What The Hell Happened To...12.01.08: The Offspring - Splinter

Posted by Dan Marsicano on 12.01.2008

For the post-Thanksgiving edition of What The Hell Happened To..., Dan Marsicano is going to give you all something to be thankful for: a look at The Offspring's Splinter!

The Introduction

I'm finally out of my food coma from Thanksgiving, just in time for another edition of What The Hell Happened To… This week is a special edition for no reason whatsoever; but since each week is special to begin with, there doesn't need to be a reason.

I hope you all enjoyed your holiday weekend and didn't get trampled by crazed customers at your local Target/Wal-Mart. I'm a fan of the "waiting until Christmas Eve" shopping method; not the smartest way, but the laziest one I can think of.

I picked up Guns N' Roses' Chinese Democracy this past week. I won't be giving an official review, as three reviews on the site is enough for one album. In shortened form, Chinese Democracy is decent, as long as you look at it as an Axl Rose solo album. People expecting the grand return of Guns N' Roses will be disappointed; however, there are a few fantastic tracks, but having four ballads close the album out on a lackluster note was a bad decision on Axl's end. So nothing revolutionary, but 72 minutes of music for $11.99 isn't a bad deal.

In my quest for world domination, I have set shop up with my own metal blog. I know, I've been pimping it out for weeks now, and I appreciate the readers that visit it, but for all you non-clickers; get on board! You get videos, news, and exclusive reviews and interviews you won't get on 411 Music. I have an interview with Total Fucking Destruction drummer/vocalist Richard Hoak and a review of Architect's new album Ghost Of The Saltwater Machines up there right now. I know it hasn't been updated in a while, but I was in a food coma! I'm awake now, so bookmark it, check it out every so often, and leave some damn feedback!

Also, if you readers can't get enough of me, I'm also writing for SMN News, a well-regarded metal website. I'm sticking to reviews for now, but like my blog, you get stuff you won't see on 411 Mania. So support my effort to become the greatest music critic of all time…or at least, in the top 1,000.





The Band

Dexter Holland-Vocals, Guitar
Noodles-Guitar, Backing Vocals
Greg K-Bass, Backing Vocals
Josh Freese-Drums


The Track Listing

1. Neocon-1:07
2. The Noose-3:19
3. Long Way Home-2:23
4. Hit That-2:49
5. Race Against Myself-3:32
6. (Can't Get My) Head Around You-2:15
7. The Worst Hangover Ever-2:58
8. Never Gonna Find Me-2:39
9. Lightning Rod-3:20
10. Spare Me The Details-3:24
11. Da Hui-1:42
12. When You're In Prison-2:33


The History

The Offspring made a name for themselves in the late 80's with their self-titled debut album. The band formed in 1984 in Huntington Beach, California, and spent five years working their way up, switching drummers several times before settling on Ron Welty, who wasn't even eighteen when he joined The Offspring. Their debut album was a moderate success, and follow-up Ignition was also successful. With the band in full swing, and signed to Epitaph Records before the release of their sophomore album, 1994 came around and Smash hit the airways.

With singles "Come Out And Play," "Self-Esteem," and "Gotta Get Away," Smash has sold over six million copies in the US alone. While no following album reached the success of Smash, the album made The Offspring a household name in punk music.



"Self-Esteem" Live Woodstock 1999


1997 saw the band leaving Epitaph and joining Columbia Records; the year also saw the release of Ixnay On The Hombre, which sold four million copies, behind singles "All I Want" and "Gone Away." Just a year later, Americana was another huge album for The Offspring, with singles "Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)" and "Why Don't You Get A Job?" the most memorable songs.

2000's Conspiracy Of One was not as popular as past albums, but sold well due primarily to single "Original Prankster." After six albums, the band was on top of the world, selling millions of copies of each of their past four albums, but 2003 hit the band like a brick wall and stopped their momentum…


The Analysis

In 2003, the band had their first line-up change in over fifteen years, with drummer Ron Welty's departure. Session drummer extraordinaire Josh Freese came on board to play the drum tracks for The Offspring's seventh studio album, Splinter. The album took over eight months to record, which was the longest length of time the band has ever spent on one album. After all the time spent, Splinter was the final product: 12 songs and 32 minutes long.

