Quick ‘n’ Dirty Music News: 11.28.08

Posted by Brittany Haskins on 11.28.2008

Amy Winehouse, Michael Jackson: Muslim, Mariah Carey the Musical, Nickelback controversy, Miley turns 16, Boy George: Dream Date, No Doubt Reunion, Radiohead Nightmares, and more, plus chart news and Gwen Stefani is the Piece of the Week!

Thanksgiving is here and Mitch is not so I have to run this shit all by my lonesome this weekend. Mitch is out hitting up all the homeless shelters trying to fill not only that lonely void but his stomach as well this Thanksgiving. Put those drum sticks and thighs down, pack a bowl to make you hungry again, and let's get on with the news.



STAND BY…FOR NEWS!

All news items are from 411 Music's newswire:

Brittany's Dirty News

***SHOCKING NEWS***

Amy Winehouse is back in the hospital. Almost got you huh? Another "bad reaction to medication". Amy, you're not fooling anyone, I don't understand why her reps keep trying to cover up her drug habit. The general population is stupid, but come on, nobody is THAT stupid.


Michael Jackson is Muslim now and has changed his name to Mikaeel. Yousef Islam...or as you would know him Cat Stevens...was there. Mikaeel was convinced by producer Phillip Bubal and songwriter David Wharnsby to become a Muslim because they "became better people once they converted" which in actuality meant "What the fuck man, you gotta do something because you are insane and just your name alone scares people, so lets change that too."


After 13 years of being MIA, Richey James Edwards of Manic Street Preachers is legally presumed dead. Although there have been alleged sightings of him over the years, his parents thought it'd be best to put this all to rest and "sort his affairs". If I ever go missing, don't give up the search and still try to find me please. I don't want to be in someone's basement screaming for lotion. "PUT THE LOTION IN THE BASKET!!"

Mariah Carey is in discussions about making a musical about her life story. What a joke. If anyone is going to have their life as a musical it should be Britney Spears I think. Who gives a shit about Mariah. The bitch can sing but who cares about her life, and her horrible movie decisions and string of ugly husbands. I know I don't. This woman has got to be half retarded. Check out the retard hand!


Starting some fake controversy out in the UK is Nickelback by banning their own song from radios all over the country. Why you ask? Well, check out these extremely inappropriate, offensive lyrics that the Brits just cant handle:

"You're ripping up the dance floor honey, you shake your ass around for everyone. I love the way you dance with anybody and tease them all by sucking on your thumb. You're so much cooler when you never pull it out, cuz you look so much cuter with something in your mouth!"

Why don't they just ban Nickelback everywhere? I've been petitioning this for years, please sign my petition at banningnickelbackfromamerica.com.

Thanks.

Billy Ray Cyrus bought his daughter Miley a recording studio for her 16th birthday with all of her money that he's been stealing. Now she has another room to get statutory raped and make more horrible music in! I can't wait….

Travis Barker is filing a lawsuit blaming the pilots of his plane crash and suing Goodyear tire and Rubber Co for 25,000 bucks. Goodyear said "we will double it if you don't get Blink-182 or Boxcar Racer back together."

Boy George is one hell of a scary easter egg. He met an escort on a networking site called Gaydar (I am not making this up) so they could have a pornographic photo shoot, they get all coked out, Boy George then chains this guy to a wall, performs a sexual act on the guy, the guy gets himself out of the chains (but not the handcuffs) and books it to the nearest little shop. The shopkeeper calls the cops and tells them about this guy in boxers and handcuffs so the firemen have to come and get the cuffs off. Boy George and the escort are now on good terms and Boy paid him for his services. I don't need to crack jokes about this, this is already hilarious enough as it is.


Madonna is "sad" about her divorce with Guy Ritchie but is glad she has a career to focus on. What? Nobody cares? Ok moving on.

NO DOUBT NO DOUBT NO DOUBT NO DOUBT!!!

I am a certifiably insane No Doubt fan, and they are going on tour and I am creaming myself like you would not believe. They're going on tour to gain some inspiration for a new album that they will be writing and recording on the road even though I've got a friend who went to the studio they have been recording at and all the music for the album is done, and I heard 2009 is going to be the year of No Doubt. Hmmm. They are also headlining the second night of Bamboozle fest in New York…Damn me for living in California.

The Vatican finally forgave John Lennon for claiming the Beatles were more popular than Jesus Christ so many years ago. John Lennon doesn't care and his still thinks the Beatles are bigger than Christ. I have more faith in the Beatles than I do Christ, so I'll have to agree with John.

Three new animated Radiohead videos are being released this week. Which I feel is scary because watching "Paranoid Android "as a kid kept me up for days and when I did sleep, I had nightmares of a fat guy in bondage chopping off his own limbs. Just thinking about it gives me horrible flashbacks.


I hope everyone had a killer Thanksgiving, don't get any DUI's or DWI's (depending where you live).

Peace, Love and Aural Sex

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NEW RELEASES FOR DECEMBER 2, 2008

WHAT EVERYONE WILL BUY:

Death Cab For Cutie- Something About Airplanes Everyones favorite lame ass emo band is definitely going to be making sales with their deluxe edition album Something about Airplanes is definitely a good move on their part because all those emo tweens are going to love this bonus disc of sad repetitive kill yourself songs.

WHAT WILL BE NUMBER ONE:

Beyonce will probably take over the #1 spot again this week because everyone likes to get down to her tunes. And plus she's got a nice ass.

WHAT YOU SHOULD BUY:

There's always something worth buying in the New Release section. Here are Britt's picks:

David Byrne & Brian Eno - Everything That Happens Will Happen Today - One reason. Brian Eno is a fucking genius. Enough said.

WHAT'S HOT ON THE DIAL?

Billboard has about a million charts, so each week I'm gonna round up the #1s from each format. That way, no matter WHAT station you flip to when not using your presets, you'll be aware of what you might hear. Newly crowned #1s are in bold:

CHART	SINGLE	WEEKS
POP
HOT 100	T.I. feat. Rihanna – "Live Your Life"	2
HOT 100 AIRPLAY	T.I. feat. Rihanna – "Live Your Life"	10
POP 100	T.I. feat. Rihanna – "Live Your Life"	9
POP 100 AIRPLAY	Katy Perry – "Hot and Cold"	18
MAINSTREAM TOP 40	Avant – "When It Hurts"	16
HOT SINGLES SALES	Connie Talbot – "Three Little Birds"<	2
BUBBLING UNDER HOT 100 SINGLES	Avant – "When It Hurts"	6
DIGITAL
HOT DIGITAL SONGS	Beyonce - "Single Ladies (put a ring on it)" b>	1
HOT DIGITAL TRACKS	Beyonce - "Single Ladies (put a ring on it)"	1
HOT RINGTONES	Katy Perry – "Hot and Cold"	89
R&B/HIP HOP
HOT R&B/HIP HOP AIRPLAY	Beyonce - "Single Ladies (put a ring on it TD>12
HOT R&B/HIP HOP SONGS	Beyonce - "Single Ladies (put a ring on it	12
HOT RAP TRACKS	T.I. feat. Rihanna – "Live Your Life"	11
MAINSTREAM R&B/HIP-HOP	Raheem DeVaughn – "#1 Woman"

MUSICAL PIECE OF THE WEEK

Since she is coming back and not doing it alone, Gwen Stefani looks amazing after having two kids, a clothing line, a solo career, and a band so I think she deserves to be our very sexy Piece of the Week!













and let's throw in some old school shit too…



THE END

Hope you all had fun. Be sure to drop us a line on what you liked, didn't, etc.

Keep your ears to the ground.