bret Michaels' new solo disc or Saints Of Los Angeles or anything else by washed up rockers that people aren't buying.

WHAT'S HOT ON THE DIAL?

Billboard has about a million charts, so each week I'm gonna round up the #1s from each format. That way, no matter WHAT station you flip to when not using your presets, you'll be aware of what you might hear. Newly crowned #1s are in bold:

CHART	SINGLE	WEEKS
POP
HOT 100	T.I. feat. Rihanna - "Live Your Life"	8
HOT 100 AIRPLAY	T.I. feat. Rihanna - "Live Your Life"	8
POP 100	Katy Perry – "Hot N Cold"	17
POP 100 AIRPLAY	Katy Perry – "Hot N Cold"	16
MAINSTREAM TOP 40	Katy Perry – "Hot N Cold"	12
HOT SINGLES SALES	Coldplay – "Lost!"	1
BUBBLING UNDER HOT 100 SINGLES	Taylor Swift – "Tell Me Why"	1
DIGITAL
HOT DIGITAL SONGS	Beyonce – "If I Were A Boy"	4
HOT DIGITAL TRACKS	Beyonce – "If I Were A Boy (Album Version)"	4
HOT RINGTONES	Katy Perry – "Hot N Cold"	3
R&B/HIP HOP
HOT R&B/HIP HOP AIRPLAY	Beyonce – "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)"	6
HOT R&B/HIP HOP SONGS	Beyonce – "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)"	6
HOT RAP TRACKS	T.I. feat. Rihanna - "Live Your Life"	9
MAINSTREAM R&B/HIP-HOP	T.I. feat. Rihanna - "Live Your Life"	8
HOT ADULT R&B AIRPLAY	Jennifer Hudson - "Spotlight"	23
RHYTHMIC TOP 40	T.I. feat. Rihanna – "Live Your Life"TD>N/A
HOT R&B/HIP HOP SINGLES SALES	Hustle Boy feat. Mannie Fresh & Gorilla Zoe – "It's Nuthin'"	2
COUNTRY
HOT COUNTRY SONGS	Taylor Swift – "Love Story"	10
ROCK
HOT MAINSTREAM ROCK TRACKS	AC/DC – "Rock N Roll Train"	12
TRIPLE A	Coldplay – "Lost!"	12
HOT MODERN ROCK TRACKS	The Offspring – "You're Gonna Go Far, Kid"	17
ADULT CONTEMPORARY
HOT ADULT TOP 40 TRACKS	Jason Mraz – "I'm Yours"	34
HOT ADULT CONTEMPORARY TRACKS	David Cook - "The Time Of My Life"	26
CHRISTIAN
HOT CHRISTIAN SONGS	Brandon Heath – "Give Me Your Eyes"	23
HOT CHRISTIAN ADULT CONTEMPORARY	Brandon Heath – "Give Me Your Eyes"	23
DANCE
HOT DANCE CLUB PLAY	Dave Aude feat. Sisely Treasure – "Grass Is Greener"	7
HOT DANCE AIRPLAY	Ercola feat. Daniella – "Every Word"	23
HOT DANCE SINGLES SALES	Chester French – "She Loves Everybody"	1
INTERNATIONAL
HOT LATIN SONGS	Luis Fonsi – "No Me Doy Por Vencido"	20
EUROPEAN HOT 100 SINGLES	Guru Josh Project – "Infinity 2008"	16
EURO DIGITAL SONGS	Beyonce – "If I Were A Boy"	3
CANADIAN HOT 100	Katy Perry – "Hot N Cold"	21
JAPAN HOT 100	Dreams Come True – "Tsuretette Tsuretette"	0
RECURRENTS
HOT 100 RECURRENT AIRPLAY	Leona Lewis – "Bleeding Love"	1
HOT SINGLES RECURRENTS	Leona Lewis – "Bleeding Love"	1
HOT R&B/HIP HOP RECURRENT AIRPLAY	Keyshia Cole – "I Remember"	6
HOT R&B/HIP HOP RECURRENTS	Keyshia Cole – "I Remember"	6
HOT COUNTRY RECURRENTS	Darius Rucker – "Don't Think I Don't Think About It"	3
HOT ADULT CONTEMPORARY RECURRENTS	Brenda Lee – "Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree"	40

MUSICAL PIECE OF THE WEEK

One of the saddest news of the week was that Christina Aguilera is now working hard to lose weight after having a baby. Now, usually dropping the baby weight is good news for a diva, but I think I speak for all men when I say that we will miss those E cups. Anyway, in honor of Christina's hotness no matter what size, and to celebrate the Top 10 debut of her new hits set Keeps Gettin' Better, Mrs. Aguilera is our QnD Piece of the Week!

















THE END

Hope you all had fun. Be sure to drop us a line on what you liked, didn't, etc.

Keep your ears to the ground.