Face Off 11.26.08: Rolling Stone's Top 100 List

Posted by Michael Adler on 11.26.2008

All lists except for the 411 top five are nonsense.





Mike sounds off:Recently Rolling Stone Magazine released its list of the 100 top singers of all time. I have numerous problems with this ranging from the general to the specific. I guess the first problem I have is that I feel used. It seems like a top 100 list is just an easy way to sell magazines while coming up with minimal content. They compiled the list from ballots sent out to various musicians and music industry insiders. (eg. Cornell, Springsteen, and recording execs with mostly Jewish sounding last names( note: this article's author has a Jewish sounding last name.)) So, other than the layout, Rolling Stone did zero work. Smart, but lazy.

Second problem, (with the exception of the 411 top 5) lists are stupid-I swear the people who compile them don't even try to name the best or most notable-they just either omit them or put them at the bottom of the list to piss people off. Meanwhile, paradoxically I find myself drawn to read any list of top 5, 50, 100, or what have you. I guess it's human nature to want to see things organized neatly.

Specifically, the Rolling Stone top 100 is pure bullshit. I'll go ahead and deconstruct the top five, and name some notable omissions and a few singers who were way too low. First up, Aretha Franklin at number one. Um, no. She has a great, powerful voice, sure, but essentially she's a one hit wonder. She had Respect. That's about it. And it's a really lazy song too. The whole hook of the song is that she spells Respect. It's not even a hard word to sing. If she did it on antidisestablishmentarianism, then I'd say give her #1.

"A-N-T-I-D-I-S-E-S-T-A-B-L-I-S-M-E-N-T-A-R-I-A-N-I-S-M/ Find out what it means to the Church of England"

That's a chorus.

Number, two-Ray Charles. Again a one hit wonder. He had the Pepsi Commercial in the 90's. On a slightly more serious note-sure, very talented, maybe even innovative, but not top five material. It's a pseudo-intellectual attempt by the various contributors of the list to sound cultured.

Number three is Elvis, a vastly overrated performer. Again, I know he was innovative at his time, and sent parents into a panic because he was the first white performer in the history of rock music to swivel his hips, and he had a unique voice, but that doesn't put him in a top five by any means. Robert Plant's verbal philatio of him for the piece also deeply disturbed me. Led Zeppelin always had a deep reverence for Elvis, and I never understood it as they were far superior musicians, doing the type of stuff he did, plus original music light years ahead of anything he did. Also, Plant's way too low on the list at #15. I'd have no problem putting him at number 1. At his peak he was amazing.

Number four is Sam Cooke-I don't even know who that is.

They put John Lennon at number five. I would've ranked him a little lower, but I can't get terribly upset over that. At least it isn't totally batshit insane.

Alright omissions: I'm not a big metal fan, but they really shit on the genre with this list. No Rob Halfordand no Ozzy. What? I'd put Ozzy in at number three instead of Cooke. Kurt Cobain comes in at number 45 which is absurd as out of the all the Grunge band singers, I'd rank him lower. Layne Staly and Chris Cornell (90's version) should be on the list rather than Cobain, and they should also be much further ahead. I'd also throw Greg Dulli and Mark Lanagan on the list somewhere, with Dulli slightly ahead of Lanagan.

I guess we could go on all day with omissions and slights, but I think the point is lists are ridiculous subjective, and clearly Rolling Stone told its contributors to make the most nonsensical lists possible to generate discussion, controversy and sales.

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Randy resounds:Wow, another week, another slew of poorly-argued points from Michael Adler.

I'll just go ahead and ignore the comments about Ray Charles and Elvis, hopelessly thinking that my tactful ignorance will somehow erase said comments from existence. Proposing that Robert Plant should be #1 is probably the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Watch the Led Zeppelin DVD and listen to him yell out "Does anybody remember laughter?" in the middle of Stairway to dispel any notions of him being anything other than Zeppelin's biggest drawback.

I actually don't have that much of a problem with Aretha Franklin being highly ranked, but Patti LaBelle at number 95? That's atrocious.

Enough with saying Bob Dylan is a good singer. There's a difference between writing a good song and singing it well. You wouldn't say John Lennon is your favorite guitarist, would you? Although, if Dylan is in, Hetfield should be in, for having the brilliance to yell "Alright!" at the beginning of "Seek and Destroy" and holding out notes way longer than is recommended in Nothing Else Matters. Actually, screw it, Hetfield should be on the list, regardless. Could anyone else sing "Fade to Black"?

Cobain should probably be in the top 25. No one else could have belted out "Teen Spirit" or gotten the sensitivity of "Dumb" quite right.

I do dig the inclusion of Paul Rodgers, though, and really appreciate the recent Paul Rodgers explosion brought about by his tenure with Queen. Will Paul Rodgers finally take over the world? Let's see Rodgers ranked at #1 let's time.

Oddly, Adler is right about the exclusions of Halford, Dickinson, Ozzy, Staley, and especially Cornell. Let's hear Dylan do "Slaves and Bulldozers".

And no Bon Scott? Really?

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Mike re-resounds: "Slaves and Bulldozers" was a bonus track on the reissue of Blood on the Tracks. It wasn't pretty. I think Bono's brown nosing job on Dylan had me convinced he should be on there somewhere.

Patti Labelle and Aretha Franklin should not have been ranked that highly at all. Both have a really amazing voice and squandered them on pointless and boring songs.

I don't think Plant's little slip up with the laughter comment should disqualify him at all. Singer's say dumb things all the time, and he was probably high on coke at the time. I'm pretty sure Layne Staley easily could've handled "Teen Spiri"t, and Jerry Cantrell could've done "Dumb" perfectly. The Paul Rogers Queencollaboration is surprisingly decent though, but not worthy of world domination.

But back to artists getting left off: Bon Scott was a huge slight, as was none other than Ronnie James Dio. He easily should've been in the top ten. James Hetfield should've been #78. Patti Smith was too low, and PJ Harvey probably should've been on the list.

How retarded was it not having Dio on the list?

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Randy sounds the final sound::Alright, so, rolling all of our feedback together, the list should look something like this:

#1: TIE: Dio and Paul Rogers
2: Aretha Franklin
3: Kurt Cobain
4: Patti Labelle
5: Duff McKagan
6: Chris Cornell
7: Bon Scott
8: Kip Winger
9: Edge for "Numb"
10: Ray Parker, Jr.

Now that's a list.



And that says it all. Join us next week when we discuss "Angry Chair": Dark and Brooding Alice in Chains hit song, or office furniture covered in diarrhea?