To me, the length of an album has no base value on judging the quality of it. Some of my favorite albums are near the half-hour mark; Slayer's Reign In Blood, Weezer's The Green Album, Van Halen's 1984. Each of these albums had one thing in common: consistency. From top to bottom, each track has its own identity and reason to warrant repeated listens. You could spend $14.99 on any of these albums and not even feel cheated for spending so much on a short album.

Splinter isn't one of these albums. Don't get me wrong; there are some winners on here, fantastic Offspring tracks that wouldn't have been out of place on Smash or Ixnay On The Hombre. On the other side, there are some stinkers that sound like the band ran out of time and threw together riffs and lyrics on the fly, pressured by the record label to push the album over the 30 minute mark.



"(Can't Get My) Head Around You" Live Rock In Rio 2008


For every "(Can't Get My) Head Around You," there's a "When You're In Prison." Splinter is an inconsistent album; when it starts to gel, the band sidetracks into one of its hit-or-miss gimmicky songs. It's like they didn't want to piss off the old fans who loved their first three albums, but also didn't want to tick off the new fans who only know the band through such "classics" as "Original Prankster" and "Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)." So they compromised and split the album in half; one part the punk-ish old side and the other part the new experimenting/electronic side of the band.

After a fairly pointless introduction in "Neocon," we get "The Noose," one of the highlights of Splinter. The band sounds motivated and energetic, with a bleaker outlook on display, evident in lyrics like "the depths of our despair we are unable to contain" and "put the coins in your eyes and blow the candles out." "Long Way Home" keeps the pace going steady with a quick tempo and a ferocity with a hint of maturity around it. Too bad this is all ruined with single "Hit That."

"Hit That" is a bland and obvious attempt at commercial appeal; a lackluster final product that doesn't sound like the band the listener heard two tracks ago. "Hit That" is catchy, but it's a jarring turn around from the mood set in the first three tracks on Splinter. The rest of the album is no different; every time the album gets on a roll, the weird experimentation rears its ugly head, like meeting the step-child of your drunken father and the waitress at Denny's for the first time at Christmas dinner.



"Neocon/The Noose" Live


The only song that does something different in a positive manner is the catchy acoustic-driven "Spare Me The Details." The song could almost be considered a power ballad, at least by The Offspring standards. "The Worst Hangover Ever" is The Offspring's going "ska" on us to horrific results, and the one-two crapfest of "Da Hui" and "When You're In Prison" end the album on a low note. The former is too short to mean anything and the latter is the "joke" track, a take on prison rape, circa 1955. Putting an unfunny "joke" track on a 30 minute album is about as dumb of an idea as bringing in a producer famous for turning rock bands like Metallica and Bon Jovi into spineless mainstream acts to produce one of your…oh wait, never mind.

It's a shame that there a sizable portion of filler on Splinter, since there is a good selection of traditional Offspring tracks. "(Can't Get My) Head Around You" is a personal favorite, a track that has the perfect melody, chorus, and structure for an enjoyable and a memorable listen. It's a track that warrants repeated listens. So does "Lightning Rod" and "Never Gonna Find Me," both coming back-to-back and bringing Splinter up from the shit-hole "The Worst Hangover Ever" dug up.

It took eight months for Splinter to be recorded. 32 minutes of music took eight months; I don't know why or how that happened, but even with the departure of Welty, it shouldn't have taken that long. Fans waited three years, the longest wait since the time between Smash and Ixnay On The Hombre, and Splinter was the final product. Critics were less-than-enthusiastic about it and fans also had mixed opinions. To this day, Splinter is still an enigma, a curiosity of a band with the right direction in the beginning, but stumbling to the finish line. For me, Splinter is an album of lost potential, a failed opportunity to take their time and craft an album on the level of Ignition and Smash.


The Conclusion

Sorry boys and girls, not enough time to do a proper Who The Hell Is… this week. Don't worry; it'll be back next week. Hope you all enjoyed a look at The Offspring's Splinter. I wonder, why do you think it took eight months to produce 32 minutes of music? Comment below!

Next week, I'm bringing the metal back with a look at Seattle power/progressive metal band Nevermore's most recent effort, 2005's This Godless Endeavor. It sold next-to-nothing, but that just means that you all missed out on one of the best albums of the past decade. Don't think I'm serious? Come back next time and I'll tell you why This Godless Endeavor should be a required listen for anybody who calls themselves a metal fan.